Can I punch BF? *rant*

cocitygirl

Argh, he made me so mad this weekend.  We are in desperate need of some bookshelves for our house.  The one we had broke and now books are in boxes all over the spare bedroom and it's driving me insane.  So anyway, we went to the furniture store this weekend and found some shelves.  We wanted to buy 2 so we would have plenty of space (plus I'm weird about symmetry in rooms).  He had always said he was going to buy these shelves, because it was his old one that broke and it will be 90% his stuff on them.  While he's sitting there thinking, he says "Well, if I buy both, the money has to come out of the 'bling fund'." (He calls the e-ring savings the 'bling fund').  Maybe I'm being petty, but it really pissed me off.  (Both bookshelves together were about $350 and he makes 6 figures). 

notquiteblushing

So were you both buying the shelves or just him?  Is he bad with money?  It sounds to me like he was just making a joke but I don't know him.

cocitygirl

He was going to buy them (I'm broke).  He wasn't joking, unfortunately.  I think he is pretty bad with money.  I'm just getting irritated that every time the house needs something, or he has to buy something he doesn't really want to buy, he implies the money has to come out of the ring savings. 

notquiteblushing

Well that seems pretty insensitive.  Do you guys live together?  I would have a problem marrying someone who was bad with money.  Get him a copy of Quicken so he can link it to all his bank accounts and see where the money goes every month.

jeanacorina

That's incredibly annoying. I'd slap my FI. But then, I'm violent like that.

cocitygirl

We do live together, and yes, his lack of money skills worries me.  Although, sometimes I think he's just cheap.  I really don't know without seeing his bank accounts.  I just know he makes 3 times as much as I do, but always whines about buying things.  I figure I'll take over finances once we have a house together (he owns this house and I just pay a little rent to him).  I almost did slap him.  I had to walk away.  He still didn't get it cause when I came back he's asking me if he should get the shelves- and didn't understand when I'm irritated and saying 'Do whatever you want!'. 

sapphirebaby926

Wow lginn - for someone who got upset about people commenting on your finances you don't seem to have a problem commenting on others. And besides why shouldn't she pay rent? He's her boyfriend not her sugar daddy

cocitygirl

Aw, did she delete her response while I was working?  And yep, I pay rent, gotta problem with that?  I've got a job, no reason not to.  If we had a mortgage together, I'd be paying towards that, too.

noelle24

The rent thing... If he's still paying the mortgage and you're paying a portion of it each month, I have no problem with it.  It just sounds weird to say "I pay rent to my BF"... like he's more of a landlord than a BF.  Then again, I'm probably just reading too much into that statement, and I missed the DD'd comment. I'd be more upset that my BF makes 6 figures and can't afford $350 for shelves than the fact that it had to come out of the ring fund.  If you live together and are sharing expenses, is there any way you could help out NOW with the budget for things?

cocitygirl

Eh, I don't think it's weird to pay rent to him.  Maybe it's better to say I contribute to the household funds?  Definitely not a landlord style situation, as I pay it whenever I want and if I can't afford it, he doesn't care.  It was my idea because I don't like to feel like a freeloader.Anyway, I feel weird asking too much about his finances at this point.  He's pretty open that he's saving a lot of his money right now, for not just the ring, but a "rainy day" fund (his industry is pretty volatile and he's been laid off twice in the last 3 years).  After I told him it made me mad when he said that, he said he was sorry and it was just a bad time because he had to have a bunch of work done on his car (like $500 worth).  So, he said he'll just buy them next month, no big deal.  And he bought me flowers

cocitygirl

jeana- I wouldn't treat poor, innocent flowers like that.

Goldlie11

When it comes down to it, there are two kinds of money in the budget, money that must be paid for necessities (like mortgage, ultilities,etc) and discretionary money. I think that maybe your bf was saying that the bookshelf would have to come out of the discretionary money because he was not planning to spend it. Your ring is probably included in the discretionary funds. I really hope this doesn't come across as rude, but even if he is making in the six figures (low six figures) that doesn't mean that he has a lot of money. It depends on what the mortgage, taxes, and other costs are. You say that you don't know too much about his finances yet, so maybe he really can't afford to drop $350 on bookshelves. Lastly, you and bf need to sit down and have a conversation about all things finance related. It may not be comfortable, but it needs to happen. BF and I did this and it was not super comfortable. I told him exactly what I had in the bank, how much debt I had, and my credit score. He told me the same information. We don't live together yet, but we wanted to get everything out in the open. Good luck

jeanacorina

Dude- hilarious story:A couple of years ago, BF and I went to a wedding for some good friends of ours. Very nice wedding.When it was time to throw the bouquet, all the other girls stood WAYYY back because they all wanted me to catch it (how sad is that?), and the bride even looked back to see where I was. Which must have been bad juju because when she threw it, the bouquet headed STRAIGHT for me, and I was like YES! I AM GONNA CATCH IT!And then it hit the fan, which was like 20 feet in the air (tall ceiling) and rose petals and chopped-up leaves went EVERYWHERE... and what was left of the bouquet was thrown right back to the bride.It was hilarious... but also kind of disheartening. I totally would have caught that bouquet! But she couldn't even throw it again, because it was shredded.She gave me one of the surviving rose blossoms, though.

