Beside myself: Update

IrishDreamer

Okay, so BF got a call this morning from the school.

They said they didn't find a candidate for the position, and are thereby not going to hire anyone. Then, they turned around and offered him the long term sub job that he had turned down a week ago. He turned it down again.

He is beside himself, hurt, pissed, and now pretty convinced that he's not going to be a teacher.

I can't believe they had the gall to offer him the long term sub job, but basically just said that he wasn't "good enough" to be a full time teacher, but was good enough to be a long term sub. It's like a slap in the face.

I don't know what to do in general. We need him to have a job, he needs to be a teacher... it really is who he is, it's when he is happiest. I just have no clue what is going to happen know.

Hazel_B

Sorry about the situation.

I agree with Liv, the sub position would be their way of trying him out. My parents were in teaching and I know their schools never hired anyone that they didn't know or know through a connection.

Stina51286

I second what Liv said.

It does suck though and the sounds of it, things seemed to be in his favor.

At least he's not trying to get a teaching job in WI. There are so many ppl not able to get the job and with all the things (they were good for us non-teachers and non-parents) our new governer did, it's even harder for them to get a job at all.

becunning2

A word from someone in the teaching profession:  ALWAYS ACCEPT LONG TERM SUB JOBS!

1).  Principals get the chance to "try a teacher out" and see how they are--they like to hire people that they get a better chance of seeing in action.

2).  Principals like people who want to work for their district--even if it's just a way to get the foot in the door.

3). Long term subbing is an opportunity to forge good connections with colleagues at the school who have the opportunity to then inform the principal whether that's someone they like to work with on a regular basis.

4). A job is a job is a job!

dwest2201

I agree with everything Liv said. 

While a long term sub position isn't what either of you wanted for him, it would be a good resume builder and help get his foot in the door, I think. 

IrishDreamer

The main issue with the long term sub job - is that if he took it - we would have to pay over $3000 a month for him to get his shot. Which would be his entire paycheck, and then some. It wouldn't leave money for bills, and we would have to tap into our savings.

Right now his unemployment pays the bills, and we have assistance for his shot. I can't afford to pay all the bills on my own. I just can't.

Hazel, He had soooo many connections that talked him up - gave him rave write-ups, etc. Which is part of why this makes no sense.

I talked to my grandpa, and he calmed me down a little bit. I just despise, loathe, detest seeing BF like this. He is so dejected and feeling absolutely horrible about himself, thinking he wasted the last 3 years of his life, etc...

GAH. Today is just not starting off well.

becunning2

Also, it doesn't look good that he's turned down a job offer at the district twice. That's something that administrators remember. Is there a way for him to reconsider tactfully?

becunning2

I don't understand:  why would he have to pay $3000 a month?

kellyt89

That sucks about the shot. It probably would have been a good opportunity for him to network and make connections, but I understand how it doesn't really work financially for you. That's unfortunate.

I understand that he's really frustrated, but teaching jobs for anything besides math/science/maybe special ed. are EXTREMELY hard to come by in this economy. He just needs to keep plugging along

IrishDreamer

Cunning, he turned it down originally because of money reasons - and to see if he got the long term full time position.

And he would have to pay $3000 a shot - if he was working and not getting the assistance because we would lose it if he had an incoming paycheck

lennonkdc

Liv, Cunning and the other PP's are wise.

I know that your upset, and I'm sorry that things didn't work out as planned, Irish, and for that I send you hugs. But I think you and BF need to find away for this to work, and for him to tactfully reconsider their offer. I don't think they will give him a chance to turn them down a third time...

becunning2

Irish:  that does make it more complicated that he'd lose his unemployment benefits, but it is a chance for a job. He's social studies, right?  Does he coach anything?  Those are very, very competitive jobs, especially in the market he's in. A long-terb sub position is guaranteed money for a bit--and then he could sub in the district, which would be more pay every day, again, working on those connections, working with principals. It's not ideal, but it's the best way to get a foot in the door, which leads to job opportunities. I would maybe talk with him about rethinking if it all possible.  A possible dialogue with the principal might be... I initially refused because I will lose my unemployment benefits and I was concerned about finances, but I really want to work with your district for x, y, and z reasons, and if I have to prove myself first in a long-term sub position, then that's what I'll do because I'm commited to your district.

