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HELP!

ifoundmyhartifoundmyhart
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
so...ive been having second thoughts about the ring that me and my soon to be fiance' picked out..so i kept mentioning how i think we rushed into the decision and that i would like to keep looking (we only looked at 2 stores-ZALES & KAYS because those are the only higher end jewlery stores my small town really has)and he says that i ''took away the fun of lettting him pick it out (if i choose another one)'' and hes ''GOING TO RETURN THE RING HE ALREADY BOUGHT & LET ME PICK IT ALL BY MYSELF''!!!!!i ruined it and im so sad.i had no clue he bought the ring already and now he wont even give it to me!!!
here's the ring in limbo...wat can i do or say to make the situation better?
SWEETHART
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Re: HELP!

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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not sure what to say.  You dug your own ditch and now you have to lie in it.  You knew after looking at rings that there was a chance he'd buy something, so it was time to let it go.  By continually bringing it up, you hurt his feelings.  I'm not sure if there's a way to make this right - you'll both have this issue like a cloud hanging over you when he proposes.  Either it's this ring, which is now deemed "sub-par" or a new one, which he'll always remember isn't the one he bought.

    Best you can do is apologize, let him know you love the ring but you weren't ready to commit, but since he's bought it you'll be happy to stop looking and will be delighted with that ring.  Apologize, apologize, apologize.

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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:cf434d6b-3980-4841-b250-271a1bfb5522">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not sure what to say.  You dug your own ditch and now you have to lie in it.  You knew after looking at rings that there was a chance he'd buy something, so it was time to let it go.  By continually bringing it up, you hurt his feelings.  I'm not sure if there's a way to make this right - you'll both have this issue like a cloud hanging over you when he proposes.  Either it's this ring, which is now deemed "sub-par" or a new one, which he'll always remember isn't the one he bought. Best you can do is apologize, let him know you love the ring but you weren't ready to commit, but since he's bought it you'll be happy to stop looking and will be delighted with that ring.  Apologize, apologize, apologize.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    I agree with Cate. Definitely apologize. I think you're worrying a bit too much about the ring. I know some girls get like this with a wedding dress where it has to be THE ring or THE dress. I mean, I understand second guessing, but it sounds like there might have been a better way to tell him that. But regardless, what's done is done. I'd focus on apologizing to him, rather than worrying about what ring you'll end up with. The relationship with him is more important than an engagement ring. Then, you two can figure out as a couple what your next step will be.
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    PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're over thinking things.  You'll love the ring that he gives you.  Trust me.  Just stop over thinking and panicking and let him do his thing.

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:48fd3c05-d9f7-41df-aab7-1d7bb84e3018">HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]so...ive been having second thoughts about the ring that me and my soon to be fiance' picked out..so i kept mentioning how i think we rushed into the decision and that i would like to keep looking (we only looked at 2 stores-ZALES & KAYS because those are the only higher end jewlery stores my small town really has)and he says that i ''took away the fun of lettting him pick it out (if i choose another one)'' and hes ''GOING TO RETURN THE RING HE ALREADY BOUGHT & LET ME PICK IT ALL BY MYSELF''!!!!!i ruined it and im so sad.i had no clue he bought the ring already and now he wont even give it to me!!! here's the ring in limbo...wat can i do or say to make the situation better?
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]

    JIC

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    bakes218bakes218
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Paige is right, you will love it when he gives it to you. I always thought I wanted a princess cut diamond. When we went looking I fell in love with a beautiful round diamond. I knew he got the round but I had a small part of me that was worried. Now, I can't even imagine not loving the ring he got me.

    Just relax...
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    loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    If this is the biggest problem you have right now, consider yourself lucky.

    ...wow, law school has turned me into a snarky b!tch, hasn't it?

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    breezerbbreezerb member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:6a82b618-b326-4517-9c59-bf1889ed4b36">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If this is the biggest problem you have right now, consider yourself lucky. ...wow, law school has turned me into a snarky b!tch, hasn't it?
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    I lurve me some snarky shoes!
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    *No pony, no I do!*
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    ifoundmyhartifoundmyhart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i apologized numerous times..he's not mad-he just wants me to be happy with the ring.whatever ring he gets me i'll be more than satisfied with it & there will be no rain on our parade when he does pop the question :) he kinda forced me to commit btw...
    SWEETHART
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:c4f28444-6eac-46ae-94e7-7d509b7ab380">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]i apologized numerous times..he's not mad-he just wants me to be happy with the ring.whatever ring he gets me i'll be more than satisfied with it & there will be no rain on our parade when he does pop the question :) <strong>he kinda forced me to commit btw...</strong>
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]

    Sounds good then. But I don't understand the bolded part.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bren, I think she's responding to my comment that she wasn't ready to commit on a ring - and obviously since he bought it, he's forced her to commit on a ring.

