Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses

motoLyn

Thank you Desert for your through and informative opinion.  With the dresses I posted I felt I was going from one end of shape to another.  I guess that's why going and trying them on will give me a better idea of what I like.  I don't plan to buy on spot, so I want to take as many pictures as I can so I can make an informed decision and I will if need be go to other places if I don't find what I want.  THANK YOU ALL NEY KNOTTIES you have made this wacky sleep deprived fellow knottie so excited to see what tomorrow brings.  Any tips on what to do and wear and not to eat or eat before a bridal appt?

sparkles88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:8a3ca658-cec1-4e1c-aef6-83c8f14f52c0">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you Desert for your through and informative opinion.  With the dresses I posted I felt I was going from one end of shape to another.  I guess that's why going and trying them on will give me a better idea of what I like.  I don't plan to buy on spot, so I want to take as many pictures as I can so I can make an informed decision and I will if need be go to other places if I don't find what I want.  THANK YOU ALL NEY KNOTTIES you have made this wacky sleep deprived fellow knottie so excited to see what tomorrow brings. <strong> Any tips on what to do and wear and not to eat or eat before a bridal appt?</strong>
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

Avoid salt. It can make you bloat and retain extra water weight!

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:b19b89ce-1076-4aed-9e3c-f8d194a8eb50">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]Sun, I would just like to say that I'd like to steal your dress please. No, I'm not getting married but I'll just wear it around my house, OK? Thanks. Lyn, I hope you have an amazing time at DB tomorrow. I think that the best thing about going there is that they have SUCH a huge variety so you can literally try on every shape imaginable. My best advice would be to try on something that you'd never think you'd like. When I've gone with my friends, probably about 75% ended up with a dress that they originally balked at on the hanger. In terms of what to do/wear/eat before your appointment, I'd probably go with some printouts of the styles I was most interested in (or at least style numbers) to give the consultant a starting point. I'd wear a strapless bra if you have one, nude undies, and at least bring shapewear if you'd consider wearing any under your dress (I never leave home without mine lately!). <strong>Also, I'd highly recommend doing your hair and/or makeup in whatever way makes you feel beautiful. I think that it makes the whole experience of trying on elegant dresses feel more special and will give you a better idea of how you'll look all done up. :)</strong> And in terms of what to eat, I'd stay away from salt and stay hydrated...and not eat anything that you know personally upsets your tummy, since you'll probably already have excited butterflies! Come back and AW pics ASAP!!!
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

This!!

Have fun tomorrow.  You know we can't wait to see pics of what you try on!

GreenPepperBurger

Wow, what a thread. This is what working late (it's 11:30PM here!) gets you.

Lyn, whatever dress you decide to buy, WHEREVER it comes from, will be beautiful because you're beautiful. This goes for all the ladies here, whether they buy a dress from David's or a custom-made designer gown. The dress does not make you - you make the dress.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:8fde65cc-2f83-4a2b-b902-77569632efb9">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it was perhaps a little thoughtless to say DB dresses are crappily made, knowing that quite a few of us on the board have dresses from there. But I can also see how someone might think they were being honest and helpful by sharing that opinion before someone spends the money on a dress from there. Cate really ought to be able to admit that her wording was insensitive, but her MO is to check out once drama escalates and never acknowledge any fault of her own. But you know, she never holds a grudge, she lets stuff go and still tries to help everyone the same. Overall I think she's a good egg. We all have character traits that others find annoying sometimes. Regarding dresses and DB, FWIW, I personally had a fantastic DB experience. I had plenty of one on one attention every time I was there. I had my alterations done there, and they did an excellent job. My mom sews, and she carefully examined my dress and alterations and gave them her stamp of approval. No one has ever said my dress looked crappily made or cheap. In fact, I've gotten many compliments on my dress. And that's all I have to say about that. Now I'm off to check out all the links and pick favorites for you, Lyn. :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Because of this fair review, I think it's only fair that I come back (contrary to my MO apparently!).  Usually I just feel like anything I say after drama escalates only fuels the fire, so once I've said what I have to say, I drop the conversation.  I won't apologize for someone deliberately misinterpreting my words.  I obviously was a little blunt in how I stated my opinion, and I can see why it would hurt the feelings of girls who have bought or are considering DB dresses.  For that, I'm truly sorry.  I just felt like girls around here like the truth rather than 'puppies and rainbows', so I said what I thought about DB.  Not that it's "cheap" but rather not the best value - you can spend the same budget elsewhere and get nicer material and better sewing.  Are DB dresses beautiful?  Absolutely!  Some of their styles are absolutely gorgeous and they photograph beautifully.  I just personally would figure out what style I liked and buy it elsewhere to get nicer fabric and better sewing at the same or cheaper price.  That's what I was saying, and I would have thought that I would have been given the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn't seem to be the MO around this board towards me, apparently.

