Sex and Pregnancy

LadyMadrid08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:c2ecb164-3e72-4afe-b907-c65f36d73e3a">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a reason for bringing this up so I might as well just lay out the real reason I'm asking. I agree that each couple should make their own decision regarding what they would do if a pregnancy did occur. A friend of mine will be married in the spring at 19 years old. She's completely pro-life (particularly for herself) as is her FI, so they've already decided aboriton would not be an option. She's starting on BC now. But recently it's come up that she doesn't want kids for a long time (man years) and she doesn't want to carry a baby everywhere with her right now. That's fair enough. What I don't understand is how someone at 19 can say "I'm old enough and mature enough to be married but I'm not ready to have a baby. So I'll take BC and keep my fingers crossed that it's effective and I don't get pregnant. But if I do get pregnant, well I guess I can love it." It's my own personal opinion that she's way too naive to really be getting married (she just started post-secondary last week and has never lived on her own and has no money in savings- its all toward the wedding). But that's my own opinion and she has the right to choose her own life. But it really bothers me that she acts as if her getting pregnant is impossible, when it's not. 
<p>Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]</p><p>I'm usually a lurker, but wanted to pop in on this conversation.  Would your opinion be different if your friend was just having sex with her boyfriend and using BC?  I think you're being pretty unfair to your friend by saying that she is acting like it's impossible.  She said she's going to use BC which is about all most people do to avoid pregnancy.  IMHO using two forms of BC (the pill and condoms for example) is the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancy, but most people don't do that.</p><p> </p><p>Your opinion of her young marriage might be clouding your view on this, but, from what information you've provided, she's willing to take responsibility for any child produced from her and her husband´s relationship.  </p><p> </p><p>I guess I don't understand what you're asking exactly...because it sounds like your friend is going to do what most of us do.  </p><p>BTW--I tried to make paragraphs, but for some reason I couldn't.  Sorry it's in a big block!</p>

heyimbren

I guess I didn't express myself very clearly.

In talking to her, what bothers me is she didn't consider any of this until I talked to her. She thinks it's impossible for her to get pregnant right now. It isn't her plan that rubs me the wrong way; I guess it's that she'd find it so devastating. I'm not expecting abstinence. I just don't see the point in getting married because you're "so in love" and you will only have sex in marriage, so you get married to have sex. Yet you don't want the rest of the responsibility that that entails. Part of which includes the possibility of pregnancy, yet before when she planned to not use hormonal BC she was convinced she wouldn't get pregnant by being "careful" and prayer.

Yeah, I think that's it. I think marriage should equal more than just being in love and having sex. I didn't put that so bluntly in my previous points so I get what you guys are saying too in response to me.

bethsmiles

i dont think bren was saying they shouldnt have sex but should take the possibility more seriously than they seem to be. and i will say it again using birth control doesnt mean u r mature. personally i would be more concerned about being able to afford it because when i was on the pill it wasnt cheap.

HeartOverMind

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:c2ecb164-3e72-4afe-b907-c65f36d73e3a">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a reason for bringing this up so I might as well just lay out the real reason I'm asking. I agree that each couple should make their own decision regarding what they would do if a pregnancy did occur. A friend of mine will be married in the spring at 19 years old. She's completely pro-life (particularly for herself) as is her FI, so they've already decided aboriton would not be an option. She's starting on BC now. But recently it's come up that she doesn't want kids for a long time (man years) and she doesn't want to carry a baby everywhere with her right now. That's fair enough. <strong>What I don't understand is how someone at 19 can say "I'm old enough and mature enough to be married but I'm not ready to have a baby. So I'll take BC and keep my fingers crossed that it's effective and I don't get pregnant. But if I do get pregnant, well I guess I can love it."</strong>It's my own personal opinion that she's way too naive to really be getting married (she just started post-secondary last week and has never lived on her own and has no money in savings- its all toward the wedding). But that's my own opinion and she has the right to choose her own life. But it really bothers me that she acts as if her getting pregnant is impossible, when it's not. I guess I just feel that if you're old enough to be having sex and getting married, you better be old enough to accept that you could end up pregnant in doing so. I was venting a little bit about this to family earlier, and I was curious to see what others felt. I may very well be in the minority, and that's fine. I don't plan to say anything about it. But it rubs me the wrong way. jacquiroxx - It's at Moraine Lake in Banff National Park, Alberta. I highly recommend going there. The picture does not do it justice!
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

