Just curious...

hollyb78

How long were you and your SO together before you started talking about engagement/marriage? My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months and have been talking about marriage for a couple of months now. We're in a long-distance relationship, so we only see each other about once every three to four weeks. When I tell people we're talking engagement, they seem to think it's too early. I'm 32 and my bf is 35, so I don't feel like we're rushing into anything. I just wanted to get some other opinions.

calindi

I think being apart brings those conversations up quicker because you miss each other.  My BF and I were together about 8 months when he went off to training for the Marine Corps, and it was only once we were apart that we started both thinking about it (I brought it up when he got back that I had started to think hypothetically about getting married, and he smiled and said that was good because he had told everyone in his platoon that I was the woman he was going to marry).

But just because we started talking about it doesn't mean we're rushing into anything.  It's been 1.5 years since then, and we're only now starting to get to the point where we'll be buying a ring in the next 6 months or so.  We'll be getting engaged sometime between 2-3 years of dating, and getting married just about 4 years.

KatyRoseM

Fi first brought it up after about a month, but not in a serious way.  He asked about what Jewish weddings were like and we negotiated what parts he would be willing to do.  After that we talked a few times about it, and about a month later I was sure we would get married.  A year later he proposed.  I think we were fast, but I'm only 26. 

deburnin

BF and I talked about engagement/marriage a little over a year into the relationship. Not in the planning to get engaged, but in a he wasn't ready and I *thought* I was kind of way. We were only 18 at the time. Looking back my pressuring him was beyond stupid. We've talked about engagement/marriage sporadically throughout the past five years, but only got into serious talks about it this year.

ETA: I think that age also has a lot to do with how quickly engagement/marriage comes up in a relationship.

hollyb78

We're planning to get engaged early next year, and probably get married in spring/summer 2012. I'm in school right now, but I'll graduate in May, then move back and get a job, then we'll start planning the wedding.

bethsmiles

we started talking about getting engaged about 10 months into our relationship, orginally the plan was to get married in january or this coming summer but after more and more discussions we decided to wait at least until summer 2012

motoLyn

My BF and I knew each other beforehand as friends.  So we knew each others quirks and what not.  When we started dating we moved in together 9 months after we started dating and 11 months into the relationship we openly talked about getting married.  As of last Saturday, he gave me two options on a ring and I chose one and he put the deposit down on it.  He's picking a diamond out on his own this weekend.  I think  that this is a little faster than I had imagined it when I was in my early 20s.  But it feels so right that I can't see any opposition to it.  Both of our families are estatic. 

CWill16

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 and we probably started talking about it at 16 or 17. Nothing serious at all, just that we both knew it would happen for us some day. The serious discussions about when, what we value, etc. didn't being until I was about 18. We will probably be getting engaged sometime before the holidays and wont be married until after I graduate college and he finishes with his masters. That puts a potential wedding sometime in fall of 2012.

Just because someone takes it slow doesn't mean their marriage might be any better or worse. Just don't do anything you don't feel ready for and forget what other people think.

zipis1

A little over a year for us is when we had the, "So I'm pretty sure you're the one," conversation. At about a year and a half it turned into talk of a timeline. That was about two years ago now. Unfortunately our original timeline got messed up or we'd be engaged by now. Ah well. C'est la vie.

leia1979

We started talking about it about eight months in when we started talking about living together. We both said we wouldn't consider living together if we weren't seriously contemplating marriage.

Now that I look back, that sounds kind of fast, but we were also both 29 at the time.

Elle1036

We've been having silly conversations ("when we get married...") since pretty much the day we started dating, but we didn't start talking about it seriously until a year-ish ago, when we had been together about 3 years.  Even still, we're not engaged, but it shouldn't be long...

whitma87

we really didnt start having the serious talks until about 2.5 years into our relationship. he initiated and started talking about how he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, ect., we stayed in bed for hours cuddling and talking about all the serious things, how many kids we wanted, when we want to get married, ect. he said he didnt want to marry me until i'm out of college. its my senior year now, and im just waiting for him to pop the question. he planned a 4 year anniversary weekend trip to NYC, i'm hoping it'll be then!

it looks like im the odd one out, i see alot of women talking about it under a year into the relationship. i think it also depends on your age. i was 19 at the time.

