What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!

bsidebella

My best friend is a manager for a cell phone kiosk and posted this on her Facebook a few minutes ago: 

"Dear spoiled brat customer, I am appalled by the way you speak to your mother. Clearly, the woman for some reason values your life and happiness, as is evident by the way she spared your life and obeyed your request when you commanded that she "fork over (her) damn credit card, b****!" In your situation, my life would have ended before I could finish that sentence. Also, I feel bad that your mother has had to put up with you for the last 18 years. You're disgusting. 
Sincerely, Me"

Seriously, if I told my mother to "fork over" anything, and called her a b*tch, I not only would not get what she was so graciously buying me, but I would be blindfolded and shot. 

This is not the first time I have heard about kids and teenagers treating their parents with so much disrespect, especially in public. It's really terrible how entitled kids are. When FI was working cellphone sales, he once saw an 8 year old throw a hissy fit because she wanted an iPhone. Her dad gave in and bought her one right then and there! 

It's partially the parents' fault. Why would you give in to a smart-mouthed kid who curses at them and calls them names? What goes through a parent's head when their kid orders them to "fork over" the credit card, and then does it?

What are your thoughts on this, or about the crappy attitude of kids and teenagers towards their parents in public? 

Me, I'm just really annoyed by this. When I was a kid, my mom wouldn't have thought twice about giving me a smack on the butt in public if I so much as looked at her funny. To this day, my mom will still say that my brother and I were always well behaved in public when we were young. She kept us in line, and I'm grateful she did. I know how to respect my elders and be polite.

tuarceatha

Yeaaaa I see that with my sister and our parents. She is 15 years younger than me, and has a very different relationship with them and I feel it lacks a lot of respect. She doesn't curse or anything, but she says some things I find disrespectful. And I just have to bite my tongue, because as I've been told I'm not the parent in that situation. It is frustrating.

IrishDreamer

I agree with you, B. Me and my 19 yr old sister comment on this all the time. We have a 9 year old sister that is waaaaaay different than we are. She gets away with soooooo much, talks to my mother waaay differently than L & I do. L & I have multiple conversations on how if we had EVER acted the way D does, our asses would have been beat. We had our mouths smacked for talking back, and my mom wouldn't have thought twice about leaving a FULL grocery cart and walking away and taking us home if we misbehaved. 

Children and teenagers today don't understand respect, caring, and obeying elders. It's a sad sad state of affairs. I am 25 years old, and still afraid and respect my mother.

FreeSpirit666

I cannot believe some teens, it's sad what this world is coming to

Ollie08

I agree with you that the disrespect is disgraceful. That being said, let me give you some perspective from a parent. Nowadays if you even raise your voice at your child in public people automatically think you're abusive and are a terrible parent. There are so many teens who don't hesitate to call the police all over being disciplined.

I'll give you an example, one of FI's coworkers nearly lost his job recently because he was arrested during a domestic dispute. So what happened exactly? He came home and found his 16 year old son smoking pot, so he hit him. The kid called the cops and the dad went to jail.

Do I think it's fair? No. Do I think it's right to give in to your disrespectful little brat? Hell no. I have trouble from time to time with my girls and I know it's my fault. Being that they have two houses, and they're the only two kids here versus the two out of a total of six at their dad's, they tend to get more "stuff" here. So from time to time when we're out shopping and I say no, they'll do the whining and crap, but that doesn't stop me from walking out of the store, or punishing them when we get to the car.

