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Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.

Andrew, his mom, and I were all supposed to go to a pancake breakfast this morning.

They ended up not wanting to go. I didn't realize until this morning how disappointed I was...and it took me even longer to realize that I'm so very sad because I miss my family like crazy today. This is the first of many holidays that I will be absent.

So this morning:

Me: I'm making a pancake. Would you like one?
Andrew: Sure
Me: I guess I didn't realize how much I wanted to go to that thing this morning. I'm feeling very sad this morning. I don't want to make my own pancake. I wanted to go to the pankcake breakfast.
Andrew: Do you want me to make your pancake?
Me: Don't bother. (This is that part where I want him to be out of a Danielle Steel novel and say, "Oh no- darling, I will make you a pancake, because I know it will make you feel better!)
Andrew: Fine. ::goes back to playing a videogame::

Ugh. I'm so dumb. And I ultimately go back and say..."Yes, yes...I want you to make the pancakes."

I know I need to change this dumb behavior, but please, please, plleeeaassseee tell me I'm not the only "dumb girl" that does this.
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Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.

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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    P.S. Like that old school AOL Instant Messenger coloring? I thought you would.
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    edited December 2011
    I would drag BF off by the ear and say, "We're going to the pancake breakfast."
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    edited December 2011
    Go back there with the spatula in your hand and say "yes I would like you to make pancakes for me and I would like the world's biggest hug to remind me that I made a good decision to move with you. I need extra TLC this morning"
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:9fdd0a89-6e2c-41bd-ac0b-2277901b8c87">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would drag BF off by the ear and say, "We're going to the pancake breakfast."
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]


    LIKE
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm a little annoyed at FI today, too.

    Stupid boys.
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    ravenrayravenray member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    There is still time!  Just go back and be like.  I am sorry I didn't tell you the first time.  I REALLY want to go to breakfast!  Lets go!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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    Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you are dumb. I know it takes me awhile to figure things out when I'm upset. As in I know I'm upset, but not sure if it is the little thing (in your case the pancake breakfast) that is bothering me or something bigger (your feeling homesick).

    For example, if you'd have known earlier that you'd be this disappointed I'm sure you may have insisted a little more about going to the breakfast. That being said, it is unfortunate he didn't put 2 and 2 together after your conversation and say lets go to the breakfast then instead of him playing video games.
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He ultimately ended up making pancakes- although I can't really taste it, because my nose is stuffed up from crying. St00pid.

    You're right, Hazel- if I knew how upset I would have been- Andrew totally would have gone.

    I'm actually really surprised with how I'm feeling this morning. I didn't know last night that I would be so very homesick.

    I think Andrew will give me a little more TLC today after he came up and found me snot nosed and red faced while texting my mom. Tongue out

    Andrew is a great guy...but he's still a guy. Guys are weird sometimes.
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    edited December 2011
    P.S. Yet again- you ladies are my most awesomest teddy bear.

    Does that make sense?
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh- And Andrew just brought me a cup of tea, which I didn't ask for, prod for, and cry for...

    Yay.
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    Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lunar - I'm sure he is a great guy. Maybe you need to have a chat about holidays with him. If this is how you are reacting about the 4th of July, and assuming this holiday isn't the biggest family holiday for your family, other holidays could be worse. If he knows this maybe he'll be able to be more sensitive ahead of time or atleast pick up on your being upset mroe quickly and knowing it is about being homesick. Might make things easier for both of you over the next year.
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh dude, I've so done that before. It's good you moved past it and told him what you really wanted. :)

    I'm sorry you're sad about not being with family. I know how that is. Boo.
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're not being dumb.  I do that sometimes too.  And I agree with everything Hazel said.

    I'm a little peeved (okay, maybe a lot) at FI today too.  Is there something in the 4th of July water?
    I french with my man
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:a7e64fb5-6320-4c7d-ab70-44b7383f4edb">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're not being dumb.  I do that sometimes too.  And I agree with everything Hazel said. I'm a little peeved (okay, maybe a lot) at FI today too. <strong> Is there something in the 4th of July water?</strong>
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Highly likely.  We haven't spoken more than a couple of words to each other since about 7 pm yesterday.  :-/
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:1fd61bb6-b223-41ae-b730-df2489bc9779">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl. : Highly likely.  We haven't spoken more than a couple of words to each other since about 7 pm yesterday.  :-/
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>*hugs*  We're fighting about sex.  :-/  And he just left without even giving me a kiss goodbye.</div>
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:169bf5d9-459b-43e9-b554-26c0f3f20bf6">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl. : *hugs*  We're fighting about sex.  :-/  <strong>And he just left without even giving me a kiss goodbye</strong>.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Sad.

