Not Engaged Yet

7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.

Hello everyone!

I am new here, so let me do a little introducing. I am 24 years old and my boyfriend of 7 years is 23. Our daughter is turning 3 in a few months and we bought a house 2 years ago. I graduated from college last month and landed an amazing job right out of school.

We've always talked about getting married and I have always wanted something small. Close family maybe or even a trip to Vegas. He has always insisted that when we get married its going to be huge and he has to have all of his guys there. So after that I actually started looking and somewhat planning. I figured we are at that point in our lives where we are ready. He always tells me it is really far off (I thought 2-4 years maybe) and that I need to stop planning because it's "strange".

Last night I was looking at a photographer's website because I was looking into getting family pictures done this summer. I saw a wedding album so I looked and it was the most amazing venue. I told my boyfriend that stumbled upon a wedding venue. He did his usual gripe about how I shouldn't be looking and what not.

We ended up talking a little about it and he came out with "what if I decided that I didn't want to get married so soon". Whaaattt? He said, "I feel like you want to get married ASAP, maybe I want to wait another 6-8 years". He came up with excuses like he isn't in a place yet to get married. He claims it is because I graduated college and he has a slightly above minimum wage job. He said he knows I am ready but he isn't. Pulls the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing and acts like it's not a big deal. He feels like I am rushing him and that I am putting a time limit on things - just because we've been together for 7 years isn't enough. "I am going to be with you forever, what is the difference with a piece of paper? Even if we do get married what is the difference between now and 10 years from now." Even though we are at the highest point in our relationship. The communication, trust, understanding, and laughs are at an all time high.

Now, I don't want it to seem like he is a jerk or anything. He is an amazing dad and my best friend. Through 4 years of nursing school he has been at the end of my melt downs, the no-sex-for-months periods, and everything in between without complaining.

Sorry this is so long. So I guess what I am asking is, am I rushing him? or is he making excuses? He is going to start college in the fall, should I wait for him to finish? I want honest opinions. I feel like he's crazy! JMHO! Smile

Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:89204852-5463-4c2d-a401-68c1aff58a0d">7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello everyone! I am new here, so let me do a little introducing. I am 24 years old and my boyfriend of 7 years is 23. Our daughter is turning 3 in a few months and we bought a house 2 years ago. I graduated from college last month and landed an amazing job right out of school. We've always talked about getting married and I have always wanted something small. Close family maybe or even a trip to Vegas. He has always insisted that when we get married its going to be huge and he has to have all of his guys there. So after that I actually started looking and somewhat planning. I figured we are at that point in our lives where we are ready. He always tells me it is really far off (I thought 2-4 years maybe) and that I need to stop planning because it's "strange". Last night I was looking at a photographer's website because I was looking into getting family pictures done this summer. I saw a wedding album so I looked and it was the most amazing venue. I told my boyfriend that stumbled upon a wedding venue. He did his usual gripe about how I shouldn't be looking and what not. We ended up talking a little about it and he came out with "what if I decided that I didn't want to get married so soon". Whaaattt? He said, "I feel like you want to get married ASAP, maybe I want to wait another 6-8 years". He came up with excuses like <strong>he isn't in a place yet to get married</strong>. He claims it is because I graduated college and <strong>he has a slightly above minimum wage job</strong>. He said he knows I am ready but <strong>he isn't</strong>. Pulls the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing and acts like it's not a big deal. <strong>He feels like I am rushing him and that I am putting a time limit on things</strong> - just because we've been together for 7 years isn't enough. "I am going to be with you forever, what is the difference with a piece of paper? Even if we do get married <strong>what is the difference between now and 10 years from now.</strong>" Even though we are at the highest point in our relationship. The communication, trust, understanding, and laughs are at an all time high. Now, I don't want it to seem like he is a jerk or anything. He is an amazing dad and my best friend. Through 4 years of nursing school he has been at the end of my melt downs, the no-sex-for-months periods, and everything in between without complaining. Sorry this is so long. So I guess what I am asking is, am I rushing him? or is he making excuses? He is going to start college in the fall, should I wait for him to finish? I want honest opinions. I feel like he's crazy! JMHO!
    Posted by ewroblewski28[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Well it sounds like he really isn't ready for marriage, and that's okay. Getting married at 23 is scary. Believe me. Espeically when you've been together since high school. Give him a break and believe what he says. He's speaking from his heart, so slow your roll and listen to what he has to say. If you have so much faith in your communication and relationship, then act like you do. </div><div>
    </div><div>There's a difference in being in a relationship with a guy that wants to get married, but just not now, and being in a relationship with a guy who NEVER wants to get married. It sounds like he's the former, which is a positive. </div><div>
    </div><div>Seriously, just give him the time he needs. My guy said the same thing, he was so upset with his job situation, he didn't want to get engaged. He wanted to wait until he was financially stable enough to take care of me. Once he was at that point, he proposed. I waited mostly patiently. Now it's your turn. Have faith in your relationship and stand by your man when he tells you how he feels. 

