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He asked my ring size...

We have been together almost two years.  We have talked about marriage for a while, and its not a matter of "if", but a matter of "when".  He told me when he proposes it will be a surprise.  Every once in a while one of our friends will ask "When are you two getting married?" and he never ever seems put off; quite the opposite he participates in conversation and talks about having a small wedding...etc.  

The other day we were watching TV and a jewelry commercial came on.  The couple was getting engaged, and I elbowed him (in a hinting kind of way).  The ring showed on the TV and he said "What size?"  I thought he meant the carat size so I said, "I don't know, I can't tell" and he said, "No, what size do you wear?"

Needless to say I haven't stopped smiling since then.  But now my brain is going non-stop wondering what he would pick out...and I have no idea whether he knows my taste.  I mean, I hope he does after almost two years, but what if he picks out something I hate?

So my question is...how do you help him understand your likes/dislikes without coming across as a snot?  I don't have anything picked out in my head, but I know what I don't want.

What would you do?

image

Re: He asked my ring size...

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    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I pulled on my big girl panties and had a grown up conversation with my then BF about it.

    I told him I would love whatever he got me, but that I thought it would help if he had some idea of what I like. So I gave him a couple pictures and an idea of what to look for in terms of the 4 C's. I'd worked in a jewelry store before and had a better idea of what he could look for to get bang for his buck. 

    He preferred to do the shopping without me there so that it would be more of a surprise.

    Some guys however prefer you to shop with them.

    You just have to talk to him about it. This will only be one of many conversations about finances and big purchases, and balancing what each of you likes. Best get started practicing now.
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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FWIW, he asked my ring size about 1.5 years before he proposed. Just saying.

    Ditto Desert, sit down and have a serious conversation about it. My FI really wanted to do it all on his own. I showed him a few pictures online (a year + before he proposed) and he picked out a beautiful ring that I love.
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    edited December 2011
    I get that you're excited but you really need to have a grown up conversation with him.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto desert - DH asked me several times what kind of ring I would like even though I had shown him some things so I finally just asked him 'Do you want to go to a store and look?' So we did and we picked a ring out together.

    That doesn't work for everyone but the point is that we were able to have an adult conversation about it without him feeling pressured. In the grand scheme of things this is little compared to other decisions you will have to talk about and come to some sort of agreement on.
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto PPs. Communicate. Maybe he's secretly terrified of picking something out on his own, for fear you won't like it (checked out the Just Engaged board - it's a common problem) but doesn't want to ask you to go with him because he feels "untraditional" or it will ruin the surprise.

    If you don't want to go with him, a conversation abou styles you like and don't like will help him out. Show him some pictures online. Personally, I'm in the camp of picking the ring out along with the guy so that we're on the same page, but I understand that this doesn't work for everyone.

    Oh, and ditto Katanne - just because he asked now does not mean that a proposal is imminent.

    GL.
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    edited December 2011
    This is the guy you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with.  You should be able to have a conversation about this without him feeling pressured.

    The next time you both are talking about getting engaged, or he asks your ring size, or whatever, just ask him "Hey, I know I'll love whatever you buy for me.  Would it make it easier on you if I showed you some things I liked?"

    I highly recommend going to a store with him and browsing together. My FI and I went to a couple different stores (Tiffany's in NYC was fun) and I found out that I didn't like the look of princess cut on my hand and didn't like thicker bands.  FI told me he didn't like solitaires for me. Then I let it drop and let him go from there.

    Also, ditto PPs.  Just because he asked now, doesn't mean the proposal is imminent.  FI and I looked at rings a little over a year before he proposed.  So just relax and enjoy this stage of your relationship!
    image
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    edited December 2011
    I totally agree it's exciting and worth smiling - this man can see himself marrying you!  He's suggesting that he's thinking about buying you a ring!  Yay!

    Okay, now for the common sense - it's just a comment.  He's SUGGESTING that he's THINKING about buying you a ring.  I know we all like to take a small comment and build a whole castle around it with stars and fireworks, but really for now it's just a comment.  Have a conversation with him about how he thinks of the whole thing - if either of you have a specific timeline in mind, if he wants to totally surprise you, if he wants input on rings, if he wants you to go shopping with him for rings, etc.  This doesn't have to be an immediate thing - as BF told me, he wanted to have the conversations far enough in advance that he could still make it a surprise when it all actually happens.

