Not Engaged Yet

Spill the beans already!

Hi everyone, I need advice...
My boyfriend and I are in love and have decided that we want to marry next October. We've been looking into wedding venues, rings, invitations, etc. but he wants to do the traditional thing- ask my father for my hand in marriage. I've been so excited about everything that I've told my grandma everything! But I haven't said anything to my parents. I've sworn my grammy to secrecy, but its killing me! My mother is very traditional and I know would be funky about me doing all this planning and not having been formally proposed to. My babe wants to save up for this "perfect" ring and the whole bit. Far be it from me to deny the man of his wishes! But how do I approach it from my family's perspective? On one hand, I know she's old school, but on the other hand, if she found out my grandmother knew, I'd have a whole other issue on my hands. Do I spill the beans??
... Love never fails

Re: Spill the beans already!

  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Uhm.... don't plan your wedding until you're engaged.  Period.  Problem solved!
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:ef1c1e3e-4af7-445e-8045-37e0c4887925">Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone, I need advice... My boyfriend and I are in love and have decided that we want to marry next October. We've been looking into wedding venues, rings, invitations, etc. but he wants to do the traditional thing- ask my father for my hand in marriage. I've been so excited about everything that I've told my grandma everything! But I haven't said anything to my parents. I've sworn my grammy to secrecy, but its killing me! <strong>My mother is very traditional and I know would be funky about me doing all this planning and not having been formally proposed to.</strong> My babe wants to save up for this "perfect" ring and the whole bit. Far be it from me to deny the man of his wishes! But how do I approach it from my family's perspective? On one hand, I know she's old school, but on the other hand, if she found out my grandmother knew, I'd have a whole other issue on my hands. Do I spill the beans??
    Posted by BeauTEEfulBride13[/QUOTE]

    Your mother sounds like a brilliant woman! It is crazy to plan your wedding before being engaged, and has nothing to do with "traditional" or "non-traditional". What exactly did you tell dear old Granny? That you've been planning a wedding but aren't engaged? So no, don't spill the beans because there are no beans to spill. It seems like you don't consider yourself engaged so you have nothing to tell. When you get engaged you can spill the beans and start planning, until then, enjoy your relationship where it is at.

    Also, you do NOT need a ring to be engaged... just food for thought.
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:10279cf9-e7e2-4df9-9f17-35e5dded947a">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uhm.... don't plan your wedding until you're engaged.  Period.  Problem solved!
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]
    This!

    Anniversary

  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2012
    Advice, don't spill the beans because there isn't anything to spill.  You can tell you mother that you and your boyfriend are getting close and considering marriage someday.  Seriously you can plan a wedding once you're engaged.  You can be engaged without a ring.  This is about you and your boyfriend not your family.  Be an adult and do what is best for you, buck tradition if you wish.  JUST PLEASE DO not plan a wedding when you are not engaged, so much can change between now and then. 
  • If your mom doesn't think you should be planning a wedding pre-engagement, then I suggest stop planning your wedding.  It's highly likely that your mom will have some opinion on your wedding (guest list, venue, etc.) or may even want to contribute to the cost (happened to me) which could make all previous planning completely useless.

    I was not aware of the size of FI's extended family pre-engagement.  Any venue that I would have looked at before he proposed would have been useless because there is a lot more of them than I/we thought.  (These are extended family members, but it's tradition in his family to invite everyone to big events like weddings, so we are.) 

    This is just one very practical reason to not plan your wedding before you are engaged.   
  • Stop planning your wedding until you are engaged. There is a reason that this 'tradition" exists. It's because it's the sane and logical thing to do.

