Intro

lodonnell616

Hello Ladies,

Longtime intermittent (international) lurker here...

BF and I have been together for 4.5 years, living together for 3.5 and are both a knocking on 30's door. I'm American, he's Irish, and we live in Munich. I've been thinking of introducing myself for awhile, but wasn't sure what to write!  However, since I'm definitely in pre-engagement purgatory, I thought now was as good a time as any to step up!

We're both very committed to the relationship, hardly fight, and come to an agreement about pretty much everything that comes up.  I'm ready to get married to this person.  I keep bringing it up, he keeps saying "I love you to bits, I want to marry you", and then the conversation ends until I once again question why we're not engaged or a least talking about it openly.  He never says he's not ready, and its definitely not about the cash for a ring, so what gives????  One day about 3 months ago, out of the blue he was like "I see us getting married in 2011" and then that was the end of the discussion as I was too shocked to come up with any probing questions.

So I guess this means I'm getting engaged in the short to mid-term, but I dunno--what do you ladies think, is this guy ever going to pop the question?

Looking forward to your comments...and participating on the NEY board.

KD+BC

Welcome. I can't tell you if he is going to propose or not but I will tell you that your situation is similar to the one I was in. I had been with my bf for 4 years and was starting to feel really ready to get married. He had always said that we would be married someday. Then out of the blue he told me he wanted to get married in 2010. Like you, I wasn't sure how to take this. This was in August 2009. About a month later we were talking and I brought up the future and we had a great conversation about timelines and goals. We had talked about it before but this time we actually talked about what we wanted, not our dreams. We ended up talking about it for hours. He proposed this past Christmas.

So my advice to you is to talk to your bf about the future. Make sure you are on the same page as far as kids, money, location, etc. Then, see where it goes. GL

Button5807

Welcome.

It seems to me like you guys have some communication issues. Deciding to get married is a joint decision two people in a relationship make. Even though it's pretty traditional for the how and when of the proposal to be up to the guy the discussions about marriage need to happen before that.

It seems to me like you've skimmed the idea of getting married with him. Have the two of you ever actually talked about marriage before? There's a lot of important stuff you need to get out there before taking the next step and from the way your post reads it's like you're scared to talk to him.

bajediva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intro-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:65d5c42e-b2bc-4009-b294-fdd0657d3097Post:f1744753-718c-48e1-a6e9-5a65bbe6affb">Re: Intro</a>:
[QUOTE] So my advice to you is to talk to your bf about the future. Make sure you are on the same page as far as kids, money, location, etc. Then, see where it goes. GL
Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]
Ditto!

welcome to the board & yay internationals :-)

paintgirl

If you had been together 10 yars and you were still waiting, I'd say run. But it's only been a few years and you're just reaching prime marriage age. I agree with the others - find a time where you can talk, let him know you love the relationship as it is but want to be sure you're on the same page (so he doesn't think you're pressuring him to pop the question tomorrow), and get the important stuff on the table! GOod luck.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intro-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:65d5c42e-b2bc-4009-b294-fdd0657d3097Post:f71b9453-d24c-4418-87cc-8b55580b31fe">Re: Intro</a>:
[QUOTE]Welcome. It seems to me like you guys have some communication issues. Deciding to get married is a joint decision two people in a relationship make. Even though it's pretty traditional for the how and when of the proposal to be up to the guy the discussions about marrizage need to happen before that. It seems to me like you've skimmed the idea of getting married with him. Have the two of you ever actually talked about marriage before? There's a lot of important stuff you need to get out there before taking the next step and from the way your post reads it's like you're scared to talk to him.
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  Welcome to the board, darlin:)

[Deleted User]

Welcome!  I say just sit back and enjoy your relationship... Oh and maybe try opening up the communication a little bit and talk about what you both see in the future and all that fun stuff.  Good Luck!

I started typing this thinking I was going to have a long drawn-out response, but it's way too early and I haven't had my coffee yet.

oceana919

My advice to you is to stop bringing it up in the sense of "why haven't you proposed at?", and have a serious conversation with the premise of "what do you see for our future as a couple, and what kind of general timeline would you like to see that happen?" I think if you take that approach (which is a completely reasonable adult way to approach this kind of conversation), maybe you'll get a better reception.

Regardless, all I can say is sit back and enjoy the anticipation. Once you're engaged, you'll be threatening to elope like the rest of us and will be all nolstagic about the good 'ol days of will he or won't he. 

Welcome to the board!

katanne9

ditto pps, welcome : )

babybchbum

Welcome. The PPs have brought up some great points. (ditto to them)

lodonnell616

Thanks ladies for the welcome and insight!  Yes, I agree, of course communication is key--and at one time or another we've discussed kids, house, location, wedding, money,etc.  just never to the detailed extent that I'd like.

The real issue for me is the fact that I feel like I'm the only one that brings it up, and I don't know if that's a bad sign...or if I sound like a nag by doing it. ::sigh::

At least we do talk about these subjects.