It seems to me that you're saying that in order to be married you have to be prepared for children. There are many people, even older than 19, that are ready to be married but not ready to have children. I don't think that wanting children should be a prerequisite for marriage. 

I do believe that the couple should be on the same page as far as when and if they are going to have children. I also do believe that money is an issue that affects ones readiness for marriage.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:3d672f71-1987-42d6-818f-f4eafd448e41">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : It seems to me that you're saying that <strong>in order to be married you have to be prepared for children</strong>. There are many people, even older than 19, that are ready to be married but not ready to have children. I don't think that wanting children should be a prerequisite for marriage.  I do believe that the couple should be on the same page as far as when and if they are going to have children. I also do believe that money is an issue that affects ones readiness for marriage.
Posted by HeartOverMind[/QUOTE]

No, I think they should be prepared for the possibility of children. If a couple has sex, ends up pregnant and chooses to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption that's their decision and I'm okay with it.

I think Beth's doing a better job of explaining what I'm feeling than I am.

Read my reply on this page (above) to get the better gist of it.

Maybe you're all right, and I am expecting too much of them. But it's my own personal opinion, and it doesn't necessarily have to be the "right" one. It's just how I feel. I'd never say/do anything about it though. I can accept being in the minority belief here.

HeartOverMind

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:a8e61b12-d980-4830-92f5-063de6489c07">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I didn't express myself very clearly. In talking to her, what bothers me is she didn't consider any of this until I talked to her. She thinks it's impossible for her to get pregnant right now. It isn't her plan that rubs me the wrong way;<strong> I guess it's that she'd find it so devastating. I'm not expecting abstinence. I just don't see the point in getting married because you're "so in love" and you will only have sex in marriage, so you get married to have sex.</strong>Yet you don't want the rest of the responsibility that that entails. Part of which includes the possibility of pregnancy, yet before when she planned to not use hormonal BC she was convinced she wouldn't get pregnant by being "careful" and prayer. Yeah, I think that's it. I think marriage should equal more than just being in love and having sex. I didn't put that so bluntly in my previous points so I get what you guys are saying too in response to me.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

I do NOT think that is a good reason at all to get married.
I now understand what you are talking about and why you are so concerned about your friend.
I think love is one of the most factors in getting married, but that is certainly not the only one. They need to have stability, security (financial), friendship and family support (is a good thing but not always required) 
I believe that wanting to wait until marriage to have sex is what should be done, but that's no reason to run to the nearest chapel and get married.
That is all. 

LadyMadrid08

Hmm, if she seriously thought she wouldn't get pregnant by prayer and being "careful" (whatever that means...) then I could see why you're concerned. 

But it sounds like she's on the right track now and she has the same idea as a lot of people--not ready, but she and her H would love it nonetheless.  I hope we don't see an update a few months after the wedding proving that they really didn't take precautions.  :P

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:a8e61b12-d980-4830-92f5-063de6489c07">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I didn't express myself very clearly. In talking to her, what bothers me is she didn't consider any of this until I talked to her. She thinks it's impossible for her to get pregnant right now. It isn't her plan that rubs me the wrong way; I guess it's that she'd find it so devastating. I'm not expecting abstinence. I just don't see the point in getting married because you're "so in love" and you will only have sex in marriage, so you get married to have sex. Yet you don't want the rest of the responsibility that that entails. Part of which includes the possibility of pregnancy, yet before when she planned to not use hormonal BC she was convinced she wouldn't get pregnant by being "careful" and prayer. Yeah, I think that's it. <strong>I think marriage should equal more than just being in love and having sex.</strong> I didn't put that so bluntly in my previous points so I get what you guys are saying too in response to me.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

I understand where you are coming from. Getting married to have sex is strange to me. But I'm not religious. Sounds like she is. She does sound naive to me. (but I'm judging b/c I don't understand).

