In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:adfafdff-711d-4abc-bfed-391fe4af6de6">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : Cate, you were doing quite a bit of pre-planning at one time. You stopped talking about it after you got called out on it. And now you have this whole engaged, but not announcing and still calling each other BF/GF situation. What's the point of all that if you're so happy with where your relationship is? <strong>Why not just wait until you have a proposal and a ring, instead of conveniently skipping past that?</strong> I'm not trying to attack you. I just genuinely don't get it. Your advice and your actions don't match up in my mind. Help me understand your reasoning. Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
No prob, I'm happy to try to make it clear. I think my main point is that I'm not particularly concerned if people don't understand what's going on - it works for me and my guy, and I don't need to try to earn anyone's approval. As yours isn't an attack, this isn't meant to be a "screw you" by any means - I'm just saying, this is how we're doing it and we're happy with it. Though I'm happy to explain it, since you asked so nicely!
Yes, I got a little ahead of myself awhile ago. I wasn't as much in a rush to get engaged as we already had a very set timeline for when we'd get married, but I started looking at things more in depth than was necessary at that stage. All of it was done with my guy in lock-step - we'd talk about where we wanted to get married and rough details. Nothing was booked, and at that point we hadn't talked to any vendors. That's what we warn noobies about - turning a "I want to get married some day" into a full blown pre-wedding planning without the knowledge or agreement of the presumed groom-to-be. I've never seen a problem with discussing ideas with a significant other, as long as both people are fully on board and it doesn't put pressure on anyone.
**ETA: Holy crud, my update/explanation turned out WAYYYY longer than intended.... <strong>Desert, you've got a PM.</strong> If anyone's interested in what's going on, I'm happy to start a new thread or PM you directly so everyone doesn't have to read my novel***
To shorten it up (since I'm rather verbose), I don't care about the ring or the proposal. That's never what it's been about for me, and I don't think I'm "skipping past" anything. I'd happily call us engaged without a ring, but my guy prefers to buy the ring and have his proposal moment before we use those titles. Neither one of us see the ring as essential for planning a wedding - what's necessary is both parties full and mutual agreement to get married and to start planning a wedding. And we've got that.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:2274e7f5-f8a4-4ae3-8ee2-911471cc0868">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : No prob, I'm happy to try to make it clear. I think my main point is that I'm not particularly concerned if people don't understand what's going on - it works for me and my guy, and I don't need to try to earn anyone's approval. As yours isn't an attack, this isn't meant to be a "screw you" by any means - I'm just saying, this is how we're doing it and we're happy with it. Though I'm happy to explain it, since you asked so nicely! Yes, I got a little ahead of myself awhile ago. I wasn't as much in a rush to get engaged as we already had a very set timeline for when we'd get married, but I started looking at things more in depth than was necessary at that stage. All of it was done with my guy in lock-step - we'd talk about where we wanted to get married and rough details. Nothing was booked, and at that point we hadn't talked to any vendors. That's what we warn noobies about - turning a "I want to get married some day" into a full blown pre-wedding planning without the knowledge or agreement of the presumed groom-to-be. I've never seen a problem with discussing ideas with a significant other, as long as both people are fully on board and it doesn't put pressure on anyone. **ETA: Holy crud, my update/explanation turned out WAYYYY longer than intended.... Desert, you've got a PM. If anyone's interested in what's going on, I'm happy to start a new thread or PM you directly so everyone doesn't have to read my novel*** To shorten it up (since I'm rather verbose), I don't care about the ring or the proposal. That's never what it's been about for me, and I don't think I'm "skipping past" anything. I'd happily call us engaged without a ring, but my guy prefers to buy the ring and have his proposal moment before we use those titles. Neither one of us see the ring as essential for planning a wedding - what's necessary is both parties full and mutual agreement to get married and to start planning a wedding. And we've got that. Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Oh, good. I was trying to be respectful in how I asked. :)
I appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective with the board and in a little more detail with me in your PM.
I absolutely agree with you that you don't need the approval of anyone here to do what makes you and your BF happy.
Honestly, having been on the board with you for a while, I know you're not like the genuinely BSC newbies we sometimes get. My personal opinion is that the best possible advice to give strangers is different from the best advice you can give to someone you know a little better. Pre-planning is a fine line, and when you give some people an inch, they take a mile, you know?
