Sex and Pregnancy

heyimbren

Jess - actually my friend has come out to say so much that she doesn't want to wait to get married so she doesn't have to wait any longer for sex. She has her other reasons - they're in love. Also, I don't judge her for wanting to wait to have children - my concern was that she told me it would be impossible for her to get pregnant on BC because she would never ovulate. And before that, she wasn't going to use BC. I never said that people shouldn't get married if they aren't ready to raise a kid right that moment. I said that anyone having sex should be prepared for the risk of pregnancy. I don't believe for a second my friend will end up divorced from her FI. I adore them together. My concern for young brides (all of them, not just her) is I don't see what rush there is. I don't see that waiting can do any harm. But I know that's my personal opinion,we've talked about it and I support her decision.

Zipis - Is ParaGard one made from copper? My friend said she talked to her doctor about it and the doctor said we don't use copper ones anymore (in Canada). And she wouldn't recommend an IUD for a woman who hasn't had children because it could "rip her uterus apart" by removing it. But I had heard really good things about IUDs before she told me this. How do they work exactly? Because they're good to use if you don't want kids for a few YEARS- correct? That's my understanding anyways.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:69658191-91ed-4498-843b-c17993e27dbe">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, a girl at my school (a biology major, her husband is a christian studies major, the two hardest majors at my school) got married her junior year because she wanted to avoid the temptation of a long engagement.  I was like "What?" because I don't see how you get more lustful with a ring on your finger, but that's just me... I've only used the pill, I used... Yazmin and another less advertised brand.  Yazmin turned my emotions for a loop.  The other kind made my migraines really harsh.  I haven't found one that works for me yet.  <strong>I would like to get an IUD, but apparently it's not safe if you haven't had children yet.</strong>  And my main reason for needing it is to control my periods, and so I need a hormonal kind.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

That's a myth.  Some people say you shouldn't get an IUD if you've never previously been pregnant because it has a greater chance of expeling from the uterus, not because it's unsafe.  I've never been pregnant and I'm on the Paragard IUD (the copper one without hormones), so I can't speak to Mirena (the one with hormones).  I will say that not having to pop pills or insert a ring is awesome.  Also, if you go on Mirena, you won't get periods at all and it lasts for 5 years.

noelle24

GRRR.  All the myths out there about IUDs irritate me.  They got a bad rap because there was a brand in the 70's, called the Dalkan Shield, that was poorly designed.  It trapped bacteria, causing a fair amount of infections that left women sterile.  That product was pulled off the market, and people in America have shied away from IUDs ever since.  However, IUDs are the BC of choice for women in the rest of the world, particularly Europe.  Especially for unmarried, childless women.

The two on the market today in the US, Mirena (hormones) and Paragard (Copper) are perfectly safe.  Mirena is good for 5 years, and Paragard is good for 10 years. The rates of infection with these devices are very, very low.  And there is no medical reason why women without children can't have them.  A lot of doctors will refuse because of the stigma attached to IUDs, where they don't want childless women to end up sterile. 

Insertion of the IUD may hurt more for women without children because they've never experienced anything like that before. Also, there are slightly higher rates of expulsion in the first 3 months among women who haven't given birth.  But there is no reason why they can't have one.  "Ripping the uterus apart" is complete and utter BS.  If you have a decent doctor, that should never happen.

Bec20

I have been on three things: NuvaRing, the patch, and Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo.  I had no problems with any of them, but my father's insurance would only cover pills so that's what I've been on.

If I could choose from everything, I would want to go back to NuvaRing.  However, I don't want it $35 a month more.  I also have an alarm on my phone set for the same time every day, so I have my pill then.  BF and I also use condoms, since we definitely aren't in the position to have a child at the moment.  (We're right around the same age as your and your friends, so I'm sure that says a lot.)

I can't see getting married now just to have sex. If you want to have sex, then disuss all of this and just have sex.  If you really want to wait until you're married, wait until you're in the position to get married and don't have sex until then.

zipis1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:de2006ef-16b3-42c0-a351-8f3ca26bdf73">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Zipis - Is ParaGard one made from copper? My friend said she talked to her doctor about it and the doctor said we don't use copper ones anymore (in Canada). And she wouldn't recommend an IUD for a woman who hasn't had children because it could "rip her uterus apart" by removing it. But I had heard really good things about IUDs before she told me this. How do they work exactly? Because they're good to use if you don't want kids for a few YEARS- correct? That's my understanding anyways.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Yep, the ParaGard is the copper one.  A few Canadian friends of mine just recently got ParaGards so I'm a bit suspicious about that doctor. However, I believe Canada used to have another copper IUD, so maybe that's the one they don't use anymore? Either way, I assure you that it does not rip the uterus apart, and the Mirena is good for 5-7 years while the ParaGard for 10-12.