twinkie757

Wow he is bad with money....he complains that he doesn't want to buy the shelves now because he has to pay to fix his car. To make things all better he buys you flowers...spending money to make up for not spending money on shelves. I know the prices don't compare, but it all adds up. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about financial responsibility, should you be thinking about marriage now? I would be pissed if FI made comments like that about taking money from the "bling fund." I guess if I paid money to the household expenses I would just put my money towards the shelves. Expecting him to pay for the shelves would make me feel like a freeloader.  

cocitygirl

That's hilarious, jeana.  I'm picturing it and LOL'ing a little.But yeah, I know he doesn't necessarily have a lot of extra money, and I definitely don't think that $350 is nothing (I'm totally cheap- I told him if he spent over $1500 on my ring he'd have to return it).  Especially for me- that's several days pay!  I was ok with it once he explained about his car and all.  It just hurt my feelings that I felt like he was saying "well, it's either bookshelves or a ring.  You decide."  Boo on that!  Eff the bookshelves, I'll shove the books under the couch.

Goldlie11

It sounds like he definately could have worded it better. Men are just like that sometimes.

cocitygirl

twinkie- the flowers were those $10 grocery store kind.  It was just the thought. And I offered to help pay for them, but he didn't want the cheap crap I can afford (i.e. Target- which we bought, and they fell apart before they were built).  He wanted something nicer, longer lasting, so he went a little higher end.  I told him I'd help if he waited awhile, but I have to travel to Florida at the end of the month for family stuff and don't have the money right now.

twinkie757

Like I said before, all of those little purchases add up.

oceana919

Jeanna, I have similar story...was at my cousin's wedding and he had apparently worked it out with his bride that she would make sure that I caught the bouquet (I was not aware of this plan). The brides told all the bridesmaids, they passed along the info to the other girls in the crowd, etc. We all get up there, all the girls (without me knowing) back up just enough that I'm front and center, and the bride actually looks over her shoulder and lines up (at which point I know something's up). She throws the bouquet and nails me in the face. The end.

ffmaid

$350 is a lot for 2 bookshelves when trying to save upHow bling do you expect?? i think that is fiscally prudent not silly at all. Why not just get cheaper bookshelves if they are too expensive

cocitygirl

ffmaid- Explained a couple of posts up.  I like cheap bookshelves, but BF is picky about furniture.  Hence, why he said he'd buy them.And as for how much bling I expect, not much at all.  I'd be happy with a little $200 bauble.  I'm not a big jewelry person.

Acrosthec

I missed the DD'd comment, sadly, but it sounds like our situations are similar. BF pays the mortgage and major utilities because they're in his name, and I give him money if I feel like what I'm buying in groceries and other bills isn't keeping us even. I hate feeling like a freeloader. What your BF said is something that mine might say in jest if we were saving for a ring. If something like that was said seriously I'd be pretty hurt. Sounds like you might need to talk to him about finances. I know you said you don't want to right now, but money is a major reason relationships and marriages fall apart. It's good to get all of that out of the way ASAP in my opinion. You don't necessarily need to know how much he makes, but you should probably know what all the bills and such are so you can help him make sure everything gets paid and an adequate amount gets put into savings accounts. Something that I find handy that you may want to suggest to him is setting up various savings accounts for different things. For instance I have a personal rainy day account, the account I deposit money into for the furniture I'm paying off, an account to put money for tuition, and accounts for both our godchildren in case something happens and we need money for them. It makes it easier and keeps me more organized. Good luck. I've found that it is possible to teach an adult to be good with money after they've grown up being bad with it, but it's a lot harder than teaching a child to save.

tiiiffffff

I just wanted to say that I pay rent to my BF also. He makes about 3 times as much as I do.. but I need to contribute to the mortgage and our other bills too. I don't see what's wrong with that at all.It does sound like your BF needs to get a handle on his finances. I'm not sure where you live so maybe cost of living and whatever other expenses could be a lot different than here, but 6 figures should be able to cover some shelves and e.ring.Good luck with everything though.

noelle24

Just to clarify, I wasn't trying to say that contributing to household funds is bad and being a freeloader is good.  I would want to make sure I contributed my equal share as well.  I was just saying that calling it "rent" sounded a little weird to me.

tiiiffffff

I guess I've just never really considered it "paying rent".. just doing what I can to help out.

fletch102483

I would be pissed too! If you are concerned about his finances now, be VERY concerned!! A wise person once told me that there are only 2 problems that can lead to divorce: sex and money.