How you're doing things may not be MY preference or what *I* would be comfortable with, but it's your life and your relationship. And you make sense in what you have to say about it.
I'm happy that you're happy. And I'm excited to hear about your proposal and see ring pics when that piece falls into place for you guys. :)
I feel this message board gives mixed messages about what we are allowed to discuss. Like others have said, we are entitled to our opinions. But the top of the NEY message board says stuff about having things picked out or planned and that this is the place to be. But really, that is not allowed in this group. Some of us are here to be distracted from those activities.
And I feel ANYTIME I initiate a post about anything, I am kind of a AW, cause its whatever I want to talk about (hoping others would like to discuss too.) BTW I did not know AW meant attention whore, until this convo. So thanks for the name calling.
MOSTLY- Thank you all for taking the time to read this post and insert your 57 cents. I am no longer grumpy, thanks to you all and the reality I live in. I actually laughed out loud as I read some responses earlier. That is why I come here.
Yeah, see, sometimes you need tough love, and sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on. I've found NEY is usually good for both.
For what it's worth, none of us like that message at the top of the board. It should be changed (and we've asked for it, with no results) to something about being in a serious relationship but no ring yet, so come here to talk and just have fun!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:bb11afc8-91d3-45fa-b7e6-f519d59c9c7d">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]Yeah, see, sometimes you need tough love, and sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on. I've found NEY is usually good for both. For what it's worth, none of us like that message at the top of the board. It should be changed (and we've asked for it, with no results) to something about being in a serious relationship but no ring yet, so come here to talk and just have fun! Posted by calindi[/QUOTE] Plus the intro/READ THIS FIRST messages kinda clear that all up.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:e56aa3f5-1965-4fdf-af3e-4e604504a235">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : Plus the intro/READ THIS FIRST messages kinda clear that all up. Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
Love this thread...think I'll bookmark it for when those day's roll around every few months and discontentment tries to creep in.... it's all ahead of us and that is something to be grateful for!
If you really think about it, being in a serious relationship and being married aren't very different at all. We had a thread where some of the girls talked about what changed after they got married. For all of them it was just the legal side of things.
I think that the only difference between being engaged and dating is that people who hardly know you can't get up in your grill about planning your future with your BF. I've had a few aquaintances argue with me that I should not be moving in with my BF or planning anything of a future with him since I am not engaged to him. Their standpoint was that there was no hope of a future for a couple that was not married. I've learned to call bull and push those comments away. It only got worse when we started our LDR. My response to anything is "I've never been more sure of anything in my life" and I leave it at that. It is true, but it may come across as immature/insecure, whatever people make it out to be. It helps me to avoid getting into a heated conversation with that person and I walk away from the situation happy.
You know one time many many months ago before I was engaged, and having a day just like yours, even though I KNEW my now fiance loved me to pieces and it would happen, I posted a post on this board. I guess I explained my story with not all the pieces that day...And everyone tore me to shreds... why have a board like this if you can't be supportive.
A lot of women, are just ready and waiting, and sometimes they need to vent. I think it is much better to vent on a site with a board like this. Othersie why have a board for it??!!! I don't understand why people who are already married or engaged come on here and tell the girls not to be upset or frustrated if they are...sometimes it's upsetting and frustrating!! I feel you and it will happen and it ill be wonderful and in the meantime...we are here for you and I get it.
