Not Engaged Yet

What's the difference?

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Re: What's the difference?

  • edited December 2011
    LMAO at that picture
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I don't see anything wrong with posting a question for a friend. But you have to understand that it is going to make people scratch their heads and question what the deal is when you post those questions as if you're the one getting married, and then post something that is contradictory to your previous posts.

    Anyhoo, regarding your OP, I've kind of wondered what the difference is in day to day life after you get married if you had already been living together previously, and had already combined finances, made joint decisions, etc. My best friend, who lived with her now husband for 5 years before they get married, INSISTS that things change after you're married. I guess I'll have to wait and find out!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_whats-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0b057cf1-15bd-421b-be4e-4727d8791cd4Post:80ad494b-f573-45a8-bdba-1df51dcb29f7">Re: What's the difference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've kind of wondered what the difference is in day to day life after you get married if you had already been living together previously, and had already combined finances, made joint decisions, etc. My best friend, who lived with her now husband for 5 years before they get married, INSISTS that things change after you're married. I guess I'll have to wait and find out!
    Posted by mellimel19[/QUOTE]

    I think your friend is full of it, TBH. Or maybe she lives in a fairy-world.

    DH and I still laugh about not feeling any different. He's like "Hey, you're my wife. How about that!" and I'm like "Really? Huh. I don't feel like a wife, I got pretty used to being a girlfriend."

    Seriously, the only thing that changed for us was my last name and the legal stuff. He added me to his health insurance policy. Oh, and I finally got around to adding him to my car insurance, but we could have done that anyway. But he still comes home from work at 6:30pm, and the cats and I greet him, we eat dinner and either watch some TV or play video games... we tell each other about our days, we play with the cats, and we go to bed.

    He pays the bills, I make the grocery shopping list, we go out to eat and volunteer together every Thursday night.

    Absolutely no changes.
    Anniversary
  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

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  • edited December 2011
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_whats-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0b057cf1-15bd-421b-be4e-4727d8791cd4Post:5446b5aa-0ca6-4087-8f47-999f889f99f0">Re: What's the difference?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'm telling you, planning a big wedding you don't even want is HELL.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

    Planning a big wedding you kinda did want isn't the most fun either honestly.  It's not terrible because I'm extra extra-organized, but still.  Other people aren't, and it's the other people involved in your wedding that make the planning suck.

    Jeana, I can't wait to get on FI's health insurance.  He jokes that it's the only reason I'm marrying him.  I deny it, because I want to marry him just to be married to him because I lurve him, but I can't help that it's an awesome perk.  I just made my last $96.46 payment for my catastrophic $10,000 deductible health insurance, and am looking forward to paying $30/month to be added to FI's super-stellar state employee insurance that covers EVERYTHING and I'm thrilled about it.  So sue me.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_whats-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0b057cf1-15bd-421b-be4e-4727d8791cd4Post:b4df14b7-60fc-4af3-8e84-7d79a426ca02">Re: What's the difference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What's the difference? :  it's the other people involved in your wedding that make the planning suck.
    Posted by Acrosthec[/QUOTE]

    This is even more true than what I said. I probably could have maintained a reasonable level of calm and sanity if not for OTHER PEOPLE being crazy pains in the butt.
    Anniversary
  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    HEEE!!!

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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I admit, I can't see how things would be much different for us after marriage, except to other people. Well, I guess then we'll start looking for a house...and the legal ramifications.

    I'm keeping my name, separate bank accounts, and our own insurance, just like now.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_whats-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0b057cf1-15bd-421b-be4e-4727d8791cd4Post:830e3e3c-766d-4e17-b1b3-cd1c75276c7a">Re: What's the difference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What's the difference? : This is even more true than what I said. I probably could have maintained a reasonable level of calm and sanity if not for OTHER PEOPLE being crazy pains in the butt.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

    Curious - were these people pains in the butt because they were paying for things so thus they had input?  Would being able to pay for the whole thing yourself make it less stressful because you can basically tell opinionated people "too bad, so sad, we're doing it our way"?

    I'm sort of looking forward to the whole thing and think we're really going to enjoy it - I even think my mother and I will get along well overall (though I'm sure there will be moments).  I think his family would be pretty okay, too, though that's probably the more unknown factor.

    Basically, how can you make it not hell?
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  • edited December 2011
    Sometimes it was because someone else was paying and I felt I had to cave. Sometimes it was because I didn't put my foot down and subsequently got steamrolled by someone else involved in the planning (mom, for instance)...