I agree, it does feel like things have changed. Kids these days are far more spoiled and entitled.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:cc6a2ba2-4ed7-4cd4-8aa0-954f29a7127d">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you that the disrespect is disgraceful. That being said, let me give you some perspective from a parent. Nowadays if you even raise your voice at your child in public people automatically think you're abusive and are a terrible parent. There are so many teens who don't hesitate to call the police all over being disciplined. I'll give you an example, one of FI's coworkers nearly lost his job recently because he was arrested during a domestic dispute. So what happened exactly? He came home and found his 16 year old son smoking pot, so he hit him. The kid called the cops and the dad went to jail. Do I think it's fair? No. Do I think it's right to give in to your disrespectful little brat? Hell no. I have trouble from time to time with my girls and I know it's my fault. Being that they have two houses, and they're the only two kids here versus the two out of a total of six at their dad's, they tend to get more "stuff" here. So from time to time when we're out shopping and I say no, they'll do the whining and crap, but that doesn't stop me from walking out of the store, or punishing them when we get to the car. I agree, it does feel like things have changed. Kids these days are far more spoiled and entitled.
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal">This.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Society I believe is teaching people to mollycoddling their children.<span>  </span>People think spanking should be a crime for crying out loud and people wonder why children misbehave.<span>  </span>There is only so many words can do before you need to follow up with action.</p>

aeroprincess87

Working in retail I see this behaviour alot, especially in little kids and preteens. One time I remember I saw this little boy who couldn't have been older than 6, kick his mom and tell her he hated her because she wouldn't buy him a toy. What did the mother do? She tried to quiet him down but he wouldn't stop screaming, and so she picked up the toy and bought it for him so he'd be quiet. I wanted to slap some sense into her, but instead I just walked away and shook my head. It's sad how some people raise their kids.

bsidebella

Ollie, thanks for the parental imput! I was hoping one of the moms would chime in. My mother did the walk out of the store only once. She also used "scary voice" a lot - she would get down to our level, lower her voice menacingly, and let us know that our behavior was not okay, along with a string of colorful threats. She often SCARED us into behaving!

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:4c2a77a4-6631-4df2-ab22-04c3cf03e059">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ollie, thanks for the parental imput! I was hoping one of the moms would chime in. My mother did the walk out of the store only once. She also used<strong> "scary voice" a lot - she would get down to our level, lower her voice menacingly, and let us know that our behavior was not okay, along with a string of colorful threats. She often SCARED us into behaving!
</strong>Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

I'm not so sure this is a good thing.

I am completely against spanking or causing physical pain to a child EVER. Even if it is for 'discipline'.

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:50b02589-d01a-4f09-9064-e2784b625f4b">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I'm not so sure this is a good thing. I am completely against spanking or causing physical pain to a child EVER. Even if it is for 'discipline'.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]



I'm not going to say parents should or shouldn't spank their kids. I respect the parenting choices of others. All I can say is my parents never gave us a spanking we didn't deserve, and I think we grew up okay. Often, when my mom layed down the law, we followed it to the T. Or else it was, "Wait until your father gets home."

jorja86

I think it's about parenting your children when they're younger so that they wouldn't dream about talking to you like that when they're a teenager. I agree that society has gotten a little ridiculous in terms of what is deemed acceptable discipline, but I think it comes down to parenting. Period. Of course your kid is going to grow up to be an ungrateful brat if you give in to temper tantrums when they're five, because it's easier than saying "no".

I also don't know if I agree that things are any different now than they were when we were teenagers. I think we just notice it more now, because we're looking in from the outside. My Mom has worked with teenagers forever, and I remember some pretty awful stories about some of them from 15 years ago. I also know I had peers in high school that had no respect. I think there always have been, and always will be, kids of both types. Some of them were raised well, and some weren't.

jorja86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:886cfb0a-8acb-495d-a51c-c5e93cb29e9e">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : This.   Society I believe is teaching people to mollycoddling their children.   People think spanking should be a crime for crying out loud and people wonder why children misbehave.   There is only so many words can do before you need to follow up with action.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. I don't think spanking should be a crime, but I also think it's completely possible to discipline a child without any "action" of a physical variety.

I got spanked maybe five times my whole childhood, and it was always when I did something they needed to make sure I never did again (one of them was running away from my Mom in a parking lot). We got lots of time-outs, and reinforcement based behavior modification stuff (rewards for good behavior, privileges removed for bad behavior). You can be damn sure I respected my parents.