Also a lot of people say NOT to plan before your engaged...who makes those rules? I wish I had planned a little more BEFORE so I could enjoy the engagement more! lol
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:788a5b80-d12e-45e5-bd85-8e943c679ec1">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]You know one time many many months ago before I was engaged, and having a day just like yours, even though I KNEW my now fiance loved me to pieces and it would happen, I posted a post on this board. I guess I explained my story with not all the pieces that day...And everyone tore me to shreds... why have a board like this if you can't be supportive. A lot of women, are just ready and waiting, and sometimes they need to vent. I think it is much better to vent on a site with a board like this. Othersie why have a board for it??!!! I don't understand why people who are already married or engaged come on here and tell the girls not to be upset or frustrated if they are...sometimes it's upsetting and frustrating!! I feel you and it will happen and it ill be wonderful and in the meantime...we are here for you and I get it. Also a lot of people say NOT to plan before your engaged...who makes those rules? I wish I had planned a little more BEFORE so I could enjoy the engagement more! lol Posted by cereom[/QUOTE]<div>There is a difference between venting and whining. We all have bad days, and venting is totally fine. If you present yourself in such as way as to make people think that you're running around and whining and being miserable about not being engaged . . . . well we're going to tell it like it is, and what it it is a waste of time, and frankly is a crappy thing to do when you're with a man who loves you so much that marriage has come into the picture. </div><div> </div><div>As for wishing you'd planned more before you got engaged to enjoy the engagement. . . sounds like you're doing it wrong. Even with all the preplanning I did, not one single thing that I "thought" we'd do are we doing. I had to start from scratch. And guess what? I'm still enjoying my engagement. So put on your big girl panties and stop playing the martyr on someone else's thread. kthanksbye.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:788a5b80-d12e-45e5-bd85-8e943c679ec1">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]You know one time many many months ago before I was engaged, and having a day just like yours, even though I KNEW my now fiance loved me to pieces and it would happen, I posted a post on this board. I guess I explained my story with not all the pieces that day...And everyone tore me to shreds... why have a board like this if you can't be supportive. A lot of women, are just ready and waiting, and sometimes they need to vent. I think it is much better to vent on a site with a board like this. Othersie why have a board for it??!!! I don't understand why people who are already married or engaged come on here and tell the girls not to be upset or frustrated if they are...sometimes it's upsetting and frustrating!! I feel you and it will happen and it ill be wonderful and in the meantime...we are here for you and I get it. Also a lot of people say NOT to plan before your engaged...who makes those rules? I wish I had planned a little more BEFORE so I could enjoy the engagement more! lol Posted by cereom[/QUOTE]<div> </div><div>Really? You came on here basically throwing a tantrum. Did you really expect everyone to just pat you on the head and tell you you were right to act that way?</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-hard-time-waiting_.0">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-hard-time-waiting_.0</a></div><div> </div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-hard-time-waiting_.0"></a>I see several people who told you it's okay to get upset and vent as long as you can take a step back and think logically about your situation after you get the emotion out. Several people gave you advice on how to TALK to your then BF instead of pouting to yourself which doesn't accomplish anything.</div><div> </div><div>This board IS supportive. We just don't coddle anyone, or pretend to agree with behavior that we don't agree with. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to just be honest.</div><div> </div><div>I think that having women who have been IN the same situation and have made it through give their advice is incredibly helpful. </div><div> </div><div>If you'd bothered to read all the responses instead of getting so incredibly butthurt at the slightest hint of criticism, I think that thread would actually have been very helpful.</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>
I tend to anxiousy and antsy about things in life and forget that I should be living the now instead of thinking about the future. I'm not even really talking about relationships either. Here is one of my favorite quotes that helps when ever I get too antsy abou anything. Sorry if I'm being corny
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." — Rainer Maria Rilke
Seriously not even sure why I would have bothered to come back to this board to even try and help another girl out...they should completely rename it. I will stick to using this site what it's for...planning a wedding.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:f33f20bc-e4e1-471c-bd8f-85b5bbf06e5a">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]Seriously not even sure why I would have bothered to come back to this board to even try and help another girl out...they should completely rename it. I will stick to using this site what it's for...planning a wedding. Posted by cereom[/QUOTE]
<div> </div><div>...And this, ladies and gentleman, is why you should always give advice to newbies assuming that they don't have a lick of self-awareness or common sense. We can afford to give old familiar posters a bit of the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't make sense to do so with someone you don't know, b/c they very well could be one of these girls who can't take a step back from their emotions and objectively assess the validity of criticism. They get so caught up in feeling personally attacked that they don't listen to any of the helpful things said.</div><div> </div><div>Furthermore, does it matter what a board or site is SUPPOSED to be for? </div><div> </div><div>Deal with the reality.</div><div> </div><div>Which is that this site is full of women who don't hesitate to just tell it like they see it. Who have enough free time to come here and socialize and not talk strictly weddings all the time. Roll with it or go away. Your whining accomplishes nothing.</div><div> </div><div>/rant</div><div> </div><div> </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:5299f231-5f2a-4059-be97-997ea3e578b5">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]I tend to anxiousy and antsy about things in life and forget that I should be living the now instead of thinking about the future. I'm not even really talking about relationships either. Here is one of my favorite quotes that helps when ever I get too antsy abou anything. Sorry if I'm being corny<strong> "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." — Rainer Maria Rilke</strong> Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]<div> </div><div>Danser, this quote rocks my socks. And that is all I'll say at this late hour. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-grumpy-being-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9abe6cae-7372-43ae-9ee9-b0713c89d80bPost:621fa7d6-0eec-4772-a0a2-9926f26e9156">Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY</a>: [QUOTE]If you really think about it, being in a serious relationship and being married aren't very different at all. We had a thread where some of the girls talked about what changed after they got married. <strong>For all of them it was just the legal side of things.</strong> I think that the only difference between being engaged and dating is that people who hardly know you can't get up in your grill about planning your future with your BF. I've had a few aquaintances argue with me that I should not be moving in with my BF or planning anything of a future with him since I am not engaged to him. Their standpoint was that there was no hope of a future for a couple that was not married. I've learned to call bull and push those comments away. It only got worse when we started our LDR. My response to anything is "I've never been more sure of anything in my life" and I leave it at that. It is true, but it may come across as immature/insecure, whatever people make it out to be. It helps me to avoid getting into a heated conversation with that person and I walk away from the situation happy. Posted by amsybot[/QUOTE]
Just to clarify, I don't think that's a generalization that's true. Not every girl said that it was only the legal side that changes, there were a few that said there will be other changes for them as well.
Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : Cate, you were doing quite a bit of pre-planning at one time. You stopped talking about it after you got called out on it. And now you have this whole engaged, but not announcing and still calling each other BF/GF situation. What's the point of all that if you're so happy with where your relationship is? <strong>Why not just wait until you have a proposal and a ring, instead of conveniently skipping past that?</strong> I'm not trying to attack you. I just genuinely don't get it. Your advice and your actions don't match up in my mind. Help me understand your reasoning.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
No prob, I'm happy to try to make it clear. I think my main point is that I'm not particularly concerned if people don't understand what's going on - it works for me and my guy, and I don't need to try to earn anyone's approval. As yours isn't an attack, this isn't meant to be a "screw you" by any means - I'm just saying, this is how we're doing it and we're happy with it. Though I'm happy to explain it, since you asked so nicely!
Yes, I got a little ahead of myself awhile ago. I wasn't as much in a rush to get engaged as we already had a very set timeline for when we'd get married, but I started looking at things more in depth than was necessary at that stage. All of it was done with my guy in lock-step - we'd talk about where we wanted to get married and rough details. Nothing was booked, and at that point we hadn't talked to any vendors. That's what we warn noobies about - turning a "I want to get married some day" into a full blown pre-wedding planning without the knowledge or agreement of the presumed groom-to-be. I've never seen a problem with discussing ideas with a significant other, as long as both people are fully on board and it doesn't put pressure on anyone.
**ETA: Holy crud, my update/explanation turned out WAYYYY longer than intended.... <strong>Desert, you've got a PM.</strong> If anyone's interested in what's going on, I'm happy to start a new thread or PM you directly so everyone doesn't have to read my novel***
To shorten it up (since I'm rather verbose), I don't care about the ring or the proposal. That's never what it's been about for me, and I don't think I'm "skipping past" anything. I'd happily call us engaged without a ring, but my guy prefers to buy the ring and have his proposal moment before we use those titles. Neither one of us see the ring as essential for planning a wedding - what's necessary is both parties full and mutual agreement to get married and to start planning a wedding. And we've got that.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : No prob, I'm happy to try to make it clear. I think my main point is that I'm not particularly concerned if people don't understand what's going on - it works for me and my guy, and I don't need to try to earn anyone's approval. As yours isn't an attack, this isn't meant to be a "screw you" by any means - I'm just saying, this is how we're doing it and we're happy with it. Though I'm happy to explain it, since you asked so nicely! Yes, I got a little ahead of myself awhile ago. I wasn't as much in a rush to get engaged as we already had a very set timeline for when we'd get married, but I started looking at things more in depth than was necessary at that stage. All of it was done with my guy in lock-step - we'd talk about where we wanted to get married and rough details. Nothing was booked, and at that point we hadn't talked to any vendors. That's what we warn noobies about - turning a "I want to get married some day" into a full blown pre-wedding planning without the knowledge or agreement of the presumed groom-to-be. I've never seen a problem with discussing ideas with a significant other, as long as both people are fully on board and it doesn't put pressure on anyone. **ETA: Holy crud, my update/explanation turned out WAYYYY longer than intended.... Desert, you've got a PM. If anyone's interested in what's going on, I'm happy to start a new thread or PM you directly so everyone doesn't have to read my novel*** To shorten it up (since I'm rather verbose), I don't care about the ring or the proposal. That's never what it's been about for me, and I don't think I'm "skipping past" anything. I'd happily call us engaged without a ring, but my guy prefers to buy the ring and have his proposal moment before we use those titles. Neither one of us see the ring as essential for planning a wedding - what's necessary is both parties full and mutual agreement to get married and to start planning a wedding. And we've got that.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Oh, good. I was trying to be respectful in how I asked. :)
I appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective with the board and in a little more detail with me in your PM.
