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WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!

chickadeedeedeechickadeedeedee
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
Okay, so you know how a lot of my recent posts have been me hemming and hawing over what FI and I are doing about our wedding? WELL, seeing as WE FINALLY DECIDED OUR PLAN OF ACTION, those posts are destined to come to a halt!

First off, there will be a family-only ceremony in the morning- like, 10:00 or 11:00. THEN, we're having a family-only luncheon type thing, and after that's done, we're opening it up to the family-and-friends reception. FI and I are HUGE vinyl collectors, so we're shooting for a vintagey kind of thing with a jukebox (one of FI's coworkers has three jukeboxes, one of which he is willing to lend us) loaded with music for the guests to play. Since we want the reception to be a family-only event, we're going to have a lot of stuff going on at the friends-and-family reception- lawn games, carnival games, a caricature artist, and the like. (We're even tossing around the idea of setting up a beer pong tournament! VIVA LA WISCONSIN!)

Of course, we want to set aside time to do typical receptiony stuff (tossing the bouquet, speeches, etc), but the way we have it planned out seems like an organized chaos type of event... and we are MORE than okay with that. I told my mom about our awesome new plan today, and she was VERY excited about it.

ZOMFG, now that we have this figured out, I feel like it's ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. This is amazing. I love how this whole thing is transpiring. :D:D:D



OH, IN OTHER NEWS, I got a lead on a full-time position with my current employer today. It would involve a big promotion, a big raise, and doing what I am passionate about five days a week, and so far, I am the only person who's shown interest in the position, and the guy who's doing the hiring likes me a lot, so... YAY!


Things are looking very, very good indeed, Knotties.

In other, other news, in reviewing my post, it would appear that I've taken a liking to the Caps Lock key.
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Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!

  • kailsskailss
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    congrats on making a plan! it's got to feel good to finally feel like things are coming together! Smile


    Also, good luck with the new job opening! i hope you get it!

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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:3ef06c0f-f5ef-467c-8f63-eb21c360989b">WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so you know how a lot of my recent posts have been me hemming and hawing over what FI and I are doing about our wedding? WELL, seeing as WE FINALLY DECIDED OUR PLAN OF ACTION, those posts are destined to come to a halt! First off, there will be a family-only ceremony in the morning- like, 10:00 or 11:00. THEN, we're having a family-only luncheon type thing, and after that's done, we're opening it up to the family-and-friends reception. FI and I are HUGE vinyl collectors, so we're shooting for a vintagey kind of thing with a jukebox (one of FI's coworkers has three jukeboxes, one of which he is willing to lend us) loaded with music for the guests to play. Since we want the reception to be a family-only event, we're going to have a lot of stuff going on at the friends-and-family reception- lawn games, carnival games, a caricature artist, and the like. (We're even tossing around the idea of setting up a beer pong tournament! VIVA LA WISCONSIN!) Of course, we want to set aside time to do typical receptiony stuff (tossing the bouquet, speeches, etc), but the way we have it planned out seems like an organized chaos type of event... and we are MORE than okay with that. I told my mom about our awesome new plan today, and she was VERY excited about it. ZOMFG, now that we have this figured out, I feel like it's ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. This is amazing. I love how this whole thing is transpiring. :D :D :D OH, IN OTHER NEWS, I got a lead on a full-time position with my current employer today. It would involve a big promotion, a big raise, and doing what I am passionate about five days a week, and so far, I am the only person who's shown interest in the position, and the guy who's doing the hiring likes me a lot, so... YAY! Things are looking very, very good indeed, Knotties. In other, other news, in reviewing my post, it would appear that I've taken a liking to the Caps Lock key.
    Posted by chickadeedeedee[/QUOTE]

    No matter what, it is rude to invite guests to only one part of the wedding.  Inviting people to a 2nd-tier reception is gift grabby.  If you make the decision to have a small, family only wedding, THAT is what you get.  You do not get to have a 2nd reception for other guests.

    I have to run otherwise I would be typing more.  I will be back later to add to my response.
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  • oceana919oceana919
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:e3967dc3-9d4c-4ff0-ba65-fb541ecbacfd">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!! : No matter what, it is rude to invite guests to only one part of the wedding.  Inviting people to a 2nd-tier reception is gift grabby.  If you make the decision to have a small, family only wedding, THAT is what you get.  You do not get to have a 2nd reception for other guests. I have to run otherwise I would be typing more.  I will be back later to add to my response.
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    I was kinda thinking the same thing...

