Am I a bad sister?

Blue & White

So my sister is dating a Marine (is that capitalized?  I kinda think so, but I have no idea.)  Because I have zero military experience, I feel like I never have anything to talk to her about.  And I don't understand half of the terminology she uses.  That's just part of the problem, though.

I don't particularly like the guy so I've never had time to bond with him (he also lives in a different state than me.)  But I feel like my sister is simply hanging out with his family and ignoring ours.  Last week, none of us heard from her for an entire week.

I just want my sister back, but I feel like I'm making this guy out to be a bad guy because he's a Marine and that seems a tad bit anti-American to me (which um, is not the case.)

Any advice just on like...how to relate?  Or how to understand?  I survived a long distance relationship, so I get that aspect of it - but I'd never put my life on hold for anyone else, and that's what I feel like she's doing.  So it's hard for me to be nice, basically.  It feels like all our convos are about nothing

It seems so trivial now that it's in writing, but I'd appreciate advice anyway.

Hazel_B

Missing your sister does not make you a bad sister.

How were your conversations before she started dating this guy? Has she changed much?

I think it is perfectly reasonable to say "I know your BF is important to you and long distance is hard and you need to work at it. I just want to let you know that I miss spending time with you...I miss when we were able to talk about whatever, whatever."

Don't make BF to be the bad guy, but communicate that you miss her.

Wrkn925

Maybe it's just the 'new' of the relationship?

My sister married an Army man.  She distanced herself because she was in a verbally and emotionally abuse relationship and we didn't approve.  This is probably not the case, but that's why she stepped away from us.

Just try to keep the lines open.  Phone calls, visits and texts go both ways, remember that.  Is she ignoring your attempts to contact?  Or just contacting you less?

calindi

Yes, Marine is always capitalized.

The military is a total different culture with its own vocabulary, and the Marines especially, so I can completely understand why it's hard to relate.  And I do understand the negative stereotype - before I started dating my guy (who joined the Marines after we'd been dating just about a year) I often assumed most military guys were rough around the edges, guys who weren't smart enough to go to college, maybe had a few brushes with the law, and generally meat heads who were chauvinistic towards women and total warhawk gun loving right-wing conservatives.  See?  I was pretty harsh, and I plan to marry a Marine!

The good news is, I was (mostly) wrong.  Basically, the military is like any other environment - there are good people and there are bad people.  It's as diverse as any other group of people - perhaps more so!  The military can be a great place for people who don't have the discipline or motivation to go to college or build their career, but it's also a great place for people who DO have motivation and just can't afford to go to college on their own.  Many Marines who I have met are incredibly patriotic and proud of their country and what they do.  There are so many good Marines who want to do good, not blow things up.  And most of the Marines I've met are some of the most respectful men towards women - polite, considerate.  I've never been so proud of our country as when I met the men that went through Officer Candidate School with my BF - I am so happy that men like that are leading our troops!

So what I'm saying (long winded, as usual) is to keep an open mind.  I've met more good Marines than bad Marines.  Take the time to get to know him as a person, not for his job title.  Try to learn a bit more about Marines and the culture so your sister can feel she can talk to you about things - trust me, it's lonely when no one gets it.

How old is your sister?  Is her boyfriend Enlisted or an Officer (basically, did he go to college already)?  This is totally relevant.  Something she might not realize yet is that as a Marine significant other, you CANNOT put your life on hold for your guy.  It is never more important to be independent and self-reliant than as the significant other of someone in the military.  If she needs some advice, I'd be happy to give you my email address.  Also, you can send her over to Military Nesties (on The Nest) - I frequent Military Brides, but I wouldn't want to encourage her towards visiting TheKnot until she's really at that stage.  However, even Military Brides will knock some sense into her on the independence level.

Hope that helps!  Sorry for the novel!

marleylikeair

Quite honestly, my sister and I are very close, but we go a week or so without texting or talking on the phone pretty often. (Usually there's a comment on FB somewhere in there, though.) People have different ideas of how much they want to be invested with others; I wish I heard from her more, but I have to respect it if she feels like the amount we do talk is enough, at least for where we are in our lives now.

Our primary relationships have been with our SOs in recent years, and that makes things a little different from when we were kids. We rely on each other less, I guess. We've lived far apart for about 7 years now, too. (I'm 26 and she's 21).