    So now treat it like a wedding dress - once you buy one, stop looking at any others or even thinking about it or else you'll inevitably find one to be envious of!  Be satisified with the wonderful ring you've got!

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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:47bb60a1-3054-4d99-bde6-3fed63d31c8e">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bren, I think she's responding to my comment that she wasn't ready to commit on a ring - and obviously since he bought it, he's forced her to commit on a ring. So now treat it like a wedding dress - <strong>once you buy one, stop looking at any others or even thinking about it or else you'll inevitably find one to be envious of!  Be satisified with the wonderful ring you've got!</strong>
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Ah, that makes sense. Then I agree with what Cate said here. There are always going to be new rings coming out, old ones you didn't see before, bigger ones, different coloured ones, etc. A ring may not jump out and "speak" to you, but it will be meaningful once it becomes the ring that he proposed to you with!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's like Randy on SYTTD always says...you don't keep looking for another guy after you find The One, so don't keep looking for another dress (or ring in this case). 

    I agree with others, you're going to love your ring, no matter what, because your guy is giving it to you as a sign of his love.  My ring isn't anything I would have picked out on my own, but I love it - it's absolutely perfect because I know how much thought and heart my FI put into getting it.  Don't stress over it, everything will be fine.
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    forthepocketforthepocket
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with what everyone said. Plus I have been to 2 differnet engagement ring shops and cannot make a decision because I find almost all the rings very beatiful. My problem was I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of rings I saw so I couldn't decide. When Abran goes into the shop without me and picks one and proposes I will love it because there would only be one ring for me to focus on. But that's just me. :)
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:48fd3c05-d9f7-41df-aab7-1d7bb84e3018">HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]so...ive been having second thoughts about the ring that me and my soon to be fiance' picked out..so<strong> i kept mentioning how i think we rushed into the decision and that i would like to keep looking</strong> (we only looked at 2 stores-ZALES & KAYS because those are the only higher end jewlery stores my small town really has)and he says that i ''took away the fun of lettting him pick it out (if i choose another one)'' and hes ''GOING TO RETURN THE RING HE ALREADY BOUGHT & LET ME PICK IT ALL BY MYSELF''!!!!!i ruined it and im so sad.i had no clue he bought the ring already and <strong>now he wont even give it to me</strong>!!! here's the ring in limbo...wat can i do or say to make the situation better?
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]

    You can't have it both ways. You can't pester him about being unsure, then get upset b/c he won't give you the ring you're unsure about.

    I think the best thing you can do is calm down and have an adult conversation with him about it. "Honey, what would work best for YOU for picking out the ring?"

    Learning to communicate your wants and needs to each other clearly, and being able to make decisions together are both CRITICAL for having a solid marriage. Start practicing now.

    I also want to say that it will make your posts easier to read if you work on using capitalization and punctuation appropriately.
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    Jeslyn583Jeslyn583
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hart -- I am sure you will be thrilled once you see that ring on your finger <3 The other girls are right.... It's ring over load. It probably has something to do with the other night when a bunch of us girls showed you what rings we picked out and made you second guess yourself. ;)
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    ifoundmyhartifoundmyhart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jess-i had second thoughts way before then..

    AngieD&JoeD -that quote made alot of sense!i def agree with that.

    desertsun-we dont have problems with communication,nor do i have problems with grammer-im just glad you found a way to decipher what i said.

    picked the ring in question was a rushed decision.we didnt even factor in the 4 c's.
    SWEETHART
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:5733733e-00e8-473b-baad-e623ab49f7ce">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Jess-i had second thoughts way before then.. AngieD&JoeD -that quote made alot of sense!i def agree with that. desertsun -we dont have problems with communication,<strong>nor do i have problems with grammer</strong>-im just glad you found a way to decipher what i said. picked the ring in question was a rushed decision.we didnt even factor in the 4 c's.
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]

    Actually, there were some grammatical mistakes but I'm not replying to harp on you for that.

    Were you able to talk about things with him then and work something out? Are you going to keep looking around?
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:5733733e-00e8-473b-baad-e623ab49f7ce">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Jess-<strong>i</strong> had second thoughts way before then.. AngieD&JoeD -that quote made alot of sense<strong>!i</strong> def agree with that. desertsun -we <strong>dont</strong> have problems with communication,nor do<strong> i </strong>have problems with <strong>grammer-im</strong> just glad you found a way to decipher what<strong> i</strong> said. picked the ring in question was a rushed decision.we didnt even factor in the 4 c's.
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I disagree. You clearly do not realize that "I" should be capitalized, nor do you use apostrophes appropriately. Also, it's grammAr. I'm not pointing it out to be bitchy. It just makes your posts <strong>easier</strong> to read if you take the time to spell check and to follow the basic rules of proper writing.</div><div>
    </div><div>I maintain that your communication is unclear. <span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">Why are you so upset about him not giving you the ring you're having doubts about? I'm sorry, but that doesn't even make sense.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div><div>He can propose without a ring, you know. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:5733733e-00e8-473b-baad-e623ab49f7ce">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Jess-i had second thoughts way before then.. AngieD&JoeD -that quote made alot of sense!i def agree with that. desertsun -we dont have problems with communication<strong>,nor do i have problems with grammer</strong>-im just glad you found a way to decipher what i said. picked the ring in question was a rushed decision.we didnt even factor in the 4 c's.
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]

    Maybe not, but you do have problems with grammAr.