As far as the budget, the way it was brought into the conversation by Cschiano was snarky and condescending, so I responded to that.

What I said to Audgie was completely appropriate due to the fact that she was name-calling and personally insulting me, both of which violate TK rules, and as moderator, that's even worse.  I think that was not classy at all, which is why I said that.

Someone took it too far, though, and I'm disgusted by the behavior of someone on this board.  I do not know who it was, but it's really ridiculous - someone searched for my FI, found his email address, created a fake email address pretending they were me, and sent him a picture of me in my dress.  Now that's just horrible, childish, vindictive, and ridiculously trashy behavior on behalf of whomever did that!  My FI was so confused since it was not my email address, and he had already seen my dress when I sent him pictures.  Yep, that's right - whoever was trying to "ruin" my wedding, or at least the dress surprise, failed miserably.  But it was none the less a ridiculous thing to do to another bride, and I hope karma bites whomever did it in the butt.  To whomever did that - I expect with your ridiculously immature reactions to things that you'll end up divorced and miserable in 5 years, if you even make/made it to the alter. Yes, that's a mean thing to say to someone, but in response to someone trying actively to hurt me and my FI, I wish that person nothing but misery in their life.  Miserable people deserve to be miserable.  Just know that you accomplished nothing except make yourself look as stupid and trashy as you apparently are.

Elle1036

Ugh, Cate, that sucks.  I mean, I'm glad it didn't ruin anything, but still.

That's just low.

AudgiePodge

That's pretty shitty for someone to do anyone.  And I apologize for the name calling, but you can't say you haven't called names on this forum either.  How I feel still stands.

CASK85

Wow, that is really awful, Cate. People can be so wretched sometimes - but you're right, their marriage probably won't last. I'm glad that at least the surprise wasn't ruined. 

I'm sorry I brought up the budget thing. It wasn't really necessary to get my point across. Hopefully we can move on.

PaigeMcC

Someone e-mailed your FI with your dress picture?! I want to know how they got his e-mail bc that's just low.  And a LOT of work .  I'll confess, I've searched you on FB before but didn't add.  I know I couldn't see anything but a pic and your name.  I don't even know your FI's real name so it boggles my mind how someone tracked down his e-mail!!  But I'm glad nothing was ruined for you.  And whoever tried to ruin it should feel shittay about themselves.

Hazel_B

Cate, I can't believe someone would do that. That's incredible low and uncalled for. I'm glad that it didn't ruin anything for you guys!

