Blame it on the alcohol....

Elle1036

My mom is coming into town tomorrow to do some preliminary wedding planning, and I'm trying to gather my thoughts a little bit before we start actually adding up numbers (yikes!).

Anyway, what are everyone's thoughts on a full bar vs. just beer and wine?  I went to a recent wedding that offered only beer and wine and, while I was perfectly happy with it, I heard a couple of lighthearted comments, like "I sure could go for a whiskey", etc.

I could potentially save $600 by offering just beer, wine, and margaritas instead of a whole lot of other alcohol.  The margaritas will be offered in two flavors (like classic lime and mango) and can be either frozen or on the rocks.  Also, champagne is included in the wine package, so guests won't be limited to just one glass during the toast.

What do you think?  In the grand scheme of things, $600 isn't a huge portion of our budget, and I would rather suck it up and provide the full bar than have some unhappy guests, but I also feel like I should take advantages of those small cuts if I can, because they'll add up...

MissOwl

I feel like the package you are offering sounds fantastic. It's an open bar for goodness sake...no one should complain.

I would say that if you have people in your family circles who you know will complain, you might consider the additional bar options. For example my parents are scotch and whisky people so they would be disappointed by the limited bar. However, SO's side are mostly beer drinkers so for them it would be fine.

Good luck deciding.

calindi

We plan on doing just beer, wine, and sangria.  We don't have any strong liquor drinkers on either family who wouldn't be just as happy drinking wine - if you know of a few in particular who would want a specific apertiff, you can usually bring a bottle and have them hold it behind the bar in case someone requests it specifically. 

And from experience, weddings without hard alcohol tend to be a lot less crazy.  If you want a crazy party atmosphere, splurge for the liquor.  Personally, I'd prefer my FMIL doesn't "drop it like it's hot" like she apparently did at her daughter's wedding after a few too many vodka drinks!

jeanacorina

We had beer and wine, I thought it was perfectly okay. My dad's family was thrilled with beer. They're beer people.

sparkles88

I think the package you have is fine. Even though, it's technically not a full bar, I feel like you're providing your guests with plenty of options. Do you know the selections for the beer? Most people can usually find one kind of beer that they like. You also chose a very popular drink by going with the margaritas, and giving the guests options of on the rocks or frozen and two flavors. It's not like you chose beer, wine, and White Russians.

 I think based on your selection, you have something that should accommodate nearly everyone. I would personally save the $600, because it would be nice to have. You never know when unexpected expenses might sneak up on you.

peekaboo2011

My dad said when we get to that point to seriously look at the people we are inviting and see what our situation is.  Three kegs and a few cases of wine was perfect for their wedding because everyone loved beer.

We're not quite sure yet.  Mom and I can't drink beer (we're both celiacs), so when we get to that point, we'll have to look at it pretty hard, but if it works for you and you can save the money, go for it.  More than once I've wished I could go to a bar and just have a freaking beer!  :-)

Beads921

I feel like the package you're suggesting is perfectly fine, because it really is a bit more than just beer and wine. The margaritas and champagne are a nice touch. It's not a full bar, but still has a few options. As a guest, I'd be perfectly fine with that selection, and I think most people I know would be as well.

PandaBurr

I think your idea is fine. Just provide different kinds of beer. That's what we're doing, instead of full open bar. Our beers are gonna be Heineken (because for some reason Asian people love the stuff), Stone IPA, and then Miller.

motoLyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:67cf9aaa-d553-4957-ab77-677b64762270">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your idea is fine. Just provide different kinds of beer. That's what we're doing, instead of full open bar. Our beers are gonna <strong>be Heineken (because for some reason Asian people love the stuff)</strong>, Stone IPA, and then Miller.
Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]

Hahahaha very true.  I was talking to a vendor and they were estimating $7 a drink with each guest drinking around 5 drinks total so that beverage estimate was higher than I wanted.  Thing is no one in my immediate family drinks neither do I.  FI's family are wine drinkers and some beer drinkers so I say the line up you have Elle will be just great.  I think I'm going the same route and offer local brewed hawaiian beers and some bottles of wine.  Those who really want to party hard can do so at the after party at a bar. 

MLekathLEEN

I think that would be perfectly fine. $600 is still $600 in your pocket or towards something else. Like Moto said, if someone has a problem with no liquor, they can hit the bar or bring a flask (that's what a friend of mine's mother did at HER wedding. Not necessarily condoning but it will happen.)