    We're not fighting, exactly.  I'm just really irritated at him, and he knows it so he's staying out of the way.
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:3fe1cdb0-a105-427e-9f3a-3ed78e9cbbda">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl. : Sad. We're not fighting, exactly.  <strong>I'm just really irritated at him, and he knows it so he's staying out of the way.</strong>
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>That is a smart man.</div>
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Indeed.  But I'd prefer he just apologize and fix it.
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    edited December 2011
    You're not dumb at all, Lunar.

    Men just are not as good at picking up on our needs as we are on theirs. Maybe explain to him that this is your first holiday away from home, and would like to start new traditions with him. Maybe??? I hope I didn't miss the point.

    And I did enjoy the AIM reference :)
    5/27/12
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    Ollie08Ollie08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:b48334f7-61c6-4289-aabb-cadd13932aec">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry, Lunar.<strong> I do that more often than I probably should -- I really feel strongly about something, but I want HIM to know that and do what he needs to do to fix it. </strong>It's definitely a hard part of communication for a lot of couples, I think. I'm glad that he ended up making you pancakes and bringing you tea. Sounds like he may have gotten the message even though you didn't actually tell him. I second Hazel that you should have a talk with him at some point about holidays and with Nursey about letting him know you need a little TLC. Hugs. Elle and Peek, I hope that you guys start feeling better, too!
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    :-( Boo, sorry lunar. I can't imagine how tough it is, and I agree that it's one of those "am I really upset about this little thing? Or is there a bigger underlying issue?" And I am exactly like the bolded part by liv here. I'm actually a very outspoken person and I don't have a problem telling BF what's wrong, but I refuse to tell him what to do to fix it. And if he suggests it, I will say "no, that's alright" like you did, even if it's what I really want.

    And I absolutely adored the AIM reference :-)

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    edited December 2011
    So I'm not really bringing anything helpful to the thread because everything has really already been said BUT  I just wanted to say that I hope everyone starts feeling better so we can all have a wonderful 4th of July!

    Love Love Love (Beatles song currently playing in my head...random)
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    edited December 2011
    Aw I'm really sorry you're sad Lunar. 

    I get that way sometimes too, I spent Thanksgiving with DK and his family last year and I made all of the desert and bread all by myself the day before while he was at work.  After dinner I brought out the pie and no one touched it, not a single person even thanked me.  When we got back to his place later I told him that it made me feel bad and he said that he was sorry and that no one meant any harm.  It was then that I realized that my dad would have eaten the pie even if he didn't want to just to make me feel good and it made me wish I was at home not 100 miles away for the first major holiday that I traveled away by myself for. 

    It's a weird lonely kind of feeling I know, but I'm glad that we can be your teddy bear! 
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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    TALK TO EACH OTHER.

    Be open. Be honest. Don't ever expect another person to be a mind reader. It's completely unfair.

    The more you practice, the better you will get.

    But if you refuse to tell your SO (or anyone else you have a relationship with, for that matter) what you want, then you deserve to not get it.


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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Desert! 

    The more you wait for him to read your mind, the more upset your going to get when he doesn't.

    I have done this same exact thing, and when my BF finds out I'm pouting and waiting for him to do what I want, he kindly let's me know that when I can communicate with him I'll be able to get what I want. And this has made it SO much easier to be honest with him with how I'm feeling. 

    I hope everyone's day gets better! :)
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    edited December 2011
    Darn you, Desert.  My tinfoil hat must not be working.

    I will never understand the mentality of just hoping/wishing that a signficant other will just do what the other wants them to do.  No one is a mind reader.  And unless you make your wishes or wants known, you have zero right to get upset about them not being met.  I don't think of it as being a 'dumb girl.'  I look at it as a form of manipulation where the guy didn't have a chance to do the right thing but now has to pick up the pieces. 