...or something like that...

J&K10910

Wait, so long term subs don't get insurance benefits in MI?  Because they do in WI.

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:61d62df4-0999-4e06-bb70-9c1589e99c0a">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]It was stupid to turn down the long term sub job, and there is a big difference between a full fledged teacher and a long term sub- huge! Your BF shot himself in the foot by turning down the job.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

First off, way to be negative. Thanks. I love when people say my BF is stupid.

Financially and health wise - he couldn't take the long term sub job. His health is way complicated, and we have spent many nights talking about it - even if it would have benefited his career - we would be homeless because of the money that needs to go towards his shot.

I know it wasn't the smart thing to do, necessarily. (I talked to his mom, and my grandpa). Career wise - yes, he probably should've taken the sub job. I understand this. And I realize I'm a little close to the situation to not see that he probably didn't help himself by turning it down. Thank you for calming my work related BSC.

Thank you ladies for helping me process this whole thing. I appreciate the comments and your support. It means a lot to me. <3

polkadot111

When FI was on unemployment he couldn't turn down a job because he'd lose the benefits anyways... I think that now since he turned down a job he'll lose his benefits.

J&K10910

Also, as Liv alluded to--can't he lose his unemployment for turning down a job offered to him?

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:196b1b8a-a5a7-4547-ba66-b34c7b1ca056">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : First off, way to be negative. Thanks. <strong>I love when people say my BF is stupid. </strong>Financially and health wise - he couldn't take the long term sub job. His health is way complicated, and we have spent many nights talking about it - even if it would have benefited his career - we would be homeless because of the money that needs to go towards his shot. I know it wasn't the smart thing to do, necessarily. (I talked to his mom, and my grandpa). Career wise - yes, he probably should've taken the sub job. I understand this. And I realize I'm a little close to the situation to not see that he probably didn't help himself by turning it down. Thank you for calming my work related BSC. Thank you ladies for helping me process this whole thing. I appreciate the comments and your support. It means a lot to me. <3
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

She didn't call your BF stupid. She said his decision was stupid.

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:fb2e5017-0390-489e-b5a8-7f61e537c1e2">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : Do you mean unemployment benefits? He was offered a job, right? So wouldn't that sort of be going against the purpose of unemployment benefits? I thought that was to help keep you on your feet until you found another job...which he was offered. I'm confused.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Okay, let's see if I can simplify.

He currently has unemployment benefits - which right now goes towards paying bills with my paycheck. Him being unemployed and needing this shot to be a "productive member of society" - grants him the ability to qualify for assistance for this $3-5000 shot that he needs once a month.

If he takes a the long term sub job - we calculated out what they make - and because he then would have employment, he wouldn't qualify for the health assistance. So then everything he would make would go towards his shot - and leaves me alone paying for bills.

Does that make sense??

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:98354e12-827c-4c40-9929-7823a6fa7fba">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : Learn to read, honey.  I didn't call him stupid. <strong>If he can't handle being a long term sub health-wise, he won't be able to handle being a teacher either.  He should just give up now.
</strong>Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

His health doesn't interfere with him teaching - it's the monetary issue it creates.

I apologize - I misread the comment.

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:e1f9c94b-7e4c-4fcb-a437-ac65772c94d9">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]Can't he buy private health insurance? My job doesn't come with health insurance so I pay for it independently. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

He does have private health insurance - but it doesn't cover the shot - he hasn't found one that will without it costing a small fortune. I don't know all the ins and outs of that portion of it.

J&K10910

Again, do long term subs in MI not get insurance benefits?  And are you SURE of that?  Because my best friend is long term subbing in WI and she had no idea that long term subs in WI got full health benefits, but they do.

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:ae89f7ae-f8ba-423f-95d3-23f8fb2b0d5a">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, do long term subs in MI not get insurance benefits?  And are you SURE of that?  Because my best friend is long term subbing in WI and she had no idea that long term subs in WI got full health benefits, but they do.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Every conversation BF and I have had, that wasn't the case - but I've never looked into it myself. But again, even then, if they did - I don't know that it would cover it. I just don't know...

