Would you upgrade?

calindi

We were buying the engagement ring this weekend, and the jeweler kept suggesting the Tacori ring over the one I liked that was similar (and much cheaper) because of the lifetime guarantee, adding that the ring could be upgraded later for free.  I told him that I wasn't going to upgrade my ring or my diamond, and he seemed shocked and kept trying to convince me that it was a selling point because "everyone eventually wants to upgrade at some point, or you can get an anniversary band you can wear instead."

I was shocked and somewhat offended - if I say I'm not going to upgrade, dude, then STFU and just sell us the ring I want or we'll buy it some place else!

Anyway, was curious what you all thought of that - would you want to upgrade your ring ever?  Would you wear an anniversary band instead someday?

bethsmiles

I wouldn't want an upgrade, I just don't see the point.

loves2shop4shoes

No, I wouldn't upgrade.  My rock is big enough and I strongly believe that there's only so big a rock can get before it looks fake.  If FI wants to buy me blingy jewelry later in life, there's always earrings, tennis bracelets, necklaces, and right hand rings.

heyimbren

This is something I personally don't understand. I don't care enough to try and make a fuss with someone over it, or really say anything at all, but I don't understand the logic. I CAN understand wanting a different ring or a nicer one, but I don't see how you can upgrade your engagement ring...after the engagement. So I wouldn't do it.

Wrkn925

I don't know.  I wouldn't say that I wouldn't do it, I chose maybe.

NurseyK

Especially because BF is the type to buy high-quality-everything up front, I wouldn't ever ask him to upgrade. I know that what I end up with will be exactly what he dreamed for me to wear forever. But, if he ever gave me an anniversary band say 25 years in, I would add that to the set. 

peekaboo2011

When we went looking, we went to this little Ma and Pa jeweler in Lexington, VA.  They were great, and very understanding of budget as well.  But one thing he said I will never forget.  When he and his wife got engaged, he couldn't afford more than a .5 carat.  And she loved it.  And when they opened their own jewelry store, they both upgraded.  The diamond from her first engagement ring is now in a custom-designed wedding band.  On his finger.

That touched me.  I don't know if I would ever upgrade.  I love my ring.  But I might get the stones reset into a different band at some point, maybe at a 10 or 20 year anniversary.

ETA: I'm really hard on jewelry.  Like, severely hard.  So, my setting now is 14k white gold.  In 10 years, we'll probably have to upgrade when I'll have beat the crap out of it, and then I'll want platinum.  Because let's face it, that's practically indestructible.

Hazel_B

I don't understand upgrading at all. 

I do understand the idea of an anniversary band. This view is likely a bit strange, but I don't feel that I have "earned" or "deserve" the ring I currently have. Yes, I understand that it is a gift from my FI to me. I'd be just as satisfied with a plain wedding band.  However, when 10, 20, etc. anniversaries come, I think those should be more celebrated.

Does that even make sense to anyone else?

[Deleted User]

I would not want to upgrade...and I find it unfortunate that your jeweler assumes you would. I think most jewelers are just looking for another way to sell more to you in the future.

To me, the ring I receive when BF proposes will be the ring that holds all the meaning. It was the ring he picked out and the one that reminds me of "us". I can't understand wanting to replace that with something "better". If you want more diamonds later in life, add a band or get something else that carries meaning to you...don't change your e-ring.

Just my opinion though...

AudgiePodge

I upgraded when I was with ExH.  We got a whole new ring and didn't just upgrade the diamond in the old setting.  The first ring was 5/8 ct. and the upgraded ring was just under 2 ct.  Maybe it's just me, but  I don't get sentimental or attached to things easily, jewelry included.

NurseyK

Calindi, pretty exciting that you are buying it this weekend!!!

motoLyn

I wouldn't upgrade or change my e-ring.  Its the one that was given to me and the one that I will keep.  FI did tell me that there is a Danish tradition in buying another ring to be given on the 12th wedding anniversary.  FMIL showed me her original wedding e-ring and currently she is wearing the ring that FFIL gave her for their 12th wedding anniversary.  So I guess regardless I might be getting another ring 13 years from now. 

cu97tiger

I have to say that to me the engagement ring means less than the wedding band. Once the wedding band is on my finger, I don't plan on taking it off, whereas I'd be fine leaving the engagement ring at home and just wearing the band. So when I voted for 'anniversary band' I was really thinking of a band that can be worn WITH the wedding band, and I would hope it would come with a recommitment ceremony or something like that, not just sliding it on my finger saying 'happy anniversary!'