    </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your baby daddy has a point.  It IS strange to be planning a wedding when you aren't engaged.  Know why?  Because as much as you think it's going to happen, it isn't a guarantee.

    If he's not ready and you're planning, then yes, you're rushing him.  Do you really want him to propose to you JUST to shut you up?
    I french with my man
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:225869e1-62b5-4a12-b1cb-8cda4031bb5f">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your baby daddy has a point.  It IS strange to be planning a wedding when you aren't engaged.  Know why?  Because as much as you think it's going to happen, it isn't a guarantee. If he's not ready and you're planning, then yes, you're rushing him.  <strong>Do you really want him to propose to you JUST to shut you up?</strong>
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>OP, go down to the "well..." thread. Her FI proposed to shut her up. Three years ago. He "still won't set at date." You don't want to be her. </div><div>
    </div><div>Oh, and we're not mean, you just sound a little insensitive when you obvs aren't listening to your BF in this situation. </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • That might have been the slap upside the head I needed. He goes back and forth between never and later. I should tell have him tell me the honest truth - never? or later? I guess the only reason I am upset is beause he kind of pushed me into the idea of a big wedding, which is not something that I wanted. So I got into the idea - and then he kind of backs off.

    Originally we wanted to get married about 26-28 years old. Just because we have a child and a house shouldn't change that right? I don't know what has gotten into me.

    Anyway - thank you!

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Aud, I've had the wine.  I make no promises. ;-)
    I french with my man
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:4833bd2e-055b-4ed9-a1bb-24e99c4b294d">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]That might have been the slap upside the head I needed. He goes back and forth between never and later. I should tell have him tell me the honest truth - never? or later? I guess the only reason I am upset is beause he kind of pushed me into the idea of a big wedding, which is not something that I wanted. So I got into the idea - and then he kind of backs off. Originally we wanted to get married about 26-28 years old. <strong>Just because we have a child and a house shouldn't change that right?</strong> I don't know what has gotten into me. Anyway - thank you!
    Posted by ewroblewski28[/QUOTE]

    <div>Right! </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm glad you're seeing sense. :) Just go talk to him and ask for an honest answer. </div><div>
    </div><div>Pee k, you has the wine? Noms. I will still tell you to be nice to a newb who is trying to see the error of her ways. ;)</div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:b4f58c9d-bbb4-43b5-b4c2-55c40cb3640e">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you want to plan a wedding when he's not ready for it, freak him the fuuck out, and have your relationship end because you want a pretty princess day? Or do you want to slow your roll, <strong>realize you're really young to be making a lifelong commitment </strong>(whether you have a kid or not) and let your relationship grow until you're both REALLY ready to make that step?
    Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

    <div>Whoa. </div><div>
    </div><div>Just stick with the "both people need to be on the same page" thing. </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • Honestly - I don't have a lot of girlfriends. I consider my mom and sister my best friends and I tell them everything. When I told them about this conversation, they said he was making excuses and it was a cop out. I wanted an unbiased opinion - and I got one. I can't be mad about that. I am acting like a crazy person.

    I haven't "planned" neccesarily. Just browsed here and there. A friend of mine has a legit wedding folder and isn't engaged. That's out there a bit for me.

  • Honestly - I don't have a lot of girlfriends. I consider my mom and sister my best friends and I tell them everything. When I told them about this conversation, they said he was making excuses and it was a cop out. I wanted an unbiased opinion - and I got one. I can't be mad about that. I am acting like a crazy person.

    I haven't "planned" neccesarily. Just browsed here and there. A friend of mine has a legit wedding folder and isn't engaged. That's out there a bit for me.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:e4d17719-0014-4311-b6d9-be3383e47f13">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly - I don't have a lot of girlfriends. I consider my mom and sister my best friends and I tell them everything. When I told them about this conversation, they said he was making excuses and it was a cop out. I wanted an unbiased opinion - and I got one. I can't be mad about that. I am acting like a crazy person. I haven't "planned" neccesarily. Just browsed here and there. A friend of mine has a legit wedding folder and isn't engaged. <strong>That's out there a bit for me.</strong>
    Posted by ewroblewski28[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's "out there" for the rest of us too. </div><div>
    </div><div>You'll get nothing but unbiased opinions here. I heard the exact same reasoning from my then BF, now FI. A lot of women will tell you it's a cop out, because men are supposed to be lying sneaks that are afraid of marriage. I hope he does open up to you and picks an answer and stays with it. </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:b4f58c9d-bbb4-43b5-b4c2-55c40cb3640e">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you want to plan a wedding when he's not ready for it, freak him the fuuck out, and have your relationship end because you want a pretty princess day? Or do you want to slow your roll, realize you're really young to be making a lifelong commitment (whether you have a kid or not) and let your relationship grow until you're both REALLY ready to make that step?
    Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