But it sounds like your real problem is that she is getting married, not that she plans to have sex.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:16559a90-37b4-4e70-ab7c-d6e34194e653">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : I understand where you are coming from. <strong>Getting married to have sex is strange to me. But I'm not religious. Sounds like she is</strong>. She does sound naive to me. (but I'm judging b/c I don't understand). <strong>But it sounds like your real problem is that she is getting married</strong>, not that she plans to have sex.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

You're right on both counts. I'm religious as well, but that just seems like a bit much to me. I don't even see how it fits in with Christianity, although she tried to convince me it did.

The marriage thing... yeah. We talked about that before she was engaged. I think I really need to just let it go.

Thanks for the opinions girls. I really like this board for the honesty on here. But it was GOOD honesty, blunt and to the point. But nobody is mean about it. I still feel the same way as I did before a bit, but I think I need to just respect the decision more. It isn't my life in the end.

noelle24

The thing is, I agree with you in principle on most everything.  I think 19 is way too young to get married and getting married just to have sex is asinine.  Praying to avoid pregnancy is ever more ridiculous.  And I agree that I think those are your real issues, not the BC/pregnancy thing.

FI and I don't want kids for a long time.  We're not in a place financially where we could afford one.  We've talked about what we'd do in case of an "oops!", but we don't have a concrete plan of how we'd make it work out.  That possibility is Plan ZZ on a list that starts with Plan A.  We can't plan for every possibility or we'd go insane.  I'm already having mini-breakdowns trying to juggle 5 different possible life paths for us for the immediate future.  That doesn't mean we're not mature or ready for marriage.  If it was, we'd be avoiding sex and marriage for the next 5 years. 

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:601f010b-f129-4c14-b4c2-59deba16d732">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : You're right on both counts. I'm religious as well, but that just seems like a bit much to me. I don't even see how it fits in with Christianity, although she tried to convince me it did. The marriage thing... yeah. We talked about that before she was engaged. I think I really need to just let it go. Thanks for the opinions girls.<strong> I really like this board for the honesty on here. But it was GOOD honesty, blunt and to the point. But nobody is mean about it. I still feel the same way as I did before a bit, but I think I need to just respect the decision more. It isn't my life in the end.</strong>
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree -- I also really value the honesty of this board.</div><div>
</div><div>And I think you're right to acknowledge that you aren't wrong in your opinions, but you also weren't really respecting your friend's right to make her own decisions. Making decisions and dealing with the consequences is how we learn and grow and become mature. I think she's making it harder on herself by committing to marriage at such a young age, but you know, some people find a way to make it work. Let's hope she and her fiance do.</div><div>
</div>

dwest2201

Please note that I did not read all of the previous posts... busy day.  But I want to sya a couple things that are on my mind... my apologies if some or all of them have been stated.


Using BC =/= Mature.  It may be smarter than doing nothing... but tons of young people think that's all they have to do is pop and pill and have no worries.  WRONG!

"Pulling out" is not being careful, it's being stupid.

PROPERLY (this is key) using a highly effective form of BC (not just condoms) is a good step towards preventing unwanted pregnancy.  Double coverage (BCP and a condom) is always a good thing.  Two condoms is not more effective though, friction = breakage.

NO BC is 100% Effective.  If you are having sex with someone you should be aware of the consequences.  If two consenting adults are having sex they should discuss how an unplaned pregnancy would be handled prior to the "OH, SH*T!" moment.

The only thing that is 100% effective is abstinence. 


Personally I do not practice abstinence, though I think it is the ideal choice.  I have used BC (a few different types through the years), but was always aware of the consequences and how I would handle them... I do not believe in abortion (I don't preach about it though... one of my closest friends had one a couple years ago).  EVERY person that I've slept with has known of the type of BC that I was on and that I did not believe in abortion... this would be weird for a random hook-up obviously, but I was never that girl so I always got that in before any penetration took place.