But to me, if we have the money to upgrade what's on my finger, I'd probably rather get some new clothes, or a new car, or a second home (depending on the budget!). I am already having trouble imagining wearing a $5,000 - $10,000 piece of jewelry on my finger... I'd rather spend the money on something we really use every day and get enjoyment out of.

Sorry for the long rant!

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-upgrade?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2c687a86-d3e7-409a-a31d-ba7fe36bdf1bPost:46ba9ce0-6e2a-46ed-b859-a6878e657eda">Re: Would you upgrade?</a>:
[QUOTE]Calindi, pretty exciting that you are buying it this weekend!!! :)
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

It was fun!  We ran into some friends in the jewelry store who are getting married next month and were picking up their wedding bands, so she goes, "Oh!  I get to shop with someone else's money!  Cate, try this one on!"  We all had a lot of laughs and a lot of fun, but I kept comparing everything to the ring I fell for last summer (even my guy was doing it, too!).  Like, "Oh, this is nice, it's kind of like that ring" or "This isn't quite as low as that ring, but it's pretty." 

So finally the jeweler asked about "that ring" I was referring to, and we told him it was discontinued and sold out last we were in.  And my friend said to the jeweler (who is a family friend of hers), "They can find or make anything here, can't you?"  And he smiles, and goes and calls up the company who made the ring, and they located a ring and matching wedding band!  So they're shipping them to the store, and my guy's going to go in and negotiate a price this week.  He doesn't want me there for the negotiation, as my doe-eyes over the ring might weaken his ability to lower the price.  Fair point!  But hopefully we'll have the ring in a few weeks!!!

Anyway, my diamond is actually way bigger than I would have selected (even if money was no object), but it's a family heirloom and important to me and I'd NEVER trade it in.  The band is exactly what I want, so I'm delighted.  The whole "everyone wants to upgrade" just struck me as annoying, but perhaps he just wanted to sell the Tacori that day rather than waiting for the other ring to come in.  Then again, we live in Miami, so maybe trading in rings is as common as trading in husbands seems to be!

peekaboo2011

I think they make commission off of what they sell too, so selling you the more expensive Tacori would have lined his pockets.  Way for him to be a skeezy used car salesman.  Yay for getting the one you want though!  That's super exciting!  :-)

mellimel19

I would never upgrade. I love my ring, I think it looks like it was just made for my finger. But most importantly, this is the ring that FI picked out specifically for me out of all the other rings out there. This is the one he wanted me to have, and that means everything to me. As for anniversary bands, if that is supposed to be worn in place of my engagement ring, I don't know if I'd want to do that either. Again, this ring just has so much sentimental value to me. But my e-ring has a very delicate band of diamonds and I'll most likely pick an eternity band that matches, and may want a second band to go on the other side of my e-ring at some point in the future as an anniversary gift

mana8503

I don't want to upgarde ever.  FI already talked about upgrading it on down the road, but I don't think I ever will.  It's bigger than I ever wanted it to be already so there's really nothing to upgrade.

I did tell him since the setting was so high, I'd probably just wear my wedding band if/when we have kids.  He's ok with that.  The band I will never take off.

hetshup

I would "upgrade"

I have a heirloom diamond, and if someone else in my family wished to have the diamond, I would be fine with giving it up. Don't get me wrong, I wear my e-ring far more then I ever thought I would after the wedding, but I already know what ring I would get as my "upgrade" and it's not a bigger diamond.


BTW, the double band thing is great! That way if you get an anniversary band, you just toss it between the wedding bands.

leia1979

I can't stand high pressure sales people. I would only repair my ring--I certainly don't want anything bigger. I don't understand "upgrading," but if that's what someone wants to do, then go for it.

