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I haz a happee :)

So last night BF spouted some wisdom at me. As many of you know, he and I have been going through a lot lately. We are good, and getting better everyday, but it had been a rough couple of months there. And my insecurity  - that ugly beast that lurks below the surface - was magnifying every issue about 10 times.

While we were chatting last night about things, he mentioned that his biggest struggle with our relationship right now is my insecurity. He said that in the past, with other relationships, he has had to contend with the memories of a GF's ex, or someone else they had feelings for, or his own feelings not being what he thought, but he said that this is the first time he has had to fight tooth and nail against his GF's own mind. He said that any tiredness or defeatedness he has exhibited is due to his losing battle against my insecurity, because no matter what he tells me, I will believe my own self-deprecation over his compliments. He told me that no matter how much he tells me or shows me that he loves me, that I am the woman of his dreams, that I am beautiful and amazing and smart and kind, it doesn't matter unless I believe it of myself. He said if I can't love myself, how can I believe others that love me?

He is a freaking genius.

I know all of this to be true, and it has been a constant battle throughout my life. I am actually much better off with my self-esteem than I used to be, but it is still a work in progress. Hearing him say these things made me feel more of a sense of clarity about our relationship. There are things we are working through together, for sure, but the hardest battle is with myself. We are not broken, my self-esteem is. And while I do think I need his support to repair it, I must repair it myself.

I started to cry when I told him that my biggest sadness is still him putting our future on hold. I told him that I know why he has to, and that I commend him for wanting to get his own head right before moving forward, but that it still hurt my heart and I let it get to me and damage my self-esteem. He picked up my hand and held it to his chest and said, "You feel that? That is beating for you, and only you. Forever. I am not going anywhere. Everything that we have to go through, we are going through together. I am yours forever."

Needless to say I am pretty much high on warm fuzzies today. Just wanted to share :)

Re: I haz a happee :)

  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That is so sweet!! I'm so happy you guys are able to talk about things and work towards fixing them. It definitely sounds like you are on the right track. Congratulations and good luck!
    -Ely

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  • becunning2becunning2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, your BF rocks! 

    He's totally right though:  don't let your insecurity destroy you, or it'll destroy the relationship too.

    But that's super awesome. I'm glad you guys are still making progress.
  • edited December 2011
    It sounds like you have a wonderful, supportive and loving man there csouse1. And smart to boot! He's right; if you don't love yourself, you won't be able to accept his compliments of you and affection for you. I can see how it would be frustrating for him to feel that you don't see yourself the way he sees you. I think most women are the harshest critics of themselves. It's hard to let that go...but I think it's wonderful that your working on it.

    Below is a quote from a song that I love. To me, love isn't always easy and it isn't without conflict...but it should feel "twice as good". Moments like the one you and your BF shared are what make you feel lucky and blessed in your relationship...even when things are tough.

    With every burden I have carried
    With every joy it's understood
    Life with you is half as hard and twice as good

    Married 6.22.13

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  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    *does a happy dance for you* YAY!!! :) I love when BF's have intelligent moments and are sweet all in one shot! <3

    I'm very happy ya'll had a good conversation and were able to get through some of your "issues".

    <3<3<3 Have a fanfreakingtastic Friday :)
  • edited December 2011
    Thats an amazing BF to stand by you and help you work through issues rather than to say its to much and walk away... COngrats on an amazing relationship and having lots of warm fuzzies today!!!
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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's great csousa! What a sweetie!
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_haz-happee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4b0199fe-870e-4bb9-94d9-0007df8106edPost:eaa730b7-6c66-4106-be15-c6f3a89d48ae">I haz a happee :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]"You feel that? That is beating for you, and only you. Forever. I am not going anywhere. Everything that we have to go through, we are going through together. I am yours forever."

    Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

    This seriously made me tear up.  That is so sweet!
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • edited December 2011
    Wow! Thanks for sharing. I have been working on my self-esteem issues too and sometimes wonder what's going through my BF's head. Like you, my self-esteem is much better than it used to be, but I struggle with losing weight and that affects my self-esteem. Sometimes I tell myself the reason he hasn't proposed yet is b/c he's waiting until I lose more weight. But then I remind myself that he committed himself to me a long time ago (told me he wanted to spend his life with me), when I actually weighed more than I do now, so obviously he's in it for the long-haul. And I know for a fact (b/c he's told me) that he hasn't proposed b/c he can't afford a ring yet. So I rest assured that he does love me for who I am and that in his own timing, he will propose. Thanks for sharing your conversation - it's really helpful to hear things from you BF's point of view.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_haz-happee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4b0199fe-870e-4bb9-94d9-0007df8106edPost:987501c1-0ce1-43f6-83c3-ba1b5fd9c868">Re: I haz a happee :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to I haz a happee :) : This seriously made me tear up.  That is so sweet!
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    Me too! I'm still wiping my eyes. What a great man you have OP!
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oooh...so so sweet.

    So what's the plan to increase the self-esteem?
    Here is a good link I've found:
    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

    What do you think your troubling conditions or situations are?
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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    csousa, that was an awesome conversation. As someone who has struggled with self-esteem her whole life, might I suggest going to talk to a counselor? Talking those issues out with someone else can REALLY help, and make take a bit of the burden off of your BF.

    Have a GREAT weekend :)
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  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_haz-happee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4b0199fe-870e-4bb9-94d9-0007df8106edPost:28541ad8-be7d-4056-9d39-1019af870787">Re: I haz a happee :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow! Thanks for sharing. I have been working on my self-esteem issues too and sometimes wonder what's going through my BF's head. Like you, my self-esteem is much better than it used to be, but I struggle with losing weight and that affects my self-esteem. Sometimes I tell myself the reason he hasn't proposed yet is b/c he's waiting until I lose more weight. But then I remind myself that he committed himself to me a long time ago (told me he wanted to spend his life with me), when I actually weighed more than I do now, so obviously he's in it for the long-haul. And I know for a fact (b/c he's told me) that he hasn't proposed b/c he can't afford a ring yet. So I rest assured that he does love me for who I am and that in his own timing, he will propose. Thanks for sharing your conversation - it's really helpful to hear things from you BF's point of view.
    Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

    Not a problem, that is why I posted it! I know that a lot of women go through this, and since it was an eye-opener for me I thought I would share it. Like you, I have had those niggling thoughts in the back of my mind that, yes, of course he loves me, but he probably wishes my waist was just a little smaller, my legs just a little longer....Not so!

    Instead of just the grumbling, irritated, "Stop doubting how much I love you," in this conversation he really looked at me and was saying, "Stop fighting me on how much I love you. You can't convince me that what I see in you is not the truth of who you are, you will never convince me that you aren't amazing. You need to see yourself the way that I do." It was kind of an epiphany for me, and tremendously helpful :)
  • kellyt89kellyt89 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think this is so wonderful, your BF sounds like a great guy and very much in love with you! I remember a little bit about what you posted as far as putting your future on hold, and I'm sure that must be hard, so I'm really glad he was able to reassure you that it's not YOU or his feelings about you.

    I've dealt with some pretty rough self esteem issues myself and it is absolutely possible to get through them and develop a healthier self image. You deserve it! Something sort of corny that helps me is inspiring quotes/poems. I have them on stickies on my computer and also a few around my room. When I'm feeling down I look at them and it makes me feel a bit better and stop beating myself up so much.
    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • edited December 2011
    That is so wonderful and sweet! You have a very sweet and loving BF and it's awesome he's not taking the easy route in this situation, but instead standing by you and helping you. :)


  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Aw that is wonderful!!!  <3  You're Bf is so smart.  I also struggle with this.  Thanks for posting to remind us of how important it is to love ourselves. 

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Aw, what a sweet guy.
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    That is so sweet!
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Aw, that made my day.  I definitely just teared up.

    You are a lucky woman <3
    I french with my man
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That is so, so sweet, Sous! Thanks for sharing! I literally said "Awww!" out loud at the computer screen, and then got choked up. What a wonderful man you have.

    Good luck with the self-esteem thing. I'm right there with you. It's an ongoing battle, but we'll get there!
  • edited December 2011
    Yay what a nice moment together.  He is so sweet.

    Anniversary

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