I am also loving the margarita idea.

HeartOverMind

I agree with PPs...the beer, wine and margarita options are perfect. If I were a guest, I'd be all over those margaritas! lol. I think you should look for opportunities to save all you can. $600 could easily go towards something you really want for your wedding or maybe a last minute detail or an unforeseen expense. You never know...

Elle1036

Thanks for the input, guys.  I'm liking the limited bar more and more.

AJesteram

I also agree with the PP's. The Margaritas really make the package a more appealing option...especially for those people who don't like beer or are picky wine drinkers.

TheMutleys

We had a limited bar and our guests were very happy.  I think the key to having beer, wine, and signature drinks with hard alcohol is to offer several different beers and wines.  I believe we had 6 kinds of beers and 4 different wines. 

Is there a reason that you are doing margaritas?  I ask because tequila is one of those liquors that a fair amount of people don't like.  (And I think they are crazy.)  Our signature drinks had vodka or Jack because they were more mainstream and univerally liked.  Plus we had to have Jack because of the best man. 

Goldlie11

When it comes to alcohol, I think it's best to poll a few people and reflect on your guests drinking habits.  I know a lot of people in my family who are wine drinkers.  I asked some other people whose drinking habits I wasn't familiar with how they felt about it.  FI claims his family doesn't drink much, and that they weren't a factor.  Overall, everyone was fine with beer and wine.  We're going with that and it should save us between $600-800 (pre-tax so even more when you add tax and gratuity)

I think what you're doing is great.  Adding in a signature drink is a nice touch.

Lastly, I personally feel that $600 is a lot of money.  $600 is more than my dress (after taxes, before alterations).  $600 is my approximate flower budget.  .  

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:09ac7fcb-52a5-4077-8b36-27b44b70eb03">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a limited bar and our guests were very happy.  I think the key to having beer, wine, and signature drinks with hard alcohol is to offer several different beers and wines.  I believe we had 6 kinds of beers and 4 different wines.  Is there a reason that you are doing margaritas?  I ask because tequila is one of those liquors that a fair amount of people don't like.  (And I think they are crazy.)  Our signature drinks had vodka or Jack because they were more mainstream and univerally liked.  Plus we had to have Jack because of the best man. 
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

There is a reason:  it's what the venue offers.  There's a beer/wine package, a beer/wine/margarita package, and a full bar package.  I asked about doing a different signature cocktail, but they said it would cost the same as having the full bar.  Lame.

For my part, I really like margaritas, and I know that most of my family does.  It's also appropriate for a lakeside summer wedding in Texas, but I do really want to make sure that everyone who wishes to drink can drink something they like for free.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:9c563fb2-ea89-497c-9a84-22525f32c38e">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]When it comes to alcohol, I think it's best to poll a few people and reflect on your guests drinking habits.  I know a lot of people in my family who are wine drinkers.  I asked some other people whose drinking habits I wasn't familiar with how they felt about it.  FI claims his family doesn't drink much, and that they weren't a factor.  Overall, everyone was fine with beer and wine.  We're going with that and it should save us between $600-800 (pre-tax so even more when you add tax and gratuity) I think what you're doing is great.  Adding in a signature drink is a nice touch. <strong>Lastly, I personally feel that $600 is a lot of money.  $600 is more than my dress (after taxes, before alterations).  $600 is my approximate flower budget.   .  </strong>
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't think $600 is a lot of money.  I definitely do.  I just meant that, relative to the 5K we'll be paying <em>just</em> to rent the space, it's comparably small.

Thanks for the tips.  I'll ask mine and FI's parents what they think.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:a79b4e55-b749-40ec-ab3f-b040a5b0993a">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Blame it on the alcohol.... : I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't think $600 is a lot of money.  I definitely do.  I just meant that, relative to the 5K we'll be paying just to rent the space, it's comparably small. Thanks for the tips.  I'll ask mine and FI's parents what they think.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
Don't worry, I got what you meant.  It's just that I always try and put things in perspective.  Fore example, someone was trying to get me to go to a retirement party a few years ago.  I didn't really know the person that well.  It was $80 to attend.  To me all I could think was that was the approximate cost of my monthly electricity bill.  It's just a weird thing that I do.<div>
</div><div>Also, as I get closer and closer to the wedding, there are little things that keep popping up that I didn't think of.  And when I made my budget, I thought I included everything.  So, I concur with your earlier statement that the little things add up.</div><div>
</div><div>  </div>

