Intro and a Question
Hi, I'm new to this board and this site for that matter! I'm 21, and my BF is 26. We've been together for 2 years and 7 months. He's Jehovah’s Witness, and I'm Catholic. I'm in my Jr. year of college for my BSN in Nursing. We're not engaged yet but we've been talking about it for a while and it's no longer a question of if it will happen but when!
Now my question.
My mother is not thrilled with the fact that my BF is not Catholic, and particularly not pleased with the fact that he is JW. That being said she does like him and knows he makes me happy and I know she wouldn't try to stop us from getting married, I think she is more worried I'll convert and about how difficult it will be if neither of us does. I've always wanted to make her a photo album to give to her at our engagement dinner/party/ just when we tell her, because her photo albums mean so much to her and I thought it would make it a little easier for her if she could see that I love her and that her and my dad raised me well, I'm going to be ok, and that I appreciate everything they've done for me. I thought It would also be nice to put some things of my BF growing up just so they can see that he is a good person, was raised well, etc.
If I want to do that, I know I have to start it now so that it's done in time, but I am just stuck on where to start. Anyone else do this? Any Ideas?
Thanks!
Re: Intro and a Question
Maybe if they got the chance to talk to each other, your mother would learn a little more about them and be a little more comfortable and accepting?
But once you have that done, it is important that you reassure her that this is your decision to make.
The photo album sounds like a sweet idea. But the impression I get isn't that she doesn't like your BF, but she's concerned about religious differences.
[QUOTE]I think a big part of it is talking to her about it and acknowledging her concerns. Give them some actual thought, because if you two are both fairly devout in your faiths you may run in to some problems later on so it is important that you seriously think about it and discuss it the future. But once you have that done, it is important that you reassure her that this is your decision to make. The photo album sounds like a sweet idea. <strong>But the impression I get isn't that she doesn't like your BF, but she's concerned about religious differences.</strong>
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
Ditto this and I think her concerns are fair. JW is a strict religion, are you converting? Is he converting? How will you raise your children?
Also, you shouldn't have to feel like you need to "prove" to your family that your BF is a good guy. They will either accept him for who he is or they won't. Sometimes when people try to hard to have others like their SO...it comes across as an insecurity on their part. You will both figure out how do handle your different religious upbringings. If it's not a problem for the both of you...don't make it an issue with anyone else. I think it's wonderful that you both have been open and honest with your family from the start, and the more they get to know your guy, the less the religious differences will (probably) matter to them.
On the topic of differing faiths- as long as the two of you have talked extensively about your expectations in regards to church, children, and each other... I don't think it will pose much of a problem. DH is Catholic and I'm Protestant. We have the same values but a few different specific beliefs. We're able to discuss spirituality and religion openly with each other without either feeling offended or put on the spot. Neither of us discuss religion much with the other's parents. There were some concerns about how the wedding was going to go, but we made some compromises (like getting married outdoors instead of in one church or the other) and are very happy with how that all went.
If your parents like him as a person they will probably be able to get over the difference in religion. I wouldn't worry a whole lot about that. We pretty much keep our plans for raising kids on the down-low because we feel that's our own private decision and subject to change depending on how parenthood changes the way we think. We don't see a point in discussing that with anyone except each other right now.
I didn't convert, and we weren't married in the Catholic Church. I told DH very early on that I would not convert just to get married- if I ever converted it would be for my own reasons and my own religious views. He has never once asked me to convert and I don't believe he ever will. It wasn't important to him to have a Catholic wedding.
Discuss your wishes and needs with your significant other and make sure the two of you are on the same page and will continue to be respectful of each other's beliefs. Assure your family (and his, if necessary) that neither of you is pressuring the other to convert, and that if that ever happens it will be for your own reasons, not because someone else wants you to.
And for the photo album, I don't know what the question is. To start a photo album you usually collect photos or make copies of old photos and put them in a photo album or scrap book... and there you go. Easy-peasy. Maybe I'm not fancy, though....
You're right, she's mostly upset about the religious differences, but there's also a little bit 'no one's good enough for my children' thing going on. But I know that she likes him deep down. As for the photo album, I really want to do it for her regardless of the religious situation. She has been involved in Creative Memories (the scrapbooking company) for a long time and it was something she did with my sisters and I. I don’t think I can finish it in a weekend though, I've done photo albums like what I want to do before and it's taken me months! As for the pictures of my BF, I told him about it and he told me he can get some pictures so that wouldn't be a problem!
But, yeah... you know your mom best.
I see what you're saying, like I said, I just have a bunch of vague ideas floating around and no idea where to start, I have all my baby pictures, and childhood pictures, as well as ones of me and my BF (even a nice one of my mom and him!) but I am just stumped on how to start it out!
But I agree baby pictures of him might be a bit awkward, I guess I just imagined something like a baby picture of me next to one of him or something but you're right about the awkward.
There are some really subtle things that change as your relationship progresses from BF/GF to engaged to married to parenthood. Just don't get ahead of yourself in your excitement, haha!
I think that as far as easing your mom's concerns about the differences in religion goes, you guys should maybe look into a book or counseling or something just to make sure you've ironed out the major issues that can accompany mixed-faith couples and families. I think you guys taking initiative to hammer out the details and showing her that you know it's a challenge and are committed to making it work will go much further toward easing her concerns than any photo album ever could.