    A LOT of times it was someone trying to help me, who then didn't communicate with me or we miscommunicated and then I was freaking out because I had no control over something and felt I had no way to really find out what was going on. There were quite a few "Don't worry about it, I'll handle it" situations where someone tried to be helpful and remove stress from me, but it ultimately CAUSED stress because I wasn't involved or was waiting for someone else to finish something so I could move on to the next step.

    Or I was trying to follow a timeline and when I said "I need x by y date" I was called a bridezilla by my own mother. BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO STAY ORGANIZED.

    Or the bridal shower I did not WANT to plan, which turned into friends calling me and saying "We're thinking this or that, what do you think? Well, we can't do that because of this, and whatnot... so what about this? Where do you want to have it? Can you go find a place and I'll just pay for it?"

    I didn't want to spend any time planning my own bridal shower, but it ended up that way. Also, the invitations for it went out like a week beforehand... and most of the guests were coming from OOT.

    If I had it to do all over again, I'd have just eloped. If I had to have a wedding again, I'd have been a "bridezilla" in my mom's eyes (and probably other people's eyes, too) and I wouldn't feel bad about it. Our families were both difficult to coordinate with for different reasons, and I was somehow less bossy than I am in daily life. I wanted everyone to be happy, and have fun, and I wanted to do things all etiquette-approved and whatnot.

    Screw it,, honestly, those details and compromises and trying to hang back and "let your FI deal with his family" crap was all crap and if I could go back in time I'd have just done everything myself and declined a lot of help. I'd have had friends tying more bows, but I would not have either of our moms trying to explain their guest lists to me.

    Also, a lot more stress came from RSVPs. People don't send them back!!!!!!!!!!! Or, they do, and you invited 2 people, and they write in 6. Six OF WHAT?!

    And then, they RSVP yes, but they don't show up. So you pay for them but they're not even there.

    Wedding planning sucks, mostly because other people suck. Now look what you did, I'm all bitter again. It took me like a month to get less bitter. Undecided
    Anniversary
  • zipis1zipis1 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I pretty much agree with what Jeanna said, and I'm glad she said it cuz my response wouldn't be as eloquent today.

    For BF and I, nothing really will change aside from legal benefits and how other people treat us. I'm keeping my name, we already live together, and we'll have seperate accounts. The only things that will change will be the weight of my left hand and us opening a joint savings/checking for household bills (yep. We're gonna have a lot of accounts :P We'll essentially view our seperate accounts as a sort of "allowance" once the bills are paid. That way no one has to feel put out when the other buys something stupid since it's their money).

    But that's just for us. For others, particularly those who will not live with their SO's before marriage, things change a whooole lot.

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  • callalily13callalily13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Besides being closer to my fiance and closer to being his wife, I did really worry about a few things as in how we were seen as a couple (stupid I know). He got really sick and nearly died a few years ago and I would actually visit him whenever I possibly could and ended up actually staying in the hospital with him overnight for several days at a time, go home to take a shower, and then go straight back. Whenever a doctor or nurse would come in to talk to him about anything they would look at me and he would have to say I could stay, even though I was there constantly. I hated having to explain that despite us only being bf/gf we were in a serious relationship. So it seems that there is more importance for engagment for emotional reasons, there are many added benefits.
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  • flyjawnflyjawn member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_whats-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0b057cf1-15bd-421b-be4e-4727d8791cd4Post:6da405ff-29fc-4f5f-86bd-3540bc293156">Re: What's the difference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I admit, I can't see how things would be much different for us after marriage, except to other people. Well, I guess then we'll start looking for a house...and the legal ramifications. I'm keeping my name, separate bank accounts, and our own insurance, just like now.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

    <div>this is my situation too.</div><div>
    </div><div>his will includes me and my kids already so i can't even pretend i'm marrying him for his money.  ;)</div><div>
    </div><div>i'm pretty sure i'm just getting married for an excuse to throw a party and wear a big fancy dress!  </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_whats-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0b057cf1-15bd-421b-be4e-4727d8791cd4Post:926151a8-66b1-4ffb-8907-ecb4c9419684">Re: What's the difference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What's the difference? : this is my situation too. his will includes me and my kids already so i can't even pretend i'm marrying him for his money.  ;) <strong>i'm pretty sure i'm just getting married for an excuse to throw a party and wear a big fancy dress!</strong>  
    Posted by flyjawn[/QUOTE]

    I'm hoping that's really stellar sarcasm you've got going on.

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