How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?

CharityG87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:1f5700b4-daf1-4449-ac62-393286ee99f8">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In response to everyone but especially CharityG87 ! Man, I came to these mesg boards to ask the SAME QUESTIONS! Is it ridiculous to start planning before having the ring!? Because that's what im doing right now! haha. Its so cool to know im not the only crazy, planning, control freak out there! lol. My BF and I knew almost immediately that we were going to be together forever after being friends for YEARS. And actually, for the first time in my life, he was the one to bring up the 'love and marriage' topic ! He's the one that told me to start looking at TIFFANY'S rings and gave me a budget to work with!! Crazy huh?!?! BUT he says we have to wait 3 or 4 years because we don't want to be in that "divorce percentile" and we need to save up so we dont get married out of debt. (Obviously hes the smart one of the relationship haha) Anyway, naturally i am SOOO impatient so this is deff not easy for me. But after reading all these posts and occupying my time with other things, its become much easier. And I dont talk or pressure him about the wedding thing hardly at all any more. The times I do bring up wedding ideas he loves talking about them! About the pre-planning thing. Personally, I dont want a SUPER long engagement and I feel like 6mnth-1yr is a crazy amnt of time to plan such a memorable day.Not to mention, naturally I am a planner. Its just my thing. So things have to be perfect. I feel like, if you KNOW, theres nothing wrong with getting planning done ahead of time. Im not BOOKING anything but im getting quotes on things, flower ideas, venues,colors, etc etc! This website deff ROCKS with ALL planning things you need!! I could spend DAYS on here and never run out of things to do or look at! So besides to SLIGHT pre-planning, lets cherish the moment we have now! We may never get it back!! P.S. I'm kind of new to this whole mesg board thing so, NICE to meet you ladies!! :)
Posted by allishiare[/QUOTE]

Well with us, we have been dating over 6 years and have talked about getting married for years.. Then it moved to WHEN are we getting married? Then we knew by new years 2010 that we were getting engaged this year.. And now its just all starting to happen..  We just started looking at rings, and really just about found the one.. but thought we should look more because honestly we only made it to one store.. But I feel really good about this one.. and I'm horrible at decisions.. so it might be a good sign.. BUT still gonna look elsewhere, ANYWAY.   It was basically his desicion, his mothers, and mine.. to go ahead and start looking and planning other things.. Nothing drastic, but if its going to be next october  then I think it will be better for us to start looking now.. Especially since I prob wont have the ring til December.. and thats less than a year.. at that point... I think i might be getting it sooner,  he seems just as impatient as I am.. haha but yeaah.. I already told my sister that she would be my maid of honor and discussed that I was starting to plan, and that I wanted to do Fall 2011, and she told me I was rushing it.. but I don't feel rushed.. and I honestly wouldn't want to wait longer than that.. So I came here thinking I was crazy and really pushing things..

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:374db0ac-ee67-43f3-8927-6a44737936e0">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : Well with us, we have been dating over 6 years and have talked about getting married for years.. Then it moved to WHEN are we getting married? Then we knew by new years 2010 that we were getting engaged this year.. And now its just all starting to happen..  We just started looking at rings, and really just about found the one.. but thought we should look more because honestly we only made it to one store.. But I feel really good about this one.. and I'm horrible at decisions.. so it might be a good sign.. BUT still gonna look elsewhere, ANYWAY.   It was basically his desicion, his mothers, and mine.. to go ahead and start looking and planning other things.. Nothing drastic, but if its going to be next october  then I think it will be better for us to start looking now.. Especially since I prob wont have the ring til December.. and thats less than a year.. at that point... I think i might be getting it sooner,  he seems just as impatient as I am.. haha but yeaah.. I already told my sister that she would be my maid of honor and discussed that I was starting to plan, and that I wanted to do Fall 2011, and she told me I was rushing it.. but I don't feel rushed.. and I honestly wouldn't want to wait longer than that.. <strong>So I came here thinking I was crazy and really pushing things..</strong>
Posted by CharityG87[/QUOTE]

YOU ARE.

Do you even READ the threads here?

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:952a4dc8-736d-4428-b45b-8d0c154e4f6d">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : YOU ARE. Do you even READ the threads here?
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]


This is what happen when we don't post as much as we used to.

Narwhal

Ahem. What does your engagement ring have to do with his mother?

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:3fc5a3ff-6bfc-40b2-8359-bc66a883cfdd">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : This is what happen when we don't post as much as we used to.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

This is true. I may be around a bit more than some of the regs, but I don't think I have the patience to keep saying the same things over and over. I don't know how any of you girls do it.

If you want to plan, and you've agreed that you're going to be engaged, I honestly do not see how that doesn't make you "engaged". I don't care about whether you have your proposal or not or anything like that, but don't say you're "not engaged" when you're agreeing on all these wedding plans. It's contradictory.