IUDs work in one to two ways (the're not 100% sure about the secondary). The main way is just by preventing fertilization. ParaGard by making the uterus a hostile environment to sperm and Mirena by preventing ovulation. The (possible but unconfirmed) secondary method is that it could make it more difficult for a fertilized egg to implant should the primary method fail. So for those that believe life begins at conception the IUD may be something they may not be comfortable with due to that possibility.

heyimbren

Yeah, Zipis the life at conception is a deal breaker for me, personally. But I like the long-term function of IUDs which is too bad.

I honestly hadn't heard of an IUD until about a week ago when it was being discussed somewhere on TK. Thanks for filling me in!

laurynfaerie

i don't understand why everyone says that schools don't teach about BC... my high school and junior high did.

as far as BC goes, i use the patch and i love it, i'm self aware enough to realize that the shot was not an option (needle-phobic, also it can cause long term problems with fertility if you stay on it too long) and neither was the pill (i'd forget to take it) with the patch you stick it on once a week and that;s that. the only issue i had was finding a spot to put it that it wouldn't get disturbed by my clothes, it took a couple of weeks to find a good spot

sapphirebaby926

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:b92316ce-fe38-41ce-b1ff-9d66c290a548">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]i don't understand why everyone says that schools don't teach about BC... my high school and junior high did. as far as BC goes, i use the patch and i love it, i'm self aware enough to realize that the shot was not an option (needle-phobic, also it can cause long term problems with fertility if you stay on it too long) and neither was the pill (i'd forget to take it) with the patch you stick it on once a week and that;s that. the only issue i had was finding a spot to put it that it wouldn't get disturbed by my clothes, it took a couple of weeks to find a good spot :)
Posted by laurynfaerie[/QUOTE]

Not every high school and junior high teaches sex ed - the extent of my sex ed in school was to tell me about tampons and maxi pads. There was no mention of sex or pregnancy and certainly nothing about birth control methods.

As far as BC I used several different kinds of pills and the only one that I liked at all was seasonique. It worked pretty well for me and I liked only having 4 periods a year.

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:3479af02-ed4a-4895-b1df-a7c1c79dc03f">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, Zipis the life at conception is a deal breaker for me, personally. But I like the long-term function of IUDs which is too bad. I honestly hadn't heard of an IUD until about a week ago when it was being discussed somewhere on TK. Thanks for filling me in!
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Bren, Mirena prevents ovulation just like a BC pill. If it's something that interests you, it warrants further reading.

I agree with Zipis and Noelle that the misinformation about IUDs is annoying. I've had Mirena for about four months so far, and it doesn't make me crazy the way pills or NuvaRing did. I've never been pregnant, but apparently insertion is also easier if you're older. For me it really didn't hurt at all.

My doctor didn't want to give me one a few years ago (she said stuff about possible risks) but when I asked again this year, it was no problem. Of course, I found out she has one, too. Maybe that changed her mind!

Narwhal

I'm curious about the patch... does it work the same way the pill does?  Like does it do a good job making periods bearable?

dwest2201

I started taking BC at age 17 and went with the depo shot... it was highly effective and I didn't have to worry about taking it daily.  My mom went with me and we discussed all the options, weight gain was the side effect that was mainly focused on in the literature and by the dr. at that time (now they talk about bone loss as well).  When I went off of Depo my body went completely wonky for months... it was scary and I thought I might be pregnant.  I wasn't thankfully. 

Years later after actually becoming pregnant and after my son was born I tried the BCP(Yaz) and it made my sex drive completely non-existent.  I got off of it and my periods were all jacked up for months.

I had an IUD (Mirena) inserted for a few month before getting a horrible blood infection and having it removed as a precaution while they were running tests and diagnosing me. 

