Is Divorce An Option?

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_divorce-option?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:22e6d691-9c82-4629-bba8-fb9416f1730dPost:8cc9db82-aa98-4f02-9ae4-1fa99d084762">Re: Is Divorce An Option?</a>:
[QUOTE]cde, I think that does make sense. I can imagine in that situation it really is all she could do. There is no repairing to be done in that situation. I keep thinking about this cheating thing. I used to say, and DH agreed, that if ever someone wanted to cheat, they should just leave. Just go. End the relationship and get it overwith. It's cruel and cowardly to cheat on someone (unless it's an open relationship with that kind of agreement, of course). Why put both people through that? Just leave. I still feel that way BUT I can't say "just leave" anymore. If one of us ever felt that we were more interested in someone else, I would hope (and we have discussed) that we would go to counseling and try to figure out why and how to overcome that without it actually coming down to cheating. But what can you really do if one person is completely not interested in repairing the existing relationship? Or what else can you do if one person is gay? I don't think there's much that can be done other than divorce and try to move on with life. <strong>This thread makes me sad.</strong>
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Me too :(

</div>

luvdncn90

Divorce is a very real thing that many people don't plan on happening to them, but it does. No one goes into a marriage thinking that they will end up divorced.

Obviously, all of the listed cases are a sure reason to get a divore but I agree that cheating may be something that you are able to work through. Now if BF continually cheated on me, multiple times, and went behind my back to hide it and continue doing it, I would not try to work that out. He knew what he was doing was wrong enough to hide it but he continued to do it, he probably doesn't want to be married.


BF and I plan on working through all troubles that we may deal with in our marriage. I believe that a lot of couples face problems in their marriages and instead of dealing with them and trying very hard to fix them, they give up and decide to get divorced. It's an easy out. Why stay and work through things when you can just get a divorce and be on to the next one?

Divorce is not an option, but it is a very real possibilty. M and I have been through so much in our 3 years together, we have dealt with a lot of situations that tear couples apart and that they never can recover from. We have had oppourtunities to just call it quits, but we love each other and no matter how hard things have gotten we have stayed together and worked them out. It hasn't always been easy, but I know I want to spend my life with him and no matter how hard things have gotten I have stayed, because relationships are never easy and when you love someone you work things out. You don't quit when thigns get to hard. M and I are so much stronger now because of all the things we have gone through and I hope that when we deal with problems in our marriage we can work them out and grow from those as well.


Relationships are not easy, and neither is marriage. The same values we have in our realtionship now are the same values we want to take into our marriage.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_divorce-option?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:22e6d691-9c82-4629-bba8-fb9416f1730dPost:769c6c06-cae4-4b5a-a5a3-eba1096980ac">Re: Is Divorce An Option?</a>:
[QUOTE]Divorce is not an option for me or my BF. We've talked about this and we both feel the same. Obviously, if there was cheating or physical/emotional abuse; that's a different story. <strong>That's why I feel it's important to get to know the person that you want to marry, make sure that you can tolerate all their annoying habits...they aren't going to go away magically after you get married</strong>. lol.
Posted by HeartOverMind[/QUOTE]

I don't believe that you can have any clue who a person will become in the future. Hopefully you grow together in a marriage as time goes on, but that may not always be the case. My dad went to the Naval Academy, eventually became a Captain, was an F-14 fighter pilot for years, fought for our country...I doubt anyone would have had a clue he had (what I would now call) a sex addiction. And I highly doubt my mother would have had any way of knowing that 20 years earlier when they were dating (they dated for 4 years before marriage).
 
I'm sorry to those of you who think this post is sad. I didn't mean to be a "debbie downer" today. I just struggle sometimes with how I feel about certain issues and it's nice to hear the opinions of others on this board.

loves2shop4shoes

I would consider divorce if:

-FI was repeatedly unfaithful
-There was any form of abuse
-There was child abuse

That's about it though.  I know I'm generalizing, but I think a lot of people who end up divorced never should have been married in the first place.  Many people (like my parents) didn't date long enough or didn't *truly* know each other well enough to get married.  Other people are more in love with the idea of a relationship than they are with their significant other; in those situations, they often romanticize their significant other that they are not honest with themselves about the serious (and potentially deal-breaking) flaws of their significant other.  Sometimes, yes, people change in ways that are completely unforeseeable.  But more often than not, I'd say divorce is largely the result of one of the two causes outlined above.

