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**

msjenna519msjenna519 member
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
edited September 2013 in Not Engaged Yet

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Re: **

  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it totally depends on your personal style....I have a habit of trying to soothe a situation IRL and online, while still telling the truth. However, I'm sure you've also noticed that some ladies here just say it like it is.

    I think both ways are effective.

    I also use a lot of emoticons (even at work sometimes)- to show that even if I'm being short- I'm not mad or upset...just trying to get to the point.
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I checked out the board that told you to come back here.  Looks like it was calindi who said it, based on an argument over on MB that OP was having with her regarding calindi's posts.

    Every board seems to have its own personality, some are more snarky than others.  I don't post on boards other than E and NEY.  

    In answer to your question OP, I usually wouldn't say anything online that I wouldn't say in RL.  I haven't met any knotties in RL (yet) but I wouldn't say anything on here that I wouldn't tell them (or others) in person.  Unless it was a vent about a family issue or something that I needed advice on.

    I'm not the most confrontational person either, so I don't always jump into the threads that have big arguments in them (like on E a lot of the time).  It is very difficult to read what a person is really saying just by looking at text as well.
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  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
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    edited September 2013

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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Some people do what happened in that thread - bring up old conversations that other knotties had to try to validate their own arguments, explain them, etc.  A lot of people do it, especially when girls come on this board pre-planning a wedding.  I've seen it a lot around this board, but maybe MB doesn't do that a lot (I've never been over there other than when a link is provided).  I read the comments and it sounds like your comments were taken as a "personal attack" (I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with this).

    Personally I wouldn't have brought it up.  I've never really interacted with calindi since she doesn't post over here anymore, but I read a lot of her posts back when I was lurking.  But I'm not going to start picking sides in an argument that I wasn't even aware of until you posted this thread.  

    What's done is done, and if you feel bad about it you could apologize.  I'd recommend you lurk more around boards you want to post to get a feel for how they run, but as you mentioned you already lurk a lot that won't really help.  Just be prepared that this is the internet, and a lot of different people interact here.  Not everyone will share your opinions or like the way you say things.  
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sometimes Cate can really rub me the wrong way. She can be really abrasive at times. Besides- I felt like her original comment to that girl about her car seemed like a person attack to me...

    ::sigh::
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with Lunar based on past comments I've read, but again as I wasn't posting when she was around here a lot I can't really judge.

    After I read what happened in that DB thread though I did feel bad for her/paranoid about putting up pictures in the future.
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  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited September 2013

     
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:058e1819-8663-484b-b9cb-47bc3a309ecf">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes Cate can really rub me the wrong way. She can be really abrasive at times.
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    I'm amazed it took people this long to figure that one out... :)

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  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited September 2013
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  • sparkles88sparkles88 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I voice my opinion more IRL than I do online. I will be honest, but I'm also known for being a pretty nice person IRL. For example, I have a friend who has been dating a guy for a long time. He doesn't treat her very well, and I think his attitude contributes to a lot of her emotional stress. I say something like, "It seems like Steve's behavior is causing a lot of stress for you. Don't you think you would be happier without him? I think you should consider that possibility." versus "Steve is an a$$wipe. DTMFA," even though I might be thinking that.

    Online, I typically don't even bother to reply. Usually another poster expresses what I wanted to say before I could get to it. I'm the slowest typer ever, haha. Why flog a dead horse? And a lot of times I don't think it's worth posting, either, because the OP just gets headstrong and refuses to listen. I don't want to waste my time on someone from the internet.

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  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited September 2013
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  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, don't freak about what cate said.
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  • TheMutleysTheMutleys
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    The person who told you to go back to NEY was Cate.  Well, there ya go.  Consider the source.  She actually thinks that someone from NEY would take the time to track down her FI and email him pictures because of some minor drama. 

    Oh how I wish that her previous sn's posts were not erased when she was banned. 