I had a child (natural and 15 hours of labor, 2.25 hours of pushing and a 8 lb. 8 oz. baby w a HUGE head) about a year and a half prior to getting it and insertion hurt like a B*TCH.  I had horrible cramps before I could even get on the highway to drive myself home... it was a miserable ride home and I took 4 Advil and laid down with a heating pad for hours.  It only hurt bad that night, but man was it intense!  I had slight cramping for the next day or two, nothing worse than my normal period cramps though after the first day/night.

After I had the IUD removed I got back on a BCP Loestrin24 and it made me an emotional wreck... like a complete basket case.  After crying for no reason or being mad for no reason I realized that had to be the problem. 

Since then I've quit taking all forms of BC and FI and I use condoms... I became allergic to latex so we have to use polypropylene condoms now (which are like 3 times more expensive) but it's better than having my emotions and periods screwed up by all the hormonal forms of BCP.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:d1967bdf-1b65-4ea0-836f-cf61cc29c8fd">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Not every high school and junior high teaches sex ed - the extent of my sex ed in school was to tell me about tampons and maxi pads. There was no mention of sex or pregnancy and certainly nothing about birth control methods.
Posted by sapphirebaby926[/QUOTE]

My high school didn't teach much sex ed either. We learned about STDs and we knew you could get pregnant but I grew up in a very conservative small town. Luckily for me my parents were always very open in talking about sex so they did teach me about birth control and condoms even though they highly advocated abstinence.

Zinnecker09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:c2ecb164-3e72-4afe-b907-c65f36d73e3a">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE] What I don't understand is how someone at 19 can say "I'm old enough and mature enough to be married but I'm not ready to have a baby. So I'll take BC and keep my fingers crossed that it's effective and I don't get pregnant. But if I do get pregnant, well I guess I can love it." It's my own personal opinion that she's way too naive to really be getting married (she just started post-secondary last week and has never lived on her own and has no money in savings- its all toward the wedding). But that's my own opinion and she has the right to choose her own life. But it really bothers me that she acts as if her getting pregnant is impossible, when it's not. I guess I just feel that if you're old enough to be having sex and getting married, you better be old enough to accept that you could end up pregnant in doing so. [/QUOTE]


I can understand how she is married and not ready to have children...I don't want to have kids right away when we get married, but will be absolutely fine  - even excited if it does happen, because it's something we both want down the road, but she should definitely accept that it may happen.

Personally, my BF and I have talked about this a few times, and we have agreed we aren't going to have sex until we feel like we can both handle the responsibility even if we aren't married yet.  We're both 27, and can handle it maturely, but we're not ready financially, and we're both in grad school full time, and don't have great insurance at the moment.  We know getting pregnant is a possibliity if we were to do it...so we're being responsible :P (sucks!)...at least for now, haha.

I do agree with you, though. 

laurynfaerie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:d831d687-1ae7-4428-8602-8e76c8706010">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm curious about the patch... does it work the same way the pill does?  Like does it do a good job making periods bearable?
Posted by Narwhal[/Q]

it does work alot like the pill, it;s done a good job of making my periods less of a pain in the butt. :D

emelri27

Going into the relationship with BF we both knew we wanted to wait til marriage til we had sex. Fastforward 6 months and those thoughts went out the window.  I think sex made our relationship a lot more complicated and kind of wish we would have waited. Then again I'm happy he's the one I waited for. I'm on loestrin24 Fe right now. It's giving me some spotting between periods and has actually made cramping worse. I got a couple month samples of Yaz from the gyno that I'm going to try out next month. I really hope it's better!

lindsayrae1986

to those of you that were talking about the patch as a form of BC, i read this today on msn... http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39306467

check it out.  i had NO idea about this.  i had been considering the patch but not anymore.  i've been on the pill for 8 years and still have trouble remembering every single day. 

Bec20

Narwhal, the patch has all the same benefits as the pill.  So does NuvaRing.  I was on both of them before, but my dad's insurance through work (that I get until I turn 23, get out of school, or get married, hooray for that) will only cover pills.

I've been on Ortho Try-Cyclen Lo for about a year and a half now.  If I was able to switch back to the patch or ring without going from paying $0.35 for three months worth of pills to $30+ a month, I would definitely do it.

