Ring Style Dilemma (long)

Mimi_P

Hi,I need some advice! My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years, and have been talking seriously about getting married for a while now. We've been discussing rings lately, and here's where my issue comes up.I love very unique, hand-crafted pieces of jewelry, and I've never been attracted to the vast majority of what's popular online or in stores. I don't even like diamonds very much! If I could choose, my ring would be something small, simple, plain and unobtrusive - something off Etsy or the like, and probably not a diamond at all.I also don't see the sense in spending a lot of money on a ring - I'd prefer using the money for something more practical, and I'd feel weird wearing something expensive.My boyfriend, on the other hand, is very traditional. He wants to choose a ring by himself, which I totally support (he's had excellent taste in jewelry in the past!), but he seems to think that he HAS to get me a big, sparkly diamond from a local/chain store. He's actually mentioned that he thinks "People will talk about it [negatively] behind our backs" if he doesn't.So I'm not sure how to impress upon him that I really don't care what other people think, and I think that whatever the ring looks like, it's between the two of us. I think it should reflect us, our relationship, and my style.Am I totally out to lunch? Any tips?Thanks in advance, and sorry this is so long!Mimi

TheDuckis

I would suggest you go shopping together. Even if he picks the ring himself, go with him to get ideas of what you both like. Look at estate jewelery for more of a hand-crafted and antique look. Also look at rubies, sapphires or emeralds in addtion to diamonds. Maybe you guys can meet in the middle and find something you both like.

myother1

Agree with Duckus - it seems as if you have a very specific style in mind.  Going shopping together will help him see the alternatives, and you can stress that the trip is "fact-finding" only (make it clear you'll leave the final choice to him).  Most couples seem to do this.  If he doesn't want to go out shopping, you can browse online together.  GL!

myother1

(Apologies Duckis for the name massacre.)

angelgurl798

I agree with the other posters....maybe you should go shopping with him....my boyfriend and I chose my ring together. I understand he wants to choose the ring by himself, but going shopping together will give you an idea of what's out there (the market changes). If you still decide that you don't like anything, try having a ring custom made. I just come off of look at etsy jewelry....and it is different and unique...so maybe going for a different gemstone, will give you that feel that you're looking for...but you really should consider a custom made ring, if you REALLY REALLY don't LOVE ANYTHING you see out there....Good Luck!(P.S. the ring should reflect your personality, and more importantly it should be something you will love to wear and look at over and over regardless of the price that will remind you of your beautiful relationship and dedication to each other.) Sorry its soooo long...

BillyBob321

I totally can't relate... I'm the opposite, but I also say go shopping together or something and let him know what you like and that you'd enjoy wearing other things.I'm thinking he may like the idea of the big sparkly diamond because when people see it, they think "he did a good job" so he probaly doesn't want people to look at something different and have ppl assume he didn't know the first thing about rings.

Acrosthec

I think you're totally in the right to want what you want.  I agree with pp's that you should go shopping with your BF to find something that both of you love.  What other people think should not matter; you're the one who is going to be wearing the ring and needs to love it.For example, some friends of ours were at a party we were at and the subject of engagement rings came up.  At that point I had not handed over my grandmother's ring to BF (we had just started dating, and until we started talking marriage I wore it on my right hand).  I showed it to the girl in question and told her I planned to use it as my e-ring whenever the day came.  Her response?  "Wow, if my BF ever gave me something that small, I'd say no."I happen to love my grandmother's ring.  It's from 1941, and yes the diamond is small, but the band is exquisite and unique.  I was really hurt by her comment, and when I talked to BF about it, he said "Well, I'm glad I'm not going to marry someone so materialistic.  I happen to adore that you love that ring.  It means more to you than any ring I could ever find to buy you."  And it was true!  After that point I basically just brushed any comments about the size of the diamond off as silly.  Hopefully after talking to your BF, he can learn to do the same and will back off his idea of what he has to get you, because he doesn't really have to get you anything.  A ring does not an engagement make, it's just a nice piece of jewelry that serves as a symbol.  Good luck!

Mimi_P

Hey guys, Thanks so much for your advice! I'm definitely going to try and sit down with him so we can look at some styles and hopefully find something we both like. I'll also try to remind him that it really shouldn't matter what everyone else thinks! @Acrosthec - I totally agree that the ring's just a symbol - I'll try to get that idea across too.Thanks again!Mimi

sapphirebaby926

okay I'm really late to this one but here is my .02like the pp's said your ring should reflect your style and relationship with your BF. It's perfectly alright that he wants to pick out your ring by himself but I have to agree with others that it would be good to go somewhere and browse what kind of styles you like to give him an idea. You might also want to check out getting something custom made. Definitely check out estate jewelry to get that antique look - here is a website that has lots of estate and more antique looking jewelry that I browsed before I got engaged (hopefully I can make it clicky)[url]http://www.topazery.com[/url]If you don't want a diamond there are a lot of alternatives like moissanite that is colorless if you are wanting that look - some of the others on this board could give you more info on that. If you like colored stones (like me) they make for simply stunning jewelry - if your BF is on the fence about it take a look at my siggy pic and the other shots of my ring in my bio. I love it and wouldn't dream of having anything else. Try to impress on your BF that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - it's about what it means to the both of you. FWIW I've never gotten anything but compliments on my sapphire ring.Sorry if this is kind of rambling and sorry for the length

AnneAndJJ

I definitely think you should talk to him. I feel like right now, people are too caught up in the materialistic side of weddings (just in general...seems to be the bigger the better, and it's kind of sad). I see no problem with a different ring, a smaller ring, one that has a different gemstone. It will still be beautiful! Right now I have a .15 carat (of lower quality) ring from bf. I honestly absolutely adore it. It is not an engagement ring, but if he never gives me an engagement ring (we're not exactly big spenders), I would be completely satisfied with this one. It's what it means to the couple, not everyone else, that matters.

Capital_T

Mimi- Hello. I've had the same thing happened with my bf and myself. He wants it to look a certain way, design it a certain way, spend a certain amount of money...etc. He wants "everyone to be jealous b/c he loves me so much, he want to show everybody what I deserve-a huge rock on my hand" I tell him "Honey, I'm the biggest clutz in the world and buying me a $7,000 ring won't change the fact that I'll probably break it or lose it!" Let's spend the money on something, like a down payment on a house or something... It's funny nowadays it seems more men are taking on traditional roles than woman.... I'd be fine with a trip down to city hall and a silver band on my finger! LOL.Unfortunately (or fortunately because my guy truly is amazing) he is hard headed and I will end up with his idea of the perfect ring...I feel so bad for complaining about this, a lot of women would KILL to have a beautiful, expensive piece. Good luck. Whatever happens, it sounds like you have got a great catch.