    Those that have met me from NEY know that I am pretty much exactly like my posts on here.  I don't hold much back.  I am blunt, sarcastic and strong in my opinions.  Anything I post, I would say directly to someone's face.  I am as brutally honest with my best friends as I come across on here.  I also have a fierce loyalty and will fight to the end for those on my inner circle. 
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  • snorwo3snorwo3 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:4115288d-24f9-4224-bf38-39a0bbb1ef9d">Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yep that's right...I was told to come back over here. I post randomly here and MB because I'm not engaged but BF and I are both military. I honestly mostly lurk. I'm not looking for validation, or for anyone to take sides.  What I am looking for is advice on expressing your opinions online vs RL.  For the most part in RL, I'm very up front with people. If someone's says something that rubs me the wrong way, I will say something. My friends actually tell me that they go to me for advice because they know I will be straight forward even if it's not something they want to hear. That is pretty much how I handle online as well. I guess my problem online is some of the sincerity or tact gets lost in the translation... So are you more or less blunt when dealing with people in an online forum? Same as RL? Because you can't truly express emotion or see body language, do you tone it down a bit? Do you say things to someone online that you wouldn't say to someone's face? Also, I mostly lurk and only pop in when it really bothers me but I do remember when someone acts crazy. Sometimes I can help but notice a pattern in their behavior. Any one else like this? 
    Posted by msjenna519[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Depends on where I am. Generally, I try to be less blunt because, as evidenced in the thread from earlier, sometimes being completely honest carries a different tone online than it does IRL. When I'm trying to talk with a friend or even post on a forum, I like to make smilies and "lols" to show that I am speaking light-heartedly and not meant to be rude. </div><div>
    </div><div>Hell, I just made a post a few minutes ago that was heartfelt and honest, but when I went back and read it I noticed it will probably be taken the wrong way. The internet is a great thing, but works against us like that sometimes. My BF travels around the country for his job, so we do a lot of communicating online. Sometimes when we're talking online, he takes what I'm saying the wrong way because it's not in person for him to feel my tone. Sucks, but that's the internet.</div><div>
    </div><div>I am NEVER a troll, so you can count me out of the "saying things online you wouldn't say to someone's face" tally. I hate arguing so trollers annoy me. Doesn't seem to be too many around here :) Overall, you can definitely say that I try to be a little more precise and watered-down online because when I'm not, I'm misunderstood and that can lead to DRAMAAA. Of course, things will always happen as long as you communicate on the internet no matter what you aim for.

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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm nosy enough to want to see that post.  And I can't find it.  

    Honestly, I don't like Cate.  I haven't since she flat out told me that I had no business being engaged, much less planning a wedding.  I wouldn't worry too much about what she says though.  I vote you go back over to MB and tell her to back the fuuck off and leave you alone.

    I'm pretty much the same here as I am IRL.  If you're being ridiculous, I'll tell you.  Remember, I got us all reported because of that stupid FutureMrswhoeverthefuckshewas?  Apparently because I'm malicious and all.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Yaga, she's not engaged.  And with any luck, she never will be.  I really hope she doesn't reproduce.
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:74679081-3320-4d65-a06e-5e1bc6972369">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm nosy enough to want to see that post.  And I can't find it.   <strong>Honestly, I don't like Cate.  I haven't since she flat out told me that I had no business being engaged, much less planning a wedding. </strong> I wouldn't worry too much about what she says though.  I vote you go back over to MB and tell her to back the fuuck off and leave you alone. I'm pretty much the same here as I am IRL.  If you're being ridiculous, I'll tell you.  Remember, I got us all reported because of that stupid FutureMrswhoeverthefuckshewas?  Apparently because I'm malicious and all.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>When did that happen?  I missed it.

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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:a14868b2-295b-44e5-8ebc-a08c0f71a525">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Told to go back to NEY : When did that happen?  I missed it.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>After FI and I had that ginormous blow up fight.  And then decided we were going to work through things and work on our communication.  When I updated with our decisions, she basically told me I had no business even thinking about venues.</div>
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  • snorwo3snorwo3 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:1b61d625-bc8b-4c41-9657-0b4b2c9f0360">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Told to go back to NEY : After FI and I had that ginormous blow up fight.  And then decided we were going to work through things and work on our communication.  When I updated with our decisions, she basically told me I had no business even thinking about venues.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>Woww. I'm new here, but that is <strong>way</strong> out of line. This is exactly why I am hesitant about sharing too much information here. I love the advice aspect, but sometimes an emotionally heated post can come off wrong. It's kinda like when we're kids and we learn not to tell mom when we fight with our best friend because mom will eventually not like her. Or as teens when we learn not to tell our best friend all the fights with our BF because she'll stop liking him with you.</div>
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:74679081-3320-4d65-a06e-5e1bc6972369">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm nosy enough to want to see that post.  And I can't find it.   Honestly, I don't like Cate.  I haven't since she flat out told me that I had no business being engaged, much less planning a wedding.  I wouldn't worry too much about what she says though.  I vote you go back over to MB and tell her to back the fuuck off and leave you alone. I'm pretty much the same here as I am IRL.  If you're being ridiculous, I'll tell you.  Remember, I got us all reported because of that stupid FutureMrswhoeverthefuckshewas?  Apparently because I'm malicious and all.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha the whole reported because of that issue just made me laugh.  I haven't seen her since since I'm usually only ever on E and NEY, but I wonder if she'll pop back here once shes "officially engaged".

