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WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!

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Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!

  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:2e29ac1e-306c-465a-b08f-bd8875f89aaf">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Boo. Really? Crammit. Okay. I wasn't doing it with the intention of being gift grabby at all, since FI and I do not want gifts, but if it seems that way to you guys, then maybe it will seem that way to everyone else. Gah.<strong> What if the reception was on a different day than the ceremony? Could we still do the intimate, family-only ceremony and have a friends-and-family reception on a different day?</strong> Let's pretend that I didn't have a stupid idea and focus on the concept of the reception itself. Do you guys like the bare bones description I offered?
    Posted by chickadeedeedee[/QUOTE]

    You can do whatever you want.  This much is true.  However, if you do this, it is against etiquette.  It is rude to your guests, no matter how you slice it. 

    WHY do you want to do this?  What is the purpose?  If you want to celebrate with your family AND friends, then everyone needs to be invited to the reception.  If you want a family-only wedding, then you get a family only reception. 

    Personally, I would NOT have beer pong at my wedding.  (And really Buggalo, you are not an uppity bitch.  You are new.  You are not a part of that.  Stop trying so f-ing hard.  It is annoying.)  I did have lawn games though. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:e791120b-a5d4-4b26-b3ea-c3ae1f267a6d">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]The goal here is to maintain a sense of intimacy for the family, while having something really informal and fun and casual for our friends. If we end up saving money, great, but it's not our primary concern since we don't believe in having ginormous $40,000 extravaganzas anyway.
    Posted by chickadeedeedee[/QUOTE]

    I do not get this.  If you want to have an intimate wedding, then have an intimate wedding with your family.  You do not get to do both.  You can have an intimate, moving ceremony AND a casual reception with EVERYONE.  Plus who says that inviting your family and friends has to cost $40K? 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:61c5b4ac-fb7f-4cfb-b16c-b78202d3ec22">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I must say you're handling this pretty well, so for that I commend you</strong>. But if you want a fun, intimate affair, why not just have the closest of family and friends all together?
    Posted by Buggalo[/QUOTE]

    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'a032cf82-713e-41d5-94de-04c2967023cd', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/0/4/a032cf82-713e-41d5-94de-04c2967023cd.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>  Just stop.  Please.  Ditto Ana x2. 



    Bottom line, Chickadee (or however the eff you spell your sn) having a tiered wedding is wrong.  It tells your guests that they are not valuable enough to be invited to all of the elements.  If these people are that important to you, then they deserve to be invited to the ceremony.  This whole plan just seems very immature. <em> I want an intimate, family-only ceremony AND to party with my friends. </em> Life doesn't work like that (or it can if you want to be rude.)  You make a decision and you have to live with that decision.
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:8b35a3b4-a5e4-4312-add7-280a4e0ffe76">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!! :  (And really Buggalo, you are not an uppity bitch.  You are new.  You are not a part of that.  Stop trying so f-ing hard.  It is annoying.) 
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    Had I not already proposed marriage on this thread I'd be doing it here.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    <p>[QUOTE]If you did go with your original idea, maybe have someone tape your vows and play in on a screen before you enter your evening reception, that way those that wern't at the ceremony can see you two exchange vows. [/QUOTE]

    That has to be the tackiest thing I've heard in a long long time.

    [QUOTE](We're even tossing around the idea of setting up a beer pong tournament! VIVA LA WISCONSIN!) [/QUOTE]

    Beer pong at a wedding celebration is only appropriate if there is a Jello shot tower standing next to the table. And a cake made of Ho-Hos and Twinkies. And it's your <strong>bachelorette party.
    </strong>
    Ps. Just a frame of reference - I once had a friend who asked me to hand out programs and rice at her wedding ceremony. I was then informed afterwards that I wasn't invited to the adults-only reception (I was 16). I haven't talked to that shady beotch since.

    Just sayin'.</p>

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

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  • dwest2201dwest2201
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wow!  As others have stated having a tiered wedding/reception is rude.  You definitely will be rude if you are having a ceremony and luncheon reception for your immediately family and then having a full out reception later for everyone who wasn't special enough to be invited to the wedding and lunch reception. 

    In general having only some people at the ceremony and then inviting a bunch of people to the reception seems rude and gift grabby.  However there are exceptions to every rule.  I think that it CAN be okay to do an intimate wedding followed by a reception in certain circumstances.  I knew a couple who wanted to marry in a tiny chapel that had no ac that her parents were married in.  They wanted to have a big reception with both of their families and friends as well.  They decided to have sibling, parents and grandparents witness the intimate ceremony and then had a normal large reception.  I remember hearing some people talk about how even though they know some people chose not to attend the ceremony that they actually like that part and wish they would have been invited... luckily a cousin of the bride was nearby and let them know that she wasn't invited either and that only immediate family was due to the chapel size.  Had she not been there at that time those people might have been upset and I'm sure some others were.

