Dress etiquette question

Goldlie11

Since dresses seem to have come up so much, I wanted to ask a question. My BF and I will be paying for the wedding ourselves. However, my mother did offer to buy my wedding dress. She basically told me that the dress would have to be about $750. Theoretically, if I found a dress that was over budget and offered to cover the amount that the dress exceeded $750, would that be rude? P.S. I won't be purchasing said dress until I'm officially engaged. I'm just curious.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I don't think that would be rude. However, try not to try on dresses that are over budget. Be firm that you only want dresses under $750. There are lots to be had under that price.But, theoretically, if you found a dress you couldn't live without, either buy it yourself and tell your mom it was $700, or just offer to make up the difference.

nvdmeulen

I would discuss it with mom first, but don't think it's terribly rude if you're offering to pay the difference yourself. but talk to her first. on the other hand, there are MANY gorgeous dresses that can be found for $750 or less don't forget you need to budget in alterations anyway.

notquiteblushing

That is so nice of your mom.  I would tell the dress stores that $700 is your budget leaving a nice tax buffer in there.  Is she coming with you to the store? I say if you can't find a dress with that budget then ask your mom if she'd mind if you could look a little higher and make up the difference.  That being said you can find a great dress for that price.

jeanacorina

Goldie-- you can find a TON of gorgeous dresses for under $750! My limit was $1,000 and I found a fantastic dress for $530. Just tell the consultants your budget and see what happens.To more directly answer your question, though... I don't think it's rude. Bring it up with your mom and see how she feels. She may intend for it to be like a gift, in which case you paying for part of it may seem funky.I really suggest (when the time comes... as in when you are engaged... just to be clear lol) you look at dresses in that budget. If you don't love anything, then maybe up the price and see what you find then.I am getting mine at Alfred Angelo, but other places like David's Bridal have lovely dresses for under $200, and guess what? There'd be more money to spend on other things like photography or a fantastic honeymoon!

desertsun

Ooh, yeah, this is a good question. I imagine all kinds of sticky money situations come up if your parents are helping pay for anything for your wedding. I would just talk it over with your mom and see how she feels. Especially if you think the same type of thing might occur with invitations or catering or...Not to threadjack, but...Out of curiosity, anyone have a similar kind of money situation come up with families during planning? What was the situation and how did you deal?

jilliibabii

I did this. My dress was $200 over the budget my mom had given me. I offered to pay the difference. In the end, she refused. But I don't think it's rude at all. But I agree- try not to look at dresses out of your price range. This dress happened to be put back on the wrong rack and that's how I wound up trying it on!

jeanacorina

desert, I've had all KINDS of crap pop up over the course of the not-even-two-months I've been engaged.We planned to pay for everything ourselves so that we wouldn't need to worry about other people having a say in what our wedding ended up like. Well, that didn't work out as I had to use our "wedding" money for school (which is fine, I'd rather do that than have to worry about paying for school). Now, my parents are paying for the reception (catering, DJ, location, etc) and Josh and I are paying for the other stuff (dress, flowers, photography, etc).It works well this way because my parents have a budget of $5,000 and if I want to go over, I can come up with the money (I have a suspicion my dad WOULD come up with more money if I asked, but I would never). I do not want to go over, so I am looking for locations that include as much as possible for a per-person price.Oh, and that reminds me-- when WE were paying, we were going to invite 25 people TOPS. We're talking parents, siblings, grandparents, wedding party.My parents didn't like that, they wanted to invite aunts and uncles. I said "Too bad, my money." Dad offered to pay the difference, I said "You're missing the point. We want tiny tiny intimate wedding with just you guys. So no thanks."Now that they are paying for catering and the like, and FI and I don't have that kind of money, we are inviting aunts, uncles, cousins, and about a dozen friends. Compromise.Things change so much along the way, I REALLY don't think planning ANYTHING before you're engaged is worth it. Sure, think about your colors and what type of dress you want. It'll all change.I wanted purple, pink, and lime green for my wedding colors. But my mom, FMIL, and FI all thought it was too funky and tacky. I'm not a pushover, but at some point you gotta just say "Fine, purple then! Jerkfaces! I just want to be married to this here guy. YOU plan the damn wedding!"

desertsun

jeana -- i lol'ed! thanks! a sense of humor is vital to getting through this life with some semblance of sanity, in my opinion. so i'm glad to hear you're managing to hang on to yours in the face of more guests and not quite the colors you wanted. did you give in gracefully or did you argue? can a person even really argue if she's not the person paying? i mean, there's no reason to go all crazy bridezilla, but you could just calmly communicate your preferences, right? does that ever work?

peachkins

I don't think it's rude either.  My parents also offered to pay for my wedding dress, but they wanted to keep it at $800 or less.  I did end up finding my dress for just under that, but had I found something I really liked that cost a bit more, I would have offered to cover the extra.

jeanacorina

desert-- I don't know how my FMIL feels (we haven't gotten along well prior to this engagement, suddenly I find she's trying to make nice, so I go with it), but my mom and cousin... who would both tell me if I were a bridezilla, say that I am striking a good balance between sticking to my guns and giving in.I pick my battles, that's all. Purple is a priority. Nobody's changing THAT. I'll compromise on the accents.I conceded the guest list. Why? Because I can't pay for what I wanted, so I'll give in on the guest list. It's what my parents and FI's parents really want, and all I have to do is stand there and let everyone gush on me. I'm sure once I get there I'll be SO HAPPY to see relatives I haven't seen in 5 or 10 years. Whatever. No skin off my nose.I will NOT compromise on my bridal party. I do not want fairweather friends, or even friends that I haven't been close to for very long. I tend to grow apart from people every few years, and I want my bridal party to be people I can't get rid of. So, It's my cousin (MOH, who has been like a slightly older sister to me for our whole lives), my sister (try as I might, I never could send her back where she came from), and FI's sister (who I don't know very well but am very willing to try).Oh, and my cousin's kids are my ring bearer and flower girl. That's also non-negotiable.I'll compromise on the menu as long as there's something vegetarian for me to eat. In fact, I am putting FI and his dad in charge of the menu. I don't care. I trust them both to choose great food. I won't be eating most of the dishes anyway.See, you just.... pick the things that mean the most and stick to your guns on THOSE COUPLE OF THINGS. Anything else is fluff. At the end of the day, you'll wash off the airbrushed makeup, wiggle out of the corset-back silk shantung dress, and you'll pack up or throw away your dried-up bouquet.But, you'll be married. Hopefully to a wonderful guy. So... who cares if the bridesmaids didn't have their hair professionally done or if the DJ played the macarena when you specifically asked him NOT to. You're still with the guy you love.That's how I keep my sanity with every person who finds out I'm engaged offering me random advice and critiques. In my head, I just picture it all being OVER and being just plain ol' Mrs. B.