I was really close with a friend a few years ago whose SO was deployed twice. When he was here, he was on a base during the week, several hours north of their apartment. I think she felt pretty strongly, though she didn't say it in so many words, that none of her friends really understood the level of commitment and struggle she had. She was the first in our circle to get married, and sure, there were things we didn't quite get. I did a lot of supporting and being there for her while he was away. (Which I don't feel like she ever fully appreciated, but that's another story...)

I think Hazel is right on about what you might want to say. Tell her, respectfully, how you feel. I think you should also ask her, "So, what's it like dating a Marine?" That might open things up. Get you guys talking a little more about what's really going on in your lives.

Just keep the communication going, I guess! That's the best I can say. How old are you both, if I can ask?

Blue & White

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:92875dd1-dcff-47e2-8e1b-88664886dc1e">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, Marine is always capitalized. The military is a total different culture with its own vocabulary, and the Marines especially, so I can completely understand why it's hard to relate.  And I do understand the negative stereotype - before I started dating my guy (who joined the Marines after we'd been dating just about a year) I often assumed most military guys were rough around the edges, guys who weren't smart enough to go to college, maybe had a few brushes with the law, and generally meat heads who were chauvinistic towards women and total warhawk gun loving right-wing conservatives.  See?  I was pretty harsh, and I plan to marry a Marine! The good news is, I was (mostly) wrong.  Basically, the military is like any other environment - there are good people and there are bad people.  It's as diverse as any other group of people - perhaps more so!  The military can be a great place for people who don't have the discipline or motivation to go to college or build their career, but it's also a great place for people who DO have motivation and just can't afford to go to college on their own.  Many Marines who I have met are incredibly patriotic and proud of their country and what they do.  There are so many good Marines who want to do good, not blow things up.  And most of the Marines I've met are some of the most respectful men towards women - polite, considerate.  I've never been so proud of our country as when I met the men that went through Officer Candidate School with my BF - I am so happy that men like that are leading our troops! So what I'm saying (long winded, as usual) is to keep an open mind.  I've met more good Marines than bad Marines.  Take the time to get to know him as a person, not for his job title.  Try to learn a bit more about Marines and the culture so your sister can feel she can talk to you about things - trust me, it's lonely when no one gets it. How old is your sister?  Is her boyfriend Enlisted or an Officer (basically, did he go to college already)?  This is totally relevant.  Something she might not realize yet is that as a Marine significant other, you CANNOT put your life on hold for your guy.  It is never more important to be independent and self-reliant than as the significant other of someone in the military.  If she needs some advice, I'd be happy to give you my email address.  Also, you can send her over to Military Nesties (on The Nest) - I frequent Military Brides, but I wouldn't want to encourage her towards visiting TheKnot until she's really at that stage.  However, even Military Brides will knock some sense into her on the independence level. Hope that helps!  Sorry for the novel!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

My sister's 23 and done with college.  Her boyfriend didn't go to college and just started the Marines (just finished bootcamp, actually).  I think some of my edginess is that she's all of a sudden talking about "when" they get married and I've only met him once.  I'm apparently an over-protective older sister, haha.

Thanks for the advice though - maybe I can do some google searching and figure out what all this means.  I know that I'm actually the family member that she talks to the MOST, so I feel a little responsibility to make sure she's not giving up herself for her boyfriend. 

Is there anywhere I could go to like...find out the sequence of events of being a Marine?  Like...I knew that bootcamp came first, but that's about all I knew...

Blue & White

In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister?:
[QUOTE How old are you both, if I can ask?
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

And I'm 25   Since I apparently didn't read all the responses before posting my last response.

And to wrkn, they've been dating for just over a year, so I'm not THAT worried about their relationship being new, but the military aspect of it will be new now.  And my sister used to actually hang out with us.

