your first time...

[Deleted User]

I'm getting married in 25 days.  FI and I have been having more in-depth talks about what we're expecting from sex.  it will be my first time, his second.  we are very affectionate already, but I'm still expecting it to be very awkward.  I also have anxiety (I have been known to pass out at the OBGYN) because of awful medical experiences I've had in the past dealing with that part of my body.

as it gets closer, I can physically feel the anxiety building.  we've talked about it and we've agreed to let me set the pace of what I'm comfortable with, so that makes me feel better about it.  and come on, no one has ever DIED from it.  my fears are totally irrational and I know that!

anyway, to ease my anxiety and fear of the "unknown", tell me your first-time (or maybe not your first!) stories...  funny?  embarrassing?  not so romantic?  really special?  or not special at all?  were you too drunk to remember?  call me nosy, but I want to know!

Ollie08

I have had my fair share of horror story experiences, but I don't think any of those will help you feel any better!

I will tell you that when I was feeling nervous about a new person or new experience, foreplay helped A LOT. And I always make sure to have lube ready in case I'm dry for whatever reason.

Good luck!!

lunarsongbird

Well, at this age- I can only suspect that you don't have to worry about your hymen anymore. You've probably been to a gyno where they have used foreceps?? Yes?

So the actual penetration thing- I wouldn't really worry about. I don't think it will be painful. So that's a big thing not to have to worry about.

I was with my boyfriend for two years before we had sex for the first time. We fooled around alot before that- even in the nude! I would usually hold his penis so it wouldn't go in...and one day I thought...hm..."I'm sure God would be just as unhappy about all this fooling around." So I let my hand go. Oops. He was like, "Am I inside you? And I was like..."Uh- Yup- a bit!" and we decided to go the rest of the way.

It wasn't painful. It was very sweet and I cried afterwards- tears of joy. It was quite beautiful, really. We cared about eachother immensley.

What type of protection are you using? Any?

There is a possibility that he'll come too fast- or get anxious and get soft- but you can always help him with a little oral action. Take a shower/bath together.

I think he's probably WAY more nervous then you.

Do you feel sexy in the bedroom? (I'm not sure if you do solo time at all). Are you going to wear something sexy?

jaycee7389

Make sure that you and H take your time and have foreplay. I know you'll be nervous, but make sure you are really turned on and erm..lubricated..before trying to have intercourse. It will make all the difference in the world when you first try penetration, I learned that the hard way when I lost my v-card. I was so nervous about it I just wanted to jump right into it. Big mistake!

CASK85

My first time was when I was in high school. The guy was a couple years older than me and TBH, it was not all that bad physically. I was thuper duper in love with him (now that I know better, I know that was foolish) but that is beside the point that I'm getting to which is this: it was romantic and special to be so close physically to someone that I felt strong emotionally about. It was kind of uncomfortable feeling, but not unbearable in anyway. ETA: I was sober.

And I'm sure your H will be way more sweet and caring than some 18 year old kid. Just take it slow, make sure you're properly "excited" before you actually insert and it will be fine. And you probably won't have the big O the first time. . . or maybe not even for a while, but you two will be able to figure out what works best. 

Try not to have too much anxiety about it. This is a really special thing and will be a great experience. You guys have a healthy relationship so no one will be judging you if it doesn't turn out like a porno, KWIM? I know a lot of us toss around sex talk like it is nothing on this board, and I've had plenty of partners that didn't mean much to me emotionally, but it really is a great experience and especially (for me at least) the first time was memorable in a good way (even if the guy turned out to be a jerk). 

sorry for the novel. hope this helps quell your fears a little bit. 

jorja86

Aw, I'm so sorry you've had bad medical experiences in that area. I would recommend just taking it very slowly, lots of foreplay, and lube if you need it-it will make it a lot less painful. Also, keep in mind, it's probably not going to be the best sex you guys ever have, in fact, it will probably be all uphill from there-so don't put too much pressure on yourselves. You have the rest of your lives to practice

My first time I was drunk, in Mexico, three days after I graduated from high school-and I never saw the guy after that trip. I actually don't regret it at all, as strange as I know that sounds.

csousa1

My first time was when I was 18. I was a freshman in college, and the guy I was dating was a senior. We met the first day of school and had been dating for a few weeks when I just decided one night that I was ready. When I was younger, I had usually thought that I would wait until I was married. As a teenager, I wasn't sure I would wait until marriage, but I knew I would wait until I was in love.
Well, clearly after a few weeks you can't really know that you LOVE someone, but we cared a lot about each other for the short time we had been together, and I knew something special was there. I also just felt ready. I had never had a BF before, but I had kissed boys that I had dated and "fooled around" very innocently with them (like, second base over the shirt kind of thing), but I just felt it in my heart, that I was ready for that step and that this guy was safe to go for it with.