    Also, how are you expecting to pay for a wedding in October if your BF can't even afford an engagement ring right now?
    image
  • I can't even muster anything more than a "sweet Jesus."
    Anniversary
  • boards.weddingbee.com

    That's where you want to be, I promise.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:ef1c1e3e-4af7-445e-8045-37e0c4887925">Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone, I need advice...<strong> My boyfriend and I are in love</strong> and have decided that we want to marry next October. We've been looking into wedding venues, rings, invitations, etc. but he wants to do the traditional thing- ask my father for my hand in marriage. I've been so excited about everything that I've told my grandma everything! But I haven't said anything to my parents. I've sworn my grammy to secrecy, but its killing me! My mother is very traditional and I know would be funky about me doing all this planning and not having been formally proposed to. My babe wants to save up for this "perfect" ring and the whole bit. Far be it from me to deny the man of his wishes! But how do I approach it from my family's perspective? On one hand, I know she's old school, but on the other hand, if she found out my grandmother knew, I'd have a whole other issue on my hands. Do I spill the beans??
    Posted by BeauTEEfulBride13[/QUOTE]

    <div>but guys, they're in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove, so they're obvs gonna get murried, duh.</div>
    --------------------------------------------------------------


     
    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:92d3048f-a571-41c4-a743-aed1d785b5f7">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Spill the beans already! : but guys, they're in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove, so they're obvs gonna get murried, duh.
    Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh duh, how foolish of us! </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, her name reminds me of that episode of Bridezillas where the bride demanded everyone call her "The Most Beautiful Bride"</div>
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm with everyone else. Planning before you are engaged is a little crazy, and the superstitious part of me thinks it is a jinx on the relationship! girls do crazy stuff. I have a friend who has a friend who found a wedding dress she loved and bought it-and she wasn't even in a relationship. To any normal guy, all of these things would be (and should be) considered a giant red flag.
  • Just curious for those who have been on TK longer than me...

    Do the crazies always come out during the summer or is this a year-round entertaining event?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:972da51d-2737-4121-8333-c2a0958246ae">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just curious for those who have been on TK longer than me... Do the crazies always come out during the summer or is this a year-round entertaining event?
    Posted by minskat30[/QUOTE]

    <div>Year-round.  </div>
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:e637fb50-bf65-4d9b-932b-59bf5c1bc0f7">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spill the beans already! : Year-round.  
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

    But stick around during the holidays... it gets REALLY interesting then.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • My first post experience and I'm labelled a crazy. Thanks, you all have been most helpful.
    ... Love never fails
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:3eb48450-5592-4380-afda-7ac6656c5d6e">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My first post experience and I'm labelled a crazy. Thanks, you all have been most helpful.
    Posted by BeauTEEfulBride13[/QUOTE]

    Well, when the shoe fits...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:e637fb50-bf65-4d9b-932b-59bf5c1bc0f7">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spill the beans already! : Year-round.  
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

    Oh good.  :)  Wouldn't want to miss the show if it was a seasonal thing.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:e461296c-cb1a-4eda-a020-f565b5d49d68">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spill the beans already! : But stick around during the holidays... it gets REALLY interesting then.
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    Good Lord, I can only imagine.  Especially around Christmas and V-Day I would assume.  Looking forward to it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:3eb48450-5592-4380-afda-7ac6656c5d6e">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My first post experience and I'm labelled a crazy. Thanks, you all have been most helpful.
    Posted by BeauTEEfulBride13[/QUOTE]

    <div>Perhaps not act crazy then?</div>
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm in total agreement with everyone's previous posts. But let me add another obvious thing into debate - who is paying for all this? And what is your budget? How you could you even consider looking at ANYTHING unless you knew exactly how much money is going where, etc.?

    Do not even think about planning a thing until he buys the ring. He probably won't buy it for awhile if he's just starting to save up for it, anyways. Those things can be pricey, sometimes.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_spill-the-beans-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6f91d38f-3029-49a6-9748-edc48e87d6e0Post:7377663e-35b9-4db3-aaed-d9333c29226e">Re: Spill the beans already!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spill the beans already! : Well, when the shoe fits...
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    <div>BUY IT IN EVERY COLOR!!!!!</div>
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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