But then again, when the boyfriend's only home for a few weeks, I guess it would make a little bit of sense to hang out with him.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:308348de-1d3c-4308-a443-28d5a933ef4c">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister? : My sister's 23 and done with college.  Her boyfriend didn't go to college and just started the Marines (just finished bootcamp, actually).  I think some of my edginess is that she's all of a sudden talking about "when" they get married and I've only met him once.  I'm apparently an over-protective older sister, haha. Thanks for the advice though - maybe I can do some google searching and figure out what all this means.  I know that I'm actually the family member that she talks to the MOST, so I feel a little responsibility to make sure she's not giving up herself for her boyfriend.  Is there anywhere I could go to like...find out the sequence of events of being a Marine?  Like...I knew that bootcamp came first, but that's about all I knew...
Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

Okay, he'll be Enlisted.  That's not the easiest route, and he'll probably be deployed a lot.  Hopefully he'll choose to use the GI Bill to go to college in a few years - it's a great opportunity.  I wouldn't want to be married to an enlisted Marine - hopefully he plans to do his time and use it to get ahead elsewhere.  It's fine for now, but if your sister does marry him, she needs to be fully aware of the life she's signing herself up for.  It's not easy.

I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the Marines, and if I don't know I'll ask BF or several of our friends (one of them was Enlisted before he became an Officer, so he's very familiar with the process).  Bootcamp (also known as "basic training") is either in Parris Island (South Carolina) or 29 Palms (California).  After that, my understanding is that he'll be assigned an MOS (which is the acronym for "specialty" - I have no idea what the individual letters mean, you just learn to go with it).  Based on his MOS, it will determine when and where and for how long he'll be training.  He will start MOS likely right after basic (so he's probably starting now).  After that, he'll either have more training or be given his orders to report for duty.  This will mean likely a relocation, and shortly thereafter a deployment of 4-6 months.  Like I said, likely.  Everyone is different, but this is the typical path.

Learning to be a Marine girlfriend is tough - it's a significant adjustment from a civilian relationship.  This is a huge transition phase for her.  From experience, when you're apart it tends to make you fantasize about a time when you'll be together, thus the idea of marriage becomes more pressing than it would otherwise.  It creates the illusion that you'll be together since you miss him, but it doesn't work that way.  If she starts talking marriage, the best thing to do is not to discourage her from the idea but to give her reasons why waiting is good.  The military culture is to get married young - I'd bet several of his buddies from bootcamp have proposed to their girlfriends in the last several months, and several more will have gotten married right after they're done with basic.  It's common, and the military doesn't make it easy to be unmarried - just remind her why she's better off waiting.  If you need tips on this, I'm happy to talk to you more about it.

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:75c3c7d7-f063-4a7e-920e-8a26c38db8df">Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]So my sister is dating a Marine (is that capitalized?  I kinda think so, but I have no idea.) <strong> Because I have zero military experience, I feel like I never have anything to talk to her about.  And I don't understand half of the terminology she uses. </strong> That's just part of the problem, though. [...]
Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

Admittedly, I've never dated anyone in the military, but I don't understand this. Your sister didn't join up.

I agree with Hazel. Let her know that you miss her. There should be tons to talk about, even if you don't know much about the Marines. It sounds like she's a bit enamoured with it right now and is trying to be "in" with all the jargon.

msjenna519

In Response to <a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:92875dd1-dcff-47e2-8e1b-88664886dc1e">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
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heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:ecead268-43d6-4d48-ad8e-767fa1aad695">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Am I a bad sister? : Admittedly, I've never dated anyone in the military, but I don't understand this. Your sister didn't join up. I agree with Hazel. Let her know that you miss her. There should be tons to talk about, even if you don't know much about the Marines. It sounds like she's a bit enamoured with it right now and is trying to be "in" with all the jargon.
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I feel like Leia hit the nail on the head here. Don't feel the need to understand this guy completely- he's her BF not yours, although I totally understand the desire to protect her. But she's an adult too, she's 23. Could you try and suggest a time when the 4 of you could hang out? Ask him about other things in his life besides being a Marine. To be fair, BF and I have been together a while but I've never "met" his parents IRL because the distance is so huge. I talk to them when I can, and I've met other members of his family, but no one can really afford to travel in this case so maybe that's the situation with your sister's BF as well?

msjenna519

In Response to <a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:92875dd1-dcff-47e2-8e1b-88664886dc1e">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
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heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:cc4ef42c-240a-40f7-8ce3-e5261bb05f66">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister? : Wow. Of course, the military is about people that lack discipline and motivation. Seriously you are the spouse that gives all the other spouses a bad name....
Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]

Did you not read the end of that sentence?

