So, I can post here?

wedding91011bride

And do I have to lurk on all of the other forums or is this the only one? Are there any that I can post on right away?

SeaTea02

I recommend reading this:
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet

It has a lot of information about why some of the other girls responded in the way that they did. We have posters that sound like you all the time, so I can't tell you your actions aren't normal. I can tell you that they aren't healthy.

No one is offended, just bothered. Honestly, we don't want to see you make a mistake and no one on this board will encourage you if we think your actions will cause problems for you. We try to be level-headed and talk new posters off the ledge from doing something they might regret.

The biggest advice I have for you isn't about waiting longer to get married, or waiting to plan until you are engaged... my advice is don't marry someone expecting them to be different later on. The Nest is full of women posting about getting married in their 20s expecting their husbands to mature and after they had children and are in their 30s and 40s still haven't.

forthepocket

I have to agree with the other ladies. I know it can seem harsh advice but marriage is a huge deal. And you have the rest of your lives. You should enjoy dating each other and developing as a couple. When I look back at my relationship with my boyfriend when we were 6 months in and now its totally different. We have merged more fully into a united couple and our love is stronger than ever. Please don't cheat yourself out of having that before you make the decision to even get engaged! If you have wedding fever try to get into some other hobby that will take your mind off it till you can think clearly about the future. Good luck!

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:cd250b2a-4ae8-4079-a58a-f3cabd48bc54">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. Got it. Still not sure what lolcat is, but I understand the concept. So, if you guys don't think I should get married are you okay with me even lurking moar?
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

You don't know what an lolcat is?!?!  That's just tragic!  check out <a href="http://www.icanhascheezburger.com" rel="nofollow">www.icanhascheezburger.com</a> and thank me later.

We're definitely ok with you lurking around.  There are plenty of girls on this board who aren't quite ready (either in their lives or in their relationships) to get married, but they hang around on here because it's fun.  Just don't get carried away.

wedding91011bride

Thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate it.

CASK85

I think that people are saying you shouldn't be getting married any time soon. Like, not next year. Date your boyfriend for a few years -- there is no rush. Lurk so when you do post you can avoid sounding stupid. 

I will say that you seem receptive to the criticisms and advice (at least a little). . . listen to the women on here, they are wise. 

It is Sunday -- anyone else not have the energy for this?

bethsmiles

You should lurk before posting on any board.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:96e88f19-d79a-4f61-add5-a56e2edcb00d">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]I recommend reading this: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet</a> It has a lot of information about why some of the other girls responded in the way that they did. We have posters that sound like you all the time, so I can't tell you your actions aren't normal. I can tell you that they aren't healthy. <strong>No one is offended, just bothered. Honestly, we don't want to see you make a mistake and no one on this board will encourage you if we think your actions will cause problems for you. We try to be level-headed and talk new posters off the ledge from doing something they might regret.</strong> The biggest advice I have for you isn't about waiting longer to get married, or waiting to plan until you are engaged... my advice is don't marry someone expecting them to be different later on. The Nest is full of women posting about getting married in their 20s expecting their husbands to mature and after they had children and are in their 30s and 40s still haven't.
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

Sea is smart, even if she is a republican.

SeaTea02

I recommend lurking anywhere. Every board is different and has regulars. Chances are if you read around for a day or two someone else will ask a question you have and get the heat for it.

We had another poster talking about eloping after being with her BF for 6 months on Friday. You would have seen very similar responses.

And Beth, I don't think telling her to go away was appropriate.

wedding91011bride

Okay. I'll go lurk. Sounds creepy, but I'll take your word for it that it's important. Just don't call the police when you catch me in your bushes. Okay?

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:9cf0fb89-3a38-495e-a2e5-e7e3c3d6e23e">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I can post here? : Sea is smart, even if she is a republican.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
LOL ditto on both counts :) 

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:9cf0fb89-3a38-495e-a2e5-e7e3c3d6e23e">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I can post here? : Sea is smart because she is a republican.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

See, I knew what you really meant.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:2e37eaf1-a582-40ce-91ed-0e5f334c162b">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. I'll go lurk. Sounds creepy, but I'll take your word for it that it's important. :) Just don't call the police when you catch me in your bushes. Okay?
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

Deal.

I think I like you so far.  I'm glad you didn't throw a hissy fit when you got some snarky responses.  We get "omg you just don't understaaaaaand" all the time.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:5c0c8623-c569-4eca-bc0f-fc80dc88de47">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I can post here? : See, I knew what you really meant.
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

hahahahahaha!

wedding91011bride

No way. I appreciate honesty. I'd rather have up front opionons that may be harsh than fake nice ones that don't do me any good.

bethsmiles

Honestly after the ridiculous amounts of trolls on here lately I am really sick of it.

forthepocket

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:2e37eaf1-a582-40ce-91ed-0e5f334c162b">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. I'll go lurk. Sounds creepy, but I'll take your word for it that it's important. :) Just don't call the police when you catch me in your bushes. Okay?
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

lol its funny you say that because when I first heard about "lurking" on message forums years ago this is the image that came into my head. someone hiding in the bushes listening to conversations. I still get that image anytime someone says lurk.

SeaTea02

We can save the political hot box for another time, but I have my moderate positions. I am for gay marriage and abortion rights... That is just because I am not one of those contradicting republicans who shouts ECONOMIC FREEDOM and FREEDOM FROM GOVERNMENT OPPRESSION... except for you people over there.

