Not Engaged Yet
csousa1
member
I haz a happee :)
So last night BF spouted some wisdom at me. As many of you know, he and I have been going through a lot lately. We are good, and getting better everyday, but it had been a rough couple of months there. And my insecurity - that ugly beast that lurks below the surface - was magnifying every issue about 10 times.
While we were chatting last night about things, he mentioned that his biggest struggle with our relationship right now is my insecurity. He said that in the past, with other relationships, he has had to contend with the memories of a GF's ex, or someone else they had feelings for, or his own feelings not being what he thought, but he said that this is the first time he has had to fight tooth and nail against his GF's own mind. He said that any tiredness or defeatedness he has exhibited is due to his losing battle against my insecurity, because no matter what he tells me, I will believe my own self-deprecation over his compliments. He told me that no matter how much he tells me or shows me that he loves me, that I am the woman of his dreams, that I am beautiful and amazing and smart and kind, it doesn't matter unless I believe it of myself. He said if I can't love myself, how can I believe others that love me?
He is a freaking genius.
I know all of this to be true, and it has been a constant battle throughout my life. I am actually much better off with my self-esteem than I used to be, but it is still a work in progress. Hearing him say these things made me feel more of a sense of clarity about our relationship. There are things we are working through together, for sure, but the hardest battle is with myself. We are not broken, my self-esteem is. And while I do think I need his support to repair it, I must repair it myself.
I started to cry when I told him that my biggest sadness is still him putting our future on hold. I told him that I know why he has to, and that I commend him for wanting to get his own head right before moving forward, but that it still hurt my heart and I let it get to me and damage my self-esteem. He picked up my hand and held it to his chest and said, "You feel that? That is beating for you, and only you. Forever. I am not going anywhere. Everything that we have to go through, we are going through together. I am yours forever."
Needless to say I am pretty much high on warm fuzzies today. Just wanted to share
While we were chatting last night about things, he mentioned that his biggest struggle with our relationship right now is my insecurity. He said that in the past, with other relationships, he has had to contend with the memories of a GF's ex, or someone else they had feelings for, or his own feelings not being what he thought, but he said that this is the first time he has had to fight tooth and nail against his GF's own mind. He said that any tiredness or defeatedness he has exhibited is due to his losing battle against my insecurity, because no matter what he tells me, I will believe my own self-deprecation over his compliments. He told me that no matter how much he tells me or shows me that he loves me, that I am the woman of his dreams, that I am beautiful and amazing and smart and kind, it doesn't matter unless I believe it of myself. He said if I can't love myself, how can I believe others that love me?
He is a freaking genius.
I know all of this to be true, and it has been a constant battle throughout my life. I am actually much better off with my self-esteem than I used to be, but it is still a work in progress. Hearing him say these things made me feel more of a sense of clarity about our relationship. There are things we are working through together, for sure, but the hardest battle is with myself. We are not broken, my self-esteem is. And while I do think I need his support to repair it, I must repair it myself.
I started to cry when I told him that my biggest sadness is still him putting our future on hold. I told him that I know why he has to, and that I commend him for wanting to get his own head right before moving forward, but that it still hurt my heart and I let it get to me and damage my self-esteem. He picked up my hand and held it to his chest and said, "You feel that? That is beating for you, and only you. Forever. I am not going anywhere. Everything that we have to go through, we are going through together. I am yours forever."
Needless to say I am pretty much high on warm fuzzies today. Just wanted to share
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Re: I haz a happee :)
He's totally right though: don't let your insecurity destroy you, or it'll destroy the relationship too.
But that's super awesome. I'm glad you guys are still making progress.
Below is a quote from a song that I love. To me, love isn't always easy and it isn't without conflict...but it should feel "twice as good". Moments like the one you and your BF shared are what make you feel lucky and blessed in your relationship...even when things are tough.
With every burden I have carried
With every joy it's understood
Life with you is half as hard and twice as good
Married 6.22.13
I'm very happy ya'll had a good conversation and were able to get through some of your "issues".
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[QUOTE]"You feel that? That is beating for you, and only you. Forever. I am not going anywhere. Everything that we have to go through, we are going through together. I am yours forever."
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]
This seriously made me tear up. That is so sweet!
[QUOTE]In Response to I haz a happee :) : This seriously made me tear up. That is so sweet!
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]
Me too! I'm still wiping my eyes. What a great man you have OP!
So what's the plan to increase the self-esteem?
Here is a good link I've found:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129
What do you think your troubling conditions or situations are?
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]Wow! Thanks for sharing. I have been working on my self-esteem issues too and sometimes wonder what's going through my BF's head. Like you, my self-esteem is much better than it used to be, but I struggle with losing weight and that affects my self-esteem. Sometimes I tell myself the reason he hasn't proposed yet is b/c he's waiting until I lose more weight. But then I remind myself that he committed himself to me a long time ago (told me he wanted to spend his life with me), when I actually weighed more than I do now, so obviously he's in it for the long-haul. And I know for a fact (b/c he's told me) that he hasn't proposed b/c he can't afford a ring yet. So I rest assured that he does love me for who I am and that in his own timing, he will propose. Thanks for sharing your conversation - it's really helpful to hear things from you BF's point of view.
Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]
Not a problem, that is why I posted it! I know that a lot of women go through this, and since it was an eye-opener for me I thought I would share it. Like you, I have had those niggling thoughts in the back of my mind that, yes, of course he loves me, but he probably wishes my waist was just a little smaller, my legs just a little longer....Not so!
Instead of just the grumbling, irritated, "Stop doubting how much I love you," in this conversation he really looked at me and was saying, "Stop fighting me on how much I love you. You can't convince me that what I see in you is not the truth of who you are, you will never convince me that you aren't amazing. You need to see yourself the way that I do." It was kind of an epiphany for me, and tremendously helpful :)
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Aw that is wonderful!!!
You're Bf is so smart. I also struggle with this. Thanks for posting to remind us of how important it is to love ourselves.
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