Diamond or Different?

summerrose1987

Hey girlies,

What kind of engagement ring do YOU want?

Would you consider alternative stones/gems, rather than a diamond?  If so, what kind of stones/gems are you considering?

If you do want a diamond, what're your thoughts on Blood Diamonds?  Do you care one way or another?

What're your thoughts on Moissanite engagement rings?

My friend's ER is Moissanite and she loves it; I think I do too!  BF and I are still discussing stone/gem choice.

sapphirebaby926

I have a sapphire and it's exactly what I wanted - I have my issues with the diamond industry (blood diamonds, diamonds are overpriced) and I don't particularly like diamonds anyway. I find that colored stones are prettier IMO.

If you are looking at clear stones that aren't diamonds moissanite is a great choice - they are beautiful.

AudgiePodge

I wanted something different besides just diamond. I love purple, so we decided on a rhodolite garnet for the main stone of the e-ring and also for the stones on the wedding band. I love it.

desertsun

Wait, I'm confused. You have a ticker, so does that mean you're engaged and shopping for a ring together post-proposal? But you said BF. So...?

You could go try things on so you can get an idea of what you like best on your hand. Something that's pretty in a picture or on someone else might not look as good on you.

bethsmiles

I want a sapphire engagement ring. I've never wanted a diamond. I used to want an aquamarine or emerald but I've since learned that they aren't as hard of a stone so they would scratch much easier and not last as long. I'd be fine with having diamond accents on my ring but I really don't want a diamond as the main stone on my ring.

BF is fully aware of this and I trust that he knows what I like so I'm letting him pick out the ring all on his own. I'm excited to see what he picks

Hazel_B

I would really love a pearl ring, but that is a definite no considering how delicate pearls are. It just wouldn't stand up.

It is a big part of culture around me to NOT have an engagement ring and just have a wedding band. I lean more and more towards that all the time, but BF says it would poorly reflect on him, so he isn't in agreement.

loves2shop4shoes

BF already bought my engagement ring; now I'm just waiting for the proposal.

He bought it with me because I'm so picky.  Haha.  I think it's beautiful.  My future ring has a 1 carat cushion cut center stone.  It is set in a band with around 0.7 channel set diamonds all the way around.  The cool part of the setting is that there are diamonds from all angles of the band, not just the front.  I think it's timeless and elegant.  I actually looked at rings for a while with BF and the cushion cut was the ONLY cut I liked on my hand.  Round was too classic, square made my fingers look fat, etc.

I guess I'm sort of traditional in that I have always wanted a diamond.  I have a lot of other jewelry with aquamarine, sapphires, and tanzanite and they are BEAUTIFUL stones, but when I think of engagement ring, I think of diamond.  While I hope that no one had to suffer in any way while mining my diamond, I kind of feel like you'll never REALLY know one way or the other, so it's not something that I was actively seeking out when looking for one.

As for moissanite, I've never seen it in person, but it looks beautiful in picutes.

bsidebella

I actually had to look up what a Moissanite was >_<

If price were no option and I could take my pick, I would want either onyx or jade, maybe with some very small accent diamonds to make it sparkle, with a white gold or sterling silver setting. I love jade because of its color and symbolism, and onyx is just cool.

heyimbren

I like the "traditional" aspect of a diamond as well, but I know that isn't really a longstanding tradition either.

So, assuming we're dreaming here, I would love a diamond. But I hate the idea of conflict diamonds, so until I've done enough research to feel satisfied with it, the best thing I've found so far is to make sure the diamond is with the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme.

Also, I highly prefer white gold or platinum (!). But that has nothing to do with the stone :P just my dream ring.

I don't think I've ever seen a Moisannite engagement ring IRL. I don't think I'd want one for myself, but I think that's a personal decision for other people as well.

dwest2201

I was all for a moissanite ring, FI knew I thought that it was a good option as they are beautiful and less expensive.  He said he wanted to pick something himself and I trusted him.   He did great, my e-ring is a beautiful 3 (round) stone ring and I LOVE it! 

mellimel19

I've entertained the thought of a different colored stone, and would definitely be open to it, but BF says that he wants to be traditional and get me a diamond (which I thought was funny because he's not usually concerned with tradition). Since I don't feel strongly about it either way, I've decided to let him do his thing- I think its nice that he has opinions on what he wants my ring to look like, instead of me just pointing to a ring and him paying for it. It makes me feel more like we're choosing it together

But then wouldn't you know, about 2 weeks later, he asks me, would you want a different colored stone? I told him he was driving me nuts and that he would just have to decide on the stone himself :P

jeanacorina

My ring is a diamond, but I would have been totally fine with getting a Moissanite. We researched them a lot, and I think they're beautiful, but DH is pretty traditional, so he chose a diamond.

