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Not Engaged Yet
tuarceatha
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Getting grumpy about being NEY
I woke up today with the thought that I will not have a 2011 wedding. I know you all will tell me logical things about feeling grumpy and disappointed about being ney.
So please go for it. And thank you all for your daily distractions they usually work so well...
So please go for it. And thank you all for your daily distractions they usually work so well...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY
You can control how you react to your thoughts and feelings. Don't let yourself dwell on the negatives that you're picking out and think of all the good things you have going for you.
Why does a 2011 wedding matter? I can understand if you were single and facing New Years, and thinking it was another year alone being a little depressed... but you're presumably dating the man you love. You get to spend time with him, talk about the future. Why be grumpy???
For lack of a nicer thing to say, get the hell over it. The goal of a relationship isn't the ring - it's to be happy together and to plan a future together and to be each other's partner and support system. If you aren't satisfied without a ring, then you might need to reassess your priorities to see if you really want a future with this man - in which case, you're already well on your way - or if you simply want to get married.
If it bothers you so much, talk to him. Ask him why he hasn't proposed yet (don't whine or give ultimatums, just let him know you're ready, willing, and waiting and wondering if he's on the same page yet). Let him know that you would have liked to get married this summer, and if he thinks he might be ready to get married next summer. Ask him if there's a goal (personal or professional or financial) that he's waiting for before he proposes.
And then chill the heck out and enjoy your life and the man who loves you, and don't obsess about a piece of jewelry and a one single day when you get to wear a white dress.
Reading these replies feels like kickboxing. I want to throw back punches/kicks, but really I'm no match for the opponent.
[QUOTE]You all are good. Reading these replies feels like kickboxing. I want to throw back punches/kicks, but really I'm no match for the opponent.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
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[QUOTE]The goal of a relationship isn't the ring - it's to be happy together and to plan a future together and to be each other's partner and support system.Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
I completely understand how you're feeling OP...if we're honest we all have days feeling like this. HOWEVER, I like what Cate said. Just remind yourself that you've already found your guy...and you get to spend every day building upon that foundation!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY :
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
I saw a rainbow on my ride into work today! THAT'S what I should be talking about...
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : I saw a rainbow on my ride into work today! THAT'S what I should be talking about...
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?!
I'm so hardcore. You can't even fight back because of my hardcore-ness.
[QUOTE]<strong>Oh boo-friggin-hoo. You have someone in your life you love enough to want to marry. I know a lot of people who would happily be in your shoes, looking forward to a proposal. Seriously, you need to appreciate how good this time is while it lasts. </strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
THIS. Whether you have a 2011 wedding or a 2015 wedding, doesn't matter. You have that special someone in your life and you should be grateful. Some people go their whole lives without finding that special someone. A proposal will happen when it's meant to happen.
Completed 2012 Races: Cupid's Chase 5k Feb. 11th: 26:20, Donovan's Run 5k March 10th: 25:00, Statesman Cap 10k March 25th: 57:19
Upcoming: Komen Race for the Cure 10k May 12th (SA)
Unfortunately, I'm not really all that upset about it. You see, I'm becoming broke by paying for other people's weddings...so I think I have to build up my savings before I have a wedding of my own (really, this is sarcasm, but my best friend's wedding is costing me almost a month's salary...ugh)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?! I'm so hardcore. You can't even fight back because of my hardcore-ness.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
Winning.
[QUOTE]I get your grumpiness, but it probably would be better off said your best friend. Just sayin.
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]
I can't make any sense of this. What???
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]NEY might not be the best place to be upset and complain about not being engaged.... it's more of a real life complaint that should be kept private with a best friend. It's almost like she is asking to get flamed. AW maybe?
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]
<div>I completely disagree. This is exactly what we're here for. I don't think she was an AW at all. </div><div>
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[QUOTE]JenJennifer... I'm with you. I felt the same way this morning and the conversation that BF and I had didn't make things any better. 99% of the time I can 'cure' myself by remembering how lucky I am to be in this relationship, but occasionally I get BSC and just like the idea of being able to look at the ring on my finger to remind me how much HE loves ME. So yes, suck it up, get over it, blah blah, but know that you aren't the only one feeling that way today. <strong>Question for Cate, Bren, etc - do you girls really never, EVER feel like that?
</strong>Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]
Feel like I just want to get engaged? Sure. And when I do, I either remind myself or text my BFF and get her to smack some sense into me. I have mental list of all the reasons I'm okay with waiting. I know it isn't healthy for me to dwell on it so I don't.
Also, I don't really think she was being an AW asking to get flamed, Nursey. Jen's posted here a few times before and I don't recall her ever being super crazy so I think she just genuinely wants some reminders.
ETA: I also know that I'm still young and I can wait longer. And the longer I wait, the stronger we'll be. I really do have a mental pro/con list so I can talk myself down every time.
Oh and like Cate said, I don't feel frustrated with that. Impatient sure, frustrated no.
[QUOTE]Question for Cate, Bren, etc - do you girls really never, EVER feel like that?
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]
No, I never felt like that about getting engaged. I look forward to getting married, to having kids. But it was never a "right now!" *foot stomp* moment. I was looking forward to getting engaged (still excited for when we're going to announce it, and what ring he picks and how he asks, etc.), and even excited/anxious for it to happen, but never frustrated that I wasn't engaged already. I've always just talked to my guy as a temperature-check of the relationship whenever the "why not me?" mood came up - when we both wanted to get married, how long we'd want to have for an engagement, etc. So whenever I started getting antsy, I'd just talk to him. There's a lot that can be solved by simple communication with the man you love.