I absolutely agree with you that you don't need the approval of anyone here to do what makes you and your BF happy.
Honestly, having been on the board with you for a while, I know you're not like the genuinely BSC newbies we sometimes get. My personal opinion is that the best possible advice to give strangers is different from the best advice you can give to someone you know a little better. Pre-planning is a fine line, and when you give some people an inch, they take a mile, you know?
How you're doing things may not be MY preference or what *I* would be comfortable with, but it's your life and your relationship. And you make sense in what you have to say about it.
I'm happy that you're happy. And I'm excited to hear about your proposal and see ring pics when that piece falls into place for you guys. :)
And I feel ANYTIME I initiate a post about anything, I am kind of a AW, cause its whatever I want to talk about (hoping others would like to discuss too.) BTW I did not know AW meant attention whore, until this convo. So thanks for the name calling.
MOSTLY- Thank you all for taking the time to read this post and insert your 57 cents. I am no longer grumpy, thanks to you all and the reality I live in. I actually laughed out loud as I read some responses earlier. That is why I come here.
For what it's worth, none of us like that message at the top of the board. It should be changed (and we've asked for it, with no results) to something about being in a serious relationship but no ring yet, so come here to talk and just have fun!
[QUOTE]Yeah, see, sometimes you need tough love, and sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on. I've found NEY is usually good for both. For what it's worth, none of us like that message at the top of the board. It should be changed (and we've asked for it, with no results) to something about being in a serious relationship but no ring yet, so come here to talk and just have fun!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Plus the intro/READ THIS FIRST messages kinda clear that all up.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting grumpy about being NEY : Plus the intro/READ THIS FIRST messages kinda clear that all up.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
You're welcome. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />
I think that the only difference between being engaged and dating is that people who hardly know you can't get up in your grill about planning your future with your BF. I've had a few aquaintances argue with me that I should not be moving in with my BF or planning anything of a future with him since I am not engaged to him. Their standpoint was that there was no hope of a future for a couple that was not married. I've learned to call bull and push those comments away. It only got worse when we started our LDR. My response to anything is "I've never been more sure of anything in my life" and I leave it at that. It is true, but it may come across as immature/insecure, whatever people make it out to be. It helps me to avoid getting into a heated conversation with that person and I walk away from the situation happy.
[QUOTE]You know one time many many months ago before I was engaged, and having a day just like yours, even though I KNEW my now fiance loved me to pieces and it would happen, I posted a post on this board. I guess I explained my story with not all the pieces that day...And everyone tore me to shreds... why have a board like this if you can't be supportive. A lot of women, are just ready and waiting, and sometimes they need to vent. I think it is much better to vent on a site with a board like this. Othersie why have a board for it??!!! I don't understand why people who are already married or engaged come on here and tell the girls not to be upset or frustrated if they are...sometimes it's upsetting and frustrating!! I feel you and it will happen and it ill be wonderful and in the meantime...we are here for you and I get it. Also a lot of people say NOT to plan before your engaged...who makes those rules? I wish I had planned a little more BEFORE so I could enjoy the engagement more! lol
Posted by cereom[/QUOTE]<div>There is a difference between venting and whining. We all have bad days, and venting is totally fine. If you present yourself in such as way as to make people think that you're running around and whining and being miserable about not being engaged . . . . well we're going to tell it like it is, and what it it is a waste of time, and frankly is a crappy thing to do when you're with a man who loves you so much that marriage has come into the picture. </div><div>
</div><div>As for wishing you'd planned more before you got engaged to enjoy the engagement. . . sounds like you're doing it wrong. Even with all the preplanning I did, not one single thing that I "thought" we'd do are we doing. I had to start from scratch. And guess what? I'm still enjoying my engagement. So put on your big girl panties and stop playing the martyr on someone else's thread. kthanksbye.