    For us, the cost of the ring was so significant for our budget that BF decided he wanted to make the decision together.  Since we already share expenses and a mutual budget, it made sense for us.

    We picked out two rings, both of which I love, at two different stores.  Now it's up to him.  And I will be surprised - I won't see the finished ring with the center stone until he proposes.

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    hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Desert-- I don't want to know about your full coverage underpants.
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    hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh and OP, I asked if it would be ok to send him pictures. He knew the size and everything, but when we were at a store and he was like, what about this on (hideous, 80s style) I asked if it would be better to send him some samples. He said yes, then I think I sent maybe 4. Not crazy amounts, but enough.
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    edited December 2011
    Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!  You're ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!




















    What? Too soon?  

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    edited December 2011
    I really dont get why some people are so weird about this....I mean there are couples out there who pick the ring out together ( not my first choice as I like suprises!) but still...My bf knows my ring size and we have been ring shopping various times to see size/shape/ price range. While I still want him to suprise me...what guy do you know that can just go out and pick your dream ring? I mean you will be wearing this (hopefully) the rest of your life. If I see something I like in a magazine or on-line I send it to my bf so that he knows exactly my taste and prefernece when he goes and gets the ring....Don't leave it to chance! haha


    GL
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:3cef2e87-bfa8-4328-8f82-ce2fc6fd937f">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE<strong>]I really dont get why some people are so weird about this</strong>....I mean there are couples out there who pick the ring out together ( not my first choice as I like suprises!) but still...<strong><font color="#ff0000">My bf</font></strong> knows my ring size and we have been ring shopping various times to see size/shape/ price range. While I still want him to suprise me...what guy do you know that can just go out and pick your dream ring? I mean you will be wearing this (hopefully) the rest of your life. If I see something I like in a magazine or on-line <strong><font color="#ff0000">I send it to my bf so that he knows exactly my taste and prefernece when he goes and gets the ring....Don't leave it to chance!</font></strong> haha GL
    Posted by NIKIKRUISE[/QUOTE]

    What people are weird about this?  Your post makes no sense. 

    Well, you aren't leaving much to chance anyways.

    Posted over on May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2011-weddings_memorial-day-weekend-brides-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:645Discussion:8afc27b2-e09a-4e32-8e93-71eb17290931Post:c4ba268b-1e92-48cf-b4fb-bedbaedbc842">MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND BRIDES</a>:
    [QUOTE]Has anyone run into any problems yet? Vendors more expensive/ uncooperative? Only willing to send assitants etc.? Thanks!
    Posted by NIKIKRUISE[/QUOTE]

    Poster over on her local
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_rehersal-dinnersbridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:33ab4348-f98d-4545-9716-cc52d280bc7ePost:77340ee0-4302-429f-97d0-9bfd9822b513">Rehersal Dinners/Bridal showers</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey ladies where are you all having/ or have had your rehersal dinners and bridal showers? I am looking to get some ideas of places people have had or booked these events to get some feedback. Thanks!
    Posted by NIKIKRUISE[/QUOTE]

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_calling-grand-hall-priory-bridesor-anyone-info?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:c7195891-556d-4c51-9b05-4926aa1d721aPost:05fb5bf1-26a4-45b6-abf3-dbc71a858f72">Calling all GRAND HALL AT THE PRIORY BRIDES...or anyone with info!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone having/had their wedding here who can share some info? I really like it and was wondering prices/  insight you could share. Thanks Ladies! Nicole
    Posted by NIKIKRUISE[/QUOTE]
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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:3cef2e87-bfa8-4328-8f82-ce2fc6fd937f">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really dont get why some people are so weird about this....I mean there are couples out there who pick the ring out together ( not my first choice as I like suprises!) but still...My bf knows my ring size and we have been ring shopping various times to see size/shape/ price range. While I still want him to suprise me...what guy do you know that can just go out and pick your dream ring? I mean you will be wearing this (hopefully) the rest of your life. If I see something I like in a magazine or on-line I send it to my bf so that he knows exactly my taste and prefernece when he goes and gets the ring....Don't leave it to chance! haha GL
    Posted by NIKIKRUISE[/QUOTE]

    DISAGREE!! If he knows you and your tastes he should be able to determine what you'd like if he wants to go it alone.