HeartOverMind

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:48f5d64b-7068-4ba4-a56e-7f50e333ba81">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]Going into the relationship with BF we both knew we wanted to wait til marriage til we had sex. Fastforward 6 months and those thoughts went out the window.  <strong>I think sex made our relationship a lot more complicated and kind of wish we would have waited. Then again I'm happy he's the one I waited for.</strong>I'm on loestrin24 Fe right now. It's giving me some spotting between periods and has actually made cramping worse. I got a couple month samples of Yaz from the gyno that I'm going to try out next month. I really hope it's better!
Posted by emelri27[/QUOTE]

I know exactly what you mean. Sex changed our relationship so much...we've made the decision to stop. It's going to be hard, but it's possible. I always wanted to wait until marriage, but at least it was with BF. That is the only thing about having sex I don't regret.

emelri27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:f5049cf5-be68-47d9-b1e8-fd52807d160f">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : I know exactly what you mean. Sex changed our relationship so much...we've made the decision to stop. It's going to be hard, but it's possible. I always wanted to wait until marriage, but at least it was with BF. That is the only thing about having sex I don't regret.
Posted by HeartOverMind[/QUOTE]

We're trying to stop too. So I can completely relate to you! It's super hard, but we've done alright the past couple months. I think BF gets a little more moody now though, lol.

Bec20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:9fb72991-2fb8-4219-bcd7-901bbbf0c10a">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]to those of you that were talking about the patch as a form of BC, i read this today on msn... <a href="http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39306467" rel="nofollow">http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39306467</a> check it out.  i had NO idea about this.  i had been considering the patch but not anymore.  i've been on the pill for 8 years and still have trouble remembering every single day. 
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

Your doctor should mention the increased of those kind of things.  All birth control increases your risk of having certain issues... that's why they say you should not smoke and that it's more risky if you're over 35 or have high blood pressure.

lindsayrae1986

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:26a21e05-1ccc-4476-8c97-a415fbee6246">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : Your doctor should mention the increased of those kind of things.  All birth control increases your risk of having certain issues... that's why they say you should not smoke and that it's more risky if you're over 35 or have high blood pressure.
Posted by Bec20[/QUOTE]

i don't know how i feel about my OBGYN.  it's the same lady who was with my mom when she was pregnant with me, and the same lady who attended my mom when she had me. 

she keeps asking me about the gardasil vaccine... she wants me to take it, since i'm not and haven't been sexually active before.  i've asked her about side effects, risks, etc. and she insists there are none and really wants me to have it.  however, i don't feel like it has been out there long enough to see what the long-term risks are... and my BF and i will be in a monogamous relationship once we're married.  he's only had sex one time before and has been tested for STDs since then.  i know that the vaccine isn't just for that (cervical cancer, etc.) but i really don't feel like i want to take it, and it kind of bothers me that she keeps asking me about it.  but i guess that it's her job.

she also tells me that most birth controls are going to have the same side effects in terms of acne, mood swings, etc...  i've had trouble finding the right match for me.  i'm on balziva 28 right now and it's "okay".  honestly, i'm tired of the trial and error.  it really messes with me.  this one is "good enough" until about 6 or 7 months out from the wedding.

basically, that was a really long version of: i don't know if my OBGYN really goes over that with me, but i'm not sure if i want to change OBGYNs.

does everyone else's OBGYN go over that stuff in detail, or do they kind of skim over it, like mine??

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:c6e09e4c-cb6a-47e9-b395-a3c4a5776dbe">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : i don't know how i feel about my OBGYN.  it's the same lady who was with my mom when she was pregnant with me, and the same lady who attended my mom when she had me.  she keeps asking me about the gardasil vaccine... she wants me to take it, since i'm not and haven't been sexually active before.  i've asked her about side effects, risks, etc. and she insists there are none and really wants me to have it.  however, i don't feel like it has been out there long enough to see what the long-term risks are... and my BF and i will be in a monogamous relationship once we're married.  he's only had sex one time before and has been tested for STDs since then.  i know that the vaccine isn't just for that (cervical cancer, etc.) but i really don't feel like i want to take it, and it kind of bothers me that she keeps asking me about it.  but i guess that it's her job. she also tells me that most birth controls are going to have the same side effects in terms of acne, mood swings, etc...  i've had trouble finding the right match for me.  i'm on balziva 28 right now and it's "okay".  honestly, i'm tired of the trial and error.  it really messes with me.  this one is "good enough" until about 6 or 7 months out from the wedding. basically, that was a really long version of: i don't know if my OBGYN really goes over that with me, but i'm not sure if i want to change OBGYNs. <strong>does everyone else's OBGYN go over that stuff in detail, or do they kind of skim over it, like mine??
</strong>Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

