Not Engaged Yet

Just a minor freak out.

Yeah...so I totally just had a very serious freak out moment with FI.  I'm so overwhelmed and stressed out about not having an official job offer yet.  Yes...I know...It hasn't even been a week, but it just makes me really, really nervous for some reason.  I called the place back that I interviewed with the other day and they tell me they've already filled the position - thanks alot for friggin calling me and telling me, sheesh!!  I've been attempting to contact the hospice that I first interviewed at and I was getting REALLY worried, but she just e-mailed me and said she's been out of the office with an ill mother and that she would call me tomorrow when she is back at work - I guess that's good news.....right?

Anyways...the freak out...I called FI in a panic saying "Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have quit my job and left everything until I knew for sure I had a job."  I went on and on, not realizing that I was hurting his feelings.  Of course I am happy that I am here with him and I did obviously want to move down here, but I'm just having ALOT of anxiety about the job situation.  I feel terrible about freaking out on him though....I guess I should keep those thoughts to myself from now on....

Okay. Vent over. 

Re: Just a minor freak out.

  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Go get a pedi. Or a frappucino. Just relax.

    You WILL find a job. It will probably take longer than you'd like, but it's OKAY!! It happens to all of us.

    If you are really concerned, go fill out at application at Macy's or somewhere.

    Keep breathing Jeter! You didn't make a mistake!
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Oh man. I totally understand. BF thinks my stomach thing is from stress/depression. Now that I'm feeling better physically today, I know I'm not quite myself. Like you, I am SO glad to be here with my bf ... but ... I saw the network connection on my laptop for my favorite coffee shop in DC and got choked up. It happens.

    Take it easy on yourself for freaking out. You'll find a job soon and things will settle down. Be extra nice to your FI tonight and find a way to tell him how happy you are to be there with him. He should understand that this is a big change.
  • edited December 2011
    Breath.  The two of you are getting married.  You are a team.  Your worth in the relationship is not measured by your job. 

    No need to internalize your feelings by keeping it to yourself.  It is good to communicate what you are feeling, even the crappy, crazy parts.  Tell him that you are overwhelmingly excited to be there, to have your life with him but you are anxious about contributing financially.  He will understand.  Do not worry.

  • edited December 2011
    Just BREATHE!

    It hasn't been a week yet, you'll be fine. Keep looking and try to worry. It might be tough but try to think of it as a vacation. Like Kat said- You can always apply at Starbucks or something for now.
    imageimageimageimage
  • babybchbumbabybchbum member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    RELAX! Everything will work out in the end, PROMISE.

    Just remember things don't happen when we want them to they happen when GOD wants them to.
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    *Shakes Jeter* Just breathe, woman!!

    I agree with Kat, go get something yummy or treat yourself.  You know you made the right choice, everyone has freak out moments.  Take it for what it was - a moment - then treat yourself and move on.  You'll get one soon, I know it;)


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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-minor-freak-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:48545a7f-1f1f-435d-898b-927ace3e4c4ePost:157ccf56-7e7f-438e-a34d-59ad797b789b">Re: Just a minor freak out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Breath.  Your worth in the relationship is not measured by your job.  but you are anxious about contributing financially. Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    These are excellent points. Overall, I make more money than my bf, but April was a tough month for me - not a lot of income and HUGE expenses. We had agreed on an amount that I would pay each month towards the expenses and now he doesn't want to cash the check for May!!
  • bajedivabajediva member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Deep breath - - - - - wooooo saaaaah......

    Think for a sec about why you're so anxious. Sometimes, uncertainty in itself can drive me freakin CRAZY. But make a conscious decision not to give away peace & joy because of it. I think I remember you saying that part of the consideration for moving down without an official offer yet was knowing that you two could be ok financially for a few months while you looked. If that's the case, then there is no *real* reason to be anxious - you will be A-OK.

