Thought about a BP?

Ember01

I know, everyone says not to pick your bridal party until the last possible minute. But, let's be honest, we all think about who would be in our bridal party. So, how did you or how will you pick the MOH?

I'm asking because I'm torn between two friends. One girl has been my friend for 26 years, but she isn't the most organized gal. The other girl is a sorority sister who is super organized. The bms have insisted on throwing me a bachelor party and shower. So, do I pick the more organized friend or the longer friend?

I have been in bridal parties before where the MOH wasn't organized, and I end up planning and paying for all the parties, and the MOH comes into the parties and takes the credit for everything (this has happened twice).

heyimbren

I'll pick the person I'm closest too- I don't care about who's more organized. That isn't what it's about to me. Also, I've never felt that it was up to the MOH to do all the organizing (or even the BP to plan anything). If they want to, awesome, and if they don't, then someone else can or no one can.

bethsmiles

I only have one person I would ever even consider, we've been best friends since high school and I love her to death. Of course things could totally change between now and whenever I get married but I seriously cannot imagine getting married without her standing up there with me.

I know that BF will pick his older brother to be his BM because they do everything together and they are best friends.

I don't think it matters which one you've known longer or which one is more organized, what matters is which one you feel closest to.

Ember01

Bren... I agree about the parties. In the other two weddings, the MOH promised the MOB that the bridesmaids would throw the shower, and didn't do anything to plan the shower. I picked up the slack to make sure the bride got a nice party.

SeaTea02

So when I read the title I thought about BP, like gas. 

Anyway! I will be having both of my sisters as co-MOHs because it is easier that way. I haven't picked my other BM, but from the count in my head the BP will have like 8-9 girls... so I don't think two MOH will be out of place. They will probably get a sash or something to stand out. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thought-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a10975f6-d6f2-49ce-af8b-5a1b605911b5Post:3bbb91cd-6f1c-4d42-90fa-e4202814b55d">Re: Thought about a BP?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bren... I agree about the parties. In the other two weddings, the MOH promised the MOB that the bridesmaids would throw the shower, and didn't do anything to plan the shower. I picked up the slack to make sure the bride got a nice party.
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I'm not sure I'd call it "slack" though. I'm planning a shower for my friend right now; but I love planning parties. I enjoy it, and her MOH really doesn't. It's worked out for us just fine :)

peekaboo2011

FI and I haven't technically picked a BP yet, but we've talked about it.  And we've talked to the people we want to be BM/MOH, because we feel that they're two people who will never fall out of our lives.  I haven't been friends with my MOH very long, but she's and I are personality twins, and I picked her because I know that once things get crazy, she's about the only person who will be able to talk me out of doing something ridiculous.  And she was the first person we told who wasn't there when we got engaged.

I don't know if it's an option for you, but I've seen it done before, where the bride has two MOH.  That way, neither felt they were less important to the bride.  And you wouldn't have to worry about disorganized, etc.  

jeanacorina

I chose my cousin as my MOH. Why? Because I love her. She's the big sister I never had. She has always been there for me- whether to celebrate the good, cry with me over the bad, or give me a swift kick in the pants when I get a little out of hand.

She had to stand up there right next to me, because no matter how far away I've moved, I can still call her and talk for hours like we're just down the street from each other.

It wasn't about her being organized or doing any certain duties (she lives across the country). It was about deep in my heart I knew she was my MOH.

My cousin helped two friends who weren't in my BP at all plan my shower and bachelorette. Anyone can do those things. Your entire BP can come together to do that, or your organized friend could do it because she's good at that.

I don't think you should choose your MOH based on her resume of MOH "skillz." Choose your MOH because of how you feel about her in your heart.

mandi921vh

You pick the person you are closest to, not the person who could "throw you the best party/is the most organized."

marleylikeair

Durnit. I thought this was going to be a post that would let me feed my inner BSC for a minute. ;-) Yes, I've thought about my BP, and I'm not afraid to say it.

My sister will be my MOH when the time comes. She's always there for me, and I'm always there for her. She gets me. She keeps my secrets. She tolerates it when I'm a dork and when I mess up. She rocks, and that's why she'll get the honor of standing next to me when I get married, having everyone in attendance know she rocks, and coming into the bathroom with me during the reception to hold my dress up while I pee.

