Long Distance Relationships

misikes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:223537de-5494-4ac8-bc55-b6c280036baa">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Skype, Phone sex, trips back and forth whenever possible, communication.
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

I echo nottheonlydreamer's suggestion, lol.

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:f498dba5-bc38-47b1-9506-01f284c097a1">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]lol . phone sex.. yeah he said that it helps him. Ok. LOVE the answers, I do not want to come off as insecure and impatient because <strong>i promise im the most humble and sweetest person</strong>. Yes we trust each other and Yes we have faith and believe that God put us together. He has also made me a better communicator.. We have good communication.. [AND yes i Should have posted that question first. My apologies : still learning.. ]
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]



Well if you promise....

misikes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:f498dba5-bc38-47b1-9506-01f284c097a1">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]l I do not want to come off as insecure and impatient because<strong> i promise im the most humble</strong> and sweetest person.
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

Anyone else that can't help but smile at the irony of this sentence? :)

iheartyou10

oK . We'll do that. Yes, I can honestly say I did ignore the other responses because some were mean and I couldn't focus on getting the correct answer and taking it all in.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:f498dba5-bc38-47b1-9506-01f284c097a1">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]lol . phone sex.. yeah he said that it helps him. Ok. LOVE the answers, I do not want to come off as insecure and impatient because i promise im the most humble and sweetest person. Yes we trust each other and Yes we have faith and believe that God put us together. He has also made me a better communicator.. We have good communication.. [AND yes i Should have posted that question first. My apologies : still learning.. ]
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

Considering that you are desperate for approval from a bunch of stranger, I am going to go with NO.  Also, humble and sweet are not the opposite of insecure and impatient.  Those have nothing to do with each other.  You can be humble, sweet, insecure and impatient. 

You do not have good communication.  IF you had good communication, you would not be coming on here every single week asking the same questions or how your relationship is going to survive long distance. 

BTW, your learning curve sucks. 

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:8ad966a8-2d4a-40a6-bb4b-5539e32f6064">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long Distance Relationships : Considering that you are desperate for approval from a bunch of stranger, I am going to go with NO.  Also, humble and sweet are not the opposite of insecure and impatient.  Those have nothing to do with each other.  You can be humble, sweet, insecure and impatient.  You do not have good communication.  IF you had good communication, you would not be coming on here every single week asking the same questions or how your relationship is going to survive long distance.  BTW, your learning curve sucks. 
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

I'm going to go with Mutley FTW!

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:0d202df5-d888-468f-a6f0-acd9b3e77ee1">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, got it !!
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

You so clearly don't have anything besides a one-way ticket to splitsville on the way for you. Possibly first class.

iheartyou10

Alrighty.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:248bac51-aff2-420f-aa6e-d060b7727869">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]oK . We'll do that. Yes, I can honestly say I did ignore the other responses because some were mean and I couldn't focus on getting the correct answer and taking it all in.
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

You couldn't focus?  There is no 'correct answer.'  FFS. 

I am really hoping that you are a troll.  Otherwise, stupid should hurt.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:248bac51-aff2-420f-aa6e-d060b7727869">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]oK . We'll do that. Yes, I can honestly say I did ignore the other responses because some were mean and I couldn't focus on getting the correct answer and taking it all in.
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

Because posting the same thing over and over is going to help. It annoys people, thus you're less likely to receive helpful responses.

Do people not have common sense or do they just lose it when they get on the internet?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:0d202df5-d888-468f-a6f0-acd9b3e77ee1">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok!! I feel better now that I got the 'right' advice and now I know we can talk it all out. Thanks.*
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

News Flash: Your DD's are getting really freakin' annoying!!

iheartyou10

OK .

sparkles88

If it's the right relationship, a LDR strengthens it, IMO. Isn't there that silly saying that's something like "With distance, the heart grows fonder?"

I did an LDR for 4 months with a 9 hour time difference. BF and I did not see each other at all, and we only talked on the phone once a week. I did not get tired of waiting. If it's the right relationship, a LDR will make you realize how much love the person. You don't take them for granted because they aren't around every freakin' minute like they would be if you were not in an LDR.

iheartyou10

Oh. I didn't know I was doing that.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:8480a480-69b0-41b0-b293-eacd7674e2b8">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh. I didn't know I was doing that.
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

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iheartyou10

Alright. I really like this website.. IDK. but i'd like help on how to do this better..

coastiegrl25

Stop posting the same thing over and over for one.  Obviously you don't take our advice when it's given because it is too "mean" so why should we waste our breathe?