And you don't <strong>need</strong> a year to plan a wedding. It really isn't <strong>necessary</strong>. It's just a guideline or an average.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:c3fd6506-5e05-44a9-af23-eca58e8e3eb0">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : This is true. I may be around a bit more than some of the regs, but <strong>I don't think I have the patience to keep saying the same things over and over. I don't know how any of you girls do it.</strong> If you want to plan, and you've agreed that you're going to be engaged, I honestly do not see how that doesn't make you "engaged". I don't care about whether you have your proposal or not or anything like that, but don't say you're "not engaged" when you're agreeing on all these wedding plans. It's contradictory. And you don't need a year to plan a wedding. It really isn't necessary . It's just a guideline or an average.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

That's why I didn't just copy and paste my little pearls o' wisdom from last week. I'm tired of doing it. If people would just LURK and read back a page or two...GAH!

I may go ballistic on the next person to say "I'm a planner." That's not a reason; it's a RATIONALIZATION  for BSCness.

bethsmiles

I'm a planner. But I don't go around acting like a crazy person. I feel like we get the same questions posted over and over and over and over and OVER again!!! My god people there are no super special snowflakes, you are going to get the same answers as all the other beebees. the girls on this board are honest and consistent in their advice. If you read just a few other posts we wouldn't have to basically copy and paste the same answers that we give every day.

deburnin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:952a4dc8-736d-4428-b45b-8d0c154e4f6d">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : YOU ARE. Do you even READ the threads here?
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>Nope she was too busy doing this:</div><div>
<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/12/12/ac6e2bc6-b3d4-4526-9c6a-4e7f03e2f2b7.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'ac6e2bc6-b3d4-4526-9c6a-4e7f03e2f2b7', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/12/12/ac6e2bc6-b3d4-4526-9c6a-4e7f03e2f2b7.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
</div><div>
</div><div>Until of course she found someone who agree with her BSCness.</div>

CharityG87

What can I say? I've never been on this site? And this was the first thread I came across? You didn't have to respond.. besides your response was no help at all.. So Why bother if it makes you so mad?   Honestly I was feeling down about it with my sister, and I thought I'd come for positive feelings and get even more negative feedback..  Why not just ignore the post if it has no relevance to you...

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:cd10f130-c317-4cb2-917a-055e13dd1aae">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]What can I say? I've never been on this site? And this was the first thread I came across? You didn't have to respond.. besides your response was no help at all.. So Why bother if it makes you so mad?   Honestly I was feeling down about it with my sister, and I thought I'd come for positive feelings and get even more negative feedback..  Why not just ignore the post if it has no relevance to you...
Posted by CharityG87[/QUOTE]

Actually, one of the first threads at the top of the page that is constantly stickied to the board says "Welcome to Not Engaged (Yet)!" and in that post it recommends lurking first.

Also, nobody's "mad". I think in the end pretty much every girl here could agree that no, we don't know most (if any) of these posters and it's their life. But we also do have advice and suggestions to give to posters who post on this board. So that's what the responses were. Also, most of the later responses on this thread weren't to your post (but some may have been) but to the girl who posted after you. And then you replied even further. So you got some opinions based off the question YOU asked from people who have a bit of experience in this area.

Plus, even if this was the first thread, there were lots of other responses that anyone can read to get the general feel of what posters on here think. It really isn't a big deal.

CharityG87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finding-peace-being-pre-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5638a47d-da85-4694-a95c-42f5c273a532Post:916386e7-1f02-44c7-969d-15352d3dc175">Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : Actually, one of the first threads at the top of the page that is constantly stickied to the board says "Welcome to Not Engaged (Yet)!" and in that post it recommends lurking first. Also, nobody's "mad". I think in the end pretty much every girl here could agree that no, we don't know most (if any) of these posters and it's their life. But we also do have advice and suggestions to give to posters who post on this board. So that's what the responses were. Also, most of the later responses on this thread weren't to your post (but some may have been) but to the girl who posted after you. And then you replied even further. So you got some opinions based off the question YOU asked from people who have a bit of experience in this area. Plus, even if this was the first thread, there were lots of other responses that anyone can read to get the general feel of what posters on here think. It really isn't a big deal.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Thank you for being civil.. It was just the first thread that I chose to look upon since it was the closest to what was really on my mind.

desertsun

I'm sorry, Charity. I normally make a lot more effort to be constructive in my responses.

But please understand that we do get a lot of the same questions/situations come up time and again, and it IS really frustrating to feel like you're talking to a wall because you've written essentially the same response 3-4 times over the past week.

This is why we say over and over: LURK before posting.

Here's a couple links for threads that relate to your situation:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_youve-planned-flowers-found-gownbut-ringyet-story

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ruined-his-surprisenow