I

paigalx20

So 

Jordyana

1. How old are you two?

2. "Brushing it off" and acting like you don't care is foolish. If you're really interested in your future together, you need to have a frank discussion about what you see for yourselves in the future. Acting disinterested is just confusing.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:8745957b-77c2-47de-8737-c93ba13abff8">I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now. It was love at first sight. We took things slow and have talked about marriage in the past. I feel like i have come across like i want to wait ages before i get married. BUT I DONT! he is also always the one to bring it up. Recently he and his brother have started looking at houses together, and i feel alittle left out of it bc i feel like it is going to prolong our dating . he has asked me to move in with him but i am not going to until we are married and i have told him that. I was thinking about bringing it up to him that I want to be his wife and i am ready for that next step in our relationship. But i am very nervous just because it is a touchy subject. His is my best friend and we are very open and honst to each other.  He even asked me if i wanted a ring for my birthday (which is next week) and i kinda just brushed it off becasue i didnt want to seem like i was rushing things. I just need a little advice on if i am being to forward or if it is perfectly reasonable! 
Posted by paigalx20[/QUOTE]
Well, you told him you didn't want to live with him until you were married... and now he's going to buy a house with his brother. I think you have your answer there as far as his immediate goals are.

Honestly, talk to him. Tell him you are ready, but keep in mind that he might not be.
Normally I would suggest against doing that, but, like, he asked you if you wanted a ring and you blew it off. He probably thinks you aren't ready. You both need to get on the same page. That might be a great way to start off the convo. Something, like, "Hey, just so we're on the same page, I am ready to marry you and I was wondering which chapter you're on...."

Elle1036

Tell us a little more about yourself.  How old are you and your BF?  What do you do for a living?

For the record, I think 9 months is really quick, regardless of your answers to the above questions, but my objective answer is just to wait until the next time he brings it up, and then just be receptive to the conversation.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:8745957b-77c2-47de-8737-c93ba13abff8">I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my boyfriend and I have been <strong>dating for about 9 months</strong> now. It was love at first sight. <strong>We took things slow</strong> and have <strong>talked about marriage</strong> in the past. I feel like <strong>i have come across like i want to wait ages before i get married. BUT I DONT</strong>! he is also always the one to bring it up. Recently he and his brother have started looking at houses together, and i feel alittle left out of it bc i feel like it is going to prolong our dating . he has asked me to move in with him but i am not going to until we are married and i have told him that. I was thinking about bringing it up to him that I want to be his wife and i am ready for that next step in our relationship. But i am very nervous just because it is a touchy subject. His is my best friend and we are very open and honst to each other.  He even asked me if i wanted a ring for my birthday (which is next week) and i kinda just brushed it off becasue <strong>i didnt want to seem like i was rushing things</strong>. I just need a little advice on if i am being to forward or if it is perfectly reasonable! 
Posted by paigalx20[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Just because you told him that you wanted to wait until you were married to move in with him doesn't mean that he is going to ask you to marry him to make it happen.</div><div>
</div><div>You contradict yourself so many times. You don't seem ready to get married, let alone engaged.  You come off as extremely immature and impatient.  Spend some time to 'find yourself' (read: mature) first.</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

deburnin

I agree with Audige... Also if you're not even able to talk to him about it, to me at least, it would seem like your relationship needs more time to grow. You aren't really going to find any answers here. They're with your BF. Go talk to him.

bethsmiles

I know this is going to sound harsh and mean but you are being stupid. Just plain stupid. If he has told you he is ready for the next step and you are ready for the next step but not telling him because you don't want him to think you are rushing it you are being stupid. You are being stupid, immature, and playing games with a man you love and you want to marry.

If you are ready for the next step then tell him. Don't hide your feelings and brush things off because you don't want him to think you are rushing it. Every relationship moves at a different pace maybe yours is going to move faster then some and its probably moving slower then others. But if you aren't honest with yourself then you are setting your relationship up for failure. Be honest with yourself and your BF about how you feel.

eraver01

Sister, you have to bite the bullet and talk to him. At 9 months, heck at 2 months, we knew we wanted to get married, and we talked very candidly about it. But we are young  (I was 18 when we met), and financially dependent on our families, and we had the good sense to know it was best to wait.

heyimbren

Honestly, at 9 months you're still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, regardless of how old you are or how long you've known him. Some people do get engaged sooner, but the fact that you won't be honest with him and tell him this seems to prove the point.

It sounds like he probably does have an idea of a timeline, so my advice would be to talk to him about what you're timelines are instead of saying "Sweetie, I changed my mind from what I told you last week- I'm ready to get engaged now!" Because it does sound like he may not be ready for right now, and you've given him every reason to think you aren't ready now.