I've never been to an OBGYN. Is that really as terrible as everyone makes it out to be? I haven't heard of any of my friends or anyone really going either. It just never comes up.

lindsayrae1986

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:ab3a2d8e-fc85-4f56-8807-117cb039ce3a">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : I've never been to an OBGYN. Is that really as terrible as everyone makes it out to be? I haven't heard of any of my friends or anyone really going either. It just never comes up.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

you don't want to ask me about that...  i had a very tramautic experience the first time they tried to do a "check-up"... 

long story short, but i kept getting UTI's and then yeast infections from the constant antiobiotics...  my PA was an older man so he asked a younger female PA to do a "check up" on me at my normal dr's office.  she didn't use any kind of lubrication and was very hateful when i asked if we could talk about what was going to happen before she started.  you see, i was so raw inside that i couldn't get a tampon in OR out without excrutiating pain.

i was 18 at the time, never had sex, and i'm very small anyway.  she used a normal-size instrument (my current OBGYN uses a child-size one) with NO lubrication at all.  the night before i tried to do the monistat stuff for a yeast infection i got from my antibiotics for the UTI, and it turned out i was allergic to the stuff.  like, burning the inside of me allergic.  my mom and i spent a couple hours after finding that out trying to rinse it out with warm water. i screamed out when she went in and she yelled at me for scaring people in the waiting area.  remember... i was small, raw, yeast infection, allergic to monistat, a virgin...  i mean it was tramautic.  i bled for days and literally couldn't sit or cross my legs for a couple days.  when she figured out she wasn't going to be able to do it, she told me that i was wasting her time and when i "grew up a little bit" i could come back.

i went in there with fairly normal blood pressure.  i wasn't really scared because my friends had gone and my mom told me that it really wasn't a big deal, just like a small pinch and mostly uncomfortable.

fast forward 3 or 4 years.  my OBGYN says that in order to keep giving me BC, i have to have the whole check-up.  my blood pressure is usually about 108/63.  it stays pretty constant there.  when she took my blood pressure before the exam, it was dangerously high...  180/140 if i remember correctly.  she told me to put my head in between my legs and just breathe. 

i bawled.  i told her what happened.  so she made me a deal.  she said at that point it was more important that i trust her than it was for her to go all the way through with the exam.  so she promised she would only do a manual exam, and the next time i came in we would try the full exam.  and she kept her promise.  she told me exactly what she was doing, what she felt, and why it was important or what she was looking for.

the next year, i was still scared out of my mind... but a tiny bit calmer.  we got all the way through the full exam.  she remembered me (she must have put that in my file haha) and spent a lot of time talking to me about what she was going to do, what it would feel like, how long it would take. 

each year after that it's gotten easier.  mostly, it's just kind of embarrassing and uncomfortable.  it still hurts because i haven't had sex, but it's not unbearable.

don't let that scare you or anything.  ;)  they found out the recurring UTIs and infections were due to my "connecting tubes" down there were still child/baby-sized...  so they went in and cut some slits in them to enlarge them.  haven't had a UTI since.

i'm pretty worried about having sex after i get married.  but BF knows all about this, so hopefully it won't be a big deal.  :)

a lot of my friends say it isn't that bad.  i just had a really bad experience.

and yes, i did file a complaint on the PA... but i don't think they did much about it.  i left that dr's office after that and found a new doctor.

Bec20

I've been told that you should have an appointment to check everything out when you turn 18, become sexually active, or have had your period for 5 (6?) years, whichever comes first.

My experience was much better than Lindsay's (thankfully).  I have a male family doctor, but he told me the couple weeks that he was going to be out of town and arranged for me to have my appointment then, with a female doctor.

