Not Engaged Yet

If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!

So a couple days ago in Lyz's Christmas post I went on a bit of a rant about my step-mom's sister. What I left out is that she then also (for about the 5th time since we got married) started going on again how we need to work on getting pregnant. She asked our ages (28 & 31) and said that it was time for us to start trying. She was like everyone has their timelines that they think are perfect and that everything will work out just as they plan and that just isn't the case.

Both Paul and I were like we don't have this idyllic plan all worked out, we just aren't wanting babies right now. She said multiple times on Christmas eve that we need to start trying. What if we don't have problems trying to conceive and I get KU right away? We don't want a baby in 9 months. Of course we won't know until we start trying, but why start before we are ready. To me that makes no sense. Sorry just ranting. This woman is annoying and I wish she would stay out of my sex life, especially while in front of my father.

I don't consider myself a prude but I think that talking about TTC and all that is very personal and essentially talking about your sex life. I don't want to be talking about that with my parents. To me it just creeps me out. Hey mom and dad I'm having a whole lot of unprotected sex!!!!! Yes, I know I am married, but when it comes to sex and discussing it with my parents I feel like I am 16. At this point I seriously think I would be nervous/ possibly embarrassed telling them that I was pregnant. It doesn't make any sense I get that, but I guess I just can't get over the fact that talking about sex or any topic there related with my parents is just straight up weird.

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Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!

  • CASK85CASK85 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I agree with you on the whole not TTC until you are ready for one. . . who knows if you'll get pregnant right away or not. Not to mention it isn't her business. 

    You better *practice* in the mean time, though - I hear that helps :-P 
  • edited December 2011
    I would seriously tell this person - family or not - to put a lid on it. How dare her stick her nose in something that's not even remotely her business.
  • coastiegrl25coastiegrl25 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I just have the problem of wanting a baby, and not being able to conceive.  It also doesn't help that his parents and my parents are just "dying" to be Grandparents.  If it happens it happens if not after we get married and wait a couple of years of TTC we will just adopt.  Thank God for the military, they help pay for adoption and the insurance for the fertility meds will sure help.

    My EXH and I TTC to no avail.  I know it wasn't me, because the girl he cheated on me with and left me for was pregnant 2 months later and had their baby on my birthday.  Andplusalso he had 2 kids prior to me. 

    When is my wedding
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would have liked to have said something, however my step-mom is already not a fan of mine and I feel that my being invited to family gatherings is barely holding on by a thread so I just kept my mouth shut. The only reason I want to go to said gatherings is to see my dad. And my dad hates confrontations so it probably would have made him uncomfortable. I don't forsee seeing this lady any time soon, but I now know to be prepared for the next potential run in. Hopefully with something that would embarrass her and get her to shut her trap. Maybe something along the lines of "Would you like to discuss your sex life with your parents? Didn't think so. Neither do I."
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  • edited December 2011
    I'd tell her to shut her pie whole...in very blunt terms.  Seriously, the contents of your uterus are NONE of her business.  

     Whenever I hear stories like these, I cringe.  Baby-making questions are really, really inappropriate in the vast majority of circumstances.  How does the person know that you HAVEN'T been trying?  I mean, for all she knew, she could have been lecturing another woman who knew herself to be barren about how she should start TTC.  (Thankfully, that's not the case...but HOW would she know if it were?!)  It's just NOT ok.  
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:82c4fda4-1e2d-4270-a26c-4e74ef5e2b42">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just have the problem of wanting a baby, and not being able to conceive.  It also doesn't help that his parents and my parents are just "dying" to be Grandparents.  If it happens it happens if not after we get married and wait a couple of years of TTC we will just adopt.  Thank God for the military, they help pay for adoption and the insurance for the fertility meds will sure help. My EXH and I TTC to no avail.  I know it wasn't me, because the girl he cheated on me with and left me for was pregnant 2 months later and <strong>had their baby on my birthday</strong>.  Andplusalso he had 2 kids prior to me. 
    Posted by coastiegrl25[/QUOTE]

    That just seems like it would be an extra kick in the gut. Sucky.
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  • coastiegrl25coastiegrl25 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    It so was.  But actually I didn't even think about it on my birthday but later as an afterthought.  I know me having a baby with him was Sooo not meant to be and now they have 5 kids to take care of.  Good for them. 