SKP82

I do not want to upgrade my engagement or wedding band (when I have them, that is).  BF feels the same - that he would want me to wear the ring that he proposed with forever.  That is why we looked for so long for the perfect ring that I will want to wear forever.  It is a Tacori.  I fell in love with the setting and was sold 100% when the jeweler mentioned that it is guaranteed for life.  If a diamond ever falls out, I can send it back and they will make it look brand new.  If the band wears or gets scratches or dings, same thing.

However, if you love the one you picked (which you obviously do), I don't think you should upgrade.  You should especially not be pressured to upgrade.  If you liked the Tacori ring a little more, I personally would probably go for that one as it's likely not much more than the one you're looking at and you have the guarantee.  But, that's just my opinion, of course!

AbigailMS

I never thought about upgrading until SO brought it up. I don't have anything against to be honest, I just feel like down the road, there will be much better things to spend that money on. Especially if we have kids and a house. 

bourgehm

I would possibly upgrade.  I love my ring.  However, the diamond is pretty small, and FI always said he'd get a bigger diamond when he has the money for it. So I wouldn't upgrade the whole ring, just the center one.  I'd keep everything else. I love it.  Although I wouldn't ever bring it up that I want a bigger diamond. It would hurt his feelings. But if he said he wanted to get me a bigger center stone, than I'd say sure.

kayely88

I wouldn't upgrade once I got my engagement ring. To me that is what my FI picked and selected and that would have meaning to me. I just couldn't upgrade an e-ring. I would be satisfied with what he would get.

Elle1036

I voted maybe.

I've said this before, but I don't have the strong emotional connection to my ring that some girls have (funny, since I obsessed so much over making it perfect).  I could replace it or change it without feeling weird at all, and my tastes change so frequently anyway that there's a good chance I'll wake up one morning and just not like it anymore.  That's one reason we wanted to keep my ring pretty cheap.

skyler1108

I would never "upgrade" my ring because I love it. I would like to get some kind of band down the road to wear when I do not want to wear my set because I can not wear my wedding band by itself. That band would not be replacing my ring though, it would just give me the option to wear a simpler ring or my set.

Goldlie11

I voted maybe.  It's definitely not a priority.  If we found ourselves suddenly wealthy, I'm sure I would.  I probably wouldn't get a diamond as the main stone though.

We actually do plan on upgrading our wedding bands, possibly on our 5 year wedding anniversary.  It's not a huge priority, but we will if we can afford it.  We already bought our wedding bands and they are plain gold.  Both of us would have liked diamond bands, but it just wasn't in the budget.  

And Cate that's exciting news!

mandi921vh

I don't know if I would upgrade or not. I guess it would depend on if we could afford to, or if I wanted to give it to a future daughter or son to have and get a new ring...?

I don't know, definitely not a priority. 

PolkaDotBella

I wouldn't ever upgrade. That's the ring he chose for me and that's the ring I'll wear forever! I'm pretty sentimental though, so I can see becoming very attached to both my engagement ring and my wedding band!

So exciting that you guys are getting your engagement ring and getting the one that you love!! Congrats!!

caitlin.cave

I don't think I'd want to upgrade my (future) ring, mostly because it just wouldn't be that important to me.  It helps that I don't want a diamond, so it's not like I'd want a bigger/sparklier diamond.

If, however, it got lost/stolen or something, I might pick out something completely different to replace it.

I also like the idea of getting something to wear with the current wedding set on like a 10th wedding anniversary.

Also, eeew pushy sales people.

[Deleted User]

Congrats on finding your perfect ring even though you thought it was sold out! Your friend sounds awesome for pushing the sales guy in the direction of finding you the ring you want, not the ring he thought you would want.

BF and I have talked rings and I would never upgrade my future engagement ring, because we will have matching wedding bands and the engagement ring will become on and off a right hand ring. 

musikbx

My ring is the shiznit, I don't see a reason to upgrade. Though it does have a matching band that is nice n' blingy, which I would gladly accept as an anniversary gift.

Congrats, by the way! It sounds like you had an exciting weekend.