I had been drinking a bit that night, but I was not drunk and was very aware of what was going on. Enough to be loosened up, but not enough to compromise my senses. We went back to my room, I had twinkle lights on  - I believe **cringe** that they were pink and white - and we got down to business. I was surprisingly not as shy as I would have thought I would be - I had always been PAINFULLY shy in every situation growing up - and he was very sweet with me. There was some foreplay, but it pretty naturally just turned to the dirty deed. When you are not in your own head too much, bodies tend to just know how to do it - it is our nature, after all. It didn't hurt much at all, because he was very gentle and because I was ready for it and not tense, and it was pretty wonderful.

This relationship ended up crashing and burning in a fiery inferno a couple of months later, the reason behind it still unknown to me (long story). But even knowing that, I still don't regret it because he was an awesome guy and he was sweet with me and gave me a great first time (and second, and third, and fourth...).

You will have a great time. You are in love with this man, and he with you. There may be issues that you have had with that area of your body in the past, but if you do your best to stay out of your head, this won't be a problem. He will be gentle and loving and give you everything you need, and you will relax into it and enjoy it, because there will be so much emotion behind it as well. Good luck, and have fun!

[Deleted User]

my GYN uses child-size instruments when I go because I'm small.  I normally have minor hyperventilation and have to do the head between my legs thing.  and I automatically cry from the anxiety even if it doesn't really hurt when she does something.  it's literally just anxiety from previous experiences with doctors and medical issues.  she suggested we start with only fingers to stretch me out, but that everything looks "good to go" down there.  whatever that means!

I have a variety of sexy things that FI will get to choose from every night.  and I plan on having fun, even if it takes a few days before I'm completely comfortable with actual penetration.  he's already promised that I get a full massage with baby oil when we go home from the wedding. 

we are using HBC, that's all.

his first (and only) time sucked.  they broke up the next day.  ouch.

lunarsongbird

Oh...I missed the part on having issues with the lady parts. You might want to prepare yourself with some solo time?

I highly recommend this ring I mentioned a couple weeks ago (clicky)

ETA: And astroglide is AWESOME!

[Deleted User]

Coco - I think it's wonderful that you and your FI are so openly discussing expectations before hand.

For me, my first time was not romantic at all. A friend and I who had on-again off-again dated for years finally hooked up at a party at his place. Needless to say we were drunk and it probably wasn't my best decision. As far as physical discomfort though, I honestly didn't have any and never really have experienced anything painful in that department.

One suggestion to ease your fears - maybe you and FI can agree to wait until after  the big day? You will both be exhausted that evening. Plus, you might have a more calm, stress-free wedding if the wedding night isn't on your mind. It's only one more day after all.

[Deleted User]

thanks you all! 

allusive - we've talked about it, and he's fine with me letting him know when I'm ready (whether it's the first night or a few days).  he just wanted to make sure I wasn't talking a couple months, haha.  I think that whether it's the first night, or I wait a week I'll still suffer the same anxiety.  everytime I go to the GYN now, I always start to hyperventilate, my blood pressure shoots up to over 180/140, and I just cry uncontrollably.  thankfully, the last couple years the crying subsides a few minutes after she's finished.  and my GYN now is wonderful about not making me feel like I'm stupid.

lunar - he is picking up the lube for us, haha! 

niknik15

My first time wasn't really a time, but anyways I was in a very rebellious stage of my life and there was a guy that I was kind of fooling around with. During gym we snuck away and were trying to have sex. I definitely wasn't lubricated enough and after he tried to push it in a couple of times I started to bleed and bled for a while. I ran to the bathroom but ended up having blood all over my coulottes. My mom came to pick me up and when she asked about the blood I told her I got hit in the face with a basketball and it was from a nose bleed. She didn't ask any more questions so I guess she believed me. Moral of the story: plenty of lubrication and foreplay is key!