LizzyTish88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:8745957b-77c2-47de-8737-c93ba13abff8">I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now. It was love at first sight. We took things slow and have talked about marriage in the past. I feel like i have come across like i want to wait ages before i get married. BUT I DONT! he is also always the one to bring it up. Recently he and his brother have started looking at houses together, and i feel alittle left out of it bc i feel like it is going to prolong our dating . he has asked me to move in with him but i am not going to until we are married and i have told him that.<font color="#ff0000"> I was thinking about bringing it up to him that I want to be his wife and i am ready for that next step in our relationship. But i am very nervous just because it is a touchy subject</font>.<font color="#0000ff">His is my best friend and we are very open and honst to each other. </font>He even asked me if i wanted a ring for my birthday (which is next week) and i kinda just brushed it off becasue i didnt want to seem like i was rushing things. I just need a little advice on if i am being to forward or if it is perfectly reasonable! 
Posted by paigalx20[/QUOTE]

If the blue statement is true, then you should be able to sit down and have an adult conversation with your BF without seeming pushy. Just be honest and tell him how you feel to make sure that you both are on the same page. Just ask him where he sees the relationship going in 5,10, 2000 years and then tell him your thinking as well. If you do this by being "open and honest" it should work out fine. GL

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:8745957b-77c2-47de-8737-c93ba13abff8">I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for <strong>engement</strong>!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now. <strong>It was love at first sight. </strong>We took things slow and have talked about marriage in the past. I feel like i have come across like i want to wait ages before i get married. BUT I DONT! he is also always the one to bring it up. Recently he and his brother have started looking at houses together, and i feel alittle left out of it bc i feel like it is going to prolong our dating . he has asked me to move in with him but i am not going to until we are married and i have told him that. I was thinking about bringing it up to him that I want to be his wife and i am ready for that next step in our relationship. But i am very nervous just because it is a touchy subject. His is my best friend and we are very open and honst to each other.  He even asked me if i wanted a ring for my birthday (which is next week) and i kinda just brushed it off becasue i didnt want to seem like i was rushing things. I just need a little advice on if i am being to forward or if it is perfectly reasonable! 
Posted by paigalx20[/QUOTE]

1.  Learn how to spell and use proper grammar & punctuation.
2.  Learn to differentiate between "Lust" and "Love"... If you have any sense of the true meaning of love you know that you can not "LOVE" someone at first sight!
3.  IF you have an open & honest relationship then you would not come across as anything other than what you are...
4.  There is nothing wrong with living with someone before marriage... and there is nothing wrong with waiting until you're married to live together, have sex, etc.... Do not expect him to marry you so that you can live together and don't rush into a marriage if either of these are one of your reasons...
5.  If you are brushing things off and playing the GAME of "Oh I don't want to seem like a psycho who just wants to get married so I'll pretend like I don't", then you are definitely not mature enough to be married...

We've all gone through these phases in life but as we mature we realize that life is NOT a game and that by pretending to be something you're not, you won't actually get very far...

Blue & White

I think you're giving him mixed signals for sure, but that being said, I wouldn't "expect" an engagement after nine months either.  But I'm slow, so that's probably why.

I think a real conversation with your boyfriend is in order, simply to talk about where you both see your futures together - it doesn't seem like you're on the same page at this point in time.

GreenPepperBurger

My brain hurts.

SenoritaCupcake

The dopamine hasn't even worn off yet. You have to at least give the oxytocin time to kick in, then come down a little before making any big life decisions. Honestly, I felt after about 2 weeks of dating (we had known each other for 3 years) that BF was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. However, I also recognized that I was very much under the influence of some heavy love drugs. So even though I was sure, we are still waiting until we’ve been together for about 2 years before we get engaged. If you really are meant to be together you’ll still be meant to be together in another year.

eraver01

SenoritaCupcake, I am enamored by your neurotransmitter references

SenoritaCupcake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:13ffcc05-f6db-454e-a337-5b9a804375ac">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]SenoritaCupcake, I am enamored by your neurotransmitter references :)
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

Eraver, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship...


(And check ur PMs, again)

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:5889436e-3d31-41a6-b899-5d182cc87fb2">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]My brain hurts.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Mine too. </div><div>
</div><div>If you are too afraid to talk about this subject to your BF, you are FAR from ready to be his wife, be engaged, or live with him. I don't know about anyone else, but I can <strong>always</strong> talk to my best friend (both BF and my female best friend) about anything and everything. For you to be afraid, it says leaps and bounds about the weaknesses in your relationship. 

</div>

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:13ffcc05-f6db-454e-a337-5b9a804375ac">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]SenoritaCupcake, I am enamored by your neurotransmitter references :)
Posted by eraver01[/QUOTE]

I think I agree with this, just in smaller words. 

Eggshell31

To be honest- If you're not able to talk to him honestly then you are probably not ready for the next big step. 

sorry 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:16155f8a-4912-49f1-a2c4-c7799ac3bfb0">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement! : I think I agree with this, just in smaller words. 
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

I reached my limit of large words for the day but I agree 100%...

Cupcake, will you be my friend, too?!