    I get being upset and homesick.  However, he shouldn't have to pay for that.  I am making the assumption that you chose to move with him under your own free will.  With choices come consequences: positive, negative or otherwise.  One of those consequences is being farther away from your family.  This is one of those things that needs to be nipped in the butt before resentment grows, on both sides.  From his point of view, I can see it being hard to hear about how much you miss your family and to find you crying while texting your mom.  Personally, that would make me feel like the suck and make wonder why you even moved. 

     
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I appreciate everyone's advice.

    I apologized to Andrew before he even brought me tea- explaning to him that I was upset and it wasn't fair for me to "test" him in any way. I promised him to be more honest and up front with my emotions/desires/needs.

    I then shared a wonderful moment with Andrew's mom while baking cherry cheesecake bars- and Andrew and I just got back from the street fair.

    I hope everyone else's day is looking up too!

    P.S. And I don't regret my move, but I also don't regret being homesick for the very first time since I've moved here. I don't need to hide my feelings from Andrew so he doesn't feel "like the suck." He knows that moving away from my family, especially with my dad possibly also having cancer- is quite difficult. It's okay to feel what I'm feeling- as long as I don't take it out on others- and I as I mentioned- I apologized to Andrew as soon as I realized what I was feeling and what I was doing, which was a matter of 5 minutes.
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sparrow- YGPM....as soon as I write it. ;)
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    edited December 2011
    I am not saying that you do not have a right to your feelings.  However, your earlier posts portrayed a different picture than what you just posted.  It did portray you as taking your feelings out on others.  You are the one who characterized yourself as a "dumb girl."   

    I never said to hide your feelings.  I was just bringing up the other side.  I am all about sharing how one feels.  I am also all about looking at how those feelings can make someone else feel.  A relationship doesn't revolve around one person's feelings, which I know you know based on your last response. 

    And I am not the type to blame a man for not understanding what a woman wants when she did not tell him.  Personally, I think that there was too much of that in the responses on this thread.  It goes back to being adults and both people communicating their needs.

    I am truly glad that your day got better.

    P.S. I will say that part of my post had to do with my own frustration with the amount of validation I perceive on here these days.  Most of it having to do with how crappy men are and how they have done something wrong.  I keep trying to come back and contribute in a more positive way, and then I read the same drivel.  There isn't anything in the water. 
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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:5f0445b6-c21a-4ae6-ab69-94995e434cba">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE] keep trying to come back and contribute in a more positive way, and then I read the same drivel.  There isn't anything in the water. 
    Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

    Yes, Communication is a challenging thing sometimes. A big part of me sometimes wants Andrew to "know" how I am feeling. I feel especially comforted and cared for when he does things a bit out of the ordinary without being prompted. (I thinik the other PPs might feel this way, as well- based on their responses).

    Because shouldn't your partner want to comfort you without being asked? I go out of my way to bring him home "tokens of affection" (my love language), spend the weekends doing things he thinks are fun (his love language), consciously touching him, as I know it's important to him and I often express to him how much I care about him.

    Sometimes I think guys just aren't as attuned to those things as women are. At times,I wonder if I <em>always </em>tell him what I need to feel special/cared for/wanted- I'll never feel special. (And yes- I've communitcated this to him...which probably explains the following)

    So after apologizing and telling him I would work on my communication- he still brought me a cup of tea without any prompt- thus- making me feel very special and cared for.

    ETA: Oh- and I agree. There is nothing in the water- unless it's cruddy communication- which I'm working on.



    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-name-lunar-im-dumb-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a1c2a7d8-98ba-41d8-8622-ac135d980e5bPost:3496fe41-7c21-4945-98e0-87c81155f55c">Re: Hi, My Name is Lunar. And I'm a dumb girl.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I luff you lunar <3
    Posted by laurenb09[/QUOTE]

    You make me blush! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '86302b3f-7212-42c5-8b7a-d1fb209350d2', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/6/11/86302b3f-7212-42c5-8b7a-d1fb209350d2.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Lunar, I think it would help going forward to give Andrew the heads up that holidays are going to be tough on you. We didn't even move that far from my parents and the first set of holidays away was really tough. But once FI understood that, he gave me all the extra comforting I need.

    Just remember he's not a mind reader, and hints that seem really obvious to you might not be to him.
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