I think spanking is one way of disciplining your children, but it's actually been shown in multiple studies to be less effective than non-physical strategies. I don't judge people who use spanking in moderation, but I definitely don't think it's necessary to raise good kids.

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:4aec80c9-28e5-4026-93ab-6ae8d06c917d">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I'm not going to say parents should or shouldn't spank their kids. I respect the parenting choices of others. All I can say is my parents never gave us a spanking we didn't deserve, and I think we grew up okay. Often, when my mom layed down the law, we followed it to the T. Or else it was, "<strong>Wait until your father gets home</strong>."
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

This phrase bothers me even more. Maybe I'm a bit too much of a feminist or something, but it automatically places the father at a higher level of power I think.

SopChick

It disgusts me how some teens/tweens/kids act towards their parents, other people in positions of authority, or even their 'friends'.

I'm not a parent, but when I worked with individuals with intellectual disabilities we had to deal with quite a lot of "problem" and "challenging" behaviours. The very WORST thing we could do was back down on a consequence. We never yelled, we never used physical violence, but our guys knew we meant what we said. Natural (occurring because of the action) and logical (imposed by us, but relevant to the action) were the best options. We would always inform them of the consequence, and if the action continued, we would follow through. Simple. Eventually in most cases, all we would need to do is remind of the consequence and the undesired action would stop. Did it sometimes result in uncomfortable and embarrassing stand-offs in public places? Sure did! Was it sometimes an inconvenience for us, because we needed to follow through and not do whatever we were planning to do during that time? Of course! But the behaviour didn't usually happen more that once after that.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, since you ladies are so logical, but it makes me so infuriated to see parents giving in to their children and not realizing that they're just encouraging that behaviour to continue. Usually, these are the same parents who complain that "I don't know why little Johnny won't listen to me." Arg. (my sister actually does this all the time, and I have to just bite my tongue, because I'm "not a parent"!)

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:967dee5c-2757-4ba0-9a29-214de9cc0409">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I'm going to have to disagree with you here. I don't think spanking should be a crime, but I also think it's completely possible to discipline a child without any "action" of a physical variety. I got spanked maybe five times my whole childhood, and it was always when I did something they needed to make sure I never did again (one of them was running away from my Mom in a parking lot). We got lots of time-outs, and reinforcement based behavior modification stuff (rewards for good behavior, privileges removed for bad behavior). You can be damn sure I respected my parents. I think spanking is one way of disciplining your children, but it's actually been shown in multiple studies to be less effective than non-physical strategies. I don't judge people who use spanking in moderation, but I definitely don't think it's necessary to raise good kids.
Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal">See action was taken though.<span>  </span>I guess I didn't clarify that action didn't have to be physical, like spanking. Time outs and loosing stuff also works wells.<span>  </span>So through my eyes you agree with me, except maybe that spanking is needed.<span>  </span>There we can agree to disagree as you are a parent and I am not.<span>  </span></p>

jorja86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:7ddd91f8-ef5e-4624-956a-91bcc6ecc203">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : See action was taken though.   I guess I didn't clarify that action didn't have to be physical, like spanking. Time outs and loosing stuff also works wells.   So through my eyes you agree with me, except maybe that spanking is needed.   There we can agree to disagree as you are a parent and I am not.  
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

I'm definitely NOT a parent, and my view point could very well change when I am. But yeah, I think as long as there are consequences for bad behavior, they don't need to be physical.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:4714f907-3b7e-4ea6-928e-353f60692a3e">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I'm definitely NOT a parent, and my view point could very well change when I am. But yeah, I think as long as there are consequences for bad behavior, they don't need to be physical.
Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
Oh jorja!  HAha sorry I thought you were Ollie for some reason!  Sorry!  I am so stupid.  Lol

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:4714f907-3b7e-4ea6-928e-353f60692a3e">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I'm definitely NOT a parent, and my view point could very well change when I am. But yeah, I think as long as there are consequences for bad behavior, they don't need to be physical.
Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
 
Raven obviously knows something you don't! haha

nyc1210

I really respect the way my mom handled discipline. She would give me three tries. If I was still misbehaving in public, she'd lean down and quietly say, "We'll deal with this when I get home." She never actually threatened anything, but by the time we got home, I was so afraid of getting into a lot of trouble that I'd end up apologizing and promising never to do it again.

jorja86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:04b47606-31ae-4c6a-b744-926576be482c">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! :   Raven obviously knows something you don't! haha
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

Oh God, stop it. She better not, haha.