My next time was 5 years later with a guy I was with for two years. It was very nice! (in my best Borat voice)

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:390c30b2-d469-41ba-8a52-5737b18c4339">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks you all!  allusive - we've talked about it, and he's fine with me letting him know when I'm ready (whether it's the first night or a few days).  he just wanted to make sure I wasn't talking a couple months, haha.  I think that whether it's the first night, or I wait a week I'll still suffer the same anxiety.  everytime I go to the GYN now, I always start to hyperventilate, my blood pressure shoots up to over 180/140, and I just cry uncontrollably.  thankfully, the last couple years the crying subsides a few minutes after she's finished.  and my GYN now is wonderful about not making me feel like I'm stupid. lunar - he is picking up the lube for us, haha!  :)
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

Aww! Yay. Your FI is so sweet! You might want to ask him to pick up one of those rings...I promise- they are great.

I've known a few couples that have waited until marriage- and their first times were all great. Your body will know what to do. All you need to do is focus on how much you love your husband! :)

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:390c30b2-d469-41ba-8a52-5737b18c4339">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks you all!  allusive - we've talked about it, and he's fine with me letting him know when I'm ready (whether it's the first night or a few days).  he just wanted to make sure I wasn't talking a couple months, haha.  I think that whether it's the first night, or I wait a week I'll still suffer the same anxiety.  everytime I go to the GYN now, I always start to hyperventilate, my blood pressure shoots up to over 180/140, and I just cry uncontrollably.  thankfully, the last couple years the crying subsides a few minutes after she's finished.  and my GYN now is wonderful about not making me feel like I'm stupid. lunar - he is picking up the lube for us, haha!  :)
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
I would caution against relying a lot on lube. You're a young woman, you should be able to lubricate yourself juuuuust fine as long as you aren't seriously dehydrated - provided you spend a sufficient amount of time on the foreplay (which can be as simple as making out, I've found). Not only does foreplay cause you to get lubricated naturally but it also elongates the vagina, making it easier to fit the penis in, for lack of a more tactful way to say it. And foreplay will make you both feel excited emotionally to get to the deed. So, what I'm saying is, don't skimp on this part in favor of getting to the "good part" with the aid of artificial lube. 

[Deleted User]

oh no Nik!  that sucks. 

[Deleted User]

cschiano - thanks for the information!  I didn't know all of that (about the body naturally preparing itself in that way), so I'm glad you told me. 

lunar - I don't think I'm ready for that quite yet.  I'm shy.    but I'll mention it to him and see what he thinks.

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:07f76972-e8c1-4b72-a980-4042ca23e654">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]cschiano - thanks for the information!  I didn't know all of that (about the body naturally preparing itself in that way), so I'm glad you told me.  lunar - I don't think I'm ready for that quite yet.  I'm shy.  :)  but I'll mention it to him and see what he thinks.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
I'm so glad I can help!! The body is an amazing thing. Maybe you can read up about how things work physically between now and your wedding (and after too!). There are great online resources if you look around, and you could always get a book. I'm sure there is something out there that is written for Christian women (or really any women) that is straightforward and honest about how things work. <div>
</div><div>You two are going to be totally fine! I'm really happy for you :) </div>

[Deleted User]

thanks!  I think that being more informed about how the bodies work would make me feel a little more at ease.  good suggestion.

I'm getting so excited to finally have the day arrive! 

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:07f76972-e8c1-4b72-a980-4042ca23e654">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]cschiano - thanks for the information!  I didn't know all of that (about the body naturally preparing itself in that way), so I'm glad you told me.  lunar - I don't think I'm ready for that quite yet.  I'm shy.  :)  but I'll mention it to him and see what he thinks.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

Oooh...then I am glad cschiano said that too!

You might already know this- and I certainly don't want to offend you- but here is another tip-

Many men know that the clitoris is really sensitive and your husband will probably want to touch that part for you. Here is a picture (<a href="http://makeloveforlife.com/wordpress/clitoris-diagram-where-is-the-clitoris-located">clicky</a>) It contains 8,000 nerve endings! And the sole purpose of this part of the body is for pleasure! (How awesome is that, right? Men don't have anything for the SOLE purpose of pleasure). The penis only has 4,000 nerve endings. Here is a cool website I found with neat facts (<a href="http://www.esybron.org/index.phtml?p=female">clicky</a>)

So that's the thing...most women find it too sensitive to have touched directly at first. If you're finding any sensation to be too intense- you can gently lead his hand  slightly away from that area. Don't be afraid to tell him what feels good and what doesn't. He wants to make sure you are having a good time too- so he'll appreciate any guidance you can give him.