    You don't have to go to work everyday and you are with the man you love - savour it.  Embrace it even. Take up kat's suggestion - go get a pedi, go do something relaxing. Plan a nice weekend for you two. Maybe he can take a weekday afternoon off sometime for something enjoyable?

    I'm sure he'll understand if you talk to him about how jarring the transition is without a job to move right into. It might help if you give him the opportunity to brainstorm with you on ways you two can work together to ease the anxiety you're experiencing.
  • edited December 2011
    kat - Thanks...you're right, I need to go relax rather then sitting here in front of the computer job searching like a mad woman and then freaking out because none if it is working out.  Maybe I'll go sit outside, read my book and try to enjoy the weather.. And yes, I've thought about just going to a mall and putting apps in there, just in case!

    paint - I totally knew you would understand.  I don't know what it is... I was having some anxiety last night too - I mean, I couldn't be happier that I've moved here but last night I started thinking about "home" and my job and my apartment and all the things that were always so....constant...I guess you could say.  And now I'm here, in a place that is NOTHING like where I come from and it's not like I can just call a friend to come hang out with me.. Phew, I need to just breathe don't I?  And yes...I know FI understands and I'll definitely have to treat him extra nice tonight :)

    Mut - You're so right, as usual.  And of course I wouldn't keep my thoughts and feelings from  him (I think I just said that in the heat of the moment!).  We're a very open and honest couple and even if I was trying to hold something in, he can ALWAYS tell and then makes me spill the beans on whatever I'm thinking. 

    kathleen - LOL, I'm trying SOOO hard to just chill out and enjoy my time off.  I know once I get a job I'll be wishing for vacation time..!
  • edited December 2011
    babybch - Thank you!  That's exactly right...

    Paige - LOL - I totally needed that.  Yes, time for a yummy treat!! I need to CAAALMMNMNNN DOWN!

    baje - I think the reason I am so anxious is because I've spent the last 7 years of my life doing the exact same thing every day.  I worked at the same job, with the same people and lived in the same area and I always felt like I had that to count on.  Now, I'm 800+ miles from all of that and this is honestly like a completely different country - I told FI last night that I feel like a foreigner here.  The way people talk, the food, the roads...EVERYTHING is different - maybe I am going through some sort of culture shock?  But, on the other hand, the same things that have me anxious are the same things that I think are exciting at the same time...how strange!   
    Oh, and yes, we'll be fine for a few months if I don't have a job... I just honestly hate sitting here and really having nothing to do all day - I'm the type of person that likes to work.. 
    We do have a nice weekend planned, so that should calm me down and relax me quite a bit....
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I freaked out a few days ago that someone else now lives in "my" house. I choked up today because I saw my favorite DC coffee shop's network connection info on my laptop. I miss a COFFEE SHOP for crying out loud! Actually, it's a place where my closest friend and I spent a lot of time. And I miss her.

    I think we'll feel at "home" in our new places soon. It will just take a little time to get settled!
  • edited December 2011

    Awww.... Well, I'm glad we're going through this together paint!   It's definitely an emotional rollercoaster...

  • edited December 2011
    It is a culture shock and I completely understand you feeling like a forgiener. BF was talking about us moving to Indianapolis and it made me a nervous wreck just thinking about doing it. Give it a few weeks, once your settled in you'll be fine.
    imageimageimageimage
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Go and get drunk. How often you can go to the bar at noon during the week?

    I get it - I was out of work for a month about a year and a half ago. This was when I was living with FI (then BF) and it all worked out ok, but it was stressful not knowing when I would get another job. Oh and for the record I wasn't out at the bar getting drunk during the week, but I thought it sounded like a fun idea :)
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  • edited December 2011
    LOL  Good idea loopy!  I don't really know the bars or anything around here though.. I'll just sit outside on the patio and get drunk, so then i won't have to drive.. hah.
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That works. You can go get the cherry limeade and grab some vodka and/or go through the drive-thru hurricane place.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ohhhh how could I forget about the daiquiri place!!  I think that's what I'm going to do.. I have to run out in a bit anyways! 
  • edited December 2011
    I still get choked up when I call my cousin and one of her kids WANTS to talk to me. I miss them so much. I miss seeing them grow up. Good grief, Nora was just a baby when I moved. Now she's a 3-year-old firecracker!