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:6a548e3f-76f1-48c7-8c6f-25339ac47d32">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Blame it on the alcohol.... : There is a reason:  it's what the venue offers.  There's a beer/wine package, a beer/wine/margarita package, and a full bar package.  I asked about doing a different signature cocktail, but they said it would cost the same as having the full bar.  Lame. For my part, I really like margaritas, and I know that most of my family does.  It's also appropriate for a lakeside summer wedding in Texas, but I do really want to make sure that everyone who wishes to drink can drink something they like for free.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Then I would go with the margarita package, save $600 and call it a day.  Haha.  I would be stoked to have a margarita at a lakeside wedding in the summer.  Take me away to paradise baby!

I didn't know if margaritas had some sentimental value or something.  That is why I asked.  I think it is weird that they offer a package with a hard alcohol drink but won't let you substitute for some other kind of alcohol.

sweetvidalia

Yes the small cuts to the budget will add up in the grand scheme of things.

My cousin is only serving beer and wine...to save on costs and too keep guests from getting to terribly sloppy.

Elle1036

Update:

Well, Mom nixed the limited bar idea.  She says that there will be too many people (namely, her friends) who will want to drink other kinds of liquor.  I can't argue too much, since she and my dad will be covering the majority of expenses, but she also seemed a little overwhelmed by the cost of the venue and immediately starting talking about other places we could have the wedding or other ways to cut costs.

I'm a little frustrated.  She rejected all of the expense-reducing suggestions I offered, and skipped straight to cutting the things that are most important to me -- primarily, my lakeside venue.  I feel stupid and selfish.  Stupid because I let myself get my heart set on the first place I looked at, and selfish because I'm genuinely hurt that my mom didn't seem as excited about it as I am.

She also mentioned that, a couple of times in the past couple months, she's woken up in the middle of the night stressed about our wedding.  Um, what?  I never assumed that she would pay for anything, and I'm so touched that she and my dad want to give me a great wedding, but the last thing I want is for her to lose sleep over something that should be fun and exciting.

(Ok, so I intended to write a two-sentence update, and ended up ranting for 3 paragraphs.  I apologize to anyone who actually read this whole thing).

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:dc6bb503-a65b-4d87-8f67-772acbb609e8">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]Update: Well, Mom nixed the limited bar idea.  She says that there will be too many people (namely, her friends) who will want to drink other kinds of liquor.  I can't argue too much, since she and my dad will be covering the majority of expenses, but she also seemed a little overwhelmed by the cost of the venue and immediately starting talking about other places we could have the wedding or other ways to cut costs. I'm a little frustrated.  She rejected all of the expense-reducing suggestions I offered, and skipped straight to cutting the things that are most important to me -- primarily, my lakeside venue.  I feel stupid and selfish.  Stupid because I let myself get my heart set on the first place I looked at, and selfish because I'm genuinely hurt that my mom didn't seem as excited about it as I am. She also mentioned that, a couple of times in the past couple months, she's woken up in the middle of the night stressed about our wedding.  Um, what?  I never assumed that she would pay for anything, and I'm so touched that she and my dad want to give me a great wedding, but the last thing I want is for her to lose sleep over something that should be fun and exciting. (Ok, so I intended to write a two-sentence update, and ended up ranting for 3 paragraphs.  I apologize to anyone who actually read this whole thing).
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Hey, it's okay!  I think Moms just tend to overreact a bit.  Take a deep breath, let it go for a day, and then give her a call and talk to her.  Let her know that you really want to get married at that venue, and to see if there's a way you both can make it work.

I just got off the phone with my own Mom who apparently woke up this morning from a nightmare about the seating chart - I wish I were kidding (to be fair, she has two parents who hate each other, so she always stresses about any event where they have to be within shouting distance of each other).  But yeah, Moms definitely can get carried away!

If you haven't already, work out a set budget for what your parents will pay for (ideally an amount, if not specific items, like the venue, caterer, etc.).  We have an Excel spreadsheet that we're all working off, and the total always has to add up to the total budget, so we just have to juggle numbers to adjust the budget - can you both agree to pull from something else (like the flower budget, perhaps?) to cover the cost of the bar she wants?