She was very gentle and willing to explain everything.  I got lots of lube and the little, tiny instrument.  It was awkward and a little uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt.  However, BF and I had been having sex for a couple of months at that point and the first time was very painful and I bled a fair amount then.

dwest2201

Lindsay, that is horrible.  I sincerely hope that your mother wrote a long and detailed complaint letter about that PA.  I am so sorry that you had to deal with that at all, it's a shame that some people in the meidcal field are so cold and rude.  *HUGS*

The worst experience that I had was when I went in for my first OB check up and the doctor stuck a finger in my butt without any warning (never had that happen with regular check-ups before) so I was surprised and felt a bit violated... I came out of there waddling a little and told my (now ex)H what happened and how my butt would never be the same!  Haha.

I did hoewever get accused of being sexually active when I got my first yeast infection at about 15.  I hadn't even done anything but kiss a boy at that time so I was upset as was my mother.  We complained and they finally apologized.  I told her (the young nurse that was talking to me and saying it's okay most of us have sex rather young these days) that she may have been a little slut but I wasn't... I have always been pretty outspoken.  Eff her!

lindsayrae1986

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:c4d2dbe9-e4a4-4538-961f-9898afd93d01">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been told that you should have an appointment to check everything out when you turn 18, become sexually active, or have had your period for 5 (6?) years, whichever comes first. My experience was much better than Lindsay's (thankfully).  I have a male family doctor, but he told me the couple weeks that he was going to be out of town and arranged for me to have my appointment then, with a female doctor. She was very gentle and willing to explain everything.  I got lots of lube and the little, tiny instrument.  It was awkward and a little uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt.  However, BF and I had been having sex for a couple of months at that point and the first time was very painful and I bled a fair amount then.
Posted by Bec20[/QUOTE]

just curious, but, how long was it until it quit hurting after you started having sex?  if you don't want to answer, just tell me to bug off.  :)  i'm genuinely curious as i'm not sexually active.

HeartOverMind

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:cd2b77d1-5907-485e-b682-87aa118efe91">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : just curious, but, how long was it until it quit hurting after you started having sex?  if you don't want to answer, just tell me to bug off.  :)  i'm genuinely curious as i'm not sexually active.
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

It is different for everyone. For me it was the sixth or seventh time before it stopped hurting. The first two times were terribly painful, then it got less and less (but it still hurt). Then one day, it didin't hurt anymore.

Bec20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:cd2b77d1-5907-485e-b682-87aa118efe91">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : just curious, but, how long was it until it quit hurting after you started having sex?  if you don't want to answer, just tell me to bug off.  :)  i'm genuinely curious as i'm not sexually active.
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

This may be TMI for a lot of people, but I figure answering the question properly is more important so just skip this if you don't want to hear my answer.

I have no problem answering.  I was one of the last of my friends to have sex, so I asked them all these questions before.

I promise it wasn't that bad though (and I'm a huge wimp!).  True, the first time I had to lie on an old shirt and he could barely move without me wincing.  But that was probably due to the fact that I still had the vast majority of my hymen and it tore (which is obviously what caused the bleeding).  However, in the 36 hours or so from when we first had sex until he left town again (we were long distance at the time), we made love a few times so I clearly wasn't traumatized by it at all.  Every time we'd try a new position or he'd go in too far it would hurt, so we stuck to missionary for awhile.  We made sure I was very ready to start and always used lube and it stopped being painful at first pretty quickly.  BF was very understanding and able to wait for as long as I needed him to extremely well, which helped.  Though, like you mentioned with your first gyno appointment, I sat a bit funny the next day.

And now everybody who read this knows more about me than they ever wanted to know.

lindsayrae1986

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:197baa78-957d-4f06-93b6-09fe08b0001b">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : This may be TMI for a lot of people, but I figure answering the question properly is more important so just skip this if you don't want to hear my answer. I have no problem answering.  I was one of the last of my friends to have sex, so I asked them all these questions before. I promise it wasn't that bad though (and I'm a huge wimp!).  True, the first time I had to lie on an old shirt and he could barely move without me wincing.  But that was probably due to the fact that I still had the vast majority of my hymen and it tore (which is obviously what caused the bleeding).  However, in the 36 hours or so from when we first had sex until he left town again (we were long distance at the time), we made love a few times so I clearly wasn't traumatized by it at all.  Every time we'd try a new position or he'd go in too far it would hurt, so we stuck to missionary for awhile.  We made sure I was very ready to start and always used lube and it stopped being painful at first pretty quickly.  BF was very understanding and able to wait for as long as I needed him to extremely well, which helped.  Though, like you mentioned with your first gyno appointment, I sat a bit funny the next day. And now everybody who read this knows more about me than they ever wanted to know.
Posted by Bec20[/QUOTE]

thanks for the info.  most of my friends are pretty uptight about talking about sex. 