    When is my wedding
  • CASK85CASK85 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:1219563c-2dae-443a-83ae-1142cac471ee">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I'd tell her to shut her pie whole...in very blunt terms</strong>.  Seriously, the contents of your uterus are NONE of her business.    Whenever I hear stories like these, I cringe.  Baby-making questions are really, really inappropriate in the vast majority of circumstances.  How does the person know that you HAVEN'T been trying?  I mean, for all she knew, she could have been lecturing another woman who knew herself to be barren about how she should start TTC.  (Thankfully, that's not the case...but HOW would she know if it were?!)  It's just NOT ok.  
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
    That doesn't sound like you at all <div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:eec7332c-e32d-4146-a038-545801717117">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?! : That doesn't sound like you at all 
    Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL.  I was actually talking to GPB earlier today about this.  IRL I'm a lot like I am on the boards:  I'm very ballsy, slightly rebellious, and filter a lot less than the typical person.  I just don't bother with any smoke and mirrors or fanfare.  I hope that can sometimes be a good thing?</div>
  • CASK85CASK85 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:147c4532-0a6d-4b45-b0b9-91f990d55d08">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?! : LOL.  I was actually talking to GPB earlier today about this.  IRL I'm a lot like I am on the boards:  I'm very ballsy, slightly rebellious, and filter a lot less than the typical person.  I just don't bother with any smoke and mirrors or fanfare.  I hope that can sometimes be a good thing?
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
    I think it is ok, as long as you know when to use a lighter touch and not totally plow everyone down all the time. <div>
    </div><div>I tend to not give a shitt what people think about me, which bothers FI a little bit, but I talk a big game, and he knows that when it comes down to it (especially with family) I'm not just going to tell them to eff off. . . most of the time. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Shoes, I am a lot nicer on the board than IRL. I'm not sure why, but I plan on putting an end to this behavior beginning immediately. 

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • edited December 2011
    And loop, has she tried the bean dip? or just tell her you hate children and don't want any ever, she will stop asking. 

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Loopy, that is seriously so rude. I'm sorry.

    People who can't take a hint that you don't want to discuss your private business with them are so frustrating.

    But you know, it's totally okay to say in a polite but firm tone of voice, "Thanks for sharing your perspective. That's very interesting. How about those Vikings?" 

    I find that staying calm but politely refusing to share anything I feel is too personal is very effective with my nosier relatives.




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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:63197fca-f0d7-4cc2-a48a-2618cfd2cd78">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Loopy, that is seriously so rude. I'm sorry. People who can't take a hint that you don't want to discuss your private business with them are so frustrating. But you know, it's totally okay to say in a polite but firm tone of voice, "Thanks for sharing your perspective. That's very interesting. How about those Vikings?"  I find that staying calm but politely refusing to share anything I feel is too personal is very effective with my nosier relatives.
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    We didn't share anything, other than we don't have our "perfect plan" all figured out. We never say anything when she brings it up. Since we continue to not say anything I am beginning to think she thinks of the unwillingness to share will change if she brings it up enough. I won't even go into how the conversation went when sports were brought up. That's a whole nother story there. Changing the topic is a good idea. Only that we don't really want to engage in any conversation with her, so that limits things too.....
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:1219563c-2dae-443a-83ae-1142cac471ee">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd tell her to shut her pie whole...in very blunt terms.  Seriously, the contents of your uterus are NONE of her business.    Whenever I hear stories like these, I cringe.  Baby-making questions are really, really inappropriate in the vast majority of circumstances.  How does the person know that you HAVEN'T been trying?  I mean, for all she knew, she could have been lecturing another woman who knew herself to be barren about how she should start TTC.  (Thankfully, that's not the case...but HOW would she know if it were?!)  It's just NOT ok.  
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    Shoes, you make me giggle.

    Loopy, sorry to hear it. It definitely is none of her business. Maybe she's just excited for it to happen and expressing that in a REALLY inappropriate way. Did you ask her if she'd tried the bean dip?
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ugh, yes, that's exactly what I meant. So frustrating when people just don't get the message to STFU already.

    Excuse yourself to go to the washroom every time she brings it up? Maybe she'll think you're KU and leave you alone.
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My coworker has the same issue, and he said he was going to tell his parents that he's sterile to shut them up. He figured if he and his wife ever end up having kids, then...it's a miracle!
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Frequent urination, being sterile. Good ideas. Love em.

    Sea & Marley - I have not yet offered the bean dip. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind truthfully.

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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:7c369471-2f87-445e-9984-e730b94c52db">If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So a couple days ago in Lyz's Christmas post I went on a bit of a rant about my step-mom's sister. What I left out is that she then also (for about the 5th time since we got married) started going on again how we need to work on getting pregnant. She asked our ages (28 & 31) and said that it was time for us to start trying. She was like everyone has their timelines that they think are perfect and that everything will work out just as they plan and that just isn't the case. Both Paul and I were like we don't have this idyllic plan all worked out, we just aren't wanting babies right now. She said multiple times on Christmas eve that we need to start trying. What if we don't have problems trying to conceive and I get KU right away? We don't want a baby in 9 months. Of course we won't know until we start trying, but why start before we are ready. To me that makes no sense. Sorry just ranting. This woman is annoying and I wish she would stay out of my sex life, especially while in front of my father. I don't consider myself a prude but I think that talking about TTC and all that is very personal and essentially talking about your sex life. I don't want to be talking about that with my parents. To me it just creeps me out. <strong>Hey mom and dad I'm having a whole lot of unprotected sex!!!!! Yes, I know I am married, but when it comes to sex and discussing it with my parents I feel like I am 16. At this point I seriously think I would be nervous/ possibly embarrassed telling them that I was pregnant.</strong> It doesn't make any sense I get that, but I guess I just can't get over the fact that talking about sex or any topic there related with my parents is just straight up weird.
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    I'm with you.