Elle1036

Thanks Cate.  I'm doing what you said -- taking a step back to let things marinate before we start crunching numbers again.  I'm also contacting a few other venues to see what  packages they offer.  It was stupid of me to get tunnel vision so early.

I think my mom's biggest problem is that we can't really nail down a budget at this point.  She gets a lot of her income from rental properties that she owns, and at any given point she could find herself with several vacant houses (thus, several extra mortgages to cover) and needs to keep her savings relatively intact in case of such an event.  I totally understand this and was completely prepared to fund the whole wedding myself (well, with FI of course), but got a little swept up when she starting talking about how much she could contribute.

So yeah, she wants to pay for the wedding but isn't sure how much she can afford.  We're in limbo.

calindi

Ahhh, that's tough.  Could you budget for a wedding you could afford, and hopefully she'll be able to contribute more?  But I'm guessing that would mean a no on the lakeside venue.  Darn... well, looking at other options is definitely a good thing to do!  I originally had my heart set on one place, but come to doing the math, it was ridiculously expensive.  The place we chose is everything and more than the first place, and it's 1/4 the price.  So there are always other options out there - talk to your local board and see if they can come up with any ideas!

jeanacorina

Hmm, that's rough.

First thought- moms sometimes get crazy when it comes to weddings. My mom had some major anxiety. She was calling me almost every day talking herself (and me) to death with wedding ideas and concerns. Eventually, I just started giving her things to do so that she could at least channel the energy somewhere other than my ear. I had her contact possible vendors (which was great because I didn't have a lot of free time during business hours), double-check the guest list, and so on.

It took a LOT of effort to get a budget out of my parents, too. I never dreamed that my foks would be able to pay for the majority of my wedding- I thought maybe they'd pay for the flowers or something. But they were in a pretty decent financial position and it was good timing all around. The bad thing is, Dad had NO CLUE what wedding stuff cost at all. He didn't want to give me a number because he wanted me to have a nice wedding and didn't want to lowball me, I think.

FInally, I just started getting together some quotes and having Mom run things by him to see what his reactions were. I was finally able to guesstimate his feelings on a budget and proceed accordingly. DH and I contributed what we were comfortable with as well.

Look around at some other venues, but if you're REALLY in love with this one, then maybe you can sit down with your parents and FI and try to figure out a way to make it work. Maybe you can all find some other things to cut down on. I think your mom just wants the very best of everything (I know mine did) and is getting overwhelmed because the very best of every.single.thing is super expensive and may just not be in the budget at all. She may not want to compromise on anything, and is having a rough time coming to terms with the fact that for most of us, compromise is a necessity.

Assure her that you will have a gorgeous wedding no matter what, that whatever she is able to contribute will be fantastic, and that you understand that getting the things that really matter to you and your guests will mean some other things will have to be scaled down. Try to put her mind at ease, and by all means, ask her to do a few simple things so that she can channel that wedding stress into something she can feel good about!

Good luck!

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_blame-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08a9de97-bd5e-4478-adf0-a381b890ceaaPost:b5c6bef5-adef-4d43-8cb6-218d944752a4">Re: Blame it on the alcohol....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your mom just wants the very best of everything (I know mine did) and is getting overwhelmed because the very best of every.single.thing is super expensive and may just not be in the budget at all. She may not want to compromise on anything, and is having a rough time coming to terms with the fact that for most of us, compromise is a necessity.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

It's this exactly.  She even said that she wanted nothing more than to be able to tell me "carte blanche" and let me go nuts.  She also said she wanted me to have a wedding that would leave people saying "wow..." and talking about it for years.

I think that part of the reason she wants it is that she didn't have a "real wedding" (her words) herself.  She wore a blue floral dress when she married my dad in her neighbor's living room with only a couple witnesses present.

Anyway, I appreciate all the thoughts (and the opportunity to vent a little).  I'm going to explore some more options and then talk with mom again.  I just want her to understand that she doesn't have to spend a year's salary to make it a beautiful, memorable wedding.

jeanacorina

It's really true about not having to spend a year's salary. I know my family and friends still talk about my wedding, and it cost about $10-11k. Not cheap, but certainly not over-the-top. You don't have to have the best of everything, you just have to choose a few things that are worth splurging on and keep the rest reasonable.

Maybe you need to talk to your mom about what you guys feel are the really significant things (most folks say food, photographer, and sometimes venue). The rest can be negotiated.

I'm sure you guys will figure it all out.