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:19ede500-f08d-4453-9df5-6992441c307f">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : Every conversation BF and I have had, that wasn't the case - but I've never looked into it myself. But again, even then, if they did - I don't know that it would cover it. I just don't know...
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

So...if the insurance wouldn't cover it anyway, then how is he going to pay for it when he's employed full time?

I'm not trying to be an asshole here, I'm just really confused.

J&K10910

Now that we're engaged, Linger, I'm going to have to ask that you don't raise your voice to me.

IrishDreamer

He has acromeglia (Spelling is probably wrong) - It's what Andre the Giant had. He produces too much growth hormone - and needs the shot to regulate his levels.

If he has better employment or employment at all - the insurance is not quite an issue as there will be more money to put towards it - and then we would also have more money outside of the insurance to put towards it anyways.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:bee96d80-535e-4b7d-9804-29b4cb7b5d97">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : Okay, let's see if I can simplify. He currently has unemployment benefits - which right now goes towards paying bills with my paycheck. Him being unemployed and needing this shot to be a "productive member of society" - grants him the ability to qualify for assistance for this $3-5000 shot that he needs once a month. If he takes a the long term sub job - we calculated out what they make - and because he then would have employment, he wouldn't qualify for the health assistance. So then everything he would make would go towards his shot - and leaves me alone paying for bills. Does that make sense??
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

<div>I see what you're saying, but if you guys could handle it for a little while, then having teaching experience would probably make him a better candidate for a permanent position, right? He would have a chance to build relationships with people in a school district.</div><div>
</div><div>Is it just completely impossible for you guys to make ends meet if he takes the sub job?</div><div>
</div><div>And, how long can he stay on unemployment? That usually isn't something that lasts indefinitely, right?</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:7601cd66-fe99-43b8-87ff-80d46deb36f3">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : I see what you're saying, but if you guys could handle it for a little while, then having teaching experience would probably make him a better candidate for a permanent position, right? He would have a chance to build relationships with people in a school district.<strong> Is it just completely impossible for you guys to make ends meet if he takes the sub job? And, how long can he stay on unemployment? That usually isn't something that lasts indefinitely, right?
</strong>Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Without moving back in with his parents - yes, unfortunately it is - because we just have so much going on right now.

His unemployment will last through Feb/March - which will get him into spring clean-ups and back working with his dad.

csousa1

I'm so sorry this is all going on Ry

Would it be at all possible for him to work a part time job along with the long-term subbing to make ends meet? I know you are too crazy busy to pick up any more work, but I wasn't sure about what he might be able to do.

Either way, I'm sorry you're having such a rotten day and I'm sending vibes and hugs. It sucks to see your loved ones feeling down.

IrishDreamer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_beside-myself-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ff237f7-7bc1-4154-af75-ace431d83868Post:9460c0e4-05fe-40e0-839d-8a6e2caa5c4a">Re: Beside myself: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Beside myself: Update : Weirdly enough, I'm totally watching a documentary on that right now.  I'm sorry he has to go through that.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

It sucks - he was in a drug trial for a while that paid for everything, but after a few years, they ended the drug trial, and the one that he needs - is the one that costs a freakin fortune

NurseyK

I read through all of this an I completely agree with what Liv originally said, about the sub position being a trial period for a full time job offer. If nothing else, a godo start to his teaching resume.

I think he should take the sub position, and if need be, one of you pick up a second job to get through this crazy time in your life unti he has a full-time teaching job.

I'm not sure about MI, but in the state of AZ a teaching position is on contract, and it is renewed every year. So in reality, no teaching position is ever really permanent.

I'm sorry about all your money stress, that can be so hard, especially around the holidays.

Stina51286

Sorry you guys are going through this. And I can see where you guys are coming from with certain things. But I also agree with what csousa said about getting a part time job. I work a full time job and also work 15-20 hours at another job just so I can keep up with medical bills and student loans. Its worth a shot.