    You may have missed the part where I said I wanted to go to Vegas, a pretty princess day is the exact opposite of anything I have ever wanted.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:c8ec0721-3e6c-46d5-b415-852a4bae8f39">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed. : You may have missed the part where I said I wanted to go to Vegas, a pretty princess day is the exact opposite of anything I have ever wanted.
    Posted by ewroblewski28[/QUOTE]

    <div>Don't take her personally, she's drunk and bitter because I called her out for preplanning a baby that she has no reason having right now. She also pulled the age card, which I also called her out on. </div><div>
    </div><div>She's not drunk because I called her out. She's drunk because it's Friday. </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • edited June 2012
    Audre said what I was going to. He is making valid points, and if he isn't ready to get married at 23, it is okay. Yes, you've been in a relationship for 7 years, but you're only 24 - it would be a lot different if you were, say pushing 35 and you'd been together 7 years, had a 3 year old daughter, and he still was saying he wasn't in the right place to be married.

    Not a heck of a lot of guys want to be married at 23, even if they have a kiddo. Personally, because you have kids together should never be a reason to 'just get married'. Seems like your BF has a pretty level head - don't keep asking him about it, he'll come around when he is ready (and you don't want it any sooner!). Plus, stop any pre-planning you are doing! Save it for when you're engaged!

    I can tell you from personal experience that my fiance did not want to be married at 23 (but I was 21 and didn't want to be married then either), in fact, he had said 6-8 years then too! I wasn't in a particular rush to get married, but 6-8 years did seem longer than I had wanted to wait (I mean GOSH GUYS I'd be like almost 30 LOL WHAT A HORRIBLE SIN! - sorry I just read the other thread... come on seriously?) . However, FI is now 25 and he proposed in March, ahead of schedule!

    Don't worry, he will come around in his own time, and you'll be glad that you allowed him the chance to make that choice on his own. Be patient and enjoy this time.

    Edit: I type too slowly or too much, my post came way late. :(
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:24ac0bee-aaf4-49fd-a4b5-e4abf709ad15">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed. : Hey now. Just because I'm down a bottle of wine doesn't mean I'm inaccurate. She wasn't talking about a Vegas venue.
    Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

    <div>No, but she did mention that her original desire was NOT a PPD. And she did apologize for freaking the mess out. </div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:f281f926-49f0-4f78-aa78-19af8931553e">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed. : There's this thing where people post while you're still typing.
    Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

    <div>Shenanigans.</div><div>
    </div><div>There's also a thing called "Edit Post"</div><div>
    </div><div><3 you!</div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • You need to discuss what will be differnt in 3,6,8 years. Unless you get benefits/tax cuts related to being a single parent, it seems like the logistics will be the same since you live together. You are allowed to want to get married more than you want a ppd. It's one thing if you two are happy to wait 68 years. It's another if he doesn't want to get married at all to you. How will you feel if you wait 5 more years ans it's the same situation? Will you be glad you tried, feel betrayed, or frustrated by year 2?
  • I'm actually with babbydaddy on this.  You keep using the 7 years card as a reason to get engaged/married.  The fact of the matter is 7 years doesn't count for as much when you've been dating practically since you were a sperm.

    He has a lot of responsibilities for someone of such relative youth, most notably, already being a father.  It doesn't sound like he's ready to add "husband" to the resume yet...and that's ok.  At least he's being honest with you.  If he's being a good father and good BF, I think you should consider yourself lucky.

    If you MUST get married ASAP and he refuses, only YOU can decide if it's a dealbreaker for you...but personally I think you'd be nuts to break off a relationship with your babydaddy over him not being ready for marriage at 23.

    Also, consider yourself lucky that your BF has the ability to communicate these feelings to you...that's a good thing.