Narwhal

Your friend is probably referring to

1 Corinthians 7:9: But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I don't agree that it means what she is taking it as, but I have a pretty liberal view of the bible anyway.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:90fef555-eaa2-4162-bb89-48a52e849105">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Your friend is probably referring to 1 Corinthians 7:9: But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I don't agree that it means what she is taking it as, but I have a pretty liberal view of the bible anyway.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

Yepp that's it. To which I responded to her with emphasis on the first half: "But if they do not have<strong> self-control</strong>".

I know it's pretty common among churches (especially in mine) that couples marry young to avoid the temptation to have sex. That doesn't make sense to me. If you want to wait, you'll be patient and wait. If you're going to have sex, you'll do it.

I'm kind of hijacking my own thread here, but as a side note I'm not sure how I feel about BC. I don't like the idea of adding more hormones to my body. But then again, I'm not having sex either. For those of you with experience regarding BC, what kinds do you like/not like?

...should I make a separate post for that? Personally, I know very little about it and it is something I'm curious about.

Narwhal

Yeah, a girl at my school (a biology major, her husband is a christian studies major, the two hardest majors at my school) got married her junior year because she wanted to avoid the temptation of a long engagement.  I was like "What?" because I don't see how you get more lustful with a ring on your finger, but that's just me...

I've only used the pill, I used... Yazmin and another less advertised brand.  Yazmin turned my emotions for a loop.  The other kind made my migraines really harsh.  I haven't found one that works for me yet.  I would like to get an IUD, but apparently it's not safe if you haven't had children yet.  And my main reason for needing it is to control my periods, and so I need a hormonal kind.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:60a4e866-6bda-4c37-ab16-4e65a0d8f4ce">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : Yepp that's it. To which I responded to her with emphasis on the first half: "But if they do not have self-control ". I know it's pretty common among churches (especially in mine) that couples marry young to avoid the temptation to have sex. That doesn't make sense to me. If you want to wait, you'll be patient and wait. If you're going to have sex, you'll do it. I'm kind of hijacking my own thread here, but as a side note<strong> I'm not sure how I feel about BC. I don't like the idea of adding more hormones to my body. But then again, I'm not having sex either. For those of you with experience regarding BC, what kinds do you like/not like? ...should I make a separate post for that? Personally, I know very little about it and it is something I'm curious about.</strong>
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>BC is really a very personal thing.  I've been in BC since I was 14.  No it's not because I was having sex.  It was heavy flow.  TMI, I know.  Moving on... I personally like using BCP (and a barrier method aka condoms, is always a good choice).  I take vitamins every morning anyways so I just throw the pill into the mix and it's all good.  </div><div>
</div><div>My BFF had the copper IUD (or whatever it is called) and she turned into a raging biotch.  She tried the barrier thinger (that goes in your ho-ha) and that didn't work so well.  Then she got the shots and she loves it.  It really depends on if you're using it for BC, for control of your periods, or for both.  </div><div>
</div><div>The key to remember is that if you're going to use condoms/barrier as BC and hormones then you need to realize that everyone's body is different so we all react differently to different types of hormones.  Sometimes it takes some testing before you hit the right mix.  
</div>

