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How many of you have....

chendrix77chendrix77 member
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
bought your wedding dress even though you are not engaged yet?? My bf has not proposed yet, though he is looking at rings and we have set the date but he wants to find the right ring. I have found my dress and my mom and I want to go look at it, would it be stupid to go a head and purchase the dress, even though I am not officially engaged yet? Help!
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Re: How many of you have....

  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nope. I'm not BSC therefore I didn't purchase anything wedding related until after we were engaged.
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:819031c1-7172-4d44-ab9b-cb8e3a2384fa">How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]bought your wedding dress even though you are not engaged yet?? My bf has not proposed yet, though he is looking at rings and we have set the date but he wants to find the right ring. I have found my dress and my mom and I want to go look at it, <strong>would it be stupid to go a head and purchase the dress, even though I am not officially engaged yet?</strong> Help!
    Posted by chendrix77[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it would be stupid.  If you are questioning it, then you know it isn't right. 

    You CAN be engaged without a ring.  A ring does not an engagement make.  An engagement is an agreement between two people to get married.  When both of those people agree that they are engaged, that is all it takes.

    What is the date?
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  • chendrix77chendrix77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Maybe I worded that incorrectly, I don't personally think it is stupid or wrong to do it. I just wanted to see if anyone else had purchased their dress before receiving their ring. My wedding date is set for 11.11.11.

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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think generally it's a crazy thing to do. There ARE some scenarios in which it may be appropriate - but very few.

    Does he know you are looking? How does he feel about it? Does he consider your wedding date official?
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    If you were engaged IMO it would be way too early to buy your dress.

    Ask a number of girls here, me included, about having dress doubts after purchasing the dress less than a year before their wedding.

    So many new dresses and styles will come out and if you were to purchase something a year and half out you are bound to have dress doubts.

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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:46a15728-fd28-4a86-9782-d01327588d59">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I worded that incorrectly, I don't personally think it is stupid or wrong to do it. I just wanted to see if anyone else had purchased their dress before receiving their ring. My wedding date is set for 11.11.11.
    Posted by chendrix77[/QUOTE]

    Does that date hold some important to the two of you as couples?  Do you already have a venue?  (Until you have a venue, you do NOT have a date.) 

    Now, I just think you are stupid for chosing a 'trendy' date. 

    Talk to your BOYFRIEND about buying a dress and see how comfortable he is with it.  I personally think it is putting the cart before the horse.

    Also, you do NOT need to buy your dress over 18 months in advance.  You could end up with dress envy/regret.  Wait until you are a year out from your actual wedding date before buying a dress.
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  • wheatney22wheatney22
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would refrain from buying a dress especially this far ahead if you're planning a November 2011 wedding.

    It isn't crazy to look at dresses if you have both agreed (he's asked and you've said yes) that you'll be getting married (see Mutley's comments above).
    However, if he has not asked and all you have done is talk about marriage, then I think it is too soon to be looking at dresses.

    In answer to your question, I did not buy a dress before I got engaged. I did look at some magazines and thought to myself "oh that'll look nice" but I never went to a store to try on dresses until after I got engaged.
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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ...

    Ditto everyone. Even if you were "officially" (ack) engaged yet, it's WAY too early to buy a dress.
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  • chendrix77chendrix77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We actually have the date set with the hall and church both booked. 1 co-worked of mine just got married and another one is getting married 4 weeks before me so my BF knows that I am looking. I have been looking at dresses since last year when I was helping my co-worker and I have wanted this dress since then. My main concern is that when it does come time to purchase the dress, it won't be available so I guess that is why I am looking to order it now because I won't be able to get it till December.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    How the hell do you know it's your dress if you haven't even tried it on yet?

    Do NOT take that as encouragement to go try it on.

    Get engaged first. Set a date first. Then you can start thinking dress.
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha Desert.

    I'm no help. I bought my dress off a clearance rack 6 months before my wedding date and took it home that day. But I WAS engaged. Officially. ;P
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:b870eed9-fb88-46ed-bc33-93122c4caf41">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]We actually have the date set with the hall and church both booked. 1 co-worked of mine just got married and another one is getting married 4 weeks before me so my BF knows that I am looking. I have been looking at dresses since last year when I was helping my co-worker and I have wanted this dress since then. My main concern is that when it does come time to purchase the dress, it won't be available so I guess that is why I am looking to order it now because I won't be able to get it till December.
    Posted by chendrix77[/QUOTE]

    You won't be able to get it until December?  Because?  You do NOT need to HAVE your dress a year before your wedding.  You should start LOOKING and trying on dresses a year before your wedding. 