    And I never saw the whole thread about Cate telling you off but that is not cool.  I would have been really piissed if I'd seen that.</div>
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:1b61d625-bc8b-4c41-9657-0b4b2c9f0360">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Told to go back to NEY : After FI and I had that ginormous blow up fight.  And then decided we were going to work through things and work on our communication.  When I updated with our decisions, she basically told me I had no business even thinking about venues.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Ah, ok.

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  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited September 2013
    <blockquote class="Quote"><div class="QuoteText">
    </div></blockquote>
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:4c389959-e2eb-46db-a300-c5d181bb5efd">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cate's a bitch.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

    Haha.  My guess is that GPB is just as blunt IRL as she is here.

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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:346ea7ab-ea80-4e1c-bc46-4ae445f19457">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Told to go back to NEY : Haha.  My guess is that GPB is just as blunt IRL as she is here. <3
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    Generally. :)
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think I'm pretty much the same. I might be slightly harsher here, just b/c people can't see my expressions. I've been told I have an expressive face. You girls haven't seen my "Are you fvcking kidding me right now?" face. :)




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  • NurseyKNurseyK
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Jenna... I think you were totally ok with everything you said (although, halfway through page 2 I started speed-skimming)....

    I can be pretty blunt in person, like I am on here. But there are some days, like today, where I just don't talk as much. I'm here though, in spirit, actively listening.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:4c389959-e2eb-46db-a300-c5d181bb5efd">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cate's a bitch.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>oh em geez, GPB, way to totally blow things out of proportion. You are so very sad and juvenile.</div><div>
    </div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_nwr-car?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a79d67aa-e167-4098-82d7-571727cfc863Post:7646fc71-8853-42f3-a255-baad05128bd8">Re: NWR My car</a>:
    [QUOTE]Goldlie, I want an update on your wedding!!!  Did you AW somewhere?  Thanks for the morale support, also.  I know msjenna went running back to NEY to rally the troops to come lynch me, but I'm glad it brought you over!  <strong>So sad and juvenile, which is why I don't post there anymore.  Things seem to get blown out of proportion soooo easily.</strong>
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
    </div></span></div><div>
    </div><div>*snort*</div><div>
    </div><div>I particularly liked that part. You know, I tried to see things from that girl's perspective and be fair and honest with her. I've repeatedly defended her (to a certain extent) not only on NEY but off the board as well. And then for her to bad mouth the entire board to another board just pisses me off. </div><div>
    </div><div>SHE is the one who posted here for over a year.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, for her to go after someone else about name brands is ridiculous. The girl spends hundreds of dollars on Trish McEvoy products for her face.</div><div>
    </div><div>
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To answer your original question, OP, I'm probably nicer on TK than IRL by just a bit. At least, I try hard to be. It's simply because I know on the internet, things can so easily be taken the wrong way. I like to try to make sure my intent to be kind and offer whatever input I can comes across. I will sometimes get a bit snarky when someone I care about is attacked or treated unfairly, though.

    Generally, I think most people who know me on NEY and IRL would agree that I'm a kind person who seeks to avoid offending others. (I'm sure there have been instances where I slipped up, but hey, I'm human.) If I read something and the only reaction I can come up with is a negative or mean one, I usually don't post a response to it at all. So there you have my MO for your survey. :)

    As for the rest of the stuff on this thread...I'm just going to opt not to weigh in right now.
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  • firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Hey Jenna- You have a pm from another MB person (ie me hah)
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  • mymissingpuzzlepiecemymissingpuzzlepiece
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_told-back-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa6c3668-6ab8-4095-ab09-2a9b334d946cPost:0a386623-390b-42ad-9cf0-df55ae87a4fe">Re: Told to go back to NEY</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yaga, she's not engaged.  And with any luck, she never will be.  I really hope she doesn't reproduce.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL this girl will never get engaged. </div>
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