    Just ignore her until she gets bored.
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I'm with you Loopy. Since when did talking about TTC become socially acceptable, when basically anyone who talks about it is basically saying, "And we're banging our brains out. In fact, we need to make a run at it right now. Excuse us!"

    I HATE hearing people say, "Oh we're trying to get pregnant!" We get it. You have sex. That's awesome. I don't need to know your date of ovulation. Really. I'm good.

    Since it's a sticky relationship with this woman to begin with, go with one of the polite options above.
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry Loopy, that sucks. I don't understand why people think it's appropriate to talk about TTC with you, especially people you aren't close to. I actually happen to be KU but we aren't telling a lot of people, just immediate family and my grandma. Some people were relentless on Christmas, "so when are you going to have kids," "have you been trying," "what's your plan for having kids," "you guys aren't going to wait too long right?" All I wanted to do is scream I AM PREGNANT BUT WE JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW YET SO STFU!

    There really isn't much to do other than tell your step-mom off (not a good idea if you want to see your dad) or brush it off. Say something to her like "we'll see what happens." I don't know if you're religious but my friend always says something like, "when God blesses us with a baby we'll be ready for it," even though they aren't even trying.
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:9b90bfea-1d4d-4bd2-bb8b-b3f0b9ca37e4">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with you Loopy. Since when did talking about TTC become socially acceptable, when basically anyone who talks about it is basically saying, "And we're banging our brains out. In fact, we need to make a run at it right now. Excuse us!" I HATE hearing people say, "Oh we're trying to get pregnant!" <strong>We get it. You have sex. That's awesome. I don't need to know your date of ovulation. Really. I'm good. </strong>Since it's a sticky relationship with this woman to begin with, go with one of the polite options above.
    Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

    BWAHAHA.
  • edited December 2011
    Loopy, whenever someone asks me when BF & I are getting married, my response is "When you pay for the wedding!"... I think this can be adapted to your situation... When someone insists that you start TTC just say "When you have a college fund set up!" or something of that nature... usually it stuns people enough to shut them up!
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You ladies are hilarious! I love it! I agree Paint. I don't need to know that business. It makes me uncomfortable hearing it.

    Starting Monday I will be working 20 feet from my father for the next 8 weeks. It may just "slip" that I find his sister-in-law horribly annoying and that I think she says a lot of inappropriate things.

    As long as we are on the whole pregnancy topic. I told Paul that I hope he has no plans of filming any potential future births. I am sorry but I find video taping that horribly disturbing. Who wants to watch that?! Seriously?!? I DO NOT want a video of my crotch waiting for something to happen then a video of all the other nasty side effects that may or may not happen in the birthing process. No. Thank. You. I also want to know if the people that do record this re watch it? Do they show it to people? What is the point of videoing that?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:8e75b659-91a2-46c9-872e-cb8b09921319">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You ladies are hilarious! I love it! I agree Paint. I don't need to know that business. It makes me uncomfortable hearing it. Starting Monday I will be working 20 feet from my father for the next 8 weeks. It may just "slip" that I find his sister-in-law horribly annoying and that I think she says a lot of inappropriate things. As long as we are on the whole pregnancy topic. I told Paul that I hope he has no plans of filming any potential future births. I am sorry but I find video taping that horribly disturbing. Who wants to watch that?! Seriously?!? I DO NOT want a video of my crotch waiting for something to happen then a video of all the other nasty side effects that may or may not happen in the birthing process. No. Thank. You. I also want to know if the people that do record this re watch it? Do they show it to people? What is the point of videoing that?
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    My mother recorded my little sister's birth to show to me when I'm pregnant. I told her I will NOT be watching it. No way.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
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  • edited December 2011

    I'm pretty sure if my father had a video camera then, he would have taped it because he's a weirdo like that... Personally, I think it's just as gross taking pictures of a baby that was justborn2secondsago... wait until they are cleaned up...

    EDIT: My favorite clip in a movie EVAR! Terrible resolution but you get the point!! lol
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiaT_RkQ8Gs

  • edited December 2011
    There will be no recording devices anywhere near my vag ever, especially while giving birth.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-not-ready-pregnant-would-start-trying-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a183511-9abd-462e-94ac-24445f99477ePost:e1fb7fce-630f-4624-afba-d70bfeab3e5e">Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: If I'm not ready to be pregnant why would I start trying now?! : My mother recorded my little sister's birth to show to me when I'm pregnant. I told her I will NOT be watching it. No way.
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

    NNOOO!!!! Does she want to torment you? Prepare you? I'm sorry but I would not want to watch my mother giving birth. I'm sorry bourgehm, I really hope you can escape that.

    KD -  I have to agree, I kind of like the idea of no recording devices ever.
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