MLekathLEEN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:cc4ef42c-240a-40f7-8ce3-e5261bb05f66">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister? : Wow. Of course, the military is about people that lack discipline and motivation. Seriously you are the spouse that gives all the other spouses a bad name....
Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]

Way to leave the "but..." out of your bolded quotation. If you would have went a little bit further (I know Cate is long winded and reading is hard but you could have hung in there) you would see that she gave other examples for why people join the military. She didn't say the only reason people join the military is because they weren't disciplined and lazy. I think she is one of the most knowledgable military spouses I have ever seen (read?) and is a model military g/f.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:cc4ef42c-240a-40f7-8ce3-e5261bb05f66">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister? : Wow. Of course, the military is about people that lack discipline and motivation. <strong>Seriously you are the spouse that gives all the other spouses a bad name....</strong>
Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]

I really think this is uncalled for. I've read Cate's (calindi's) posts for awhile now, and from what I've seen, you are completely off-base and wrong about her.

meamolly

In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister?:
msjenna519

read the next line.

msjenna519

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:92875dd1-dcff-47e2-8e1b-88664886dc1e">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]YThe military can be a great place for people who don't have the discipline or motivation to go to college or build their career, <strong>but it's also a great place for people who DO have motivation and just can't afford to go to college on their own. </strong>
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]


Dude, I can see what you mean about Cate coming off as a little stuck up in some of her posts here (especially about not wanting to be married to an enlisted guy). However, you really did quote half a sentence and make it seem like that's all she said. Which is inaccurate. And I like accuracy.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:c3044001-af70-4ba0-95bf-c2ef89ec88d2">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]I did read the whole post and I think it's insulting that she thinks people join the military because they lack the discipline to go to college or build a career. The military is a career and most have degrees before joining. She makes the enlisted out to be uneducated by implying they don't have college degrees. There are bigger differences between officers and enlisted and it has nothing to do with degrees. Her facts about deployments are not accurate. It's doesn't matter if you are a Private or a Colonel, your chancing of deploying are the same.   <strong>This really bothered me... " I wouldn't want to be married to an enlisted Marine - hopefully he plans to do his time and use it to get ahead elsewhere."</strong> That quote isn't insulting?? Get ahead elsewhere? Clearly she has misconceptions about enlisted personnel.
Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]

In context with the rest of her post, I can tell that what she means by that is simply that it would be much harder to be married to someone who was going to be deployed more often, and she wouldn't necessarily be psyched to sign up for that. That's all.

I don't have any information on who is more likely to be deployed, if any, so I can't speak to that.

jeanacorina

And, Cate does make it sound like the only acceptable reasons to join the military are "no discipline and no other options" and "plenty of discipline, but need money for college so they can get a REAL job."

There are indeed many very intelligent, respectable, incredible people who join the military as a career. I don't think Cate intended to imply that wasn't great.

Cate-- no offense, I know you're trying to be helpful. But you know me. I'm calling it like I see it, and I see her point.

MLekathLEEN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:c3044001-af70-4ba0-95bf-c2ef89ec88d2">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I did read the whole post and I think it's insulting that she thinks people join the military because they lack the discipline to go to college or build a career.</strong> The military is a career and most have degrees before joining. She makes the enlisted out to be uneducated by implying they don't have college degrees. There are bigger differences between officers and enlisted and it has nothing to do with degrees. Her facts about deployments are not accurate. It's doesn't matter if you are a Private or a Colonel, your chancing of deploying are the same.   This really bothered me... " I wouldn't want to be married to an enlisted Marine - hopefully he plans to do his time and use it to get ahead elsewhere." That quote isn't insulting?? Get ahead elsewhere? Clearly she has misconceptions about enlisted personnel.
Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]

If you would have read the whole post, you would see that she said it was a misconception she had prior to dating her BF.

The minimum requirement to be enlisted is to have a high-school diploma whereas an officer needs a bachelors. That is the main way someone would differentiate between the two. OP doesn't know the specifics of her sister's BF so why would Cate ask specific questions between the two? When someone calls me at work and inquires about a license, I don't ask if they want an occupational or a vendor license. I ask if the license is for a business or for a person. It's easier to get the needed information that way without comfusing someone who isn't as knowledgable as you may be. I don't think she mean't to offend, she was just trying to educate someone who knows little to nothing about the military.

msjenna519

In Response to <a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:36604d21-6cdf-4a52-9e08-0cd5b39ef41e">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
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msjenna519