I have always known that. I've never pictured her throwing any parties or handling any duties on top of it. Apparently, she *has* pictured that, though, because she mentioned it not too long ago. Haha.

I hope my waxing rhapsodic about my sister doesn't come across as lecturing you. Just throwing in my $0.02. I think you should pick the person who deserves the honor because she's your most trusted friend and because she has always been there for you. Don't forget, if you feel that way about both of these women and can't decide, you don't *have* to have a MOH.

calindi

I'm rather anti-BP.  It comes from being a flower girl and a junior bridesmaids at too many weddings as a child - I'm jaded.  I just don't see how it's an 'honor' to make your friends purchase clothing they wouldn't have bought for themselves, stand up in front of everyone during the ceremony, and be pressured (if not required) to host parties and spend money on presents.  Bah! 

And then, I also don't understand the need to 'honor' your friends at your wedding.  I throw my friends awesome birthday parties, and I'll be (bridesmaid or not) really involved in throwing showers and engagement parties and bachelorettes for my friends when it's their turn.  But I don't see the need for them to 'honor' me at their wedding, or vice versa.  Sorry, truly not trying to get on a soapbox, just expressing how I feel.  I'd be delighted if a friend wanted me to be a bridesmaid, but I honestly just don't care, and in general it's rather inconvenient and causes too much drama.

My brother will be my "Brother-of-Honor" and that's it.  And my FSIL asked yesterday if her daughter (who isn't born yet... she's due anyday!) could be our flower girl.  She'll only be 17 months, which is far too young to understand, but I said absolutely.  She'll be adorable, and if she can't make it down the aisle, her Mom can carry her.  On the groom's side, he'll either have 1 or 2 Best Men.  He's got two candidates, and I told him to pick them both if he wanted.  We've got at least a year before he'll ask either/both, though.  We'll see if anyone steps forward to host a shower or bachelorette, but I don't care.

Ember01

I've always said I didn't plan on picking a MOH because I love all my friends, and I don't want to honor one over another. I was thinking that I'd just split up the typical MOH "duties"... One will stand next to me during the ceremony, another will sign the marriage license, another will sit next to me during dinner, and the last one will give a toast. That way no one feels slighted.

I like being a BM... I know, weird, huh? I think it is fun to pick out a BM dress and get my hair and makeup done. I can't ever justify paying to get hair or makeup just to attend a wedding.

jeanacorina

Ember, you don't have to call anyone the MOH if you don't want to. Just have bridesmaids, and let them divvy up the party-throwing as they see fit. As I said before, the main coordinators for my bridal shower and bach party were my 2 local friends who weren't even in my wedding party. That was seriously sweet of them.

desertsun

My sister was my MOH and she didn't plan anything for me. One of my brothers stood up for me. (The other bro and his wife threw me a shower AND hosted the morning after brunch and did a reading for us, bless them). And my oldest friend stood up, too. But they were all OOT, so my in town friends just asked me what I wanted to do for a b-party and made it happen. Just do what works for you.

I will say that IME, the bigger the bridal party, the more complicated things like scheduling hair and makeup and finding attire that works for everyone become. At best it's more complicated and at worst, it's a lot more drama.

I think smaller is the way to go, personally. I don't really understand why people feel the need to have more than 2-4 people on each side, but then I'm the type to know a lot of people and get along with just about anyone, but only have a couple really close friends, so...whatever.

It's YOUR BP. Just think it through and do what works for you.

Elle1036

I already know who my MOH is going to be, and I've already told her (told, not asked. ha).  She's out of town and will essentially be able to do next to nothing as far as helping plan and stuff, but that's not the point of it to me.  She's my best friend and she's always been there when I needed her, so I want her to be there.  That's all the logic behind it that I need.