GreenPepperBurger

I think the younger a couple starts dating, the longer they should be together before they get married. I started dating BF at 16. I was ready to get engaged at 18 (oh boy am I glad that didn't materialize). We always talked jokingly about getting married, but now we're talking "like, for serious." We aren't getting engaged yet - maybe in 2-3 years from now, and at that point, we would have been dating around 7 years.

tafft1

I know I will sound BSC but we started talking marriage on my first in person visit - less than 3 months after we "met" online and started talking. I just knew there was something about him..and I was right. We definitely aren't the norm , nor do I recommend anyone following in my footsteps persay , but it hit me and I knew I couldn't let him go. Thankfully he felt the same way

emelri27

Yeah, I'm definitely not the normal either. We met in college and had been good friends for 2 years before we started dating. I knew about 3 months in that he was the one for me, and we probably talked about marriage 5-6 months in. By talking I mean the "I think you're the one but I'm not ready" talk. We started seriously discussing engagement within the last month (11months), but we've been long distance the last four months and that definitely sped up the process. I miss him!

HeartOverMind

We started seriously talking about marriage/ engagement about 6 or 7 months into the relationship. He told me earlier in the relationship (like the first month or so) that he was getting older and that he was looking for someone to marry. (He's 4 years older than me) I was delighted by that, but I was so silly about it all and then I fell in love with him and marriage was definitely a possibility.

He took me to go looking at rings about 3 months ago and I knew that he was completely serious about us.

nottheonlydreamer44

I'm definitely the minority here - FI and I knew each other and had been friends for 10 years before we started dating. We started talking seriously about getting married about 2 months into the relationship. Then we bought a house together. We got engaged at 3.5 months but won't be married until next summer. 15 months after our first date. I think age, life history, ect... all come into play.

This is not something I would recommend for everyone but our families are thrilled!

Bec20

Kyle and I had the "I think you're the one" discussion about three months into our relationship.  We were very young at the time and we both knew that we wouldn't be ready to get married for another few years.

We first had that discussion about 2 years and a month ago, but we're still not engaged.  We are still quite young and still in school, so it isn't surprising, but I figure it will be another 1.5 to 3 years before we're engaged.  I figure we'll have been together six or seven years before we get married.

Wrkn925

I have two things to say:

1.) Bumbldog does not look particularly pleased with his attire.

2.) Holly, I'm from KY too. And my name is Holly.

That is all.

zipis1

How dare you, Wrkn!? Bumbledog LOVES his attire! :P

Honestly though, I don't know how he feels about that thing. He gets super duper excited when I pull it out every year, but the antennae bug the snot out of him. But this year he gets to be Devildog, which has a hood. Which I'm sure he'll love just as much :P

I think most of his expression is due to the fact he hates cameras, though. If I want a non pouty picture I have to sneak up on him. I mean look at this. He acts like it's going to eat him.

Wrkn925

It is still cute, my parents' dogs love the camera. (Mom is a photographer.)  So they pose when the camera comes out. As much as dogs could pose I guess....

In answer to the original question, BF started talking about marraige before I was willing to talk about it seriously.  We've been together a little over a year and a half, and now I'm ready.  We've recently looked at rings, and I'm patiently waiting for the purchase and proposal.

ETA: I'm not sure how I keep hitting middle alignment, but it's annoying.

desertsun

Wow, I am VERY surprised so many people talk about it so early!

We were dating for about 2 years before we started talking about marrying each other, and we were in our mid-twenties when we started dating.

mellimel19

We started talking about it about 2 years into our relationship, around the same time we started talking about moving in together. He had had a lot of bad dating experiences and I had recently gotten out of a very long term relationship when we first started dating, so we wanted to move slowly.

dwest2201

FI and I were only officially together for a a little over a month before we started talking about marriage/family and the like.  I actually remember the first talk like it was yesterday.  It was early December of 2008 and we were in the car driving to Columbus for a wedding. 

We were driving past farms in the middle of nowhere and discussing how great living out there would be.  I made a comment about how I do like the idea, but I'm so accustom to the city and with having a little one that I like being near modern conveniences like the 24hr pharmacy and one of the best Children's hospitals in the nation, etc.  He said you're right I think we should raise our kids in Cincinnati and then retire out here with some land and animals and then our kids and grandkids can come here when they want to get away and we'll have horses and everything.  Looking back I think to myself why was that not awkward?  I mean I was GOING THRU my dissolution at the time still.  I guess because we knew each other for years before and had talked about what we both wanted (and it was pretty much dead on)... so I agreed that it sounded like a great idea.


I think that it depends largely on your maturity level (not so much age, but they often go hand in hand).  If you are both at a point in your life where you see marriage as something that you want in the near future (just waiting for the right person per say) then I think it is likely to come up, in talks sooner as well as happen sooner. 

I don' t really think that there is a right or wrong time.  As long as you are both comfortable with whatever is being discussed then that is what matters.