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:25e70355-5872-44b6-92e0-2b2e78148226">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : This phrase bothers me even more. Maybe I'm a bit too much of a feminist or something, but it automatically places the father at a higher level of power I think.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]



In my house, that just meant Dad Anger was way scarier than Mom Anger. It wasn't a power thing.

kaitlynmichelle

My younger brothers get away with so much in comparison to how I was raised.  My mom never gave into the whole 'buy me a toy because I'm crying' bit, but my brothers always got something if they whined enough.  I was also spanked as a child, but they aren't at all.  

I don't say anything to my mom but I shake my head a lot of the time.  Whenever I would watch my brothers they would try the whining or little tricks they had with my mom on me.  I just told them straight out "I'm your sister, not your mom.  That won't work on me."  They learned pretty quick that I wouldn't tolerate the same things.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:84b403a0-6ac5-4c53-a6cc-0324c76cb6e2">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : Oh God, stop it. She better not, haha.
Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal">I'm sorry!!<span>  </span>It was just my reading comprehension fail! </p>

jorja86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:4c84874d-e7d9-443f-b2f6-5d04a799322b">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I'm sorry!!   It was just my reading comprehension fail!
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

Haha, that's ok...as long as you don't have hidden physic powers :)

SheSincerely

<strong>In Response to </strong><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:cc6a2ba2-4ed7-4cd4-8aa0-954f29a7127d"><strong>Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</strong></a><strong>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you that the disrespect is disgraceful. That being said, let me give you some perspective from a parent. Nowadays if you even raise your voice at your child in public people automatically think you're abusive and are a terrible parent. </strong>
<div>
</div><div>OMG, My stepsister is one of these types. She has literally called the authorities on a complete stranger once for grabbing their kid by the arm and walking him out of the store while he was having a tantrum. We are the complete opposite in this regard.  We were raised very differently. My mom was very very stern with me. She did not tolerate any foolishness from me growing up. My stepsister's parents on the other hand were, umm. . umm. . . pushovers & it basically turned her into a real brat. I tell her all the time that she need not send her future kids by my house and expect Auntie to put up with foolishness. </div><div>
</div><div><div>It really bugs me to see ppl not  controlling or disciplining an out of control kid. I was at a cookout over the summer where a 15yr. old told her mom in front of everyone that she "was being such a bitch" because she didn't want her to drink any alcohol. The mom did nothing. The kid proceeded to drink, became loud & belligerent, and made the event very awkward.  Other people ended up talking to the kid about it & soon the host just asked both of them to leave. </div></div><div>
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Simply Fated

My friends and I wouldn't have gotten away with half the things kids do today. At the store I work at, parents threaten to leave the kids in the store. The rest of the workers and I don't care, we even play along. "Uh oh, I think your mommy is leaving!" But omg, people actually comment on it how horrible those parents are. Chill, they're not actually going to go far! To be fair, my mom once left me at the mall when I acted up, but I was 12 lol.

RWS2011

First off, I agree that kids 15 years ago or so could be disrespectful little brats.  As a reformed disrespectful brat, I am living out the mothers' curse.  I have a very spirited 7 year old.  She has gotten better each year, but also has the gift for sass.  I don't tolerate it and I am not a pushover, but it is a real and regular battle to train her in good manners.