I feel like getting frustrated indicates you're not happy with where your relationship is right now, that there's a 'goal' or a 'finish line' that hasn't been met. I look at it all as part of the process with the man I love. Even if for whatever reason we had to postpone our wedding indefinitely, I would be disappointed but not frustrated. I wouldn't be crying on anyone's shoulder, just a bit of a self-given reality check that I have an awesome guy that I wake up to every morning.
[QUOTE]@ desert and @ jenjen... My apologies then. @ cu97tiger... yes I do sometimes feel like that, but I def won't admit it to anyone other than my roommate because she can read me like a book anyways.
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]
<div>No apologies necessary. You are free to say what you think. Just know that if I disagree, I'll let you know. :)</div><div>
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I don't think any less of Jen for feeling this way. It happens. It's normal. But you have a crybaby moment, and you suck it up and you move on. And I think Jen knows that on this here NEY forum, we will certainly tell her to suck it up. No one is really going to say "You poor thing! No 2011 wedding for you? That's just devastating!" Why would anyone want to be placated like that? I know some people DO want that... but I think it does more harm than good.
I am much more likely to have my crybaby moments with my internet friends than I am to call up a RL-friend and whine. I don't know why, I can't explain it... it's just a different dynamic for me. So I don't think Jen is any more of an AW than any of us. I don't think she's unreasonable. I don't think it's unreasonable to tell her to suck it up and remind her that right now is just as important as any other day ever- including the day he proposes and the day you get married and so on. TODAY IS IMPORTANT, and we're all incredibly lucky to be in love and to be loved in return. So, enjoy it now. Time flies by and before you know it you're looking back at your life saying "Wow... I didn't realize how precious that was."
So, suck it up, kiss your BF/FI/DH/FBD, tell him you love him, and be happy that you ever found each other in the first place. The proposal and wedding will fall into place... but this moment is here now. Don't waste it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : No, I never felt like that about getting engaged. I look forward to getting married, to having kids. But it was never a "right now!" *foot stomp* moment. I was looking forward to getting engaged (still excited for when we're going to announce it, and what ring he picks and how he asks, etc.), and even excited/anxious for it to happen, but never frustrated that I wasn't engaged already. I've always just talked to my guy as a temperature-check of the relationship whenever the "why not me?" mood came up - when we both wanted to get married, how long we'd want to have for an engagement, etc. So whenever I started getting antsy, I'd just talk to him. There's a lot that can be solved by simple communication with the man you love. <strong>I feel like getting frustrated indicates you're not happy with where your relationship is right now, that there's a 'goal' or a 'finish line' that hasn't been met. I look at it all as part of the process with the man I love. </strong> Even if for whatever reason we had to postpone our wedding indefinitely, I would be disappointed but not frustrated. I wouldn't be crying on anyone's shoulder, just a bit of a self-given reality check that I have an awesome guy that I wake up to every morning.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Cate, you were doing quite a bit of pre-planning at one time. You stopped talking about it after you got called out on it. And now you have this whole engaged, but not announcing and still calling each other BF/GF situation.</div><div>
</div><div>What's the point of all that if you're so happy with where your relationship is? Why not just wait until you have a proposal and a ring, instead of conveniently skipping past that?</div><div>
</div><div>I'm not trying to attack you. I just genuinely don't get it. Your advice and your actions don't match up in my mind. Help me understand your reasoning.</div><div>
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I can't match some of the others here in their ability to knock sense into people.
HOWEVER, I wanted to say 2 things:
1) I do understand how you feel. My DH kept my ring in a box on our dresser for OVER A YEAR, and there were days that I woke up and just thought: "You have the damn ring - ask me already!" Especially when it was getting around the year mark. For the record, he had my ring almost a year and a half before we got engaged, I just didn't live with him for the first 4 months he had it because I was studying for/taking the bar in a different city.
2) You *can* still have a 2011 wedding, if you want one. Just because it's March of 2011 and you aren't engaged doesn't mean you can't have a 2011 wedding. I planned my wedding in about 5 months. Kat planned hers in about 8, Mutley I think was 6. I helped a friend of mine plan hers in 3, and a girl I went to law school with was IN SCHOOL and planned a beautiful wedding in 1 month. It *is* possible. I know this is almost counteractive to everyone telling you to suck it up, I just hate it when people paint themselves into the "I need AT LEAST a year to plan a wedding" corner, because it's just not true.
Married Bio
Me: 31 DH: 30
TTC since 10/2010. 2012: HSG showed unicornuate uterus on right side; both kidneys and both ovaries present. High risk for preterm labor, IUGR, and C-Section. Dx'd Hypothyroidism.
1st BFP: 10/27/12, cycle before we had planned to see RE
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[QUOTE]NEY might not be the best place to be upset and complain about not being engaged.... it's more of a real life complaint that should be kept private with a best friend. It's almost like she is asking to get flamed. AW maybe?
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]
That was a little uneccesarry. Maybe you're an attention whore.
ETA: Sorry, I really didn't see why it was necessary to call someone who openly said she knew she needed some sense knocked into her an AW.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : That was a little uneccesarry. Maybe you're an attention whore.
Posted by luvdncn90[/QUOTE]
LOL. I like you. You're silly. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : LOL. I like you. You're silly.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
Well thanks! I'm glad someone thinks so :) It's been a rough couple of weeks so I'm feeling a bit fiesty.</div>