    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '6a77c05c-5c31-4d51-8b71-5fe00c862fc0', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/11/6a77c05c-5c31-4d51-8b71-5fe00c862fc0.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
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  • ekathleen684ekathleen684
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:b870eed9-fb88-46ed-bc33-93122c4caf41">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]We actually have the date set with the hall and church both booked. 1 co-worked of mine just got married and another one is getting married 4 weeks before me so my BF knows that I am looking. I have been looking at dresses since last year when I was helping my co-worker and I have wanted this dress since then. My main concern is that when it does come time to purchase the dress, it won't be available so I guess that is why <strong>I am looking to order it now because I won't be able to get it till December.</strong>
    Posted by chendrix77[/QUOTE]

    and you need it 11 months ahead of your wedding because...??

    I say it's a bad idea. Once we have a date, I plan on buying 9 months before OR SOONER for fear I will change my mind. If I bought the type of dress I liked 6 months ago, I'm 99% sure I wouldn't like it now.
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  • AcrosthecAcrosthec
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To answer your initial question, YES, I DID buy my dress before we were engaged.  FI had the ring and was planning to ask on an upcoming birthday trip and we both knew it.  We had discussed having a short engagement (like 5-6 months) and both wanted that.  I found a dress I loved and asked him if he minded if I tried it on.  He said no.  I went with my mom and looked at it, and loved it.  They said it may take as many as 5 months to come in.  Knowing our agreed upon desires, I called and told FI about the 5 months and he said to go ahead and buy it.  He proposed 2 weeks later.  I felt justified in buying the dress before I was engaged.  We knew we were getting married, we both wanted a short engagement, and there was a possibility the dress would not come in until about two weeks before our preferred date.  I had discussed it with FI and he had OK'd it all before I did anything.

    That being said, if your wedding isn't until November of 2011, I would hold off for many reasons. 
    1) You're not engaged yet, and you're not looking at a short engagement, so there's no reason.  The hard truth also is that he is looking at rings, but may not end up buying one, let alone giving it to you for many months.  You don't want to ruin one of the best parts of planning a wedding by doing it way before you're engaged. 
    2) That far out, you have plenty of time to look at dresses.  Doing so early on you're more likely to experience regret or end up with two dresses because you find someone else you like better. 

    I would definitely urge you to wait.  If you're worried they may discontinue the dress, communicate with your BF about how you're feeling and if you absolutely MUST, call the store to see if there's a chance they would discontinue the dress (it has been known to happen, though it's highly unlikely).  In the unlikely event they say they are going to discontinue it after X date, wait til that date gets closer, and if you're still not engaged talk to your BF again and see if he's ok with you trying it on etc.  The other regs on here probably won't agree with me here, but if it's your dream dress and your BF is OK with you looking at it before he proposes (that's important:  DO NOT DO ANY OF THIS BEHIND YOUR BF'S BACK), then I personally don't see a huge problem with it.

    Ordinarily though, I would avoid dress shopping completely until you're 1) engaged, and 2) within a year of your date, as your taste and styles may change.  Not to mention that once you plan the rest of your wedding, the style dress you've chosen may no longer fit with the formality of your event.
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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The dress you love may look ridiculous on you, honestly. Just because it looks good online/in a catalogue/on the rack does not mean it will look good ON YOU. This is why you have to be open to many different styles.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Wow..... I have just discovered that you have an awful lot planned/ decided without being engaged yet. You have so much time. Why are you trying to take away from things that you typically do once you are engaged?

    I see that you have your venue booked, colors, invitations, where your cake topper and flowers are coming from. You have a lot of time here honey.

    Interesting way to choose a wedding date. "We chose 11.11.11 because I always make a wish at 11:11"
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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:66ec0838-4989-44cc-b16d-9dda181df625">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow..... I have just discovered that you have an awful lot planned/ decided without being engaged yet. You have so much time. Why are you trying to take away from things that you typically do once you are engaged? I see that you have your venue booked, colors, invitations, where your cake topper and flowers are coming from. You have a lot of time here honey. Interesting way to choose a wedding date. <strong>"We chose 11.11.11 because I always make a wish at 11:11"</strong>
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    How old are you, OP?
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  • AcrosthecAcrosthec
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:66ec0838-4989-44cc-b16d-9dda181df625">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE] "We chose 11.11.11 because I always make a wish at 11:11"
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    Ok I tried to be honest and nice, but I'm starting to have the same questions as the rest of the PPs.  In particular, your age.

