How do I get over this?

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_over-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7094060f-1b6c-4529-a92a-1031d9fca727Post:545f0954-65ea-49b1-b170-dea748a8f5f5">Re: How do I get over this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I get over this? : FI went a whole day without speaking to me once because some guy in a bar put his hand on my ass. I didn't understand why he was mad at me.   Turns out the guy's hand had been there for several minutes and I was just too drunk to notice. Oops.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<div>That just made me LOL.  Sounds like something I would do.</div>

jorja86

Coco and Elle, those stories just made me LOL.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_over-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7094060f-1b6c-4529-a92a-1031d9fca727Post:57b29957-e20e-4fe4-94d2-430ccf593517">Re: How do I get over this?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I get over this? : This was really well-said.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Thanks Liv! I think you've made a lot of great points in this thread as well! (as you always do!!)

prbright

One of Matt's best friends is a girl, and needless to say, I do not like her. I have never liked her because she has always been overly flirtatious with him and it's not only disrespectful to me, but annoying.

I was very close friends with one of my ex's, and Matt was extremely uncomfortable with it and told me.  So in turn,I told him how I felt about his best girlfriend. And we sat down and we compromised, and now both of us are happier and don't have that added stress. Sometimes it means having to distance yourself or in his case distancing himself but I had to decide who was more important to me and what relationship I wanted to maintain, and obviously that was my relationship was Matt not my ex.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_over-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7094060f-1b6c-4529-a92a-1031d9fca727Post:26979e58-9282-485f-9cb0-cffd81238b06">Re: How do I get over this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't believe that anyone who says they love you should want to make you feel uncomfortable, especially in your own home.<div>Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>I do think that this is a good point, but I think it wouldn't seem so cut-and-dried if we were talking about a behavior that didn't involve the opposite sex.</div><div>
</div><div>Like, Nick brought a real human skull home for a couple days to study for an anatomy test.  Yeah, med students can check those out from their schools!  Weird, right?!</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, it freaked me out.  (Especially when I was napping on the couch and I woke up to him snapping its jaw in my face, but that's beside the point).  I would have much preferred him to study that thing elsewhere.  But this is his house, too and it would have been, in my opinion, wrong of me to tell him that I didn't want him doing that here because it made me a little uncomfortable.  Sometimes, you just have to respect that your partner has different views or feelings on things and not take it personally.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>Lunar, please believe that I am not trying to invalidate your feelings.  Your feel how you feel and it's not wrong of you, by any means.  In fact, I admire you for opening up to us about it.  I'm just trying to see it from a different perspective.</strong>

</div>

kellyt89

I think that all the ladies here have given you great advice. I just wanted to reiterate that you don't have to work to change your entire viewpoint just because FI doesn't agree with it. Don't beat yourself up just keep the lines of communication positive so you can find a solution you're both comfortable with.

BF has several female friends from HS, one of which is an XGF. It's never bothered me that he hangs out with her because they've been broken up for ages and have both dated multiple people since then. If it was someone who I thought was interested in him, that would be a whole 'nother ball of wax.

I think that part of this is a situational thing - it seems like you'd be a lot less upset if this girl hadn't been there before you got home and after you went to bed. I just think that's rude. It also seems like you don't know her well which would also make me uncomfortable if she was hanging out in my home.

So I think the idea of setting up house rules is something that will help you a LOT. I loved what Coco (I think?) said about the home being a sanctuary, sacred place - it should be somewhere that you both feel comfortable and safe in.

klkaigev

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I'm guessing if there was zero sexual tension between them you'd probably not be bothered by a chick friend. What is making you uncomfortable isn't the gender, and isn't that you don't trust him, it's the fact she's obviously giving "I'm on the prowl" cues that you've picked up on and he might be clueless to.

My best friend is a guy. He's been married twice. Neither wife has ever had a problem with me, or the fact we talk a lot, or that we've been alone together..but then there's zero sexual tension between us. We're like siblings. I can't even contemplate him in a dirty or romantic way without feeling grossed out.

But I'm sure if I was giving the 'I'm interested' vibes, and hanging out late at night (not cool btw..) his wife's antennae would go up.

He might be clueless, but trust your gut on this one.

melmac86

Hmm... I think this sort of depends on the situation. My BF has a woman friend - they've known each other since they were 5 and grew up a few streets away from each other. I don't have a problem with them hanging out alone and whenever we have company, they always leave before we go to bed. I don't have concerns about their friendship at all. On the other hand, if he had a woman friend over that I only met once or twice and didn't know much about, then I might feel concerned - and definitely would if it's apparent that she had or could have feelings for him.