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Schooling Before Marriage or After?

natyasanatyasa
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in Not Engaged Yet
Hi Ladies!

I want your opinion on something.

My BF and I are planning on being engaged mid-2010 (our culture requires an actual "ceremony") and we are expecting to marry sometime in 2011. We live an hour apart, so the "long distance" has really started taking a toll on us and our ability to spend time together (I know, I should be so lucky that he's only an hour away and not half-way across the world!)

Now, my BF wants to pursue a Doctorate in Physical Therapy, which requires 3 years of FULL TIME schooling (or 5 years part time). My question is: do we wait 3 years until after he's done schooling to get married or should we get married first?

This is something both him and I have talked about (and will continue to do so), but I wanted a 3rd party opinion.

I make average salary and bring home only $2000/month, so I'm a little concerned that the stress and pressure of being the "bread-winner" for the first three years of our marriage will take a toll on our relationship at its most delicate transitional phase.

What do you think? What would you do?
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Re: Schooling Before Marriage or After?

  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is such a personal decision, I am unsure how to give advice.

    I am in school, and will probably finish in Spring or Fall 2012. We may be sacrificing some financial aid to get married, but our goals and timeline for a family are really important. I waited 5 years after high school to figure out what I wanted to do and how to pay for it, and I am okay with our "plan" (note the quotations--- all plans are subject to change).

    However, some people would never sacrifice scholarships to get married a few years earlier. After all, you already love each other. Your relationship doesn't begin when you get married. Why rush?

    I am getting married while in college because I am 26 years old, I am with the love of my life and I want to marry him, and we want to have a baby as soon as I am finished with school. Along with some other, more minor reasons. The timing is right for us. Only you and your BF can decide when the time is right for you.

    Good luck.
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    None of your options have "get married while in school and continue full-time" which is what I'm doing... so I don't know what to vote for. Sealed
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I vote school full time and marriage part time! No, not really. What would the financial situation be if you were only dating while he is in school? BF and I have been doing LD for almost 2 years now, it'll be fine. Annoying at times but fine.
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FI will have 4 years of graduate school after we get married. He's going to be in school part time for the first three years and is working on getting his CFA, but I couldn't dream of waiting until he's done with it to get married.

    If you're too concerned about the finances, he should consider going part-time (what is he planning on doing if you don't get married? will you still be the "bread winner?". I am currently the "breadwinner" in our relationship, and I know it's given me much more appreciation for what he'll do for me when I'm at home with our kids. It might end up being more of a valuable lesson than a trial.

    But, you should do what's right for the both of you.
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  • natyasanatyasa
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for your responses everyone! I also posted a similar post in the "Nest" boards and got similar responses:

    Get married now - finish school while working part-time!

    I'll be doing a Masters in Accountancy when we get married (studying for GMATs now), and I'll be done with school before he will be. Hopefully my new degree will get me a hefty raise and he can go to school full-time and finish sooner. yay!Cool
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My vote is also for getting married now and staying in school full time.
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you were asking about your Bachelor's degree, I'd say wait until you are finished, but if you are working on Masters or Doctorate level classes, go for it.
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  • swim1011swim1011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I voted for school now, but I think I missed the part about it being his doctorate.  I think you should get married, but have him keep doing school FT.  Also, keep in mind that (assuming he would start his program in fall 2010) he will probably be through one year already by the time you get married. 

    It will probably be less stress in the long run to just go full time and get it over with, than spread it out over an extra two years. 
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