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:44b7c3ee-17fa-49da-8d66-a700213ccba0">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses : Because of this fair review, I think it's only fair that I come back (contrary to my MO apparently!).  Usually I just feel like anything I say after drama escalates only fuels the fire, so once I've said what I have to say, I drop the conversation.  I won't apologize for someone deliberately misinterpreting my words.  I obviously was a little blunt in how I stated my opinion, and I can see why it would hurt the feelings of girls who have bought or are considering DB dresses.  For that, I'm truly sorry.  I just felt like girls around here like the truth rather than 'puppies and rainbows', so I said what I thought about DB.  Not that it's "cheap" but rather not the best value - you can spend the same budget elsewhere and get nicer material and better sewing.  Are DB dresses beautiful?  Absolutely!  Some of their styles are absolutely gorgeous and they photograph beautifully.  I just personally would figure out what style I liked and buy it elsewhere to get nicer fabric and better sewing at the same or cheaper price.  That's what I was saying, and I would have thought that I would have been given the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn't seem to be the MO around this board towards me, apparently. As far as the budget, the way it was brought into the conversation by Cschiano was snarky and condescending, so I responded to that. What I said to Audgie was completely appropriate due to the fact that she was name-calling and personally insulting me, both of which violate TK rules, and as moderator, that's even worse.  I think that was not classy at all, which is why I said that. Someone took it too far, though, and I'm disgusted by the behavior of someone on this board.  I do not know who it was, but it's really ridiculous - someone searched for my FI, found his email address, created a fake email address pretending they were me, and sent him a picture of me in my dress.  Now that's just horrible, childish, vindictive, and ridiculously trashy behavior on behalf of whomever did that!  My FI was so confused since it was not my email address, and he had already seen my dress when I sent him pictures.  Yep, that's right - whoever was trying to "ruin" my wedding, or at least the dress surprise, failed miserably.  But it was none the less a ridiculous thing to do to another bride, and I hope karma bites whomever did it in the butt.  To whomever did that - I expect with your ridiculously immature reactions to things that you'll end up divorced and miserable in 5 years, if you even make/made it to the alter. Yes, that's a mean thing to say to someone, but in response to someone trying actively to hurt me and my FI, I wish that person nothing but misery in their life.  Miserable people deserve to be miserable.  Just know that you accomplished nothing except make yourself look as stupid and trashy as you apparently are.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

1) My entire wedding was Davids Bridal dresses. And all of them (including mine) looked great and were made well. Just sayin.

<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '7df97781-9314-40c5-bc46-140b3cab78ae', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/13/12/7df97781-9314-40c5-bc46-140b3cab78ae.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

2) Jabs about price envy seem just as klassy as personal insults, at least to me.

3) The only forseeable way I can think of that someone could have possibly pulled off a stunt like the one you described is if a) they know you in real life, or b) they are friends with you on Facebook. That's the only way I can think of that someone could figure out your FI's name, let alone his personal email. Maybe you should be re-evaluating who all you socialize with in your personal life/accounts from online forums. That's even if what happened had directly to do with this thread. Is there anything going on in your personal life that could prompt an attack like that?

motoLyn

I agree regardless of differences among one another that's just an all time low to go and be vindictive like that.  I'm relieved to at least know that he already knows what the dress looks like.  That crisis avoided.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:44b7c3ee-17fa-49da-8d66-a700213ccba0">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses : created a fake email address pretending they were me, and sent him a picture of me in my dress. 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Have you tried tracing the IP address? If it is someone here, you can at least narrow down where it came from.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:7c3d5b3f-57a1-4cf1-850e-f82cedb93c63">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses : Have you tried tracing the IP address? If it is someone here, you can at least narrow down where it came from.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

Any idea how to do that?  I'm internet inept.  Knot Annie said it was stalking, and she'd ban the IP address of whomever did it if I can provide it to her.  We'd quickly find out who stopped talking.

And there are ways of figuring out who my FI is and his email address without being friends with me on Facebook.  I obviously won't go into more details, but it's possible.  And it was definitely related to that post based on how it was written.

LizzyTish88

Cate- You AWed your dress on the Sept 2012 board and it is in your bio. Why do you assume it was someone from here?

I would also like to know who did this, because it is an all time low, and I will be the first to admit that Cate isn't my favorite person. At the same time, I can not think of anyone on this board that would stoop that low.

heyimbren

Even though it seems more likely that it was someone who posted here, at the same time these are public forums and anyone can view them and read them.

I know nothing about how to look up IP addresses based off an e-mail address but I'm sure someone on here does.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:35377f9f-4055-4487-ac94-fb2069506aa0">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses : Any idea how to do that?  I'm internet inept.  Knot Annie said it was stalking, and she'd ban the IP address of whomever did it if I can provide it to her.  We'd quickly find out who stopped talking. And there are ways of figuring out who my FI is and his email address without being friends with me on Facebook.  I obviously won't go into more details, but it's possible.  And it was definitely related to that post based on how it was written.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://www.online-tech-tips.com/computer-tips/how-to-track-the-original-location-of-an-email-via-its-ip-address/" rel='nofollow'>http://www.online-tech-tips.com/computer-tips/how-to-track-the-original-location-of-an-email-via-its-ip-address/</a>

<a href="http://aruljohn.com/info/howtofindipaddress/" rel='nofollow'>http://aruljohn.com/info/howtofindipaddress/</a>

Gotta love Google :)

ravenray

That sucks!  I hope you find the Ip address

SeaTea02

You are/were friends with MANY girls from the board on facebook and I don't think that qualifies as stalking or warrants banning the guilty party. You opened up your life and your real identity to these women and they found your FI's e-mail legitimately. You and he didn't have the proper privacy settings on facebook and you are now learning a very important lesson on internet security. 