Moissanite is GREAT- but if that's the route you go, please don't try to pass it off as a diamond. It's NOT a "fake diamond." It is a completely different stone with its own properties and interesting history. I would have been proud to wear a moissanite... but then, I'm a little quirky.

GreenPepperBurger

I told BF that I really had no preference on the stone of the e-ring, but he is set on buying a diamond. I do think that diamonds are more "traditional" but whatever stone the ring is, I will love it. I also have no problem with moissanite - I think it's beautiful.

The only thing I'm particular about is the setting - I definitely prefer white gold over yellow gold (and platnium is too expensive to be worth it for me), and I really love the way pave set rings look. As for the center stone, I prefer squarer cuts - princess, cushion, radiant - but this is just a personal preference.

PaigeMcC

I really didn't have too much of a preference on stones for my ring.  I told him I would like a diamond, mossanite or my birthstone, preferably but ultimately the decision was his.  FBD (aka FI) is pretty traditional so he went with a beautiful three stone diamond for my e-ring.  I LOVE it.  It's PERFECT.  

Just remember - no matter what he gets you, you'll love it because it's from him;)

BCRockies

I prefer gemstones over diamonds. BF knows this but when it comes time to buy the ring, it will be a surprise as he wants to do it on his own. I know I will love whatever he gets me.

Ideally, I would love a ring with aquamarine as it's both of our birthstone. But I also like blue topaz and morganite.

I've only looked at moissanite online but would love to see it in person. It looks like an amazing alternative to a diamond.

Narwhal

I thought BF had his heart set on getting me a diamond too, until I explained to him (and he was ready to listen. ) that it's a mostly american tradition and it isn't long standing.  And I kept telling him how uncomfortable I would be if he bought me a diamond.  I want a sapphire if he gets me a new ring, but we are also considering an heirloom ring. 

I know girls say this all the time, but really going to try things on changes your mind completely.  I thought I wanted a ruby, with a round cut on a really skinny band.  Turns out I prefer sapphires in a square cut on a split shank (or just a thicker band).  I also thought I would like diamonds more than I do.  Colorless stones just don't look as good on me. I still would love an heirloom diamond though.  The story and symbolism means much more than the actual stone. 

[sidenote: the argument with BF's mom about Nan's engagement ring has started again, just fyi]

The kimberly process isn't as set as I want it to be, so I would be very uncomfortable with a diamond that is bought new.  It's easy for things to be smuggled.  I would even prefer my sapphire to be lab created so I know for sure that it is completely ethical... and they're prettier that way, imo.

I had to lecture one of the girls at the jeweler once because I asked where one of the rubies came from, and she said "No need to worry, it came from Thailand."  The problem with rubies, are that most of them come from Burma.  There is an embargo on precious stones from Burma because of their mining practices.  The solution of this is that they are smuggled into Thailand and then said to come from there.

I liked moissanite for a long time, but like Jeana said, don't try to pass it off as a diamond.  It's beautiful and extremely sparkely.  It's very cost effective, but make sure you buy from a reputable place.  If you go through moissaniteco.com,  there's an option to get the stone treated to enhance it, which makes it even more beautiful, imo.

[Deleted User]

My ring is a heart-shaped ruby in the center and 3 round "diamonds" in a triangle formation on both sides going down the band...my band is sterling silver.  When you look at it from the front or back, it looks like a crown - very vintage looking.  My mom told me that she knows the diamonds aren't "real", I really have no idea what they are, because I do not care. 

FI knew that I didn't have to have a ring, but he told me that it was important to him that I have one.  He researched my ring, saw it online then went to the store to see it in person, then went home and did some more research.  He chose the sterling silver because it is not made with nickel (I'm allergic to nickel) and chose the heart because I would always have his heart with me - ruby is my birthstone. 

It's not something I would have picked out on my own, but as someone else said, I love it because it's what FI chose for me and that means more to me than anything else.

catemeg

If "blood diamonds" are a concern, then certainly you should consider an heirloom ring.  If you don't have a ring in your family, a pawn shop usually will have previously owned rings.  At least you don't have to worry about furthering the blood diamond trade and encouraging bad practices if it's a diamond that has been in existence for years.

I honestly never thought about anything except a diamond, but my center stone is from my great-grandma's ring, so that means so much to me.  I honestly wouldn't have cared if I didn't have an engagement ring at all.  My family is Irish, and I have a claddaugh ring that I wear on my right hand.  I would have transferred that to my left hand as an engagement ring, as is traditional with many Irish families.