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:834c7f19-7ccc-45c4-831e-d2f3885b0020">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Alright. I really like this website.. IDK. but i'd like help on how to do this better..
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

Who are you?  Seriously.  Let's make this into a game.  Give us some hints.  What is your regular board? 

MLekathLEEN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:834c7f19-7ccc-45c4-831e-d2f3885b0020">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Alright. I really like this website.. IDK.<strong> but i'd like help on how to do this better..
</strong>Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

TK is not rocket science. If you go to other boards, there are plenty of 17 years old who are doing just fine. DDing and posting the same thing over and over isn't going to help. If I am remembering correctly, you cussed us out last week? That doesn't help you much either.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:8cc5fd56-d6f3-4a2e-b7f3-58ab378a9df7">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Lyz... um.. We talked about that .. maybeI shouldn't have quoted it like that, but we have discussed our good and bad sides. A<strong>lso, if there is anything we wanted to change about each other.</strong> So, we're pretty good honestly. and from my last quote: I wanted to know how did you ladies or whoever handle the LDRs??
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think this necessarily means you're insecure. What I got from this is that you and your BF had a conversation, the upshot of which was that you appreciate each other as you are and wouldn't change anything; and/or that there are a couple things you each have to work on together. Every couple has one or two things they do or say that drives the other nuts, or that comes across differently than they meant it and creates tension. They're minor things, but important to work out.</div><div>
</div><div>I second what PPs have said about phone sex, Skype, and good communication. Do you make time for each other even though you're apart? That's important.</div><div>
</div><div>Another thing I wanted to add is that I think LDRs work best when there's an end in sight. You two have been together 3 years. Unless you're really, really young, that's long enough for you to sit down and have a conversation about where you see things going in the next year, two years, five years, etc. IMO, you should have a plan for when (time-wise, or milestone-wise, i.e. when a college degree is complete) you two plan to end the long-distance part and live near each other. You've got to talk to him. Where do you want to live? Are you willing to relocate eventually? Is he? What are your goals? What are his? Do they line up?</div><div>
</div><div>That's my advice.</div>

paintgirl

Didn't we run you off once already? I mean, I find your posts of the exact same thing every 5 days to be amusing but I can see it getting old.

Hey guys - is this the one who types in full sentences with proper spelling sometimes, and is a total mess other times? I can't remember and she DDs half of her posts (possibly a blessing).

To answer your question, my bf and I were LD for a year until I moved in with him. We visited each other at least twice a month. We spoke on the phone regularly but not every day - neither of us like talking on the phone much.

calindi

You haven't pissed me off yet (since I think I missed your other post), so I'll take a shot at answering your question...

Communication and trust.  Being independent and having your own interests and friends.  Staying busy, exercising, spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies.  Every time you visit, have the next visit scheduled already so you have something to look forward to and can say, "See you next month!" rather than just "Goodbye" with no plans to see each other soon.

This is usually how a long distance relationship goes: you manage one day at a time.  You talk on the phone, you send emails, you visit once in awhile.  At some point, one of you either moves to be near the other, you both move to the same city somewhere else, or you break up.  There's no specific timeline - you can be long distance for weeks, months, or years. 

Basically if you'd rather be with someone than with anyone else, and you'd rather do long distance than not be with that person, then you keep doing long distance.

If the trust and communication isn't there long distance, it won't improve being nearby.  My relationship grew much stronger from the time we did long distance.

Ember01

To make our ldr work, we talk everyday. We use blackberry messenger during the day. At night we always call and say good night. We also handwrite each other notes. Everyone loves to get letters or cards in the mail! About once a week we put something in the mail. We also visit 1 or 2 times a month. On our visits we leave each other little notes all around the house, so the other person finds them once we are apart. We tried to skype, but we didn't like it.

 The hardest part, for us, is to not have so many expectations for each visit. We have found that we really argue a lot when we set high expectations for the visit. We also argue a lot more when he comes to visit me, because I have to share him with his parents, so we get less visiting time.

