civil ceremony

nektariaf

Has anyone done a civil ceremony? What can I expect? Did you feel upset/regret you weren't having a big wedding? Did you have your families attend ? What did you do after the ceremony to celebrate (if family was present or what you two did alone?) Afterwards we would like to have a romantic evening at a nice hotel where we will have dinner, champagne and soak in the tub!

Background
I'm going to have a civil ceremony in July. We simply can't afford a big wedding or even a smallish one for that matter. It is time sensitive that we get married this summer, as I am on a student visa, and we would like for me to be able to work and start my life here in the U.S.  Originally, we were planning a bigger wedding. I even got my beautiful wedding dress. Unfortunately, some financial issues came up in the last few months and we have had to change our plans. I just feel a loss from the idea of not getting to wear my big fancy dress... Is it appropriate to wear for a civil ceremony? Did you wear a less formal dress? Did you have another big wedding later?
Also, how did you deal with the family ?

 My family seems to be more understanding that we have to have a civil ceremony. His family is offering to pay for the wedding , but a simple one , under one condition: if we have it where they live. My mother isn't able to afford a plane ticket to get to where they live, and also that wedding would probably not be my style. I could pay for her plane ticket , but then I'm sure none of my friends would travel that far for a wedding that is supposed to take place is 2 months! ahhh I'm overwhelmed I feel like I keep going in circles.  Part of me wants to have a civil ceremony to get it out of the way (I know, it sounds bad, but my fiance feels the same way!) and the other part is intrigued by his family's offer. 

Avion22

First of all, a courthouse ceremony can be very lovely and meaningful.  Many judges and magistrates are willing to work with you to personalize your ceremony.  There's no reason not to wear your wedding dress -- you can still have a formal wedding at a courthouse.

Second, a civil ceremony doesn't necessarily have to take place in a courthouse.  You can probably find an officiant who will perform your ceremony at a local park, in your home, in a restaraunt, or anywhere else you can think of (as long as weddings are allowed there).    And you can do a LOT in a short period of time on a small budget (check out the Budget Brides board for ideas).    

Third, I recommend you talk with your fiance and future in-laws about their offer, and explain how important it is that your mother be able to attend.  Maybe you can pay for her ticket, or maybe your in-laws will offer to help in some way, or change their condition on the location of the wedding.    I'm sure there's something that can be done.   

boaznruth

We're having a civil ceremony on the beach in June.  I'm still wearing a pretty fancy white dress and we're still having our closest friends and family there.

I think too many people think only of limitations when they think of civil ceremonies, as if they were less valid than religious ones.  Personally, I think it frees you up to do pretty much whatever you want and be as creative as you want!

We are having a simple, short ceremony on the beach and then a backyard BBQ after.  Our families and friends love the idea of something that fits our personalities more.  We're also writing our own ceremony, so it will be completely unique to us.

As far as his family's offer goes...I think you have to examine what your own priorities are.  If it's most important for you to have local friends and some family there, then I think you're better off going with what you can afford and keeping it local.  If it's more important to you to please his family and also have a fancier ceremony, then I'd say go for moving it to where they are.  I don't think either is the "right" or "wrong" answer, it just depends on what you both want.  

NOLAbridealmost

Civil ceremony just means "legal but not religious."

You can have a civl ceremony at the Plaza Hotel in NYC with a black tie reception to follow; there's nothing "un-big wedding" about it.  At all.

nektariaf

Thanks everyone! And I was very grateful to have my FIL make that offer to us, however my fiance and I agreed to have a ceremony locally.

librababy

You should have the wedding that will make you happy at the end of the day.  Glad you decided to have it locally where all the people you love can celebrate with you.  As nice as the offer was from your fil's (and I think I would have accepted it because I want a biger wedding), I think it came with too many restrictions.

I am having (well as of right now), a civil wedding.  BUT it's a wedding with a bp, vows, etc.  And a reception afterwards.  A civil wedding can be as simple or as elaborate as you want it to and I like that you can customize it to fit your style.