StarGazingHiker

Best advice is like everyone has said... go try them on. When we first started discussing rings, we went and tried on so many different ones, but it was helpful because I had it in my mind that I wanted a princess cut diamond with a gold band. After trying on hundreds of thousands... kidding, but only kind of.... we found that a round cut and a platinum/white gold band looks best on my little fingers... So, he now knows that I like a round cut with a platinum band.

We've discussed alternatives to diamonds, but he has his mind set on a diamond, but honestly whatever he decides will be perfect!

musikbx

I am pretty adamant about getting a fair-trade, conflict free stone.

To be honest, I don't really trust the Kimberly Process 100%. There are always loopholes to be found, and you never really know with such things. Even if the diamonds are not being used to fuel a conflict, I tend to wonder about the working conditions of the miners.

I think the idea of getting a vintage or heirloom ring is great, I just have yet to find a ring that fits my personal style. Stylistically, I tend to prefer things that are modern looking.

So far, the only places I've found that deal with new, conflict-free, fair trade rings are Brilliant Earth and Green Karat. I have also found a few independent jewelry stores (FairTradeGems.com, click on "Retailers")  as well as a few designers on Esty that deal with fair-trade stones.

thegirlonthebike

DF and I are going to do a turquoise or opal or some other type of Southwestern semi-precious stone. But I'm not sure what yet because he wants to surprise me.

But, we have several reasons for that: we can do something vintage with a history; another big reason is that we were also worried about conflict diamonds, etc., so we talked to the jeweler about it. He has a source for Canadian-mined diamonds, but they are more expensive, naturally, thus we can't really afford the ring we want right now.

I love vintage Mexican/American Indian jewelry, so we're going to do that for an engagement ring and maybe get a diamond for our 5-year anny, but who knows, by then, we might not care to.

missescool08

I want (and am getting!) an Asha Diamond. Asha's are cz with a crushed diamond coating and a protective layer. These layers fuse into the actual stone so they never come off. There is a lifetime warrenty that the ring will never get cloudy, ect.

I absolutley DO NOT want a diamond. I would be really hurt if SO got me one, he knows my feelings and I know he wouldn't ever get a diamond. The blood diamond issue is one that bothers me. But even more than that, I don't want to support the crazy diamond industry anymore than I have to. I want a big ole rock and I think its dumb to pay a fortune for well....a rock! Diamonds really aren't rare at all.

I like moissanite a lot, however moissanite has a LOT of fire, and I am not a big fan of fire personally. I much prefer the "steely" look of the asha! Honestly, anyone who gets a BIG ring or pays I fortune I have to wonder if they are crazy!

leia1979

I'd really like a moissanite. I think the fact that it's a silicon carbide gemstone is pretty cool, and you get a durable, sparkly, clear stone for a lot less money than a diamond. BF, however, seems to be convinced that he has to buy me some expensive diamond and platinum thing to prove his worth. I really don't want him spending too much money, but he's stubborn and is going to do whatever he's going to do.

I actually really like opals, but I know they're not durable enough, so I'd like something colorless, durable, and not too big.

summerrose1987

Wow, you ladies are very helpful!

(As for the confusion... we have a date set in the future, obviously, but he hasn't popped the question just yet.  We are ring shopping a bit and wedding planning and most definitely SAVING UP for the wedding costs and moving costs!)

On the topic of bands, I am a HUGE fan of silver; the majority of my jewelry is silver.  It's cheaper, harder and IMO prettier than any other metal.  I'd love a silver band, but jewelers, thus far, have scoffed at the idea  I really like bands with floral, vine-like detailing especially with a three stone setting or with a center stone set off by the three stone clusters on each side.  Of course, BF and I have to do more trying on to see which styles really look best.

Our first time out, we found an amazing band, but I don't want a diamond and the jeweler didn't sell bands only.  FMIL says shopping in the LA jewelry district is the best bet to get good prices and great products.  We could possibly even get a band designed and have a loose stone placed, once we decide on that.

With all this talk of colored center stones, now I kind of want to see how they may look on my hand!  I never considered a color before, because I thought it'd be too limiting.  Do any of you ladies with a colored stone find this to be an issue?

Did any of you go ring trying by yourself to figure out what you might want?  The first time BF and I went, it was my very first time going ring trying and I was so nervous.  I'm pretty sure my face was flushed the entire time and my hands were definitely shaking, which didn't make the jeweler comfortable with placing .5 carat diamonds on my hand!

I never thought about heirloom rings!  That is such a great idea; I'll have to talk to BF about it!  As for now, I'm going to look for them online

catemeg

Yes, the first time I tried on rings, I was shaking and flushed and barely remember it.  We've gone a few times, and it gets easier!