    My FI did the whole ring process by himself. He asked me a few questions, but I wasn't involved at all. I couldn't imagine anything else.
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    edited December 2011
    You need to sit down and have a mature adult conversation with him about this. That is a totally reasonable thing to do as two adults in a relationship theoretically heading towards marriage.

    When FI and I started talking marriage, I actually specifically asked him how he would feel about me showing him what kind of ring I would like - I'm very particular with jewelry, and I wanted something that would work in field and lab settings. He was thrilled - he had no idea where to begin and was kind of hoping he could covertly work info out of me. We sat down together and I found a style I liked - he took the specs to a private jeweler and had them make me a ring, so there was a piece of me and a piece of him in it. Really simple process. All it took was one adult 20-min conversation.

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:c63ceb55-4c76-4fb8-b806-117a7f932d5e">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]All it took was one adult 20-min conversation.
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

    Ugh, stop being so uppity!
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    edited December 2011
    Detective Mutley makes me swoon
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:65a4434f-0205-4295-aee3-25cb12ab891a">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: He asked my ring size... : Ugh, stop being so uppity!
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KATANNE'S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ::footstomp::

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:d42592a4-4b5c-40c5-84f1-d4c41a29b526">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: He asked my ring size... : MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KATANNE'S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ::footstomp::
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]


    Silly newb mod stops being mod when you stretch it out and our mod is a vegetarian so don't moo at her!
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:9dba0d5d-fb99-4ad3-9392-1c9a02826e35">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: He asked my ring size... : Silly newb mod stops being mod when you stretch it out and our mod is a vegetarian so don't moo at her!
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Ok.

    ::deep inhale::

    JEANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! KATANNE AND BUTTON ARE BEING MEAN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::foot stomp::

    ::adjusts tiara::

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    *runs by and steals Oceana's tiara!

    MUAHAH!
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    edited December 2011
    *shrug* This is one topic I believe 100% each couple is different.  Some guys really want to do it alone, and some girls really want to be surprised.  Others have specific needs or wants (like Oceana's job and hobbies necessitate certain styles) and their boyfriends appreciate the help.

    For Kat, it worked for them not to look together.  For Oceana, the exact opposite.

    Only by talking with your boyfriend about what works for him, and figuring out how involved you want to be, will you have an answer for what's best for you.
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    edited December 2011
    much better
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cate - I totally agree.

    My comments were aimed at Nikikruise. This - "Don't leave it to chance" - attitude annoys me.
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    edited December 2011

    ::run and tackle::

    Give me back my tiara, beotch, or I'm keeping your copy of the cookbook hostage.

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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    katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

    Okay okay! Here it is!! Plus cookies!
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ooh, tiara. Just kidding, I'm staying far away before the fisticuffs break out.

    My BF and I have thrown around the idea of just using a costume jewelry ring for the suprise part and then picking something out together. That way we have both the surprise aspect and the picking something we both like aspect.

    I'm just worried he's going to get me a one-inch diameter cubic zirconia as the costume ring! He says, "If you're gonna go fake, go big!"
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:472ce9ab-60fa-477f-8a31-b85de488454e">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Okay okay! Here it is!! Plus cookies!
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    Thank you.

    ::adjust tiara::

    You're back in my good cookbook graces. Don't let it happen again.

    ::footstomp::

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_asked-ring-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b50f268e-cb86-48cc-9096-31f541d22a44Post:6b662711-5298-4a2f-b58b-f3f63b41dabd">Re: He asked my ring size...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ooh, tiara. Just kidding, I'm staying far away before the fisticuffs break out. My BF and I have thrown around the idea of just using a costume jewelry ring for the suprise part and then picking something out together. That way we have both the surprise aspect and the picking something we both like aspect. I'm just worried he's going to get me a one-inch diameter cubic zirconia as the costume ring! He says, "If you're gonna go fake, go big!"
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]


    Haha!  That's cute, and a nice compromise so he can surprise you AND you can pick out a ring you love.

    BF would get a huge ridiculous goofy one, too, if he was doing it that way.
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