I am sorry you feel like you had your privacy invaded, but you didn't take any great measures to avoid it either. 

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:15f8d457-6637-43d6-8177-b2fff8f266e8">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]You are/were friends with MANY girls from the board on facebook and <strong>I don't think that qualifies as stalking or warrants banning the guilty party. You opened up your life and your real identity to these women and they found your FI's e-mail legitimately. You and he didn't have the proper privacy settings on facebook and you are now learning a very important lesson on internet security.  I am sorry you feel like you had your privacy invaded,</strong> but you didn't take any great measures to avoid it either. 
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Totally, totally disagree. Just because information was available doesn't mean someone is justified in creating an email and posing as Cate, effectively stealing her identity.

</div>

SeaTea02

Yeah, Marley, I see where she says that, but she also said they alluded to this post. How do they pretend to be her and allude to this post at the same time? It would need to be one or the other. 

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:9c6e80c0-e19e-4133-9b46-708194347652">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, Marley, I see where she says that, but she also said they alluded to this post. How do they pretend to be her and allude to this post at the same time? It would need to be one or the other. 
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

<div>Wait, you see where she says what? I missed something.</div><div>
</div><div>Cate said the email was definitely related to "this post," meaning something on this thread. I'm sure there's some way someone could pretend to be her and also refer to a TK thread. In any case, it's a sucky and wrong thing for someone to do.</div>

calindi

The email was labeled as coming from "Cate" and the title of the email had my name in it. That's how it was 'pretending to be me'.  Inside the email, once he opened it, alluded to NEY.  Which confused the poor guy even more since he had no idea what was going on.  And it would make no sense that posts I did two weeks ago would suddenly be sent to my FI two days ago unless it was tied to this specific post when I ruffled some feathers.  Cause=effect.  It's illogical to think it was spontaneous.

SeaTea, I'm not actually friends with 'lots' of girls on NEY.  There are many I never accepted, some I put on limited profile from the beginning, and several whom I accepted who I unfriended awhile ago.  I was friends with you, however, until yesterday.  I have exactly 5 people who I am friends with now, having unfriended 3 people yesterday.  And my privacy settings are generally good - I had a few albums for "friends of friends", which means most of you girls could see them as we'd have a mutual friend or two.  But that's it, and now that's obxiously changed.  All someone could get from that would be FI's name.  But thanks for your holier than thou assessment.  I'm pretty sure if I had the incentive, and if it were at all something that I would do (which it's not), I could email your FI, his brother, probably your various family members who have posted on your Facebook at any given time.  So throw stones when you don't live in a glass house, k?

My personal contact information is only available to friends.  My FI's contact information can be found without the use of Facebook or his name, so it isn't limited to Facebook stalking.  This is someone who willfully went out and tried to find his contact information.  If they had just used Facebook, it would have been a different email address.  That's stalking.  Regardless of whether I have a legal case, Knot Annie thinks whoever did it violated TK rules (well, duh) and she's willing to ban the IP address, not just the username.

Your whole point sounds a whole lot like "if you're wearing a short skirt, you deserve to get raped."  Sure, some of you ladies (or a lurker who has been around awhile) could have found his contact information if you really searched for it.  But does that justify what was done?  It was a stupid, pathetic move on someone's part which makes them look like an immature twit.  We'll see who stops talking once I can figure out the IP address - FI has to let me into his email to try to track it down.

desertsun

Cate, I'm sorry your privacy was violated and someone did something so malicious. I understand you're angry.

I am NOT saying you deserved to have this happen, but I do think there is a lesson here on internet security that we can all benefit from. The internet is full of creepers. I've deleted my siggy pic and bio, and honestly, I think you should do the same.