It did not help that when I became a parent, I did not have many friends who were moms.  At first, I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing.  My daughter hit the terrible twos around 16 months.  She was highly verbal and would have raging fits, even in public.  A turning point for me was the following incident in the entryway of a Byerly's: 

I asked her to hold my hand because we were going into the parking lot and she refused.  I repeated my request and she threw herself on the floor, screaming and crying.  I calmly sat on a bench and told her I would wait until she was ready. Every so often, I would say, "Are you ready to take my hand?"  It was hilarious to watch my daughter's cries fade as people passed and she looked up at them.  She was waiting for some reaction from me that she never got.  After about 3 minutes, she got up, held my hand and we left the store.  Prior to that day, I would have been mortified by the incident.  Even when people passed and gave me that "control your child" look, I remained calm and resolved.  For me it was confidence in my decisions and my authority that has helped me to guide my child in the right direction.  

Even now, on matters big and small, if I say something, I stick to it.  Teens are still just older children, they need rules, consistency, and structure too.  If they are out of control, there is a break down in that parent child relationship and the parent is easily as much to blame if not more to blame than the teenage child.  

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:66bd3942-e558-482b-a626-e51e6bcc84b0">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I also don't know if I agree that things are any different now than they were when we were teenagers. I think we just notice it more now, because we're looking in from the outside. My Mom has worked with teenagers forever, and I remember some pretty awful stories about some of them from 15 years ago. I also know I had peers in high school that had no respect. I think there always have been, and always will be, kids of both types. Some of them were raised well, and some weren't.
Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
I agree that there were definitely disrespectful brats 15 years ago, but I definitely feel like there are <em>more</em> of them now. It seems like it's harder to find respectful teens with good manners and morals now than it was 15 years ago. And I also think that the severity of the disrespect has grown considerably.

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:61509d75-8bb3-4a17-8be4-931bf7c75ded">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, I agree that kids 15 years ago or so could be disrespectful little brats.  As a reformed disrespectful brat, I am living out the mothers' curse.  I have a very spirited 7 year old.  She has gotten better each year, but also has the gift for sass.  I don't tolerate it and I am not a pushover, but it is a real and regular battle to train her in good manners. It did not help that when I became a parent, I did not have many friends who were moms.  At first, I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing.  My daughter hit the terrible twos around 16 months.  She was highly verbal and would have raging fits, even in public.  A turning point for me was the following incident in the entryway of a Byerly's:  I asked her to hold my hand because we were going into the parking lot and she refused.  I repeated my request and she threw herself on the floor, screaming and crying.  I calmly sat on a bench and told her I would wait until she was ready. Every so often, I would say, "Are you ready to take my hand?"  It was hilarious to watch my daughter's cries fade as people passed and she looked up at them.  She was waiting for some reaction from me that she never got.  After about 3 minutes, she got up, held my hand and we left the store.  Prior to that day, I would have been mortified by the incident.  Even when people passed and gave me that "control your child" look, I remained calm and resolved.  For me it was confidence in my decisions and my authority that has helped me to guide my child in the right direction.   Even now, on matters big and small, if I say something, I stick to it.  Teens are still just older children, they need rules, consistency, and structure too.  If they are out of control, there is a break down in that parent child relationship and the parent is easily as much to blame if not more to blame than the teenage child.  
Posted by RWS2011[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this and I can definitely relate as I have a pretty sassy 7 year old and a 3 year old who needs to find a better way to handle her anger. I applaud you for doing what you did several years ago, and I promise if I walked past you in the store I would have given the "I soooo get it" look and a silent high five.