    I miss being able to just go visit my mom any old time. I miss the rediculously low cost of living. lol

    But, I love my FI. I would move halfway around the WORLD with him if it came down to it. He's the one person I just wouldn't WANT to be apart from. I wouldn't be happy day-to-day without him here.

    You JUST moved. You probably feel out of place, and you don't know where to go for anything. You feel stuck in your house/apartment/whatever even though you have a car and you can go anywhere you want. Where would you go? You don't have any family or friends to drop in on. Do you even know where to get a pedicure if you wanted to?

    I'm not trying to make you feel worse, I'm trying to help you pinpoint your feelings. When I moved here, I lived in an apartment with FI and his two roommates who each had a girlfriend over all the time. I didn't even feel like I could leave our bedroom. The living room wasn't private. I didn't know those guys. I didn't know their girlfriends. I didn't know ANYONE. And I DID have a job lined up.

    I promise, it's not about the job. Because I still had freakouts. I knew the job, but I couldn't understand what people said to me! I had NO experience with southern accents and ghetto speak. I'm from West Virginia! Middle of nowhere! Everybody was white, methodist, had a grandpa with a farm and a brother who was a firefighter. EVERYBODY.

    Then I moved to Baton Rouge. Big change.

    I knew how to get to work and get home. I knew exactly that path and no more. I couldn't just "take a drive" like I did in WV because there are "bad parts of town" and lots of traffic... I mean... I was REALLY stuck in that bedroom. With a TV, a computer, and a pull-out sofa bed from the 1970s (how FI managed before me I have no idea).

    In fact, it was around that time I got on the Knot forums and was flamed for who-knows-what on this very same board. Talk about having a rough few months! I couldn't even justify my move by talking about a possible engagement because women on a wedding forum are meaner than guys on a video game forum.

    It was so tough. I'm so sorry you and Paint are going through those things, too. But it gets better. You'll make new friends, you'll find a job (get a part-time one for now just to get out of the house and meet people!). You shouldn't bottle this up because it's an important time in your life and your FI is there beside you. You NEED to lean on him. You NEED to talk to him. He's what makes this worth it. And you need to give him the opportunity to support you emotionally, because that is so valuable to both of you.

    *hugs*
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Awww Jeana, you're the best!  You said it... I have a car...but I don't know where to go!  I have no clue where to go get a pedi..I have no clue where to go get a hair cut or get my darn eyebrows waxed (which I REALLY need to do btw).  I bearly even know how to get to the grocery store without getting lost.  I am relieved though to know that these feelings are normal and you went through the same things.  Thank  you for all the kind words and making me feel better!! 

    I'm not regretting my move at all.  Like you said, I would move clear across the world to be with FI.  Sure I miss my old home..my old friends...my nephews and niece...but I can live my day-to-day life without them...but I absolutely could not continue living my day-to-day life without FI and be happy.
  • edited December 2011
    Oh, and I totally cannot understand what people are saying either!!  Of course I seen "cajuns" talking on TV but man...it's a WHOLE different story when everyone around is a true cajun and talking in that accent I've never heard in my life!
  • edited December 2011
    I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Some days, I still can't understand people. I'm a receptionist and I have to repeat names phonetically, even though the sounds that come out don't make any sense to me. Apparently they make sense to everyone else.
    Anniversary
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    LOL at least the accent isn't too bad here. It's hard to believe it's that wild there! :) I have a hair girl here already - started going to her awhile back when I realized it costs $90 here to do what cost me $280 in DC. Seemed like a deal! I went to the bank today just for something to do. It takes an hour round trip. Of course the bank could take an hour in DC but that was because of traffic. Or I was walking. Here it's tractors, school zones, and just getting to the expressway! But it kills time. :) And it's a pretty drive.
  • edited December 2011
    I just went on my usual grocery store run - it's about the only place I really know around here.  I was walking down the isles trying to find baked beans and I just burst into tears because I couldn't find them!  I'm pretty sure I wasn't ACTUALLY crying over the baked beans, but still!!  That's when I realized that I actually miss going to my usual grocery store back in St Louis - because I always knew where everything was!  I picked up some Jack while I was there...I think FI & I will be having a few drinks tonight, although I'm thinking I'll start without him so I can be calmed down before he gets home in less than an hour...
  • edited December 2011
    Your baked beans story prompted me to make this for you, me, paint, and whoever else:




    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Jeana I adore that button!

    Jeter - Deep breaths doll, all will be well.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Love the displaced bride! I need one. But I'm not a bride and don't know how to put on my signature thingy anyway, so I will live vicariously through Jeter and Jeana. :)

    How are you feeling today Jeter? I learned a new trick this morning. (Sounds kinky - so isn't...) I think old people do this so they don't die. Tell yourself you have to be somewhere in the morning - I don't care if it's the post office, library, or DMV to get your new license. Just after FI leaves for work, get yourself showered and ready, look cute (that's key to feeling good for me) and get out the door. Go to your fake "appointment", take your time getting back, maybe try a new way home and just see where it goes. Stop for a coffee and/or breakfast on the way back. I did that this morning and feel like a million bucks.

    Something I'll be trying this afternoon - nesting. This place needs a good cleaning, especially since I've been sick and lazy all week, so I'll do that this afternoon.

    (Have you noticed I haven't mentioned "work" anywhere? Crap I better start working again one of these days. I've been a slacker most of April... so why start today? Tomorrow is May!)  :)
  • edited December 2011
    Ooh, nesting! I started nesting like crazy when we got our own place! It's fun!

    Maybe it's wrong of me, but I'm excited to get some of those wedding presents so my nesting side can kick back in. Maybe we'll get lucky and get a new TV stand and end tables, and our living room will look like it belongs to adults instead of college kids.

    Jeter- I know it's far, but the only thing I've got is Nail Boulevard in the Mall of Louisiana does kickass pedicures with massaging chairs and foot massages and whatnot (I want to say like $35, maybe less). Also, I use Brittney at Regis (in the same mall) for color/cut/eyebrow wax and she does a great job.

    So, I guess if you're super-bored you could drive to BR for your pedi because that's where I know stuff. lol
    Anniversary
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Ooo real adult furniture is fun. The place I just sold was my first home with all adult furniture - nothing that snapped together and only had instructions in Chinese. This house is ... different. It's too big. We don't have enough stuff to fill it. Our taste is kind of different so I'm not real motivated to get BF to buy new stuff with me. And we don't want to live here forever so we don't see the point in going too crazy.
  • edited December 2011
    Jeana - Loooove the button! LOL Thanks!  I love nesting too, but that's what I've been doing ALL week - I don't know how much more I can nest...! 
    Hmm... Well, I might just have to make a day of beauty of and go to BR some time!  I've been wondering where on earth a mall is - I haven't seen one yet!

    paint - I'm glad to hear you've figured something out to make you feel better!   My allergies and asthma is absolutely killing me this morning or I'd try that out.  Maybe if I feel better at lunch time I'll go out and explore and find somewhere for lunch.  I do need to go to the post office today (which I have no idea where it is)... 
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I've moved a lot (until my long stay in DC) and used to have a checklist of things to find when I got to a new town. Not sure where it is now, but it included things like:

    Nearest post office, library, dry cleaner, gym or park/trail, decent coffee, Subway, liquor store, grocery store, then NICE grocery store for the good stuff, shopping area (clothes and housewares), and other things you need on a regular basis. Then I'd take a day and go drive around to find them.
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