I truly believe that if you *genuinely* get to know the person you're marrying, his flaws, his weaknesses, his irritating qualities, his family, his goals, and you two communicate effectively, then *more likely than not* you'll be fine.

Ultimately, I think the three fundamentals for any relationship are love, trust, and respect.  If you have all three, and MAINTAIN them, in every respect of the words, then it's all downhill from there.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_divorce-option?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:22e6d691-9c82-4629-bba8-fb9416f1730dPost:73d8eac9-b3eb-468e-8fe7-94f5449f09fd">Re: Is Divorce An Option?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't even think about that fully.  We've said that we both feel that couples often bail at the first sight of a rough patch and don't work hard enough to fix things, but sometimes it's just an impossible gap that grows between two people as they change over the years. I would never want to be truly unhappy forever.  If we had put in a good fight for a long time and were just not making any progress and both unhappy, I would consider divorce.  I think everyone has the right to be happy, and I would hate to give my children the example of being in an unhappy marriage. That said, I'd pull out all the stops to fix things - counseling, time apart (but not separated or dating other people), depression medication if necessary.  I would never give up my marriage without one heck of a fight.  It would take probably a year or two of trying to fix things before I'd ever consider divorce.  The exception is abuse - that's an immediate thing.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

This exactly.  Like anything else worth having, marriage is not easy.  It takes a lot of work to make it last and that's something FI and I have discussed is how we are going to make it through the rough times we know we'll have during the course of our lives together.  I can't imagine just giving up right at the first sign of trouble, but I also can't imagine staying in an unhappy marriage despite doing everthing you can to fix it just for the sake of saying 'divorce isn't an option'.

The exception for me is also abuse and infidelity.  My cousin recenly found out that her husband has been having an affair for 3 years of their 4 year marriage...with her best friend.  There's no amount of counseling that could fix that one for me....

PaigeMcC

Divorce is not something I hope to ever face. However, that being said I would never want to inflict the pain that goes along with being truly unhappy in your relationship on anyone (FBD,myself, our future herd).  It would take a lot for me to get a divorce but I would never rule out the possibility if I was (and/or he was) truly, miserably unhappy...for whatever reason.

katanne9

I don't believe in divorce. I would only ever consider if if DH because abusive or unfaithful, but it would be a very, very serious matter to me. I believe marriage is a committment, and that means being committed through pretty much everything.

ravenray

I hate to dig this up, but I feel like that I would stay in a marriage even if I was unhappy.  I don't feel like being unhappy for a long time means you should call it quits.  My parents were very unhappy during my childhood.  My dad was gone all the time and my mom was depressed and threw herself into other projects, not really paying attention to her kids.  But they stuck it through and now they are happy and I think in love with each other again.  I really hope that I would have the guts and the balls to stick through it.  Because when you say "I do," I feel like you are saying it forever.  Unless it's the usual reason, there is NO reason (for me) to get out of marriage.  If you made that kind of commitment, you should know to the best of your abilities the person you are marrying.  I realize there are some things you can't know or exspect to happen.  Of course there are exceptions, like in cd’s parent’s case.  But I think that you personally should make every effort and if the other person isn’t willing to work with you, then that might be a reason to leave.  But I think you should do everything possible first.  There is always exception and even me trying to say there is no exceptions is not right and I can think of exceptions, but I really want to think in black and white in this case, but just like everything in life it is grey.   This tread also makes me sad.

DrumMajorof09

It's hard to say. I saw really terrifying things as a kid and I'm glad my parents divorced, but it still messed with me and still does. I think it would be out of the question, and we could always try marriage counseling... If we really just weren't meant to be together and we can't get along and we aren't happy, and no kids, I think that would be the only way I could consider it... as long as we atleast tried counseling and other things to make it work