actually, i have a really close girlfriend who got married in june.  about 4 weeks before the wedding she asked if i would host a personal shower for her.  i did, the weekend before the wedding.  it was a lot of work and stress for me, but she seemed really happy and got a lot of nice, pretty, and some sexy stuff.  success!

or so i thought.

at a girls night out recently, someone asked if she'd used any of the goodies she got from the personal shower.  she said that she hadn't even taken them out of the bag, and every time her husband tries to initiate anything, she pretends she's asleep or that she isn't feeling well.

i didn't say anything, but i was so hurt.  she asked me to host the shower, and then doesn't use any of it?  AAAAND she doesn't have sex with her husband?  seriously???  i told BF and he said that he would be very mad if it were him... 

i admit, although i am nervous about having sex (mostly because it's so "unknown"... and the pain factor), i never dreamed of NOT having it.  BF and i have to work very hard at staying within the boundaries we set for ourselves...  i can't imagine being MARRIED and not having sex.  it blew my mind.

she said that she thought for a while that it was her, not him...  but she told me that, no, it's definitely him. 

poor guy.  :(

on another note, one of my girlfriends told me there's something you can do in the OBGYN where they go ahead and tear the hymen so it won't hurt so much...  is this for real?  haha

EDIT:  BF said he'd be mad if he was in that situation because he would feel tricked...  but then he and i talk about everything (even uncomfortable, awkward subjects) and maybe my friend and her H don't...  i'm assuming that she didn't tell him she didn't want to have sex before they got married, because from what i understand he still tries to initiate it.  or maybe he doesn't care.  or maybe she decided she didn't like it.  who knows.  but seriously, if she's not going to use all the pretty stuff... i'll take it!  ;)

HeartOverMind

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sex-pregnancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:66e97f5a-2656-4e32-bb82-ea36cfd57518Post:5dc30cd9-b2bd-4594-a22a-48fc321b88f6">Re: Sex and Pregnancy</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sex and Pregnancy : thanks for the info.  most of my friends are pretty uptight about talking about sex.  actually, i have a really close girlfriend who got married in june.  about 4 weeks before the wedding she asked if i would host a personal shower for her.  i did, the weekend before the wedding.  it was a lot of work and stress for me, but she seemed really happy and got a lot of nice, pretty, and some sexy stuff.  success! or so i thought. at a girls night out recently, someone asked if she'd used any of the goodies she got from the personal shower.  she said that she hadn't even taken them out of the bag, and every time her husband tries to initiate anything, she pretends she's asleep or that she isn't feeling well. i didn't say anything, but i was so hurt.  she asked me to host the shower, and then doesn't use any of it?  AAAAND she doesn't have sex with her husband?  seriously???  i told BF and he said that he would be very mad if it were him...  i admit, although i am nervous about having sex (mostly because it's so "unknown"... and the pain factor), i never dreamed of NOT having it.  BF and i have to work very hard at staying within the boundaries we set for ourselves...  i can't imagine being MARRIED and not having sex.  it blew my mind. <strong>she said that she thought for a while that it was her, not him...  but she told me that, no, it's definitely him.  poor guy.  :(</strong>on another note, one of my girlfriends told me there's something you can do in the OBGYN where they go ahead and tear the hymen so it won't hurt so much...  is this for real?  haha EDIT:  BF said he'd be mad if he was in that situation because he would feel tricked...  but then he and i talk about everything (even uncomfortable, awkward subjects) and maybe my friend and her H don't...  i'm assuming that she didn't tell him she didn't want to have sex before they got married, because from what i understand he still tries to initiate it.  or maybe he doesn't care.  or maybe she decided she didn't like it.  who knows.  but seriously, if she's not going to use all the pretty stuff... i'll take it!  ;)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

What does she mean, "by it's him"?
Is he inadequate or something?
I feel so sorry for that guy, omg! they're married.  It seems to me that she is too immature, especially if she hasn't talked to her husband about her problem.
They shouldn't have gotten married if they can't talk about things. Wow. This is so sad.