And the natural lube thing is such a good point. In fact- thinking about it- you probably are just going to make out and touch eachother until you're body tells you it's ready to go. Just like guys produce precum (guys get a little drippy before the actual deed)- women produce their own lubrication too. It's the best lubrication of all!

desertsun

Gawd, you're so NOSY, Coco! :P

My first time was with a BF. We were in lurrrve. We'd been together several years, on and off b/c he was older than me and went away to college and wanted freedom. Anyway. I was so anxious to finally have sex that I rushed him through foreplay. It hurt. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt quite a bit. And it hurt the second time. And then I had to leave (b/c we were at different colleges), and the next time we got together, it hurt again. We broke up for good shortly thereafter, and I was single for quite a while. It hurt again the next time I finally had sex. Generally, if it's been a while for me, I need my partner to be gentle at first.

Clearly, this is a bit uncommon based on the number of people posting here who didn't have this problem. But just so that you don't think it's weird if this happens to you. Just follow the same advice: lots of foreplay, and go slooowww. Once he's in, see if he can stay still for a minute to let you get used to it and then continue to go slooowww with the thrusting. If he just pounds away, it will hurt more.

But you might like a good pounding once in a while after you're used to it, so don't be afraid to experiment once you're feeling comfortable.

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:e24e90e1-74dc-4935-a066-022221f11bb8">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]Gawd, you're so NOSY, Coco! :P My first time was with a BF. We were in lurrrve. We'd been together several years, on and off b/c he was older than me and went away to college and wanted freedom. Anyway. I was so anxious to finally have sex that I rushed him through foreplay. It hurt. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt quite a bit. And it hurt the second time. And then I had to leave (b/c we were at different colleges), and the next time we got together, it hurt again. We broke up for good shortly thereafter, and I was single for quite a while. It hurt again the next time I finally had sex. Generally, if it's been a while for me, I need my partner to be gentle at first. Clearly, this is a bit uncommon based on the number of people posting here who didn't have this problem. But just so that you don't think it's weird if this happens to you. Just follow the same advice: lots of foreplay, and go slooowww. Once he's in, see if he can stay still for a minute to let you get used to it and then continue to go slooowww with the thrusting.<strong> If he just pounds away, it will hurt more. But you might like a good pounding once in a while after you're used to it, so don't be afraid to experiment once you're feeling comfortable. :)</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
I love you, Desert. Not only is this good advice, but it is really funny to me. Two for one!

[Deleted User]

haha, thanks for the advice desert! 

desertsun

Hee hee, glad you girls liked it!

peekaboo2011

I actually had my first time in Germany...and he was actually dating someone else at the time.

I went over to his house, he had a friend and friend's GF over, and they started going at it.  We headed over to his bedroom and started on our own.  Unfortunately, his man stick couldn't break my hymen, so he used his fingers.  It was NOT fun, and it left bloody handprints on his sheets.  We finished up that night in the shower downstairs

A few weeks later (when he was with a different girlfriend), I was at a party.  I had provoked a huge blowup fight between a friend's cousin and his girlfriend after I provoked him to kiss me (I was a huge slut then), so I called Mr. Cheating Manwhore with plans of heading over to his house.  HIs response?  He was with two friends.  I didn't think anything of it (I was 17 and wanted to get laid), so I headed over there.  We snuck into the basement of his house after sending his two friends back with the bikes, and started making out on a table.  I kept hearing noises coming from the sauna, and was mostly naked before I decided the noises were freaking me out.  His two friends walked out of the sauna in their underwear.  They thought they were getting some of it too.  I freaked out, he told them they couldn't, and he and I spent the rest of the night in his grandmother's bedroom (she lives in Spain) getting frisky.  The boys kept trying to sneak in though, until he locked the door.

The first New Years I was back in the states, I was working at an attorney's office.  I ended up being DD for the attorney and several of our office members for New Years Eve.  One of the paralegals broke up with his GF that night, so we kissed at midnight, and when we got back to the attorney's house, we started hooking up.  My boss and another of the girls who worked in the office walked in on us in doggy style...and clapped.  Awk. Ward.  No less than 48 hours later, paralegal and GF were back together, and she called looking for me at work.  She reamed me for sleeping with her boyfriend, and couldn't believe that he had told me they had broken up.  She was pissed.  My saving grace?  She was 4 hours away from the office.  Yikes.