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Married Bio
[QUOTE]You know one time many many months ago before I was engaged, and having a day just like yours, even though I KNEW my now fiance loved me to pieces and it would happen, I posted a post on this board. I guess I explained my story with not all the pieces that day...And everyone tore me to shreds... why have a board like this if you can't be supportive. A lot of women, are just ready and waiting, and sometimes they need to vent. I think it is much better to vent on a site with a board like this. Othersie why have a board for it??!!! I don't understand why people who are already married or engaged come on here and tell the girls not to be upset or frustrated if they are...sometimes it's upsetting and frustrating!! I feel you and it will happen and it ill be wonderful and in the meantime...we are here for you and I get it. Also a lot of people say NOT to plan before your engaged...who makes those rules? I wish I had planned a little more BEFORE so I could enjoy the engagement more! lol
Posted by cereom[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Really? You came on here basically throwing a tantrum. Did you really expect everyone to just pat you on the head and tell you you were right to act that way?</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-hard-time-waiting_.0">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-hard-time-waiting_.0</a></div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-hard-time-waiting_.0"></a>I see several people who told you it's okay to get upset and vent as long as you can take a step back and think logically about your situation after you get the emotion out. Several people gave you advice on how to TALK to your then BF instead of pouting to yourself which doesn't accomplish anything.</div><div>
</div><div>This board IS supportive. We just don't coddle anyone, or pretend to agree with behavior that we don't agree with. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to just be honest.</div><div>
</div><div>I think that having women who have been IN the same situation and have made it through give their advice is incredibly helpful. </div><div>
</div><div>If you'd bothered to read all the responses instead of getting so incredibly butthurt at the slightest hint of criticism, I think that thread would actually have been very helpful.</div><div>
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— Rainer Maria Rilke
[QUOTE]Seriously not even sure why I would have bothered to come back to this board to even try and help another girl out...they should completely rename it. I will stick to using this site what it's for...planning a wedding.
Posted by cereom[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>...And this, ladies and gentleman, is why you should always give advice to newbies assuming that they don't have a lick of self-awareness or common sense. We can afford to give old familiar posters a bit of the benefit of the doubt. It doesn't make sense to do so with someone you don't know, b/c they very well could be one of these girls who can't take a step back from their emotions and objectively assess the validity of criticism. They get so caught up in feeling personally attacked that they don't listen to any of the helpful things said.</div><div>
</div><div>Furthermore, does it matter what a board or site is SUPPOSED to be for? </div><div>
</div><div>Deal with the reality.</div><div>
</div><div>Which is that this site is full of women who don't hesitate to just tell it like they see it. Who have enough free time to come here and socialize and not talk strictly weddings all the time. Roll with it or go away. Your whining accomplishes nothing.</div><div>
</div><div>/rant</div><div>
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[QUOTE]I tend to anxiousy and antsy about things in life and forget that I should be living the now instead of thinking about the future. I'm not even really talking about relationships either. Here is one of my favorite quotes that helps when ever I get too antsy abou anything. Sorry if I'm being corny<strong> "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." — Rainer Maria Rilke</strong>
Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Danser, this quote rocks my socks. And that is all I'll say at this late hour. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
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Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
[QUOTE]If you really think about it, being in a serious relationship and being married aren't very different at all. We had a thread where some of the girls talked about what changed after they got married. <strong>For all of them it was just the legal side of things.</strong> I think that the only difference between being engaged and dating is that people who hardly know you can't get up in your grill about planning your future with your BF. I've had a few aquaintances argue with me that I should not be moving in with my BF or planning anything of a future with him since I am not engaged to him. Their standpoint was that there was no hope of a future for a couple that was not married. I've learned to call bull and push those comments away. It only got worse when we started our LDR. My response to anything is "I've never been more sure of anything in my life" and I leave it at that. It is true, but it may come across as immature/insecure, whatever people make it out to be. It helps me to avoid getting into a heated conversation with that person and I walk away from the situation happy.
Posted by amsybot[/QUOTE]
Just to clarify, I don't think that's a generalization that's true. Not every girl said that it was only the legal side that changes, there were a few that said there will be other changes for them as well.