It makes me sad that I am no longer comfortable putting my wedding pictures and vendor reviews out there, but when something like this happens, IMO, you DO need to take responsibility for your own actions. Yes, someone else made the decision to send that email, but if you had not put information out there, it would at the very least have been harder to accomplish that. It is NOT the same as blaming a rape victim. It is simply realizing you made yourself vulnerable, and trying to correct that.

It also makes me sad to see you spewing such venom. A certain amount of anger would be understandable, but to refuse to acknowledge that some of your decisions may have contributed to making that email possible, and wishing misery onto the perpetrator under the guise of "karma" is just...I'm sorry, but I don't think the actions justify the kind of things you're saying.

I got my purse stolen last night, and it's definitely given me a certain perspective on this situation. Because yeah, I'm annoyed and a little upset, but I left my purse in my friends car. No one else did that. I also had the presence of mind though to search all the nearby trashcans, and we recovered both our purses. Besides a stolen iPod, a broken window, and some stolen keys, there wasn't a whole lot of damage done. And nothing irreparable. Instead of beating myself up about a bad decision or wishing misery on the thieves, I'm just grateful my friend and I had each other to lean on and that things weren't worse. I'm really happy to still have my phone, ID, and debit card, which I kept with me, as well as all my insurance cards and such that would have been a pain to replace. I'm really not trying to be holier than thou. I'm just saying that from personal experience, I feel so much better for myself handling things in a positive way that doesn't involve wishing ill onto other people, which carries its own karma, IMO.

Anyway. It was big of you to come back and apologize and explain, so kudos for that!

sapphirebaby926

You would wish misery on someone over a dress? Really? REALLY?? That's pretty low even for you Cate. It's a freaking dress get over it. And if someone had done it to me yeah I'd be upset but I wouldn't wish their marriage/relationship to fail. That's just bad karma.

Elle1036

So here are my thoughts on pretty much everything that has occurred in this thread, since I know you all want my thoughts so desperately.

I do think Cate's original comments on DB were somewhat tactless, especially knowing how many girls around here have bought/will buy their dresses there.  I also think that some of the retaliatory responses she got were a little out of scope, buuuttt...

Cate, look, I am really happy for you that your wedding is coming together so well and that you have parents willing to help make your dreams a reality, but I do feel like I'm constantly reading something alluding to your "generous budget".  Perhaps I'm just oversensitive given the struggles I've had putting my own budget together, but I'm not the only one here in that situation, and everytime I read about a new extra thing you guys are doing (topiary trees, a videographer, etc.) it upsets me a little, because that's just one more thing I couldn't afford.  I know it's not a competition and the wedding itself isn't that important anyway, but I'm just trying to shed some light on the source of some of this antagonism.

With your posts here disparaging the quality of DB dresses coming so soon after you showed us your own designer dress and told us that it was out of your budget, but that your mom told you "not to worry about it," it's understandable that some of us would misinterpret and overreact.


On the subject of the emailed dress photo (and I'll be switching back to 3rd person here), I think Cate's anger is pretty justified.  It might be extreme to "wish misery" upon someone, but we all tend to overreact a little when personally offended (as evidenced by some other posts in this thread).  I think Cate will probably calm down a little with time, but still, what happened to her was very hurtful and she every right to be angry.

That dress revelation moment at the wedding is really important to a lot of couples, and it could have been ruined for Cate and her FI if they were one of those couples.  It was a malicious and personal attack.