Okay, that might have been lots of overshare, but my first three times were steeped in drama and actually were pretty awful.  It took FI and I a few weeks to figure out how to give me an orgasm.  

ravenray

Has anyone heard of/gotten the big O before actually doing it.  BF and I have discussed this and I was wondering if you smart ladies had an opinion on that?
Good luck coco I am sure it will be wonderful.    I have no advice for you though.

jaycee7389

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:b70ef42c-66a3-4e99-8c79-6137790cadc5">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]Has anyone heard of/gotten the big O before actually doing it.  BF and I have discussed this and I was wondering if you smart ladies had an opinion on that? Good luck coco I am sure it will be wonderful.  :)  I have no advice for you though.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

I gave myself my first O. And it seems that a lot of women have to "teach" themselves how before they are able to in sex. Vibrators are a girl's best friend. Seriously. Don't be embarassed, go to a woman friendly sex store, and buy one meant for both spots.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_first-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:279dd3cc-d569-4e94-9831-cf6b12c205bfPost:d6294a8e-3ba2-4922-a7f6-b0e4e55c109f">Re: your first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: your first time... : I gave myself my first O. And it seems that a lot of women have to "teach" themselves how before they are able to in sex. Vibrators are a girl's best friend. Seriously. Don't be embarassed, go to a woman friendly sex store, and buy one meant for both spots.
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]

Oh no I know how to do that. :p I mean right before you have sex for the first time...to relax you?

GreenPepperBurger

I was 17, with BF. He was his first time too. And that's all I say about it because I don't want to scare you - but yeah, it hurt. Just try to clear your mind and be in the moment. Don't tense up (easier said than done, I know) because then it will be that much more difficult for him to penetrate you. Communicate. You're with your husband, so you should have no reservations. Good luck!

tafft1

This is a tricky subject - one thing I will say is that I read about sex several years before I did anything consensually. My  "first" time was rape , so I don't cosnider that the actual starting point , but when I was 20 I was so deserpate for any kind of human attention I latched onto a real loser who convinced me I should sleep with him. I wasn't even totally on board , but it did hurt - even more than being raped , probably because of the damage that was done though. You can actually prepare your body and mind for these things by relaxing and behing honest and exploring your body ( if you are comfortable with that..I firmly believe everyone should be). You have to know what gets you excited before you can share that with him. I'm very happy to hear he is so understanding and your backgrounds probably mesh well because of that , it;s a good thing.

It never hurts to have lube handy - Astroglide gets my vote hands down by the way - but you're young and shouldn't need it but some people do naturally - it's nothing to be ashamed of. Sex or lack there of isn't a bad thing - just be willing to be patient and understand that it might take some time on both sides to adjust to one another. I know most people sware by vibrators - I cant stand them of all things heh and I find them useless personally but again that's another option and tool on the table. Talk ahead of time what you both enjoy and what excites you , open up about everything , trust me you'll be glad you did. Good luck.

jorja86

Going off Lunar's post I think it's really important to be able to tell him what feels good and what doesn't...it might be something you want to bring up before you're in the moment, like "hey, hun, I think we should agree to tell each other what feels good and what doesn't when we're having sex/fooling around, so if I say something, it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it, just trying to make things even better".

Guys can be really sensitive in this area, but I'm sure your H really wants to make you feel good, and some gentle pointers can go a LONG way. Encourage him to do the same for you (tell you what he likes/doesn't like). I think this area is pretty much the same as all others in a relationship-communication is essential.

Also, keep in mind that being aroused and experiencing this with your husband is SO different than a trip to the doctor, and your body will respond very differently. Like others have said, your body knows what to do to make this happen-and it's definitely NOT doing it at the gyno.

LMS31587

So you've already gotten a lot of great and useful information, but you will want to know this also..

I've had sex with only one person, my current FI, who had had some, but not much, experience before me. And I also have had a LOT of trouble at the doctor's when they venture down there... I've had a number of UTIs and yeast infections that have made dealing with that whole area a serious problem for a long time.

When I was thinking about/ready to lose my v-card, I got two wonderful pieces of advice that have stuck with me:
1) the pain that you'll feel the first time is very much like a muscle being stretched... apparently my hymen had already broken, so there was no "popping" involved, but imagine stretching a muscle you haven't used in a long time; uncomfortable, but not unmanageable.
2) with all the thoughts that will be running through your head, do not expect to climax the first time. Instead, focus on the tenderness, the feeling of closeness, and the intimacy that will deepen your feelings for eachother. And remember: this is the same guy, and your relationship will feel the same during this experience as it always has. It's about love, and trust, and closeness, all of which you've already experienced with him.. Be open about your feelings all the way through, and I promise it will be a wonderful experience.

Kudos to you and your honey for deciding to wait. In this day and age, it's not often done, and I admire you both for sticking to your guns. Have a wondeful  wedding day and a fantastic wedding night!!