But I do love my 2nd amendment and my death penalty..

wedding91011bride

Glad I'm not crazy for thinking that, even if I am a little crazy for trying to plan a non existent wedding.

Can I wear a cape while I lurk? I think cape lurking would make it more mysterious.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:dafa8dca-1617-404d-b7e5-4acdebcacac2">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]No way. I appreciate honesty. I'd rather have up front opionons that may be harsh than fake nice ones that don't do me any good.
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

Yes, no puppies and rainbows here. Okay sometimes, but not with things like this. These womens are smart,  thank you for being receptive to their advice.

SeaTea02

See, I knew you were nice 91011 (I feel like this is your James Bond name).

Thank you for taking what we had to say so well.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:2e37eaf1-a582-40ce-91ed-0e5f334c162b">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. I'll go lurk. Sounds creepy, but I'll take your word for it that it's important. :) Just don't call the police when you catch me in your bushes. Okay?
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

My first suggestion is to change your username. Then, come back and lurk... we don't mind lurkers, they don't make us wanna scream!

Besides what I've already said, my only other advice is... Don't ask anyone to be in your wedding party until it gets closer to the time you're getting married - like when you need to choose bridesmaid dresses. Things change and the worst feeling is wondering how you're going to explain to someone you've already told you want to be in your wedding party that, now, you dont want them anymore.

My BFF since I was 8 years old and I grew up assuming that we would be each other MOH but now, I refuse to be her MOH because I don't support her marrying the man she is marrying and I don't want her to be mine because I feel that she is not as good of a friend to me as I have been to her. Things change in life.

tafft1

There is so much wrong here but I am in a good mood so I will actually give my constructive advice/criticism.

The first red flag is that your BF's parents will "let him" . Just no. If he is still living at home and you are both not financially independent this is the first sign you are not ready. There is no shame or anything wrong with one or both of you living at home - but before you even consider getting engaged let alone married you should be on your own without any assistance to see the reality of how life WILL be seperate before you are together.

You are young but what concerns me the most is your rush. Are you in school/going to school ? Do you work full time ? Whats your living situation ? Do you own your own car - pay all your bills on your own ? Getting engaged/married does not magically validate your relationship nor does it change what you have between you or make it easier - as many people young and old find out the hard way.

6 months is normally a short time - granted I cannot be a hypocrite because of the fact only after 9 months we were engaged - but the difference is we had both been out on our own and working/paying bills and independent from any family or friends/roommates for some time and we both knew what we wanted in our 30's. For us age played a factor in a different way - we knew what we wanted for several years and had made strives in work areas and otherwise to ensure once we found the right person we could move forward. Just something to keep in mind and keep in perspective. It is unique to everyone of course.

Just really try to understand that the advice given no matter the attitude or tone is because there is something to it..and many of us have been there. Just take it slow..don't plan..day dreaming is fine , we all do it about life in general..just realize that your life starts now , not when you get married.

wedding91011bride

What's wrong with my username? Is it lame?

You're probably right about the bridesmaid thing. It was kind of one of those drunken "I love you so much right now" conversations that I sort of regret. She is my BFF and I can't imagine that changing, but you're right. You just never know what the future holds. Oh well. What's done is done. I could never disrespect her by pretending I didn't ask her.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:5e056875-1bfe-40b8-9e75-e096d9624c0f">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So, I can post here? : Yes, no puppies and rainbows here. Okay sometimes, but not with things like this. These womens are smart,  thank you for being receptive to their advice.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I happen to enjoy puppies and rainbows rather a lot.

My furbaby:


<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '240e59f6-c60d-4374-9e3f-8a6dd5e5a718', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/14/240e59f6-c60d-4374-9e3f-8a6dd5e5a718.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:37043ba5-8427-4f9d-8df1-17c249456020">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]. My furbaby:
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Aw! That's sho shweet! So cute that it's eyes are closed!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:3d2c1a52-73b0-4fa1-bd47-f7ccb30414cc">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's wrong with my username? Is it lame? You're probably right about the bridesmaid thing. It was kind of one of those drunken "I love you so much right now" conversations that I sort of regret. She is my BFF and I can't imagine that changing, but you're right. You just never know what the future holds. Oh well. What's done is done. I could never disrespect her by pretending I didn't ask her.
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

Your username is a misrepresentation... We've established the fact that you're not engaged and so your wedding date is not 9/10/11.

@ Elle - ZOMG! You're puppy is the cutest EVER! What kinda dog??

wedding91011bride

But it might be.

Elle1036

Aw, thanks.  He's a maltese/pomeranian mix.  In that picture, he's only about 4 months old.  He's 2 1/2 now, so he looks more like a dog and less like a polar bear now.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-post-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a391c2ea-d61d-4a50-8ed3-478c74a4ad28Post:a7d940dd-a3e1-4918-a0e1-81fe20d1a6e4">Re: So, I can post here?</a>:
[QUOTE]We will pay for it. Nothing fancy because we are young and don't make a lot of money. <u><strong>We've been together for 6 months.</strong></u>
Posted by wedding91011bride[/QUOTE]

 FFS. Slow the hell down. I'm on his parent's side.

But, seriously if he has to wait for parental approval HE isn't ready for marriage yet, as he is not an adult. Stop putting pressure on him. Relax.