deburnin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:60a4e866-6bda-4c37-ab16-4e65a0d8f4ce">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : Yepp that's it. To which I responded to her with emphasis on the first half: "But if they do not have self-control ". I know it's pretty common among churches (especially in mine) that couples marry young to avoid the temptation to have sex. That doesn't make sense to me. If you want to wait, you'll be patient and wait. If you're going to have sex, you'll do it. I'm kind of hijacking my own thread here, but as a side note I'm not sure how I feel about BC. I don't like the idea of adding more hormones to my body. But then again, I'm not having sex either. <strong>For those of you with experience regarding BC, what kinds do you like/not like?</strong> ...should I make a separate post for that? Personally, I know very little about it and it is something I'm curious about.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>I hate pills in general. I had a very bad experience with the side effects of some and then being over drugged by my doctors to try and counter the side effects which three doctors claimed were very rare side effects and probably not the cause of my issues. Moving on from that I'm still very wary of what I put into my body. </div><div>
</div><div>I dislike the weight gain associated with BCPs, but I do like that it makes my period regular and that it's another way to prevent pregnancy on top of condoms. Since I don't want children right now it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Although since I lost my health insurance and only have three months worth of pills left I foresee myself going off of them soon.</div><div>
</div><div>TMI, but I hate how condoms dry out so quickly sometimes, but on the plus they make BF last longer. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /></div>

PaigeMcC

Also, as your body changes you may need to change BC because of fluctuations.  I've recently switched to Apri and it's working A LOT better than the last stuff I was on.  But I was on that for 8 years before I had any weird side effects happen.

leia1979

I think getting married to have sex is a bad idea. I know someone who did, and they're now divoced/annulled/whatever.

I don't agree that getting married means being ready to have kids. We don't want kids, ever. So we're very careful--I have an IUD and we use condoms. Yes, there's a chance of failure, but it's very slim. We've discussed pursuing more permanent measures after we're married.

Of course, I now know two couples who are married, pregnant, and living with parents. That I don't understand. I don't think either case was an "oops" either.

heyimbren

I have quite a few friends who started taking BCP when they were younger to help with bad, bad skin problems. I guess I'm just fortunate to have not needed it for anything like that, so I can stay away from it since I don't like it. Once I'm engaged (in far, far away land), I plan to try things then to see what I like. In the meantime, I really feel like I should be educating myself.

It really bothers me that they don't teach teens in school (or most parents) about the different types of BC. No, I may not use it for a few years but I know next to nothing about it. Knowledge isn't a bad thing- ignorance is a dangerous thing in this case.

My friend getting married just started on NuvaRing. I did tell her I'm kind of glad she's figuring all of this out first, so she can advise me later on :P

Narwhal- Exactly my thoughts. I guess the logic is "well we'll be married SOON" but still. If you can control yourself dating, I don't really see the difference with being engaged.

bethsmiles

my friends that are engaged talk constantly about how much harder it is to wait once u are engaged. i dont really get it either..why would being engaged make u lose yourself control?

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:864b3e61-e989-4251-8c3b-0c1de67a0ee4">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]my friends that are engaged talk constantly about how much harder it is to wait once u are engaged. i dont really get it either..why would being engaged make u lose yourself control?
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

Do they respond with "Well YOU just don't understand because you're not ENGAGED like WE are!"

I hate that response. No, I'm not engaged. Do you need to bring this up again?

But then again. Maybe we just really don't understand?

Narwhal

I know as soon as I get that ring on my finger... I'll never wear pants again. I don't think I would be able to stand having that extra step.

Goldlie11

I agree with Desert (again).  Seriously, it's like we share a brain.  I still don't get what's so upsetting.  I'm in the same situation as your friend besides the fact that I'm not 19 (or waiting for marriage to have sex).  FI and I take precautions every single time we have sex.  Neither of us want to have a baby anytime soon.  Actually, we're strongly considering remaining childless.  I don't worry about getting pregnant, but that doesn't mean that I don't think it can happen.  If I do get pregnant, I'm pretty sure I'll keep the baby.  And I'm sure I'll love him or her.

As for BC, I don't like the pill.  This is probably TMI, but when I was on the pill I was never in the mood.  We use condoms or the sponge.  So far, so good for us.  

bethsmiles

yes they do and it drives me nuts but next time theysay something im gonna  channel narwhal and tell them that after i get engaged  it will be all i can do to wear pants

GreenPepperBurger

I've been on the pill since I was 17 - Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo. Knock on wood, I've never had any problems. It's made my periods more managable as well. The only thing is that the BCP can increase your risk of breast cancer, but taking vitamin D pills as well may counteract that.