Desert, I don't think your comparison to having your purse stolen is quite accurate, (although you do make some good points, of course).  For one thing, the purse didn't have to be yours, it could have been anyone's.  It was an anonymous crime.  What happened to Cate was directed at Cate and served only to hurt her and nothing else.  Also, leaving your purse in plain view is a thoughtless lack of action, whereas Cate friending some of us on facebook is not so much neglectful as an attempt to deepen friendships with some of the girls.  Yes, there are lessons to be learned, but the analogy doesn't stand.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_officially-thursday-cant-sleep-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:359cf7de-5153-495a-9264-f0a70cae4aeePost:2c282668-d396-447b-bca3-e995ecb75a1e">Re: Officially Thursday! Can't sleep LONG post about dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]So here are my thoughts on pretty much everything that has occurred in this thread, since I know you all want my thoughts so desperately. I do think Cate's original comments on DB were somewhat tactless, especially knowing how many girls around here have bought/will buy their dresses there.  I also think that some of the retaliatory responses she got were a little out of scope, buuuttt... Cate, look, I am really happy for you that your wedding is coming together so well and that you have parents willing to help make your dreams a reality, but I do feel like I'm constantly reading something alluding to your "generous budget".  Perhaps I'm just oversensitive given the struggles I've had putting my own budget together, but I'm not the only one here in that situation, and everytime I read about a new extra thing you guys are doing (topiary trees, a videographer, etc.) it upsets me a little, because that's just one more thing I couldn't afford.  I know it's not a competition and the wedding itself isn't that important anyway, but I'm just trying to shed some light on the source of some of this antagonism. With your posts here disparaging the quality of DB dresses coming so soon after you showed us your own designer dress and told us that it was out of your budget, but that your mom told you "not to worry about it," it's understandable that some of us would misinterpret and overreact. On the subject of the emailed dress photo (and I'll be switching back to 3rd person here), I think Cate's anger is pretty justified.  It might be extreme to "wish misery" upon someone, but we all tend to overreact a little when personally offended (as evidenced by some other posts in this thread).  I think Cate will probably calm down a little with time, but still, what happened to her was very hurtful and she every right to be angry. That dress revelation moment at the wedding is really important to a lot of couples, and it could have been ruined for Cate and her FI if they were one of those couples.  It was a malicious and personal attack. Desert, I don't think your comparison to having your purse stolen is quite accurate, (although you do make some good points, of course).  For one thing, the purse didn't have to be yours, it could have been anyone's.  It was an anonymous crime.  What happened to Cate was directed at Cate and served only to hurt her and nothing else.  Also, leaving your purse in plain view is a thoughtless lack of action, whereas Cate friending some of us on facebook is not so much neglectful as an attempt to deepen friendships with some of the girls.  Yes, there are lessons to be learned, but the analogy doesn't stand.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

I respectfully disagree. I stand by what I said in my post. IMO, the actions don't justify Cate wishing the person nothing but misery.

I repeatedly acknowledged that a certain amount of anger was understandable.

I related my purse incident merely b/c, in my mind, it feels like a similar violation of privacy.

I also believe that everyone chooses their own response to the things that happen in their lives. I used my purse theft as an example of choosing to respond in a less negative way, acknowledging my own responsibility, and choosing to move forward instead of choosing to remain angry.

IMO, I think Cate DID make choices to make friends with strangers and share personal information, and no, she did NOT deserve something like this happening, but I think taking responsiblity and trying to move forward in a positive way is always healthier than blaming others, accusing them of being ridiculous and disgusting, and wishing them nothing but misery. While I agree her reaction is understandable, I do think it's important to be able to look back and recognize when we've reacted in a way that isn't healthiest for ourselves.

I truly meant my comments to be helpful, supportive, and constructive, but I'm pretty sure Cate already knows that, just as she knows that it is, as always, JMO, and she is welcome to take what is useful and disregard the rest. I can't force people to listen to or agree with me. All I can do is put my opinion out there and hope it's helpful.

SassyFlats

What a thread!

I've had a seriously damaging experience with internet security... although emailing someone's FI pics of the bride in her dress is really a low thing to do, I've gotta say, worse things could happen. The thing is, we all have quite a bit of control over what information is available about us to others online. We may become a bit relaxed about it because we want to form meaningful friendships, and that's really admirable.

The unfortunate fact is that those friendships can come with risks... not like the "they might be a serial killer" thing that so many family members want to warn us about. More like... you open yourself and your life up to people who may not wish you as much good as you wish them.

It sucks, and it hurts, and sometimes the things that come from that openness and trust are awful and difficult to get over. But, in the end... I agree with Desert. It's not about wishing someone else ill, as understandable as that may be (and as easy as it may be). It's about making smarter choices and really thinking about who you trust and what information you want everyone else to have. There are lurkers that we often don't consider, and they can do us as much or more harm than the people we feel like we "know."

Don't get me wrong, though. I have to say, people you consider "friends" can be pretty dang hurtful as well. Sometimes your trust and openness, as wonderful as your intentions may be, can come back and bite you in the ass something awful.