On another note, I've discovered that I have a problem.  Whenever I'm drunk and the wedding comes up, I ask people to be in it.  Something must be wrong with me.  haha.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thought-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a10975f6-d6f2-49ce-af8b-5a1b605911b5Post:ccb34937-0955-46ba-a97b-8c5895ae69b2">Re: Thought about a BP?</a>:
[QUOTE]I already know who my MOH is going to be, and I've already told her (told, not asked. ha).  She's out of town and will essentially be able to do next to nothing as far as helping plan and stuff, but that's not the point of it to me.  She's my best friend and she's always been there when I needed her, so I want her to be there.  That's all the logic behind it that I need. <strong>On another note, I've discovered that I have a problem.  Whenever I'm drunk and the wedding comes up, I ask people to be in it.  Something must be wrong with me.  haha.</strong>
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<div>Whenever I have homework (ie now), I formulate mental inspiration boards.  And am searching out venues.  Something must be wrong with both of us.</div>

[Deleted User]

After Joe and I started seriously talking about getting married (before we got engaged), I started thinking about who I would want to be in my BP.  There really was no choice for me for my MOH.  The woman I chose has been my best friend for 15 years.  She's different and so very special.  A lot of people at my wedding knew her and the fact that I chose her as my MOH made them cry as much as my getting married. 

You see, my MOH was diagnosed with leukemia when she was 4 years old.  She wasn't supposed to live.  they're still running tests on her 30+ years later to figure out why this miracle woman lived.  The treatments left her with some brain damage and most days she functions around a 12 year old, but can function anywhere between a 6-12 year old (or a 90 year old her mom says sometimes).  Her mom claims me as one of her own kids and knew that this was the closest she was going to get to having a child get married and did a lot to make my MOH feel even more special. 

I knew that my MOH wasn't going to be planning any parties on her own or anything like that...my other 3 BMs were all moms (one lived out of town), 1 was pregnant until 2 months before my wedding and another has an almost 1 year old and a 4 month old foster child...I didn't expect them to do anything except honor me with their friendship on my wedding day.  My mom helped me do a lot and I had a lot of people offer to help with anything during the planning process, so what I did was send out email invites to anyone who offered to help and let them know I was going to be doing "X" (for example, putting invites together, stuffing them, etc), if anyone wanted to come, they were welcome to.  There was no pressure on anyone and it was a lot of fun getting to spend time with good friends and family.

Pick the person who means the most to you, you'll be happy you did.

thejessy

I always decided I wasn't going to pick a MOH, and I still don't think I will... unless my bf really wants to have a BM.

When I think about who I'd put in my wedding party I seriously go insane, because there are people I was very close to and still keep in touch and then some newer friends I've clicked with but haven't known as long. I just hope that by the time I DO get married I can have an easier time to figure it out. :P

I was MOH for my bff.. only we don't speak very often anymore, but if I HAD to choose, I would choose her. I was also "MOH" for a high school friend's wedding, but I put it in quotations because she had a really spur of the moment, 2 weeks to plan wedding an I was basically her MOH.

Oh god to even think who I would put in my WP....if I had to choose RIGHT NOW depending on who I am closest to, it would be my friend from the UK that I've become besties with here in Dubai..

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thought-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a10975f6-d6f2-49ce-af8b-5a1b605911b5Post:cd410e53-a61b-4685-a390-819ad85e14b5">Re: Thought about a BP?</a>:
[QUOTE]Durnit. I thought this was going to be a post that would let me feed my inner BSC for a minute. ;-)<strong> Yes, I've thought about my BP, and I'm not afraid to say it.</strong> My sister will be my MOH when the time comes. She's always there for me, and I'm always there for her. She gets me. She keeps my secrets. She tolerates it when I'm a dork and when I mess up. She rocks, and that's why she'll get the honor of standing next to me when I get married, having everyone in attendance know she rocks, and coming into the bathroom with me during the reception to hold my dress up while I pee. I have always known that. I've never pictured her throwing any parties or handling any duties on top of it. Apparently, she *has* pictured that, though, because she mentioned it not too long ago. Haha. I hope my waxing rhapsodic about my sister doesn't come across as lecturing you. Just throwing in my $0.02. I think you should pick the person who deserves the honor because she's your most trusted friend and because she has always been there for you. Don't forget, if you feel that way about both of these women and can't decide, you don't *have* to have a MOH.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. My sister will be my MOH. I was hers, and her another one of her friends was her Matron of Honor. It worked well and I was just happy to stand next to her when she said I do. I probably wasn't the best MOH (I can be a little forgetful, and walking through a room to get her a drink or food was nearly impossible without getting stopped five times by relatives I hadn't seen in years). </div><div>
</div><div>My best friend of 26 years will be a BM, as will another friend of 7 years. The thing they all have in common is that they know almost everything about me. They've seen me at my best, they've seen me at my worst, and they still love me. They've never tried to change me, and they have all been there for me when I needed them.</div><div>
</div><div>All that to say - I think you should pick the person you are closest to, regardless of their organizational skills.