Also, like a pp said, you need to set a time limit to the long distance. We know I'll be moving at the end of this year/beginning of next year. When he first moved, we didn't have that setup yet. Since we setup an end date, we are doing better.

You just have to take it one day at a time. If it's meant to work out, it will. GL!

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:834c7f19-7ccc-45c4-831e-d2f3885b0020">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Alright. I really like this website.. IDK. but i'd like help on how to do this better..
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

You quite possibly have to be the most clueless person to have ever walked the planet. I agee with Mutley, who are you? What is your regular board? You didn't know you were DD'ing? That takes EFFORT to do so obviously you're not totally devoid of intelligence.

That means you're just comipletely vexing and trying to get on my nerves which is NOT hard to to do today.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:f5d15612-af77-47d4-8108-24eabac6c1c5">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long Distance Relationships : You quite possibly have to be the most clueless person to have ever walked the planet. I agee with Mutley, who are you? What is your regular board? You didn't know you were DD'ing? That takes EFFORT to do so obviously you're not totally devoid of intelligence. That means you're just comipletely vexing and trying to get on my nerves which is NOT hard to to do today.
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Dreamer, are you having a bad day? Talk to Mama.

</div>

skyler1108

While I know I should not be feeding a troll I will play along.

FI and I were LD for the first year and a half of our relationship. I lived in OH and he lived in FL and WI. When we started dating we knew that we would be LD but wanted to see if we could make it work and see if there was some kind of future between us.

We would try to see each other as often as we could but due to the cost of having to fly to see each other we did not get to visit as often as we wanted. There was a time that we did not see each other for 6 months but we always new there would be another time.  

After we knew that we wanted to be together we set up a date if when one of us would move to be with the other. LDR can not be LD forever.

It was difficult, especially at first, but we made it work. The most important thing that you must have is trust and communication. We communicated regularly, trusted each other and still lived our own lives. We did not sit at home waiting for the other to call. There was also an end goal of moving in together. We knew that the LD part of our relationship would come to an end.

We also never though "how long will this last until we get tired of it and leave". The fact that you think that is a red flag. If this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with then you should be trying to figure out how to make things work not how long it will be until you bail. LDR are just too much stress for some people and judging from all of your posts I think that it may be too stressful for you.

LizzyTish88

Couldn't resist.

loves2shop4shoes

I've been in a LDR before.  It's not that bad.  Just find a store that sells batteries 'fo cheap.

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationships?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7ee72d88-f456-4d91-b566-6d70a98dd1dfPost:7e8f3a68-64e3-4dfe-8d20-91beda1a8d7b">Re: Long Distance Relationships</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok. Then I'll ask. How did you all handle it the distance and did it have an effect on your relationship?
Posted by iheartyou10[/QUOTE]

I must have missed your previous post, so you get some famous Jeana advice here! Yay!

My husband and I were long distance for the first 3 or so years of our relationship. We met online, we played video games together over the internet, we emailed several times a day, we talked on the phone A LOT, we did webcam and voicechat, we even did silly little things like playing checkers over MSN messenger and doodling on Yahoo messenger.

The key, for us, was to feel included in each other's lives. He called me while walking between classes at college. I texted him while out with my friends, just to say hey. We told each other about all our plans for the day, we asked each other for advice, we talked about what we wanted in a relationship and in ourselves.

We communicated like you wouldn't believe. And it was great. Not that I never missed him- I did! We saw each other twice over 3 years. It sucked. But looking back, it made us both independent and strong, and gave us time to sort ourselves out and get to know each other very, VERY well without distractions like sex and jealousy.

In fact, thanks to that time apart, jealousy is virtually non-existent in our relationship now.

We worked because we put in the effort and patience. When we "got tired" of being apart, I left everything else behind and moved to be with him for good.

I've been in long-distance realtionships several times before. They lasted anywhere from a few months to a couple of years. It wasn't the distance that caused those relationships to fail, as Mutley said. It was because we weren't a good fit for each other. Sure, it's painful and sure, my heart was broken a couple of times. But in the end I have a fantastic, supportive husband and I know who I am as an individual. I don't have him in my life because I NEED to, but because I WANT to.

Your relationship will either work or it won't, and no one can tell you for sure which it will be. But long distance takes a lot of hard work, communication, and trust. If you don't have that in you to give, then it's not the right relationship.

PaigeMcC

I missed Jeana-length posts.