KD+BC

I tried about 3 different kinds when I originally went on the pill but ended up with Yasmin and loved it. I was on that for 5 years (originally for cramps, heavy flow, and short cycles) before it quit helping with the cramps and the heavy flow. I then switched to Seasonique and really liked it. It does take a while for your body to get used to it though. I spotted for a good 6 months on and off but my periods were like 3 days and super light every 3 months. I'm off it now though.

whitma87

i think as i have gotten older and more mature, the more i realize how i've switched from pro-choice to pro-life. i think that matter really depends on your stage of life. when i was 15 and single, then yea, i would of wanted an abortion.

i had a friend when i was 14-15 who got pregnant 3 times by her boyfriend, each time she got an abortion, and each time it mentally and emotionally scarred her. she would come crying to me at lunch time about it, and the only way for her to numb her pain was to take antidepressants. she was put on birth control, but frequently missed her pill. she got pregnant again at 16, and kept the baby. from what i know now, shes homeless and stays at a homeless shelter thats trying to help her and her baby out. wheres the dad? from what i know, hes in prision on a drug related charge. what type of life is that for her baby? so i dont know if im fully pro-life in that situation. i guess im just showing the bad of both sides.

zipis1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:69658191-91ed-4498-843b-c17993e27dbe">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, a girl at my school (a biology major, her husband is a christian studies major, the two hardest majors at my school) got married her junior year because she wanted to avoid the temptation of a long engagement.  I was like "What?" because I don't see how you get more lustful with a ring on your finger, but that's just me... I've only used the pill, I used... Yazmin and another less advertised brand.  Yazmin turned my emotions for a loop.  The other kind made my migraines really harsh.  I haven't found one that works for me yet. <strong> I would like to get an IUD, but apparently it's not safe if you haven't had children yet. </strong> And my main reason for needing it is to control my periods, and so I need a hormonal kind.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

This is incorrect, and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. I got my Mirena IUD at 20 and have obviously never had children (or sex, even), and it's been fantastic. Some doctors are only uncomfortable inserting them into nulliparous women because they are still on edge over the Dalkon Shield, an IUD in the 70s. It was extremely poorly designed in that the string was nylon and acted as a bridge for bacteria to climb up into the uterus and cause awful infections, eventually leading to PID (pelvic inflammatory disease), which can cause infertility. It was thought that if a woman is going to go infertile it would be better if she had already had a child.

However, the Mirena and ParaGard are much better designed and considered to be safer than the pill (and more effective than sterilization. IUDs are also the most commonly used BC in the world). As long as the doctor inserting it is skilled there is very little risk whether you've had no children or 20. At most the chances of expelling it increase slightly when the woman hasn't had children, but not by much and recent research has shown that that too is tied to the skill of the doctor.

So if you really want one, you should fight for it. Or, if you don't want to fight, go to Planned Parenthood. They didn't even blink when I asked for one.

jess9802

It is hard when you see your friends making choices in life that bother you. When I was a teenager and in my early 20s, I would often say something. Bad idea. Your friend might be foolish for marrying so young just to have sex. I somehow doubt that's the only reason she's marrying. And her thoughts on wanting to wait to have children actually seem quite mature to me. Children are a game changer for each parent and for the couple jointly.

One of my oldest friends got married at 19 to a Marine she'd known for four months. I was very concerned for her and worried about the huge mistake she was making. She seemed immature and flighty and had never lived alone, and I thought she was nuts. I vented on message boards. Well, 11 years later, they're still happily married with three beautiful children. I was wrong.

As for birth control: I have been on the Pill since I've been sexually active, but used condoms until I was in a monogamous relationship. We've relied on just the Pill (generic Ortho-Cyclen) for 1.5 years now. I've NEVER had a pregnancy scare, no noticeable side effects, lighter periods. I tried NuvaRing for a few months, but my FI hated the way it felt, and it turned out to be not as convenient. Back to the Pill.

Honestly, I've never had a single friend who took the Pill as directed who's had a pregnancy scare or gotten pregnant.