</div>

bsidebella

Picking my maid of honor was easy. She's one of my best friends; we've known each other since her freshman and my sophomore year of high school (almost 10 years, holy crap!).

My problem with my BP is that I have a very small group of friends and I don't want to hurt feelings. If I ask A, B and C to be in the party, would D be offended? I try to think, who am I closest to? What have I done with these girls that I wouldn't do with someone else? Which concerts did we go to, what adventures did we have?

I'm also having an issue with a friend from college who assumes she's going to be a bridesmaid (and even asked me if she could plan my bachelorette party). Truthfully, none of my other friends like her and she's never been the biggest supporter of my relationship. She calls FI "the idiot" (not to his face, but to me - "Why is the idiot calling you?" "Is it a message from the idiot?"). Whenever I mention the wedding (which isn't much at all), she gets very blasé and acts uninterested. It's mildly insulting and I know how she thinks she can get away with this and still expect to be a bridesmaid.

calindi

bside - I wonder why she thinks she can insult your FI and get away with it, let alone be a bridesmaid?  If one of my friends referred to my guy as "the idiot", they'd be corrected quickly, and if they continued, they wouldn't be a friend any longer.

Hazel_B

FI and I have spoken a bit about BPs. He has a bunch of guys that he wants to include. Honestly, I don't think that I want to choose and would be okay without a BP. I'd be perfectly happy having my sister and his sister be witnesses and be done with it.

The issue for me is that I have a sister, I have friends from my hometown, friends from university, friends where I currently live. All would fit the criteria for bridesmaids and it'd be hard to choose.

I'd go with your gut when choosing. You may be really close to someone, but if their lack of organization is going to stress you out maybe they aren't a good pick. You need to be happy while planning and happy with your choice afterwards too.

bsidebella

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thought-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a10975f6-d6f2-49ce-af8b-5a1b605911b5Post:f526532c-2aa0-4562-acec-eb5055548920">Re: Thought about a BP?</a>:
[QUOTE]bside - I wonder why she thinks she can insult your FI and get away with it, let alone be a bridesmaid?  If one of my friends referred to my guy as "the idiot", they'd be corrected quickly, and if they continued, they wouldn't be a friend any longer.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I know, I know. I've pretty much had it with her. It was kind of funny at first, but it's really starting to annoy me. Plus there are other things about her that I'm just done dealing with.

I just don't want her to be mad at me for not selecting her as a bridesmaid (because that's the type of people we are). I don't want <em>anyone</em> to be mad at me for not selecting them. The last thing I want is drama regarding my BP. </div>

Wrkn925

IF I had to pick my BP tomorrow....
My two sisters and two best friends would be BMs.  I couldn't pick a MOH.  I just want all BMs.

My sisters will make dress shopping and pictures hell, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

motoLyn

----->winning<----- MOH is my best friend we've known each other since Fifth grade and she's a very organized and planning kind of person.  She was a BM in two other weddings so I'm sure she has the whole process down pat.  The other two BMs are close friends, one is getting married this December and the other has been married for 7 years now.  All of them are organized peeps.  But the thing is I don't care for wedding parties and I'm letting each BM choose their own dress in the color of the wedding palette. 

I say that you go with the one that feels close to you regardless of organization.  All the BMs can chip in and help with the planning. 

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thought-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a10975f6-d6f2-49ce-af8b-5a1b605911b5Post:3290f550-ae37-4d0b-a13f-10e7baf67003">Re: Thought about a BP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thought about a BP? : I know, I know. I've pretty much had it with her. It was kind of funny at first, but it's really starting to annoy me. Plus there are other things about her that I'm just done dealing with. <strong>(1)
</strong>
I just don't want her to be mad at me for not selecting her as a bridesmaid (because that's the type of people we are). I don't want anyone to be mad at me for not selecting them. The last thing I want is drama regarding my BP.<strong> (2)
</strong>Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

1. I don't see how it's funny to call someone you love an idiot.  It's disrespectful.  I'd be pretty ticked if my guy found it funny if one of his friends called me an idiot.  Sometimes things look a little different when you consider them from the other person's standpoint - if I wouldn't want someone calling me an idiot, I'm not going to stand by and listen when someone calls someone I love an idiot.  You obviously can't change the past, but it's time you put your foot down on this one and stand up for the man you plan to marry.

