Engagement Envy rears its ugly head

Shabar09

Tonight, BF and I were hosting a small party for two close friends who got engaged on Sunday. I was and have been super excited for them, they make a great couple. It's definitely hard though, since BF and I have been together for more than a year longer than them and while I realistically know that everyone works on their own timeline, there is always a part of me saying "It's not fair!" 

Any of you lovely ladies been through this same thing? In my head, this jealously doesn't make sense for many, many reasons, but it doesn't make it go away.

bethsmiles

A lot of my friends have gotten engaged before BF and I. One of my friend's now husband when I first met him (while he was still her FI) asked how long BF and I had been dating when I told him his response was "Wow I haven't even known [friend's name] that long!" And I'll admit it stung a little.

I know why BF and I are waiting and I'm glad that we are waiting until it's right for us but every once in awhile I do feel a twinge of jealousy when I see friends of mine getting engaged and married while I'm not. But I'm still extremely happy for them.

I think as long as you don't let your jealousy consume you and you let it go quickly then it's really not a big deal. Obviously, you are happy for your friends and being a bit jealous doesn't make you any less happy for them. Just make sure you let it go and focus on all of the good things about your relationship and the way it's moving.

LoveBug82510

I completely agree with PP.  I am in the same boat with my bf.  We've been together for almost 2 years and a few of his friends have gotten engaged.  One is going to be married next weekend, and the other not for another year or so (October 2013) and my bf is in the wedding party.  A close friend of mine got engaged and I feel jealous.  She's only been with the guy for 6 months, but I guess if you know, you know. 

Anyhow.  Don't let it consume you.  Be happy from them and if you hang out with them too much and it really gets to be too much for you, just back off a bit. 
Good luck.

Peaseblossom55

I completely understand your feelings BF & I have been together almost 3 years now and we are in our 30's. There have been quite a few friends ours lately who have gotten engaged recently who are younger and have been together a shorter period of time.  It can get frustrating.

As long as you guys have spoken about marriage, the future and have a time line you have nothing to worry about.  Your day will come and when it happens it will be really special.  I told BF I wanted it to be a surprise so it does give me something to look forward to.  I know it will be the perfect time for us. 

Right now I try to enjoy the relationship as it is, without the added stress of wedding planning or buying a house.  I also revel in the fact that my dating days are done, I've been dating for so long the search for the most amazing guy in the world is over and I have him!!!! Once you are engaged the dating period is over and once he proposed that excitment and anticipation is gone too.  I try to enjoy the now as much as possible, keep very active and try to give us lots of other things to look forward to in our relationship besides the pending engagement. 

Sorry didn't mean to ramble for so long!

peekaboo2011

You know what cures engagement envy?

A good dose of SYTTD and wine. 

[Deleted User]

Shabar - I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's VERY normal. I just got engaged 3 weeks ago, but FI and I had been together about 5 1/2 years before he proposed. I've watched almost all of my friends get married during that time....and it was difficult.

Looking back now though, I must admit i'm glad we waited. We truly know each other's families and our wedding is going to be even more fun because of that! We've received so many engagement cards & phone calls, all of our friends have one by one taken us out to dinner or done something special with us recently to celebrate. It's been wonderful and I don't think it would have been as exciting if we hadn't been together so long. Everyone is truly anticipating our wedding and it makes the entire process so much more exciting.

Try to be patient. Focus on your career, your home, your financial goals...anything but marriage. Not only will they help to take your mind off of an engagement, you'll be completely ready in all other aspects of your life to "take the leap" when the time actually comes.

Good luck! Stick around the board too...it has definitely helped me the past couple years!

lovelyheather

Definitely been there before.  This month BF and I will have our 7 year anniversary.  We have friends getting married who dated for less than a year before getting engaged.  I'm just like you, it definitely makes me want to scream, "why isn't it my turn yet?!" Even though realistically I know it isn't a race. 

I usually let myself feel jealous for a minute but then remind myself how great my relationship is.  Who cares if we aren't engaged, we are still the most supermegafoxyawesomehot couple in world!

Peaseblossom55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:6b48f83a-3bde-48f1-b24b-28a243a23fb2">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]Definitely been there before.  This month BF and I will have our 7 year anniversary.  We have friends getting married who dated for less than a year before getting engaged.  I'm just like you, it definitely makes me want to scream, "why isn't it my turn yet?!" Even though realistically I know it isn't a race.  I usually let myself feel jealous for a minute but then remind myself how great my relationship is.  Who cares if we aren't engaged, we are still the most <strong>supermegafoxyawesomehot </strong>couple in world!
Posted by lovelyheather[/QUOTE]
Love that!