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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  • bakes218bakes218
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:3ef06c0f-f5ef-467c-8f63-eb21c360989b">WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First off, there will be a family-only ceremony in the morning- like, 10:00 or 11:00. THEN, we're having a family-only luncheon type thing, and after that's done, we're opening it up to the family-and-friends reception.
    Posted by chickadeedeedee[/QUOTE]

    Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want a small family ceremony but also a big reception with family and friends. You need to pick one or the other. Maybe you could do an small wedding with just your parents and then have a picnic or BBQ a few weeks after. Like an AHR?
    imageAnniversary
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Mutley and Oceana.  I think this is a terrible idea.
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  • chickadeedeedeechickadeedeedee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Boo. Really? Crammit. Okay. I wasn't doing it with the intention of being gift grabby at all, since FI and I do not want gifts, but if it seems that way to you guys, then maybe it will seem that way to everyone else. Gah. What if the reception was on a different day than the ceremony? Could we still do the intimate, family-only ceremony and have a friends-and-family reception on a different day?

    Let's pretend that I didn't have a stupid idea and focus on the concept of the reception itself. Do you guys like the bare bones description I offered?
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  • chickadeedeedeechickadeedeedee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    *slams head against desk*
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  • BuggaloBuggalo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the PPs. You get ONE reception. The only exception to this is if you have a very small DW and then come back and have a party with everyone. But yeah.

    And not to be uppity bitch (oh, who am I kidding?!)--but BEER PONG? At a wedding?
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  • chickadeedeedeechickadeedeedee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:61ff3641-8d23-4489-a65a-71f9f07a5148">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with the PPs. You get ONE reception. The only exception to this is if you have a very small DW and then come back and have a party with everyone. But yeah. And not to be uppity bitch (oh, who am I kidding?!)--but <strong>BEER PONG? At a wedding?</strong>
    Posted by Buggalo[/QUOTE]

    I...uh... yeah. BRB, gotta go take my meds.
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's not what I would pick, but there's nothing wrong with the idea.

    Do you want a family only reception because it's more personal or to save money?  Because if it's to save money you should skip all of the extra carnival stuff so that you can accommodate all of your guests at one party.

    I still think it's a bad idea even if the reception for friends is another day.
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  • chickadeedeedeechickadeedeedee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The goal here is to maintain a sense of intimacy for the family, while having something really informal and fun and casual for our friends. If we end up saving money, great, but it's not our primary concern since we don't believe in having ginormous $40,000 extravaganzas anyway.
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  • BuggaloBuggalo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I must say you're handling this pretty well, so for that I commend you. But if you want a fun, intimate affair, why not just have the closest of family and friends all together?
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:61c5b4ac-fb7f-4cfb-b16c-b78202d3ec22">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I must say you're handling this pretty well, so for that I commend you. But if you want a fun, intimate affair, why not just have the closest of family and friends all together?
    Posted by Buggalo[/QUOTE]

    We're giving out gold-stars for being reasonable now?

    What is "this" anyway?
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  • BuggaloBuggalo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, she seemed very excited about her idea and we kind of crapped on it. I know lots of people would be upset or defensive.
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you did a very small private ceremony in the morning with immediate family only, then a reception for everyone, that's fine.  You are still at risk for hurting the feelings of those who could not attend.  I agree that you only get one reception.  
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:9c58cfec-e36e-4bf2-856f-45cb4c18dd6f">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, she seemed very excited about her idea and we kind of crapped on it. I know lots of people would be upset or <strong>defensive</strong>.
    Posted by Buggalo[/QUOTE]

    Hmm not everyone gets defensive.  Some people can recognize when criticism is constructive.  No one crapped on her idea.  We just informed her that it might not be received well by her guests.
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  • catemegcatemeg
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's okay to have a small ceremony, but not a dual-reception.  Have one reception, whether it's a small family affair or a bigger more casual thing.

    Have a small ceremony - pick a small church or whatever, and just invite everyone to the reception afterwards.

    As long as you don't have a separate reception for family, you should be okay.
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I'm still not a fan of the small ceremony, big reception.  If these people are important enough to celebrate (and possibly give you gifts) why aren't they important enough to witness you get married (which is the point of the wedding)?
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I'm not a huge fan of inviting people to one event and not the other either. If bf and I get married out of town (either elope or destination wedding), we won't have a reception or anything when we get home.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Chickadee - When I read about your wedding I wasn't outright offended by the idea. Maybe I have no class, maybe I don't know etiquette, maybe I am not easily offended, maybe it seems like something that is par for the area (as I'm not crazy far from Milwaukee.) Honestly my mom is wanting to invite people to just the reception at my wedding. I have told her no, but there is no saying she won't tell people anyhow just to show up at say like 8:00. My cousin had a small family only wedding then invited everyone for the reception. I don't think anyone was offended by it. Heck I've known a fair number of people to skip the ceremony and only go to the reception because they didn't want to sit through the ceremony.