Silver tarnishes really easily, plus it's a fragile metal, which is why they're steering you away from it.  You'll end up with a tarnished ring and stones that will likely fall out.  Not what you want!  Have you looked at palladium?  Has a lot of the same properties as silver, but nearly indestructible and won't tarnish as easily.

http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engagement-rings/articles/engagement-ring-metal-types.aspx

Yes, sometimes it is easiest to buy the diamond and the setting separately.  Because I already have an heirloom diamond, we're just buying the setting.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_diamond-different?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:aa79afef-d5cd-4333-b31d-f10644117edaPost:33db5e11-055e-4730-975b-d37e357d0220">Re: Diamond or Different?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, you ladies are very helpful! (As for the confusion... we have a date set in the future, obviously, but he hasn't popped the question just yet.  We are ring shopping a bit and wedding planning and most definitely SAVING UP for the wedding costs and moving costs!) On the topic of bands, I am a HUGE fan of silver; the majority of my jewelry is silver.  It's cheaper, harder and IMO prettier than any other metal. <strong> I'd love a silver band, but jewelers, thus far, have scoffed at the idea </strong>:(  I really like bands with floral, vine-like detailing especially with a three stone setting or with a center stone set off by the three stone clusters on each side.  Of course, BF and I have to do more trying on to see which styles really look best. Our first time out, we found an amazing band, but I don't want a diamond and the jeweler didn't sell bands only.  FMIL says shopping in the LA jewelry district is the best bet to get good prices and great products.  We could possibly even get a band designed and have a loose stone placed, once we decide on that. With all this talk of colored center stones, now I kind of want to see how they may look on my hand!  I never considered a color before, because I thought it'd be too limiting.  Do any of you ladies with a colored stone find this to be an issue? Did any of you go ring trying by yourself to figure out what you might want?  The first time BF and I went, it was my very first time going ring trying and I was so nervous.  I'm pretty sure my face was flushed the entire time and my hands were definitely shaking, which didn't make the jeweler comfortable with placing .5 carat diamonds on my hand! I never thought about heirloom rings!  That is such a great idea; I'll have to talk to BF about it!  As for now, I'm going to look for them online :D
Posted by summerrose1987[/QUOTE]

Thank you for coming back and answering questions.

I've always been told that gold and platinum are preferred for fine jewelry because they are more durable. Maybe the jewelers have your best interest in mind in trying to persuade you to not go with a silver band.

Many local jewelers can order semi-mounts for you and will set your stone for you, even if you didn't buy the stone with them. It's best of course to have the stone first and bring it with you when you shop. Maybe visit a few, find one you're comfortable with before you do that.

sapphirebaby926

If you're wanting a silver colored band I'd go with white gold or palladium myself - I think that silver is not a good metal for fine jewellery which is probably why they are steering you away from it.

As far as limited are you referring to what kind of design you can get?  If so, then no I did not feel limited by getting a sapphire rather than a diamond - we picked out a setting we liked together and bought the stone seperately. We were able to get exactly what we wanted by doing that.

summerrose1987

I am fairly certain we're going to go with white gold, which is fine as long as it's not too soft.  I've had that problem in the past with white gold bending

By limited I mean more like what you can wear the ring with.  I suppose it doesn't matter but I'm a bit OCD in the matching realm sometimes, which honestly is a giant pain in the butt.

I am going to try rings by myself today, jut to get better ideas as to what looks right on my hand and such

sapphirebaby926

I wear my ring everyday - it doesn't even cross my mind that it may not match what I'm wearing so I don't feel limited that way either. It's just not something that bothers me personally.

Bec20

For the better part of a year, BF has known that I want a cushion cut moissanite as my centre stone in my engagement ring.  I do realize that my shape preference may change when I go and try on rings, but I'm pretty adament about getting a moissanite instad of an over-priced diamond.

Narwhal

When one of the ladies at the jewelry store (I will NOT call her a jeweler) found out I was considering the sapphire ring I had on my hand for a wedding ring, she was like "uhhh what if it doesn't match what you're wearing?"  I consider jewelry stones like blue jeans.  No, blue doesnt match with everything, but your marriage jewelry is a staple and will "go" with whatever you wear.

I did go look at some rings with a friend of mine the day after BF and I went shopping ourselves.  We happened to be at the mall and went in and tried some on, but I felt kind of.. dirty doing that without him.  The first time I tried some on, I was shaking a lot too, but then after a few I got more confident with it.

The important thing to remember if you're choosing a nondiamond is that you have to own it.  Some people will make rude comments, even at jewelry stores where they're trying to make a sale.  One lady made me feel like a cheap date because I told her I didn't like diamonds.

BF had a good comment to the "I bet you just haven't found the right diamond..." line.  He said "No, she's trying to find out what she likes.  She will get what she wants, not something someone has to convince her to like."