Simply Fated

I love how people use words like "sassy" and "spirited" when referring to their OWN children. Another good one is, "strong-willed." Meanwhile, everyone else uses words like, spoiled, bratty, obnoxious, defiant, and demon spawn. Of course kids were bad 15 years ago. Kids were terrible 500 years ago. But the volume of disrespectful kids is definitely larger than it used to be. Kids today are more self-entitled, for starters. There was the "No" movement of parenting that is coming to a close only now, but we're seeing the effects of it. It's a movement where parents decided they weren't going to say no to their kids. When we were little we used to beg for bikes and barbies. Now kids are demanding cellphones with unlimited texting. Even adjusting for inflation, things that are in high demand now are twice as expensive than most things we asked for. With the exception of ponies, I suppose. In general, activities are just more expensive now. It used to be that you could buy a kid a bike and it would last all day, everyday, all summer. Cost? $100. Now, video games go as fast as toilet paper. Cost? $300 for the console (ps3) and about 30-40 dollars per game. Parents aren't making more money today, but they're spending more on the kids and kids expect it and always know that in the end, their parents will buy it.

RWS2011

<div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:9bd0dd5b-832a-4f48-aabb-acd02f1bd602">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?! : I agree with all of this and I can definitely relate as I have a pretty sassy 7 year old and a 3 year old who needs to find a better way to handle her anger. I applaud you for doing what you did several years ago, and I promise if I walked past you in the store I would have given the "I soooo get it" look and a silent high five.
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE] </div><div>
</div><div>Thanks, Ollie!  I actually did get some supportive looks too at the time.  </div><div>
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</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_f-matter-teens?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c53fd1c-e1e1-47f6-8b69-2d91d45e368ePost:db945c66-80aa-4a7a-b100-e7425fbce591">Re: What The F is the Matter With (Some) Teens?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how people use words like "sassy" and "spirited" when referring to their OWN children. Another good one is, "strong-willed." Meanwhile, everyone else uses words like, spoiled, bratty, obnoxious, defiant, and demon spawn. ;) Of course kids were bad 15 years ago. Kids were terrible 500 years ago. But the volume of disrespectful kids is definitely larger than it used to be. Kids today are more self-entitled, for starters. There was the "No" movement of parenting that is coming to a close only now, but we're seeing the effects of it. It's a movement where parents decided they weren't going to say no to their kids. When we were little we used to beg for bikes and barbies. Now kids are demanding cellphones with unlimited texting. Even adjusting for inflation, things that are in high demand now are twice as expensive than most things we asked for. With the exception of ponies, I suppose. In general, activities are just more expensive now. It used to be that you could buy a kid a bike and it would last all day, everyday, all summer. Cost? $100. Now, video games go as fast as toilet paper. Cost? $300 for the console (ps3) and about 30-40 dollars per game. Parents aren't making more money today, but they're spending more on the kids and kids expect it and always know that in the end, their parents will buy it.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>For the record, I have also called my daughter a wild beast, Jr. dictator, and pain in the a**, but never in front of her and mostly to vent.  In reality, appraising your child in a negative light only exacerbates the problems.  Also, there is a difference between spoiled and strong willed or spirited.  Spoiled implies the very kinds of children you are describing who feel entitled and know they can get what they want if they are rude or loud enough.  However, spirited kids are just more intense about their feelings.  </div><div>My daughter hears "no" all the time.  She also hears "not until."  I try to keep rules simple and consistent such as: no playing until homework is done. Maybe some parents overindulge their children, but not all do.  Almost all the parents I know set clear rules and stick by them.  Positive parent-child interactions are probably less noticeable because they are not causing scenes, so we are more likely to notice the loud, inappropriate interactions.  </div><div>Here is an example.  Just the other day when I was at Target, the mom and daughter behind me were having a great exchange.   The child saw a stuffed animal and said, "That is sooooo cute."  The mom smiled and said, "Yes, it is cute."  The child picked up a second item I have forgotten about and commented on it.  Then the child picked up a giant pack of gum and exclaimed "This is GUM!"  Then, after a pause, said, "I want it!  The mom said, "I understand."  The child replied, "Mom, I really want this."  The mom said, "I know you do.  i understand."  The child then put it in the cart.  The mom calmly and sweetly said, " No, no.  We aren't adding any more items to the cart.  Put it back."  The child did.  End of story.  I was just smiling to myself the whole time because it reminded me of a Love and Logic workshop I attended as professional development for my field of work (Early Childhood Education).</div><div>
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