    I say you know your guests and how weddings are in your area (I'm pressuming.) I'f you don't have like 5 stores of registries and know your guests and how they'd react I say do what it is that makes most sense to you.

    Would you be ok being the guest at what you suggested?

    Maybe I don't have the advice the rest of the board would really deem as appropriate. Ehh it's my thoughts however.
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  • bakes218bakes218
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think there is anything wrong with a family ceremony with just parents and siblings and then have a celebration after. People elope all the time and then come home and have an At Home Reception. This is your day, you don't have to please anyone but you and your FI, it is about the two of you and your wedding.
    imageAnniversary
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We originally wanted family and wedding party only at our wedding. We wanted small and intimate.

    I can honestly say that when I walked down the aisle in front of 85 people, I didn't notice a single one of them. I was way too busy looking at Josh.

    You can still have intimate without having a tiered wedding.
    Anniversary
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  • MeShell1313MeShell1313 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe its me, but I don't see a problem with chickadee's plan. It only sounds like one receptiion to me. But I guess it kinda depends on how big the family is as well. Having only yr parent and siblings witness the wedding and going to lunch with them after is different than having 30 family members on each side show up for the wedding and having a lunchen & then a reception; that sounds more like double dipping.
    If you did go with your original idea, maybe have someone tape your vows and play in on a screen before you enter your evening reception, that way those that wern't at the ceremony can see you two exchange vows.
    just my 2cents
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:73d860e4-3d1c-46a3-a323-61c9491bc4b6">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]maybe have someone tape your vows and play in on a screen before you enter your evening reception, that way those that wern't at the ceremony can see you two exchange vows.
    Posted by MeShell1313[/QUOTE]

    Please don't do that.
    Anniversary
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  • MeShell1313MeShell1313 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I actually went to my friends parents wedding and they did that. They got married privatly, and had this played at their reception. That way their children and family could see them exchanging their vows. It was well done and not cheesey or tacky IMHO
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just don't get it. If it's so private and intimate that you don't want people to BE there, why would you want to AW all over a big screen for everyone?
    Anniversary
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Do you have a particular reason for having a small family celebration and then a larger reception? Will you still serve dinner at the larger reception? Just curious what your reasoning is for excluding people from the ceremony.

    As a guest, I enjoy the ceremony and would prefer to be invited to ceremony AND reception.

    I personally would find it a bit insulting/hurtful to be invited to only one portion of the day. You want to play beer pong with me but I'm not good enough to hear your vows?

    Ultimately, of course it is your decision, but just be aware of the potential for offense and hurt feelings.

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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When FI and I decided to do the small destination wedding in Lake Tahoe , we never distinguished between ceremony and reception , hence the whole day is a celebration of our happiness together and we were sure to invite the closest 25 friends and family we have. We are lucky in the fact we both have rather small sides to our family so it wasn't a stretch - however , I don't feel 2 receptions is okay in any way either.

    Now with that said we plan to throw a party later this year after we are married - probably a BBQ or Pot luck style dinner - it will in no way shape or form be a reception , it will be a party where the intent is to have fun , unrelated to the wedding at all. Having seperate receptions for family and non family just screams of being an elitist and rude. It's kind of like saying "sorry you aren't special enough to be at the cermony while we pledge our lives to one another , but feel free to come to the reception and buy us a gift anyway".

    If you cant do it all - then don't. Decide what you CAN do and go from there. If you can't invite all your friends , they will understand. When FI and I announced out change of plans all our friends were supportive and family as well - they understood we couldnt invite everyone and it wasnt playing favorites , it was what was best for US. Best of luck.


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  • zipis1zipis1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't mind being invited to just a reception (though I too enjoy the ceremony. Perhaps I just haven't been to enough weddings), but if they did that and then showed on the screen what I missed I think I'd feel...not insulted but annoyed maybe. Kinda like when someone shows you the slideshow of their awesome vacation. You don't mind looking at a few pictures but more than that and it's kinda a "more fun if you were there" thing.

    I'd say one or two still pictures of you saying vows/first kiss would be fine, but that's it.

    image
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  • Button5807Button5807
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:76488027-e6b8-4e02-b7c9-56ae5811dbf2">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!! : We're giving out gold-stars for being reasonable now?
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

    Ana will you marry me?
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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