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:dd1224a4-5db3-42e1-913e-3bf8a1151d73">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]To be honest- If you're not able to talk to him honestly then you are probably not ready for the next big step.  sorry 
Posted by Eggshell31[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'f85e3bbf-0e70-4b6e-a928-f3fd87484565', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/9/f85e3bbf-0e70-4b6e-a928-f3fd87484565.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

</div><div>
</div><div>now she's getting it!!</div><div>
</div><div>If you can't tell I am in a picture posting mood today. </div>

MLekathLEEN

Me too Seatea, me too. Somedays, I feel like I can better express myself in photos.
 
Today is one of those days.

SenoritaCupcake

Facebook Updates:
SenoritaCupcake and Wrkn are now Friends.
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5 similar stories.

 

There you go, it’s not official til it’s Facebook Official.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:16155f8a-4912-49f1-a2c4-c7799ac3bfb0">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement! : I think I agree with this, just in smaller words. 
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]


Agreed

bsidebella

Three words: pump. the. brakes.

How OLD are you? Based on your grammar and spelling, I'm guessing you're still in your teens. I really hope I'm wrong.

I am almost 24; if I told my mom or my best friend - or anyone, for that matter - 9 months into my relationship that I was ready to marry my FI, I would be laughed at in my face. At nine months, you guys are still getting to know each other.

Slow down. Focus on your relationship as it is right now and enjoy it. Give it time.

He asked you to move in with him and you said no, so now he's looking at houses with his brother. He was trying to tell you he's ready for the next step - living together - and you kind of shot him down. He wants to move out on his own and you're...where? With your parents? You can't really feel "left out" if you don't want to move in with him and he's ready to leave the nest.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:b4e24f8c-32a1-44aa-a31e-de4bad07f705">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]Three words: pump. the. brakes. How OLD are you? Based on your grammar and spelling, I'm guessing you're still in your teens. I really hope I'm wrong. I am almost 24; if I told my mom or my best friend - or anyone, for that matter - 9 months into my relationship that I was ready to marry my FI, I would be laughed at in my face. At nine months, you guys are still getting to know each other. Slow down. Focus on your relationship as it is right now and enjoy it. Give it time. He asked you to move in with him and you said no, so now he's looking at houses with his brother. <strong>He was trying to tell you he's ready for the next step - living together - and you kind of shot him down</strong>. He wants to move out on his own and you're...where? With your parents? You can't really feel "left out" if you don't want to move in with him and he's ready to leave the nest.
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

FYI living together isn't a necessarily the next step for all relationships. She said that she doesn't want to live together until marriage. Obviously for her the next step is marriage not living together.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:317fab1b-108e-4a81-ac1f-25d894dfe060">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement! : FYI living together isn't a necessarily the next step for all relationships. She said that she doesn't want to live together until marriage. <strong>Obviously for her the next step is marriage</strong> not living together.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

Surprise ice-rink wedding!  Who needs an engagement?

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-womanly-advice-let-him-im-ready-engement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:238f2a3d-e0b3-43ab-ad79-0eb72498b830Post:317fab1b-108e-4a81-ac1f-25d894dfe060">Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need womanly advice on how to let him know im ready for engement! : FYI living together isn't a necessarily the next step for all relationships. She said that she doesn't want to live together until marriage. Obviously for her the next step is marriage not living together.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

Maybe for him, it's the next logical step. I think he, in his way, was telling her <em>he's</em> ready for<em> his </em>next step. His stance might be he wants to live with her before marriage, and she does not want to do that. Personally,<em> just personally</em>, I would not marry someone if I didn't know if I could live with them day in and day out.

Jordyana

I told my FI years ago that I wasn't going to move in with him. It's just a thing that's very important to my family. My brother moved in with a girlfriend and my mother went on and on about how "sinful" it was and how disappointed she was.Yes, she's very religious/conservative. I'd rather keep the peace (she's already upset that FI isn't the same religion as me) and I'd rather wait for marriage to move in with him anyway. I know some people say you shouldn't marry until you live together first, but I think it depends on the couple.

FI understood that it was important to me and never pressed the issue. We've been together five years and he just proposed a couple months ago. I enjoyed a long relationship and we admit that had we gotten married a few years ago (like we once wanted to) it probably would have put too much strain on our relationship because we weren't quite ready for that step.

So OP, take some time to enjoy your relationship. I definitely don't think you should even think about marriage until you've been together at LEAST a year. I know some people marry each other sooner than that and it works out great for them, but I think that's the exception, not the rule. Besides, you sound young. Believe me, your relationship has plenty of time to grow and mature before you decide to settle down.

If you can't even talk to your BF about your future together, how do you expect to actually HAVE a future together? There are many more less pleasant things that you will have to discuss with him if you do decide to get married (finances, in-laws, and all that.) It sounds like you're not close enough to him to be able to fully open up and that's a problem.

jemmini6

Stop playing games and have an open and honest conversation with him.  IMO, people who feel the need to project their feelings in a different way than they actually are (". I feel like i have come across like i want to wait ages before i get married. BUT I DONT!") aren't mature enough to know how to express themselves honestly.  If you can't be mature about this, how in the world do you think you are ready to get married.  Being 'soooooo totally in luvs' does NOT equal ready to be married....

desertsun

I bet if you learned how to spell "engagement" correctly, that would be a good start.