    Also, having gone to look at your bio, if the dress you've chosen for your bio is the style you like, there is absolutely no reason to get it 1.5 years in advance.  That is a VERY popular style dress, and I'm sure it will still be around when you are actually engaged and need to purchase a dress.  Even if that particular dress gets discontinued, that STYLE of dress will always be around, so you should have no problem finding one that you like.  :-)
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2011-weddings_11-11-11-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:651Discussion:19e85b13-5c1f-4282-96fa-9ea1866a7812Post:d049b9f2-2a47-4773-87ce-bcaa2581306f">Re: 11-11-11 Ideas</a>:
    [QUOTE]That would be too cool to get married on an ice rink!! I would be too afraid of tripping or slipping on the ice. LOL.
    Posted by chendrix77[/QUOTE]

    An ice rink wedding!!! They aren't even coming up with original BSC ideas anymore!
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  • chendrix77chendrix77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thanks guys, I do appreciate all the input.

    In response to **Mutley**, I am not stupid for choosing a trendy date. My BF and I did not choose that date to be trendy, but we chose it because it had special meaning to us and yes I have the hall and church booked so I can say that it is my date.

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  • ekathleen684ekathleen684
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    KD- HAHA! That made my day.

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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:6c9f4084-87f0-49af-8686-601398b4aa0a">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks guys, I do appreciate all the input. In response to **Mutley**, I am not stupid for choosing a trendy date. My BF and I did not choose that date to be trendy, but we chose it because it had special meaning to us and yes I have the hall and church booked so I can say that it is my date.
    Posted by chendrix77[/QUOTE]

    IMO, it is a stupid date.  We can agree to disagree.  I am enthused that we do not have the same opinions. 


    And KD, that is priceless.  Seriously <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '186d07c3-15e2-429b-9e91-1434b1e8a956', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/14/186d07c3-15e2-429b-9e91-1434b1e8a956.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
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  • chendrix77chendrix77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I don't understand why most of you are picking me apart in regards to my age, why I have certain things planned already and a comment I made on another board. I just asked a question and simple yes or no would have helped. Everyone does things differently.

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  • ekathleen684ekathleen684
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You never answered the question as to how old you are.

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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    100 Love Its Fifth Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:adf911f4-e4ec-4ebb-9b3f-06cac0956446">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 11-11-11 Ideas : An ice rink wedding!!! They aren't even coming up with original BSC ideas anymore!
    Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

    An ice rink wedding! That's awesome (I used to figure skate competitively). But I bet even Kristi Yamaguchi didn't do that, and she married a hockey player.

    Plus, other than the Snoopy ice rink in Santa Rosa, most of them look like warehouses.

    image

    I haz a planning bio
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OP - how old are you?


    "So I just bought my invintations tonight and I'm very excited about them. They are the ones where you print them yourselves. Has anyone done these before and any advice you can give me? I'm nervous I'm gonna screw them up. LOL. "

    You bought your invitations....?? and you don't consider yourself engaged????
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  • KroliczkuKroliczku
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    chendrix- Im not engaged, but we're on our way there. I don't have a date, but we have a general idea of when we want to get married (awkward circumstances...that'll make a GREAT post someday...can't wait. )

    Anyway....I would agree with the girls and wait. I know it'll be super exciting to go pick a dress, but I'd want it to all fall into place: get engaged, enjoy it and celebrate.

    Unless the dress is a crazy design that you'll never find again, or it's such an amazing deal you really can't pass it up.....I'd say that personally, I'd wait.  Daydream over all your possibilities and hey- there's ALWAYS crazy sales. My best friend got her dress for something like $115 and it was a designer dress, just one season old and they were getting rid of it. 

    I'm going on and on and on...point of my story: just wait. You have plenty of time, and the womens that answered your question have mostly already been in your position already and know what thy're talking about :)

    Good luck on the engagement!! 
    image
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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_many-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c16be189-6014-4fb7-a781-389504b1781fPost:02ef308a-1b63-4cff-9628-36d13c2d37e1">Re: How many of you have....</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP - how old are you? "So I just bought my invintations tonight and I'm very excited about them. They are the ones where you print them yourselves. Has anyone done these before and any advice you can give me? I'm nervous I'm gonna screw them up. LOL. " You bought your invitations....?? and you don't consider yourself engaged????
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    Yowza.
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  • chendrix77chendrix77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would like to know what my age has to do with this and why any of you care? So I bought my invintations, big deal. I got them on clearance. There are reasons as to why I am not engaged yet but that is no ones business but mine. I asked about dresses.
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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe if you're buying into a junior high school superstition (making wishes at 11:11), you might be a little young to get married.

    And don't post on an international board and expect to hear everything you want to.
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