2.  And that's one of my (many) reasons why I don't want a bridal party.  I've got close high school friends, close friends from working at summer camp, close friends from college, and friends now.  Plus I have 3 FSILs.  AHHHH!!!  I just don't even want to begin dealing with who I'd pick, so I'm picking nobody.  It just doesn't feel right to me.

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thought-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a10975f6-d6f2-49ce-af8b-5a1b605911b5Post:baa5ad14-6fe0-42eb-9e03-aa1cdaddaa66">Re: Thought about a BP?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thought about a BP? : 1. I don't see how it's funny to call someone you love an idiot.  It's disrespectful.  I'd be pretty ticked if my guy found it funny if one of his friends called me an idiot.  Sometimes things look a little different when you consider them from the other person's standpoint - if I wouldn't want someone calling me an idiot, I'm not going to stand by and listen when someone calls someone I love an idiot.  You obviously can't change the past, but it's time you put your foot down on this one and stand up for the man you plan to marry.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I think it was partially my fault. I called him an idiot in front of her, as a joke, like, "He has my schedule and knew I was in class and he called me anyway! What an idiot!" I'm pretty sure we've all made a reference like that. One of his friends called me a JAP (Jewish-American Princess) without even meeting me. It just happens. But she's taken it a little too far and it's p*ssing me off.

leia1979

I knew who I'd ask since before I got engaged, but I've also been friends with these ladies since junior high. My MOH is the one I'm closest to.

The awesome part is that we were all together in my BM's wedding party last year, and we collectively did a bit of work for that wedding.

I know some people don't like WP drama, but the only time I've been a BM, it was great fun. I'm hoping mine will be the same way.

I will add that I didn't ask anyone until after the date and location were set, so that was about 10 months out.

skyler1108

Honestly why do you only have to have one? Why don't you make them co-MOH. I am only have 3 BMs. My older sister will be my matron of honor since she is married. My younger sister will be my maid of honor and FI's sister will be my BM. As you can see I see nothing wrong with having 2 MOHs.

mellimel19

Don't worry about who's most organized, pick the person who's closest to you. When you're having some sort of crisis in the middle of the night, who do you call? When you have the most amazing news to share, who do you call? That should be the person you choose as your MOH.

I plan to have co-maids(matrons) of honor- my sister and my best friend. They are both sooo important to me that I want them both to have that honor. Picking my other BMs, however, is a little tricky for me. FI and I are both in the BP for his best friend's wedding this June. And I know his best friend will be one of the groomsman in our wedding. However, I don't feel particularly close to his fiancee, and probably won't ask her because I have other girls I've known much longer and am much closer to. But I know her feelings will be hurt, and I feel a little guilty because of that.

I have 3 other friends that I'd like to ask to be in my BP, but FI insists on even sides (despite me telling him numbers don't matter, AND showing him posts on the Knot about uneven sides), so I need to narrow it down to two and figured I'd ask the 3rd to do a reading. However, I feel a little bad because the girl I think would be great to do a reading, once mentioned that she'd like to be a bridesmaid. I'm just too big of a mush and feel guilty hurting anyone's feelings. Luckily our wedding is over a year out so I can keep avoiding the decision.... for now

calindi

I told (not asked) my brother yesterday that he'd be my "Brother-of-Honor".  He said, "Well duh.  If you had picked anyone else, there'd be a bridesmaid tackled so I could stand next to you!"  He then asked what color his dress would be.  Hehe, I adore him!

ETA:  We're holding off on the groomsmen for awhile as they're not family - it'll likely be 2 guys, both "Best Man".  Uneven sides, and all men.  Woot woot!  And one of the "Best Men" will likely be in uniform, while the other will be in a suit.  We'll have all kinds of uncoordinated and it'll be awesome!