Flameworthy Vent

kellyt89

I'm in a horrible mood and I feel like the biggest b*tch because of it. I guess I just need to get it off my chest to someone other than my roommate.

BF's grandfather died early yesterday morning - luckily BF was able to be there and see him the night before but he's a wreck, of course. All I want to do is be there with him. I was planning on going to go to CT on Saturday just for the day, bring them some food and be with BF. Well, BF talked to his grandma about it and she told him that she really appreciated me wanting to come but she would rather meet me for the first time under different circumstances. So I can't go.

I haven't seen BF since Tuesday morning and won't see him until this Tuesday, at the earliest. I want to be there with him and for him right now and I'm also feeling really butthurt like I'm being boxed out. I know I'm being selfish and a big baby - it's his grandma's decision, she just lost her husband - but I feel like it's really unfair to BF and it makes me feel like a cast off. It hurt my feelings. Wah, wah, wah.

I told BF that I was hurt last night, which he expected, and we talked about it but it's not really a situation that can be resolved. He wants me to be there but is just trying to respect his grandma. I'll just have to wait until he gets home Tuesday and be there for him then. I just miss him, we never got to have Valentines Day, I hate seeing him on Skype looking miserable and not being able to do anything about it.

I'm going to work with the kindergarteners in a minute which will take my mind off it and hopefully make me start acting like a grownup again. Feel free to flame or hopefully give me some words of wisdom to get over this.

jemmini6

That really sucks, and I don't think there's a good resolution for anyone, but maybe if you think about it in a different way, you might not be so hurt about it? 

His grandma obviously just lost her husband, so of course she's sad and maybe not thinking about how her decisions affect others feelings, which while it sucks, is a little understandable.  So I doubt she did this to push you out or make you feel excluded.  Even more so, I think she just wants to save a happy moment, meeting her grandson's SO, for a happy occassion.  This probably means that she's excited to meet you, and she doesn't want your first impression of her to be a sad one.

It still really sucks, and I'd feel upset to not be able to be there for H when he's sad too, but maybe to keep your mind off of it, you can plan a really special, belated Valentine's Day date when he gets back? 

bethsmiles

The best thing you can do is make things easier for them right now, not harder. Do you really think your BF wants to worry about your hurt feelings on top of everything else? No. I know that sounds harsh but being there for someone and supporting them means putting your own feelings aside and doing what they need not what you want.

loves2shop4shoes

Idk. Maybe this is flameful, but I'd be kind of pissed too. If you only met people whenever things were going perfectly in their lives, you wouldn't know anyone.

cu97tiger

I totally understand how you feel... I went through the same thing a lot of years ago when my best friend's grandma died. They were REALLY close, and I wanted to do everything I could for her. Everytime I offered to do something, she'd tell me that her boyfriend had already done it. There was literally nothing that I could do to help, including be there with her, and it sucked.

I know you're upset now, but your BF knows you would have gone, and it is nice of you to respect his grandma's wishes at this difficult time. Tuesday will be here before you know it!

kaitlynmichelle

I would be upset too.  I agree with everyone else, vent here but don't put more stress on your BF about the situation.  I'm sure he wants you there too, but its best to respect his grandmother's wishes right now.  It wouldn't look good on you if your BF or anyone else passed along to his grandmother that you were really upset about being asked to not come up (not that he would tell her) - it could be taken the wrong way.

When my grandma passed, BF actually showed up for the wake without telling us he was coming.  I was worried my mom would be upset but she thought it was a great gesture, and thanked him for supporting us.  His family sent flowers and a beautiful card instead of coming to the funeral.  

I would recommend sending a nice card or flower arrangement to let them know you are thinking of them all at this difficult time.  I'm sure they would appreciate the thought.

Swazzle

I don't think that's flameworthy at all & I would be really upset too.  I would feel really sad & helpless because I couldn't be there for my BF.  Unfortunately, there really isn't anything you can do except try to be there for him over the phone.  

:::HUGS::::

Blue & White

Kelly,

I think I'd be pretty pissed too.  Not pissed enough to do anything drastic, but annoyed.  Oh, and I'd schedule a visit to go meet grandma in like a month so we don't get held up by anything else!  I actually met a lot of BF's extended family for the first time by visiting him when he was in WV for a funeral (I was in PA at the time at school).  I drove down after the funeral, so it wasn't that awkward, but it was neat because I got to kind of "meet" his uncle who died too (cause everyone was talking about how great he was!)
Maybe you could send flowers or a donation in memory of his gramps?  It'd be a nice gesture, at least.
I think you're being an awesome girlfriend.  Keep being awesome

amandajared

If I just lost my husband, I definitely would not want to meet anyone new. You are not part of that family yet, and have not been asked to yet, so....... Wait patiently for him to come home and be there for him when he does. Right now, he needs his family, and they need him. IMO you should back off the topic, he has enough on his mind right now

kellyt89

Thanks ladies, I really appreciated all the things you had to say. i'm definitely not trying to push my feeling badly on BF or make the situation about me - I can't even imagine losing a husband after 47 years so as upset as I was last night this morning I know my role is to just deal with it and be there for him later on when he comes home.

I think I just needed to mope about it by myself a little and vent on here. It's still bothering me a little but I'm trying to put my big girl pants on and be understanding.