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:6b48f83a-3bde-48f1-b24b-28a243a23fb2">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]Definitely been there before.  This month BF and I will have our 7 year anniversary.  We have friends getting married who dated for less than a year before getting engaged.  I'm just like you, it definitely makes me want to scream, "why isn't it my turn yet?!" Even though realistically I know it isn't a race.  I usually let myself feel jealous for a minute but then remind myself how great my relationship is.  Who cares if we aren't engaged, we are still the most <strong>supermegafoxyawesomehot</strong> couple in world!
Posted by lovelyheather[/QUOTE]

WHAT?!?!?  Is there another AVPM fan around here?  Please say yes!

FreeSpirit666

One of my friends got engaged & married last year, in fact i went to 3 weddings last year, one for a co-worker as well, it was fun but I keep asking myself, when is it my time lol, but you can't hurry love

FreeSpirit666

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:0eca8c35-b179-4181-b459-6955af90bc16">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely understand your feelings BF & I have been together almost 3 years now and<strong> we are in our 30's</strong>. There have been quite a few friends ours lately who have gotten engaged recently who are younger and have been together a shorter period of time.  It can get frustrating. As long as you guys have spoken about marriage, the future and have a time line you have nothing to worry about.  Your day will come and when it happens it will be really special.  I told BF I wanted it to be a surprise so it does give me something to look forward to.  I know it will be the perfect time for us.  Right now I try to enjoy the relationship as it is, without the added stress of wedding planning or buying a house.  I also revel in the fact that my dating days are done, I've been dating for so long the search for the most amazing guy in the world is over and I have him!!!! Once you are engaged the dating period is over and once he proposed that excitment and anticipation is gone too.  I try to enjoy the now as much as possible, keep very active and try to give us lots of other things to look forward to in our relationship besides the pending engagement.  Sorry didn't mean to ramble for so long!
Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

I'm in my 30's as well, never been married, (big hug)

lennonkdc

I've been with BF for 9 years and I have seen almost everyone we know get engaged and married before us. It was difficult at times and I have had my 'when is it my turn!' moments. I have no idea if its going to come any time soon, but I'm taking things day by day and loving how close BF and I are. We have a wonderful relationship, we love each other's families, and when our wedding day comes, its going to be one hell of a party!

lovelyheather

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:a959aa23-6fa3-4e65-a961-ae61dea6dbef">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head : WHAT?!?!?  Is there another AVPM fan around here?  Please say yes!
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

YES!

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:cadbd0dd-63d2-4dbf-b2bf-b18dd084c3d8">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head : YES!
Posted by lovelyheather[/QUOTE]

Squeeee!

abwatts

Oh honey you are NOT alone! My BF and I have been together almost 2 years, I know we will get engaged soon, but it seems like EVERYONE is getting engaged before me. I know it's not a competition, and I am with a man that loves me and I love him and everything will be perfect, but I was one of those stupid people that planned their lives, and so every once and I while when I realize that life didnt go as planned it stings! My neice is only 8 years younger than me, and now a sophmore in college... HER friends have started to get engaged... THAT KILLED!!!

Now everyone I know is already married and pregnant... so sometimes I feel left behind. But God works in his own time, and it will happen when it happens. If life went according to my plan I would have probably been divorced by 25.. so Thank God he has a better plan for me. Just keep your head up!!! And dont feel bad for feeling this way. It's completely normal, and possible to be happy for your friends while dealing with your own feelings

abwatts

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:a3b23dd7-756b-49ac-980a-0d41d319f7ab">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what cures engagement envy? <strong>A good dose of SYTTD</strong> and wine.  :)
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

Works every time.. except sometimes it makes me jealous of their bodies!!!

thejucheidea

We've been together for more than two and a half years and he's had the ring for over a year. I have a coworker who met her husband a month after Tyler and I started dating and she already has a seven month old child. My coworkers ask me every day when we're getting engaged. A friend who started dating her fiancé the same day that Tyler and I started dating is getting married next week.

My heart hurts constantly.

