Not Engaged Yet

...weird.

I'm watching (or was watching) A Baby Story.  And the mother's husband died in a car accident.  The first thing she did was ask the hospital to do a sperm retrieval.  So for ten years, she did IVF in order to have his baby, and it was finally successful.

I have never heard anything like this.  I guess it's better than a sperm donor, but it's still really odd to me.
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Re: ...weird.

  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    woah...that's um...I dunno how to feel about that.

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  • edited December 2011
    ... I  guess?.... He must have had good genes.
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can understand the feelings behind it , In a hypothetical if something happened to FI , I would be lost and crushed as I honestly can't imagine wanting anyone else. I know life goes on , but for me , he is my world and I could see myself doing the same. Part of it being knowing how much he wants kids of his own and should something happen , allowing part of him to live on would be very meaningful to me. Obviously this is a very personal choice , and not one most people will ever have to consider or want to do , but I can see why.
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, I get the sentiments behind it, tafft, but I don't think "OMG SPERM RETRIEVAL" would be the first thing that came to mind if I found out my husband died.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Ten years huh? Do you think doing IVF trying to get pregnant with her dead husbands baby kept her from meeting a new SO?

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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, that's another thing I was thinking, loopy.  Of course, I don't want to imagine being with anyone else but BF, but ten years is a very long time and I'm thinking that spending so much money for such a long time to start a family with her husband that has passed really could have hindered her healing processing.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:2af11ca0-da7e-4198-84fe-772571ab86b6">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ten years huh? Do you think doing IVF trying to get pregnant with her dead husbands baby kept her from meeting a new SO?
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    <div>I feel like it def. could have.  I mean after 10 years you are obviously still hurting but I would assume MOST people would have moved on with their lives.  This woman was dedicated...</div>

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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is odd.  I also understand the sentiment, it would just be unusual to explain the situation.  "Your dad died 10 years before you were born"...

    I'm not sure I could do that.

    And yeah, sperm retrieval wouldn't be my first thought either.  I wonder how much time has to pass before that's no longer possible.  Minutes?  Hours?
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree Narwhal. Did it say or do you have any guess as to what her age is?
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  • edited December 2011
    She looked like she was in her mid-late thirties by the time she was successful.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:123bcc5b-0769-403a-b77e-14d694793bde">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I get the sentiments behind it, tafft, but I don't think "OMG SPERM RETRIEVAL" would be the first thing that came to mind if I found out my husband died.
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

    This times a million.
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011

    I personally think it would freak my FI totally out if I did such a thing.  Of course he'd be dead and wouldn't know the difference...but I think he'd want me to move on.  It sounds like this woman never let herself grieve and move forward - that's really, really sad...

  • rickylee244rickylee244 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This sounds like a Law & Order SVU episode ...
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:97e851b8-b7d8-4fd0-b6ba-a7b058023247">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]This sounds like a Law & Order SVU episode ...
    Posted by rickylee244[/QUOTE]
    *giggle*  Totally.

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:5f52ba3b-e30c-4a45-9a1d-e1d4fc4dcbf3">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:...weird. : This times a million.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Oh I definitely agree there - again like I said it was hypothetical with me , not that I would actually do it or could , but yeah you make a good point :)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:02fd39d6-1510-49ae-a3fa-ae48b0d9fe87">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:...weird. : Oh I definitely agree there - again like I said it was hypothetical with me , not that I would actually do it or could , but yeah you make a good point :)
    Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

    I'm trying really hard not to think about how you do a sperm retrieval on a dead guy.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    I was thinking they took them straight out of the testicles.

    Thats where he keeps them, right?

    In the testicles?

    Right?
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm trying NOT to think about it.

    "that's where he keeps them"
    Mean other guys keep them elsewhere?
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:212812fe-431b-4277-80f7-dd0f7cd56bec">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:...weird. : I'm trying really hard not to think about how you do a sperm retrieval on a dead guy.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]
    I wasn't thinking about it until you mentioned it.<div>
    </div><div>ew.</div>

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe they were already TTC so it was on her mind?
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:b98eb13e-5aed-495d-922e-8582c0b98444">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe they were already TTC so it was on her mind?
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    Possibly, that just gives me thoughts of someone who cared more about babies than the DH then.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    Well BF usually keeps his spermies in his front shirt pocket, so I wanted to be sure.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:91aa74c6-57e7-410c-aee4-9c8c5a9d7c30">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well BF usually keeps his spermies in his front shirt pocket, so I wanted to be sure.
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]
    First I love that you called them spermies.<div>Second omfg hilarious.</div><div>
    </div><div>That is all.</div>

    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So if she was in her mid to late thirties when she finally conceived that means she was in her mid to late 20's when her husband died. So my age. I would think that at that age she would have interest in finding another person to spend her life with. I believe you can fall in love with more than one person in your life. Personally, after appropriate greiving time I would really believe that I would want to have a partner to spend the next 30,40,50 years with. I would have a much harder time by myself and 'dwelling'(?) on my deceased husband. That isn't say I wouldn't miss him greatly but I would be more lonesome alone. If something were to happen to me I wouldn't want FI to spend the rest of his life alone.
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  • edited December 2011
    They had something like this in the news a couple years ago after some woman's husband was killed in Iraq, they refused to do a sperm retrieval on him and because he was overseas they would not be able to ship the body back in time and she tried to get a court order but they refused. I don't know if I would be able to do that.
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I figure they might use electric shock and apply it to the prudent areas? Like when they are trying to get stud sperm from bulls?


     I have a fantastic baby daddy drama story. I'll let you soak this one in and add it here soon.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:3ff0d2fc-a566-4d34-b5f1-2e0adf0f27fb">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE] I have a fantastic baby daddy drama story. I'll let you soak this one in and add it here soon.
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    OOOOOH! I'm excited!!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:a17b1ce5-2e5e-41b2-ba43-eed48b551ae1">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is odd.  I also understand the sentiment, it would just be unusual to explain the situation.  <strong>"Your dad died 10 years before you were born"... I'm not sure I could do that. </strong>And yeah, sperm retrieval wouldn't be my first thought either.  I wonder how much time has to pass before that's no longer possible.  Minutes?  Hours?
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

    This. I can appreciate the sentiment and loyalty - especially since I know how important having a child is to BF (not that I would do this - I don't even think I would have ever thought of this!), but I feel it is very weird for the child. Being that child, I don't know how I would feel about that??
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6672ba44-f4a9-405a-87f6-4a2772d5ceb5Post:3ff0d2fc-a566-4d34-b5f1-2e0adf0f27fb">Re:...weird.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I figure they might use electric shock and apply it to the prudent areas? Like when they are trying to get stud sperm from bulls?
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    Yup that is exactly how they do it. I feel like its weird that I know that and honestly I don't know why I know that. Anyways, it seems a little weird to me. I guess it would make sense if he had been dying of a disease and they had talked about though.


  • edited December 2011
    I think if they had talked about it and he was dying of a disease they probably should have started before he died. I realize that you don't get pregnant as soon as you decide you want to all the time, but they could have gone ahead and got the spermies. So still I think that's odd.
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