    That being said I like the outdoor reception idea... lawn games and fun sounds great.  Beer pong though?  Seriously?!  Umm, I can't believe you even thought that this might be appropriate for a wedding reception!  Bachelor/Bachelorette parties, Yes.  Birthday, Graduation, Sure, why not.  Wedding reception... NO!
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PPs on being respectful to your guests in regards to the ceremony/reception.


    BESIDES all that, I think your basic concept of a carnival/picnic sounds very fun. I would just be careful of it getting a little campy.


    ETA: Ditto about the beer pong. You have to remember that a wedding, while they can be FUN, is a sacred event.
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  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You can always do what we're planning on doing - have a wedding on a Friday night, and a big party with everyone who came on Saturday for those who stay in town.

    We want something fun but a little more formal than a kegger and BBQ for our wedding/reception, but we met playing kickball so we've joked about having a kickball wedding (complete with groom sliding into home plate).  Instead, we want to do that the next day!  We're going to rent a picnic area at a local park, bring in some BBQ food (pulled pork, hamburgers & hotdogs) and a keg, along with buckets full of soda cans, and invite everyone who was invited to the wedding (it would be rude to invite people who weren't invited to the wedding, but chances are some neighbors/friends will show up anyway, and that's great).  We'll have a family/friend kickball game, followed by field games for everyone (toss the egg, 3-legged race, bean bag toss, croquet, etc.)  In the afternoon, after most of the families leave, we'll probably have flip cup and beer pong for our friends (and I'll bet my parents will get in on it, too, which will be hilarious as they're really preppy and that's not at all their scene).

    It's our way of having that fun scene without insulting anyone or interrupting the more formal setting of our wedding (it's not part of the wedding, it's more like in place of a brunch the next day).
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:9b775e83-bed4-41dc-8b77-d39ab920e2ec">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!! : Ana will you marry me?
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Yes, that would be lovely :)
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:9d3c914a-3b6c-40f6-848a-ace049c915e2">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto PPs on being respectful to your guests in regards to the ceremony/reception. BESIDES all that, I think your basic concept of a carnival/picnic sounds very fun. I would just be careful of it getting a little campy.
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    You CAN have an elegant, outdoor, picnic-vibe wedding.  I've heard of people who actually accomplished this.  <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '91834384-66f3-4aad-b7fe-cb7076c30ac7', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/7/91834384-66f3-4aad-b7fe-cb7076c30ac7.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '91834384-66f3-4aad-b7fe-cb7076c30ac7', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Cate, the difference being that EVERYONE would be invited to both, correct?
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mutley, I was about to direct her to your beautiful bio. Tongue out
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  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mutley - yes, everyone would be invited to both.  And that IS a key difference, but it allows for two different moods (formal, intimate and fun, casual).
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:2ea87e68-9b1b-44d5-94ab-16fa4e3951ea">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!! : Yes, that would be lovely :)
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]


    W00T!

    Except I've now completely lost track of how many NEY fiancees I have, I should make you guys buttons.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mutley, I have to respectfully disagree that a private ceremony is a breech of etiquette.  They are okay as long as the parameters are very clear and the ceremony is truly private (like immediate family only).  

    Chick,  private ceremonies can be a logistical nightmare.  Originally, FI and I were planning on going to City Hall with our immediate family (about 10 people) and then have a dinner reception for around 50 people.  The problem we ran into was what were we going to do with those 10 people in between the ceremony and reception?  Also, we were faced with either having the photographer photograph only one event, or hire him (or her) for many hours with a huge gap in the middle.  
    At the end of the day, it was just easier to have the same guest list for both.  If you really decide to do a private ceremony the day before, I think you would probably be obligated to feed those people the day of your wedding.  You will also risk unconvincing the people who attend both events.  

    I think a lot of the engaged and married girls will tell you that you'll go through a few plans and ideas before you really settle down.  Good luck.  
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  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Goldie, I think the issue wasn't so much the private ceremony (though some girls felt that was offensive) but rather the luncheon for family only.  That would be essentially a selective reception, then the general reception after.

    She can have a private ceremony if the church is really small, or if that's really what she wants, and invite people to the reception only.  That's acceptable (though, like I said, some girls on here feel it could be taken offensively by some guests - you can't please everyone, though).  But it's not really okay to have one party (the luncheon) for a select number of guests and another party (the kegger) for everyone else.
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_got-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:424f3251-ddec-43c3-a346-e6e26d5f2d92Post:1e55a1e5-c95e-415c-a4e9-7ee4ef0a64fa">Re: WE GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Goldie, I think the issue wasn't so much the private ceremony (though some girls felt that was offensive) but rather the luncheon for family only.  That would be essentially a selective reception, then the general reception after. She can have a private ceremony if the church is really small, or if that's really what she wants, and invite people to the reception only.  That's acceptable (though, like I said, some girls on here feel it could be taken offensively by some guests - you can't please everyone, though).  But it's not really okay to have one party (the luncheon) for a select number of guests and another party (the kegger) for everyone else.
    Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]
    In another post I did mention that the tiered reception was a no-no.  I was just saying that from an etiquette standpoint, private ceremonies are okay.  I agree with you that they can cause people to feel hurt or slighted.  
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