Olson60

A big THANK YOU to the lovely lady that posted this. And everyone's response... this is all exactly what i needed to hear too! Cheers to waiting!

audrewuh

Okay, this totally reminds me of the FRIENDS episode where Monica and Chandler get engaged and Rachel and Phoebe are in the coffee house talking about how they're 80% happy for her and only 20% jealous. 

I'm sorry you feel that way, but PP are right. Don't let it rule your life and rest confidently in the fact that you're in a strong and healthy relationship. 

JaniV123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:a3b23dd7-756b-49ac-980a-0d41d319f7ab">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what cures engagement envy? A good dose of SYTTD and wine.  :)
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>that does help :) </div>

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:a139b0a3-c5db-43b9-8143-87bbfe1210dc">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head : Works every time.. except sometimes it makes me jealous of their bodies!!!
Posted by abwatts[/QUOTE]

That's why you drink the wine.  Eventually, you just turn into a cold hearted biiiitch.  It's a fun game.

eirwyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-envy-rears-its-ugly-head?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:97a97217-d5e6-41bc-87cf-4ed739e684d0Post:a3b23dd7-756b-49ac-980a-0d41d319f7ab">Re: Engagement Envy rears its ugly head</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what cures engagement envy? A good dose of SYTTD and wine.  :)
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

I totally agree. Every time I start to feel jealous, I watch SYTTD or "Four Weddings", and I immediately think, "Eff that. I'm so glad I don't have to plan that ish yet."

Vintagelove4

All the PPs are right on, so I don't have much to add. I'm part of two weddings this summer, so  I think I've seen my fair share of white-coated blow ups to last me for a while.

Besides, I don't usually get Engagement Envy, I get Baby Envy which in my mind is equally if not more irrational in my mind cause BF and I are no where near prepared for a little one!

Shabar09

Ahhhh, it's so nice to hear I'm not alone. I think the hardest part for me is that most aspects of my life are on hold for the moment. Until my degree is done, my career, finances, and home are all at a standstill and I think I'm trying to rush the one thing school doesn't happen to affect. 

SYTTD does sound pretty good right about now...

Saopaulo66

Yup trust me,I know how you feel. I am in the same situation. But it gets better I promise

redheadtmk

I completely understand. I was able to keep in the jealousy every time friends who had been dating a year or longer less than us got engaged. The engagement that pushed me over the edge was a good friend who got engaged while doing missionary work. She was in Europe for 18 months and not allowed to pursue romantic interests/date during that time. She became best friends with a guy she met there, they became very close, and when her time was up in the mission field, he proposed. My response was   "seriously? She didnt even date and she is getting married!!!"   I was very happy for her but is was definitely hard to get over the fact that she literally never dated him and was getting married before me. We have now been engaged since March and it is worth the wait to do things in your own time! hang in there.

devilishangel61401

I get this way sometimes too. Im helping one of my long time best freinds plan her 6th wedding!!  Ive been with my bf 10 years she's been with her now fi for 2 years my bf and I are not engaged, talked about it but he says "someday we'll get engaged" Im not in a hurry to be married (again) and hes not in a hurry to be married ( he's never been married, I've been married and divorced) One of my other freinds just got married a few weeks ago, shes only been with her hubby a year, ( her third marriage) my mom's been married about 4 times so yah I understand how you feel. But then I remind myself how wonderful my bf is and that I'd rather be his gf then nothing at all.   But thats just me..

Sfrazier22

I am right there with ya girl. My boyfriend's brother just had his first child and then proposed...all in the same weekend! And his fiance and him have only been together a little over a year and I've been with my man 4 years on the 19th! I was happy for them also, but like you said...it's not fair! I'm hoping my time comes soon because 4 years is plenty of time to know if I'm the right one and I'm certainly not going to stick around forever if marriage isn't an option! Lol. Good luck and keep your head up!

stephiek12

I'm glad I saw this thread, because I am going through this VERY thing right now.  SO many of my friends have been getting engaged and married lately & while I am so very thrilled for all of them, that little voice in my mind says "what about me?" - and then I drink wine & it all gets better.   I sure do feel like a heel for being jealous though.  *sigh*

stargazer102706

I totally understand what you're going through too! The other day a friend of a friend changed her status to "engaged" on facebook (& she's been dating her SO for not even HALF as long as I've been dating mine), & it put me in a foul mood for the next few hours. You are definitely not alone!

*edited for grammar