Not Engaged Yet

Update on the genetically crazy

Yep, crazy must be genetic.

It was bugging me after work, so I called her to reconcile and mend things. Well I tried. I tried asking her is this a good time, if not call me later.. what's wrong... how are you. I got nothing but condescending tones. (Example: Her saying to me "your young, immature, and childish. You better listen to me!) WTF. Sigh. Can I elope. Oh wait.. it gets better.

She is pissed because her 14 yr old son isn't a groomsman and that I should convince Greg to make him one. She is pissed that she has to spend all this money to fly out, rent a hotel, rent a suit/tux for her teenager just for him to be an usher? Scuse me... but last I checked FIs get to decide their party, not manipulative Aunties. Scuse me... you don't have to come at all if you can't afford it.

The best part? Auntie saying "well your mom said that if I don't make up my mind by July that you will give our seats away to Greg's family" WTF!!! Either my mom turned me into a bridezilla or my aunt made that up. Either way, it's not true. And when I tried to tell her it wasn't true, she called me childish and wouldn't let me finish a sentence.

Scuse me.... she is the one who has told me every year that I have to involve her children in the wedding or else. I'm trying to involve them, but it's not my fault that her kids were getting older when I met Greg!

She is upset with me for other things because I came across as brash in my long email... yet she still won't tell me what upsets her so.

Even though she denied it when I asked her if she was upset that I called her children/minors/underage people "kids" she called me petty. WTFBBQ?


YA KNOW WHAT... Not a fck was given after she hung up on me.

At this point, I don't even care if she comes. Probly better she doesn't make a scene, like she did at my high school graduation, causing my parents to miss me walking across the plank.


GAH.

Thank God Greg's mom is sane.

www.nurseyk.weebly.com

Re: Update on the genetically crazy

  • edited December 2011



    I think that sums her up. 
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia
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    edited December 2011
    Woah.  That sounds intense.  
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  • ravenrayravenray
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    edited December 2011
    Wow.  She is nuts.  I am sorry Nursey. *hugs*  Would you like a fuckitall pill?
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia
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    edited December 2011
    I went back and read the earlier post on this.  Eeep.  This woman sounds crazy and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that.
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  • edited December 2011
    At this point, I would officially uninvite her and her children (of course, you'd be cutting all ties with her if you did that - but at this point, that doesn't seem to be like such a bad thing). I'm sorry. She sounds just peachy.
  • allusive007allusive007
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    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this Nursey. Isn't it sad when a wedding brings out the worst in someone? That appears to be the case with this aunt of yours...

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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC
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    edited December 2011



    I'm sorry your aunt is one big pile of crazy.  And hey, if you're okay with knocking her out of your life, I agree with GPB's suggestion.  Seriously.  If she can't play nice, she can't play at all.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    edited December 2011
    Good God I can't believe how nuts some people are.  I'm sorry you're dealing with this Nursey :( 



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  • edited December 2011
    Mutley - I love your emoticons. They make me giggle.
    Yes - I need a fckitall pill. Can I get them at costco? I'm headed there after work.

    I wrote out this email to her with all of me feelings. I haven't sent it - because I thought I should sleep on it - but in the end it does ask her to not attend the wedding if this isn't resolved before they buy their plane tickets.



    P/R.... headed to work... be on later
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
  • Hazel_BHazel_B
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    edited December 2011
    Nursey - I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this and that your aunt is being IMO completely ridiculous.  Thinking about you!
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Update on the genetically crazy:
    At this point, I would officially uninvite her and her children (of course, you'd be cutting all ties with her if you did that - but at this point, that doesn't seem to be like such a bad thing). I'm sorry. She sounds just peachy.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger
    This. Ugh. I would be like... "Save your money- Don't bother coming. Thanks."
    I hate being around negative people...
    I'm sorry you are having to go through this!
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm also with GPB. I give you a lot of credit for remaining calm and mature, it would've been hard for me to not tell her "you know what, forget it..don't come".

    It's sad how weddings bring out the worst in some people. UGH.
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  • edited December 2011
    "Oh Auntie I'm sorry you feel like the wedding is a financial burden. If it's too expensive for ::insert cousin's name here:: to be an usher why don't y'all just fly out and enjoy the wedding.....Oh you don't want to do that either? Well I'm sorry you can't make it. You will be missed."