In Response to <a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:042a089c-4d88-4a6d-b87a-6d15057c5bce">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
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marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:a41fc6e4-17a8-4974-94d3-a357af234851">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I a bad sister? : I understand what you are saying, but putting down the enlisted folks is NOT educating. There are plenty of people with degrees that choose to join as enlisted. Just because you qualify to be an officer doesn't mean you want to be one.
Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]

Okay, I just re-read Cate's posts, and I don't see anything in there that is a put-down to enlisted people. She's just saying it's harder to be an enlisted person or the SO of one (see my post above).

msjenna519

In Response to <a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:31727d52-b240-4fe3-92ad-05a08cfa5c72">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
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redheadtmk

I also see this as in issue that would probably happen aside from her BF being a Marine. If she is caught up in the relationship, she would probaly be the same way if he was a salesman, teacher, doctor etc. She has a new person in her life that is important to her and she wants to spend lots of time with him. I think it is great you are interested in getting to know more about the Marine culture and lifestyle but try to keep in mind that his taking all her time  is seperate from his career choice. It might help to ask yourself how you would feel if he was in a different profession (preferably another one that has a lot of terminology you dont understand so it is the same effect) and she spent all her time with him. I think the core issue is with your sister not him. Like PP's said, have a talk with her, let her know you miss her, and that she needs to maintain all her relationships-not just her romantic ones. Make sure you let her know you are happy for her as well when you talk so its not just a bitch session

MLekathLEEN

I can see why you're offended and although I took her comments differently than you, I think saying she is "the spouse that gives all the other spouses a bad name...." was a bit of overkill.

ETA: I completely agree with redhead.

msjenna519

In Response to <a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:fc49a7dc-c100-4d58-8308-85cb062f6f7e">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
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paintgirl

I don't see why it matters much what he does for a living at this point in the relationship. He could be a plumber. The point is that OP feels her relationship with her sister is suffering because of lack of communication. THAT's the point. So communicate. Tell her you miss her. When she throws out some acronym you don't know, ask her what it means.

All the other stuff about enlisted vs. officer, deployments, etc, is moot until/if they get married and he gets deployed. THEN blue will need to be supportive and it would help to understand the process a little more.

Btw, Cate, I totally see where msjenna is coming from. Do people really think you can get in to the Marines if you've had brushes with the law? Or if you aren't smart enough for college? Wow. Glad you've learned better on that one.

Further, if officers don't get deployed as much, who flies all those airplanes? All military pilots are officers. Platoon leaders are officers. They get deployed too - someone needs to "lead the platoon".

PS It's ok not to know the answer every time. Just say that and don't make stuff up.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85173f40-25ad-45ed-9ca9-b8118ee1c1c1Post:670c284b-cc0c-4d0e-a4e0-2618f968cf85">Re: Am I a bad sister?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see why it matters much what he does for a living at this point in the relationship. <strong>He could be a plumber</strong>. The point is that OP feels her relationship with her sister is suffering because of lack of communication. THAT's the point. So communicate. Tell her you miss her. When she throws out some acronym you don't know, ask her what it means. All the other stuff about enlisted vs. officer, deployments, etc, is moot until/if they get married and he gets deployed. THEN blue will need to be supportive and it would help to understand the process a little more. Btw, Cate, I totally see where msjenna is coming from. Do people really think you can get in to the Marines if you've had brushes with the law? Or if you aren't smart enough for college? Wow. Glad you've learned better on that one. Further, if officers don't get deployed as much, who flies all those airplanes? All military pilots are officers. Platoon leaders are officers. They get deployed too - someone needs to "lead the platoon". PS It's ok not to know the answer every time. Just say that and don't make stuff up.
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

Do you have a problem with plumbers? My BF is in construction, and some times does plumbing. 

Huh?  You wanna roll, Chica?  I can take you.






I'm kidding.  (About being angry.  He really does some plumbing.)

Blue & White

Thanks for the advice, girls.  I'm definitely going to try to keep up the efforts on my end to understand what's happening in their relationship.  And sorry for opening up a little bit of a can of worms about feelings/ideas towards the military.  I do think my sister's BF is joining up for the right reasons, but was mainly concerned about the divide it seems to be putting in our relationship.  I'm sure we'll be fine - and thanks for all the info again!  If I have any more questions, I'll be sure to ask one of you that have a bit more experience in this than me!