fall 2011 wedding talk + no ring yet = confusion. advice, please! (long post)

PandaBurr

We're not ganging up on you. Most of us just agree that going into debt over a single day of partying is ridiculous. Nobody has attacked you, only your post.

Ditto Sapphire- Just because people do it, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

fairy_diva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fall-2011-wedding-talk-ring-yet-confusion-advice-please-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:77e2a0fc-46ba-41cf-b6cd-6963fdad5866Post:0fa99be8-8db4-49a2-98c4-840b5849bb22">Re: fall 2011 wedding talk + no ring yet = confusion. advice, please! (long post)</a>:
[QUOTE]some people go into debt because of weddings. ive heard of people taking out a second loan on their house(i.e. my brother and his fiance). some people might think thats ok, because thats their choice, they can do whatever they want with their wedding, but i wouldnt do that. id make sure we had the money before. why is everyone ganging up on me?
Posted by raw1299@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

Wow, I came into this one late.  No one is ganging up on you, but do you seriously THINK its a good ideas to spend money you don't have for 1 day?  And to take out a second mortgage, jeeze no way!  I have read several of your threads and frankly your advice stinks. Most of the girls on The Knot try to give realistic and reasonable advice and its neither to go into that kind of debt for one day, wedding or not. This is not a place for rainbows & puppies, when someone asks they will get honest advice & opinions.
As for planning a wedding before the proposal and ring, that's asking for heartbreak. Men do not think like we do, and if anyone sets themselves up for that might very well end up disappointed.Don't put the cart before the horse.
My engagement has been 9 months, Dec 31 2009 to Sept 25, 2010. I have planned it on a budget that climbed from $4000 to about $5500.  So I guess that makes me "normal" but other ladies have had 1-3 years or even longer, some put off the wedding until they can pay cash for it. Others put it off for school. Luckily FI and I are both adults that work full time and have the ability to plan ours within the year.
Please just think about the advice you are handing out.  A second mortgage could easily bankrupt a couple.

Goldlie11

Raw, nobody is ganging up on you.  We just all share the opinion that a one day party is not worth going into debt for.  I think it's one think to come up a little short and put it on a credit card.  The idea of just charging a wedding that you can't pay for is irresponsible in my opinion.  Despite the fact that we're bitches, most of us try to give sound advice.  

Do yourself a favor and start a poll on any of the national boards.  Ask them if they think it's a good idea to charge $30,000 on a CC with the assumption that it will take a very long time to pay the money back.  I'd be surprised if more than 10% of the posters think it's a good idea.  I doubt you could find a financial planner who thinks that's a good idea.  

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fall-2011-wedding-talk-ring-yet-confusion-advice-please-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:77e2a0fc-46ba-41cf-b6cd-6963fdad5866Post:d310bf4b-f62b-458c-9215-0e2f4c6cdfeb">Re: fall 2011 wedding talk + no ring yet = confusion. advice, please! (long post)</a>:
[QUOTE]#1: i meant a credit card or loan for THE WEDDING. alot of people do that, because obviously some people cant pull 30k out of their ass. and you CAN get wedding planning done in 6 months. you might not, but other people have, and succeeded. im not trying to get into any fights, i was just reassuring her on finance options and a possible short engagement.
Posted by raw1299@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

#1 Taking a loan out for THE WEDDING is still a bed idea.  Sure some people "have" to do it and some people make it work, but that doesn't mean it's good advice.  Why would anyone need to pull 30K (which I CAN do, btw) out of their ass?  If you dont' have 30K for a wedding, you don't need a loan.  Just have a wedding that costs less than 30K.  Groundbreaking, I know, but possible.

#2 I am well aware that wedding planning can be done in 6 months.  And actually I DID plan my wedding in under 6 months.  A week actually.  I never said you couldn't.  So what was your point again?

#3  I'm not trying to get into any fights either.  I'm just trying to tell you that your advice sucks.  If we were to get into a fight, you'd lose.  Because your advice sucks.

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fall-2011-wedding-talk-ring-yet-confusion-advice-please-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:77e2a0fc-46ba-41cf-b6cd-6963fdad5866Post:0fa99be8-8db4-49a2-98c4-840b5849bb22">Re: fall 2011 wedding talk + no ring yet = confusion. advice, please! (long post)</a>:
[QUOTE]some people go into debt because of weddings. ive heard of people taking out a second loan on their house(i.e. my brother and his fiance). some people might think thats ok, because thats their choice, they can do whatever they want with their wedding, but i wouldnt do that. id make sure we had the money before. why is everyone ganging up on me?
Posted by raw1299@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

And while I'm at it...

Some people also drink and drive (for example) but that doesn't make it a good idea.

We're not ganging up on you, but we're trying to tell you to stop giving out poor advice.  You said yourself that you would never do these things so why tell someone else to do it?

Narwhal

Personally, I am looking forward to going into debt double the size of my student loans (after grad school!) with higher interest rates.   If only he would put a ring on it so I can get started screwing my future over.

Bec20

Yeah, don't take out a loan to pay for your ring or your wedding.  The second morgage idea is horrible... what happens if you can't pay for it?  Your wedding will be just as valid if you spend 3K on it as it would be if you spend 30K or even upwards of 100K.

If I were the OP, I'd get a ring very similar to the one I fell in love with custom designed.  As a PP said, it's often cheaper than getting one from a company.  Often, you're paying for the name (ex. Tiffany, Tacori) as much as you are for the work that goes into it.  If you're not picky about if you have a diamond or not, you can get a moissanite.  More fire and still a clear stone.

Planning before you're engaged isn't the best idea, but if your parents want a general price range you can look up stuff just to see how much it will cost.  But please, don't be a brat and only look up the most expensive things.  (Not saying you would, but I can see some people that I've met doing that to try to get more money for their "pretty princess day".)

fairy_diva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fall-2011-wedding-talk-ring-yet-confusion-advice-please-long-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:77e2a0fc-46ba-41cf-b6cd-6963fdad5866Post:f248ac21-6114-433c-8270-2bef10266d78">Re: fall 2011 wedding talk + no ring yet = confusion. advice, please! (long post)</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I am looking forward to going into debt double the size of my student loans (after grad school!) with higher interest rates.   If only he would put a ring on it so I can get started screwing my future over.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

Ok, this one caused me to get Mt Dew up my nose, I laughed while taking a drink!