    I'd say kill her with kindness in your uninvitation then don't contact her about the wedding again. You're too busy to deal with someone who is totally bitchcakes right now.
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  • motoLynmotoLyn
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    edited December 2011
    Don't let her give you ANY more grief.  You made several offers of making peace and resolving the issue.  I think its time to just let go and move on with the rest of your wedding plans.  You know where she stands now and it seems to be at the edge of a cliff.  Let her jump.
  • csousa1csousa1
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Update on the genetically crazy:
    Mutley - I love your emoticons. They make me giggle. Yes - I need a fckitall pill. Can I get them at costco? I'm headed there after work. I wrote out this email to her with all of me feelings. I haven't sent it - because I thought I should sleep on it - but in the end it does ask her to not attend the wedding if this isn't resolved before they buy their plane tickets. P/R.... headed to work... be on later
    Posted by NurseyK
    Send it!

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this craziness :( Thank goodness you escaped so sane!
  • edited December 2011
    Email, share do please.
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  • edited December 2011
    Email #1 - the blunt side of me is hovering over the send button.... It will cause WW3 between me and my mother.

    Dear Auntie,

    #1. I don't need to know if you are coming until February 25th. If you don't know before then, it's ok! What you stated "your mom told me that if I don't decide by July then you'll give the seats away to Greg's family" is NOT TRUE and I can't imagine my mom saying that. At all. Ever.

    #2. Greg and I get to decide our respective attendants and they have already been decided. They are our friends/family of 15 - 20+ years and they are all adults ages 24 - 41. There will be NO children in the bridal party except for the flower girls and ring bearer. You were manipulative today in that you tried to tell me who to pick for our wedding and that I should convince Greg to ask Alexander to be in it. That's not ok, in fact, it's incredibly rude. As a invited guest, you do not get to dictate our wedding decisions.

    #3. If you think it would be best if Alexander wasn't in the wedding due to budget restraints, no biggie. I would be happy just to see you guys even if you just attended as guests.

    #4. Even if your children eat like adults, they are still children according to the hotel counts/costs/state law/US government. You clearly had a problem with it in your emails to me on July 28th and August 12th... which I thought was petty. Then today you had the audacity to call me petty when I honestly asked if that is what cheesed you off so much.

    #5. You implied in the email on July 28th that you need one hotel room. To me it read like you were expecting me to pay for it. That is not in our budget, not for anyone. However, I did get a block of rooms for a discounted rate at the Ramada East in Tucson. The code for the rate is "CGRENT." If you hadn't been so rude to me on the phone today, I would have been happy to have given you that information.

    #6. You called me names like "childish" and "immature". That's not ok, in fact, it's condescending and rude and I resent that.



    As of right now I am beyond livid with how you treated me today. I would love to see you, but if this isn't resolved before the wedding, then please don't come to our wedding. I don't want a scene on my wedding day and would prefer harmony for those guests that do come.

    Blessings,
    K
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
  • edited December 2011
    The question remains as to if you care if it causes WW3 with your mom.  I am at the point with my mom that I don't care.  I am going to do what is best for MY family and she can deal with it.  In this case, your family is going to you and Greg.  You are standing up for what the two of you want. 

    Personally, it seems like your aunt does not view you as an adult.  She sees you as the little girl you were when the two of your had a more involved relationship.  It seems like she is not okay with you standing up for yourself or asserting yourself in anyway.  I believe that for any relationship to work, both parties need to respect each other.  Right now, she does not respect you.  I do think that your email makes it very clear that you are an adult, who is making her own decisions.  You love her, but will not be manipulated.  The only thing that I would change is taking out the numbers.  That way it won't immediately read as a list of things you think are wrong with her.
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee
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    edited December 2011
    Whoa, dawg... do we have the same aunt?

  • snorwo3snorwo3
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Update on the genetically crazy:
     Personally, it seems like your aunt does not view you as an adult.  She sees you as the little girl you were when the two of your had a more involved relationship.  It seems like she is not okay with you standing up for yourself or asserting yourself in anyway.  I believe that for any relationship to work, both parties need to respect each other.  Right now, she does not respect you.  I do think that your email makes it very clear that you are an adult, who is making her own decisions.  You love her, but will not be manipulated.  The only thing that I would change is taking out the numbers.  That way it won't immediately read as a list of things you think are wrong with her.
    Posted by TheMutleys
    This is exactly what it sounds like to me. It sounds like she is speaking to you the same way she'd speak to her children (or ADULTS.. whatever they are!). 

    I agree with taking the #'s out of the e-mail, but other than that, I think it's a strong email to send. If her response is still one of shutting you down, I don't think I'd respond though. After the e-mails and calls in the first thread, and then the call and email in this one, it's clear you've gone above and beyond to reach out to her. If she doesn't resolve the problem after this last email, I'd suggest not giving her the satisfaction of continuing to chase her. It sounds like that;s what she wants.