    Oh, and stop planning.
  • edited June 2012
    Oh, also, I will be flamed for this, but I endorse Buggle preplanning her baby.  Just because I want to be Auntie Shoes...and help her pick out a lamb mobile.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:6955e560-cbdf-432c-9105-8756f301e530">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Audre said what I was going to. He is making valid points, and if he isn't ready to get married at 23, it is okay. Yes, you've been in a relationship for 7 years, but you're only 24 - it would be a lot different if you were, say pushing 35 and you'd been together 7 years, had a 3 year old daughter, and he still was saying he wasn't in the right place to be married. Not a heck of a lot of guys want to be married at 23, even if they have a kiddo. Personally, because you have kids together should never be a reason to 'just get married'. Seems like your BF has a pretty level head - don't keep asking him about it, he'll come around when he is ready (and you don't want it any sooner!). Plus, stop any pre-planning you are doing! Save it for when you're engaged! I can tell you from personal experience that my fiance did not want to be married at 23 (but I was 21 and didn't want to be married then either), in fact, he had said 6-8 years then too! I wasn't in a particular rush to get married, but 6-8 years did seem longer than I had wanted to wait (I mean GOSH GUYS I'd be like almost 30 LOL WHAT A HORRIBLE SIN! - sorry I just read the other thread... come on seriously ?) . However, FI is now 25 and he proposed in March, ahead of schedule! Don't worry, he will come around in his own time, and you'll be glad that you allowed him the chance to make that choice on his own. Be patient and enjoy this time. Edit: I type too slowly or too much, my post came way late. :(
    Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]


    Just because Im curious what does age have to do with this topic??
     
    Ppl are not gallons of milk we don't have experation dates. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />My bf and I have dated for 10 years, 8 of which he was in the army. Im not engaged to him, he's said he wants to marry someday but is in no hurry, heck neither am I. Im happy being his gf , and Gene Simmons was with Shannon Tweed 28 years b4 he ever proposed, Bret Michaels was with his gf baby momma for 16 years b4 he proposed. Bf and I are both 38 whenever he proposes fine but if Im stil his gf when Im 90 Im ok with that.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    Helping one of my bff's plan her 6th wedding yes I said 6th.  OP I think utlmiatly its up to you and your bf when you get engaged, I agree with the ladies that suggested talk to him.  Theres a big diffrence btwn he never wants to marry and wants to wait.
    I got married at 22 and wished I never had. I agree with the poster who said you dont want to be one of those gals who's man proposes to shut you up, heck no one wants to be that girl.. best of luck to you <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
  • Hmm, you said he was just entering college this fall? I might be reading between the lines here, but maybe he wants to graduate college and have a steady job before he proposes. That could take 6-8 years like he's talking about. Just a thought.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_7-years-no-ring-honest-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bdac044-fa4d-4f8a-9f79-335c413c3117Post:e4b1fca1-c29f-44ac-9f9c-19d0a3f88af1">Re: 7 years, no ring. Honest opinions needed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, also, I will be flamed for this, but I endorse Buggle preplanning her baby.  Just because I want to be Auntie Shoes...and help her pick out a lamb mobile.
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    <div>I pretty much only endorse preplanning if it involves babies and girls round these parts.  We're basically the coolest Aunties ever.</div>
    I french with my man
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  • I wasn't sure who to reply to, so I picked one. Thanks for all of he honesty. I have read a few others threads and all of your comments and your right. I'm not sure what I am so worried about. We are young and he wants to get his ducks in a row so what's my problem? Just an update, we had a sit down talk last evening after work. He told me it was his fault because he's been talking about it with me and kind of leading me on about the idea. All the while he hasn't felt ready but didn't know how to tell me. I respect the fact that he finally told me. He said later, not never. Which I am now ok with. It's not his fault however, it is mine for not considering his feelings. I feel better seeing everyone else in long relationships, not worried about being engaged. Anyway, who wants to plan a wedding how stressful! There shouldn't be a time limit on our relationship. Our engagement and wedding will be that much more exciting when it does happen. Sorry for any typos, I am typing on my phone. Thank you for the brutal honesty, I needed it!!
  • That was in paragraphs darn phone. Sorry!!
  • a little late but I will add my 2 cents

    we have been together for 5 years, I am currently 20 years old and he is 21. 

    We had discussed the topic because I plan on going to Med School Fall 2014. 

    I was stupid and was pressuring him with  the idea that I didn't want to plan a wedding during medical school, so I wanted a wedding after graduation. HOW STUPID! 

    we had a huge fight about it and  he said he felt weird getting married so young, it made him umcomfortable, and especially the instability financially since I won't be having a steady income for a few more years. 

    it is so good he is being hones and up front with you. and waiting can actually be benneficial. 

    few weeks later he called me up and told me he would like to get married summer 2015, so we picked a date. we are engaged planning a wedding in little under 3 years and we are just enjoying the time. his formal proposal (maybe with a ring but not necessary) he said would be between nvember 2013-april 2014 .

    when he is ready he will let you know, and us women can be really silly at times because we think WAY too much. 

    best of luck


  • I agree with what everyone has said. I also think it could be a good idea to really sit down and discuss a timeframe. 6-8 years isn't a timeframe, IMO. I had a similar situation with my AH (we had been together 5 years and little to no talk of marriage), and when we sat down and discussed it, I realized that he wasn't aware that getting married was so important to me. Talking about it rationally and calmly is the way to go. And stop planning, even a little! It's going to freak him out, regardless of his feelings for you. I mean that in the nicest way possible.
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