    And yes, you do have problems with communication.  Good, effective, adult communication does not involve yelling, raised voices, or sulking.  I understand that you feel like you rushed a decision, and I understand why your BF is annoyed about the back and forth.  My advice is to sit down and have a conversation free of yelling and emotions and calmly discuss the situation.

    Or be thankful that your BF wants to marry you and accept the ring if and when he offers it to you.  Either way.
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    hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1) That shift key is an amazing tool they gave us to make it easy to understand people. That dot thing and dot thingy with a tail are there to help with that too. It's like: Let's eat Grandma! vs Let's eat, Grandma!


    Leave him alone. The great things about rings is that they aren't like tattoos, if you really dislike like, get the thing reset. No harm, no foul. But you are ruining your own proposal. Leave it be.
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    ifoundmyhartifoundmyhart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    as i stated before...i dont have problems with grammar,i didnt say this post was grammatically correct,nor did i care enough to make sure it was before i posted it,i didnt think anyone would take this much interest with it.i didnt ask for help with dotting my i's and crossing my t's but thanks anyway...im actually a published poet so im SURE im capable of contructing a proper sentence when need be.

    i decided to let him pick the ring,i gave him a few pics of what i like and told him its his decision and to give me what HE wants me to have...

    and no,we dont have problems communicating and i dont believe i said anything about either of us yelling, raising our voices, sulking.

    Thanks for the advice everyone!

    SWEETHART
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:d015e30c-19e9-4c99-956f-668ab3b6b9c7">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]as i stated before...i dont have problems with grammar,i didnt say this post was grammatically correct,nor did i care enough to make sure it was before i posted it,i didnt think anyone would take this much interest with it.i didnt ask for help with dotting my i's and crossing my t's but thanks anyway...im actually a published poet so im SURE im capable of contructing a proper sentence when need be. i decided to let him pick the ring,i gave him a few pics of what i like and told him its his decision and to give me what HE wants me to have... and no,we dont have problems communicating and i dont believe i said anything about either of us yelling, raising our voices, sulking. Thanks for the advice everyone!
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad you were able to work things out!

    But if you are so great at language structure, then why not use it on the Internet? No, you aren't being graded but it does make your posts easier to understand. Just consider this a time "when need be" and structure your sentences properly and you'll be fine. I don't see how it's so hard to do if you already know it.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just as a general rant and not directed at anyone specifically, I've never understood the attraction to writing an email or even an instant message with poor grammar.  Sure, "gtg" and "ttyl" are shorter so I kinda get that, but does it really take that much time to capitalize an "I" when you're writing?  Or putting a period or comma?

    I mean... it only takes one extra letter to write "love" instead of "luv" - that's laziness for you!

    ifoundmyhart, I'm sure you DO know how to use grammar correctly - what we're asking is that you try to do it on this forum since it makes it easier to read your posts.  Pretty please?  Thanks!
    Laughing

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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    <span style="font-size:10.8333px;" class="Apple-style-span">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:624d94d4-719c-4b0b-98e6-bf549c33020dPost:d015e30c-19e9-4c99-956f-668ab3b6b9c7">Re: HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]as i stated before...i dont have problems with grammar,i didnt say this post was grammatically correct,nor did i care enough to make sure it was before i posted it,i didnt think anyone would take this much interest with it.i didnt ask for help with dotting my i's and crossing my t's but thanks anyway...<strong>im actually a published poet so im SURE im capable of contructing a proper sentence when need be</strong>. i decided to let him pick the ring,i gave him a few pics of what i like and told him its his decision and to give me what HE wants me to have... and no,we dont have problems communicating and i dont believe i said anything about either of us yelling, raising our voices, sulking. Thanks for the advice everyone!
    Posted by ifoundmyhart[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't give a flying f*ck if you're a published poet. YOU may be sure you know how to write, but all I have to go on is how you write HERE.</div><div>
    </div><div>I find it annoying that you want advice, yet can't be bothered to use apostrophes, capitalization, and other basic punctuation properly, despite repeated requests to make your posts easier to read.</div><div>
    </div><div>You're not ee cummings. Get over yourself.</div></span>
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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