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  • leia1979leia1979
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    edited December 2011
    Nursey, I also have a crazy aunt, so I know how you feel. I didn't want to invite her, but my mom thought it would cause less drama if I did.

    If you need some support or just want to swap crazy bitch stories, let me know.
  • desertsundesertsun
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Update on the genetically crazy:
    Email #1 - the blunt side of me is hovering over the send button.... It will cause WW3 between me and my mother.

     Dear Auntie,

     I don't need to know if you are coming until February 25th. If you don't know before then, it's ok! Your seats will not be given away, I assure you. 

    Greg and I get to decide our respective attendants and they have already been decided. We get to make the decisions that are best for us. Please respect that.

    If you think it would be best if Alexander wasn't in the wedding due to budget restraints, no biggie. I would be happy just to see you guys even if you just attended as guests. 

    You said in the email on July 28th that you need one hotel room. There are rooms available for a discounted rate at the Ramada East in Tucson. The code for the rate is "CGRENT."

    I am sorry that we are having trouble communicating lately. I love you and respect you and never meant to make you think otherwise. I do think that, as an adult, I would appreciate if you would respect my decisions about my wedding and my life. If you must offer an opinion, please do so in a constructive and respectful way, with the understanding that I have every right to make my own decisions, whether you agree with them or not. We can disagree and still love each other. I hope we can move past this.

    Love, Nursey.

    Posted by NurseyK
    My suggested edits to your email above.

    I think that making accusations and speaking from anger will only make things worse. The best thing to do is, as PP suggested, kill her with kindness. Be the bigger person.

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  • edited December 2011
    After re-writing the email several times in an attempt to be diplomatic, and not emotional, you all have some really great suggestions. Some of which I had similar ideas, and others I am definitely taking into consideration. Before I send anything, I am going to sleep on it for one more night.

    Thank you!!
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
  • edited December 2011
    re-write #5

    Auntie,
    I know my mom is generally your ally please have the respect and courtesy to leave my mom out of this
    I am still appalled with how you treated me yesterday, especially because I consider you a life mentor.

    - I don't need to know if you are coming until February 25th. If you don't know before then, it's ok!  Your seats will not be given away, I assure you.

    - Greg and I have decided who our attendants will be. That decision is ours, it is personal, and is not negotiable.

    - If you think it would be best if A (or G) weren't in the wedding due to budget restraints, no biggie. I would be happy just to see you guys even if you just attended as guests.  I would love to see S and Uncle, too.

    - You implied in the email on July 28th that you "will need one hotel room". For all of the out of town guests, I got a block of rooms for a discounted rate at the Ramada East in Tucson. The code for the discount is CGRENT.

    - Hanging up on me is certainly not the best way to end a conversation. Raising your voice at me is not a way to speak to me, nor anyone. I was shocked at your horribly offensive behavior, especially the name calling and condescending tone. 
    - This email may sever our relationship for awhile, and I am at peace with that. I am sorry that we are having trouble communicating lately. I love you and respect you and never meant to make you think otherwise. I do think that, as an adult, I would appreciate if you would respect my decisions about my wedding and my life. If you must offer an opinion, please do so in a constructive and respectful way, with the understanding that I have every right to make my own decisions, whether you agree with them or not. We can disagree and still love each other. I hope we can move past this.

     
    I love you and I would love to see you at our wedding. But if this isn't resolved before our wedding day, I would prefer you not attend.
    Blessings to you and the future of your family,
    Kirsten and Greg
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
  • desertsundesertsun
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    edited December 2011
    I was shocked at your horribly offensive behavior, especially the name calling and condescending tone.

    ^^I think this is really accusatory and will not help resolve the situation. I might just take it out. Or change to:  "I found your tone and accusations of pettiness to be disrespectful of me and my decisions. Standing up for my decisions, and going out of my way to accommodate your family, is the opposite of petty."

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  • edited December 2011
    Desert, thank you. I really appreciate your constructive criticism. All of your suggestions have helped, and I am using them. I am going to have FI look at this with me later when we are both ready to sit down to do so. You're keeping me rational, direct, but also diplomatically kind.
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
  • desertsundesertsun
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Update on the genetically crazy:
    Desert, thank you. I really appreciate your constructive criticism. All of your suggestions have helped, and I am using them. I am going to have FI look at this with me later when we are both ready to sit down to do so. You're keeping me rational, direct, but also diplomatically kind.
    Posted by NurseyK
    My pleasure. I'm so sorry you're going through all this. *hugs*

    ETA: Also, YGM. :)




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