DRAMA :(

tlgardn2

ok so obviously im NEY... however, let me explain my current predicament.

My family and I are very close...especially my brother and I. 

I live with my boyfriend and we've been together for 2 years...there has obviously been lots of talk about engagement.  I was desperately hoping he would have proposed at the end of last year (2010) so that i could plan for a fall wedding for 2011.  October preferably.   He didn't, yet I still had hopes he would soon (since it was only January when the drama went down). 

My brother has been married and divorced and actually just got REmarried to a girl he's been with for a couple of years.  I love(d) her and supported the marriage completely! I was so happy that he was happy again!

Until they dropped the word that they booked their "reception" for October of 2011..... They got married at the beginning of December 2010 but planned their wedding for the next fall??

I was upset of course, I didn't understand why he or she (being a girl, i would imagine she would think of these things!) never thought to even ask if I would still plan my wedding for October given the opportunity..but because I don't have a ring on my finger yet, i didn't make a fuss about it..what claim did i have?

Instead I expressed my concern with my mom and sister.  They understood and thought the same thing as I did, that he should have asked. 

well a few weeks went by and it came up in my absence.  It all blew up somehow, and now my brother CANCELLED his entire reception (all vendors encluded) and is furious with all of us that I am not even engaged and yet we're worried about my wedding date. 

I just want peoples views on this!? Am I being out of line for being upset that he didn't consult me?? This is BOTH of their second marriages (they even got married in vegas!)  and their reception is said to be just a big party anyways... This is my FIRST and ONLY wedding. 

as i said earlier..i think im more hurt because we used to be so close, and now he acts like he has no idea what's going on with me. 

loopy82

I would side with your brother. If I were him I would be pissed. However, I would NEVER had cancelled my wedding because my un-engaged sister was wanting to get married during a certain time. You don't get a whole month, or a whole season for your wedding!! Your brother getting married in December and then having a reception in October, 11 months later is a whole different issue in and of itself. Nobody at all needed to consult you before planning their wedding. If you were engaged and had said you were planning on this fall, then yes it would be nice to coordinate things, but you are NOT engaged. Your brother has the right to hold his wedding whenever he wants to. Even if it were the day after yours. You don't get the right to stake the claim over an entire month for no reason at all what so ever. I think you need to mature before you consider getting married. This rant is completely illogical and immature.

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:3eee0d58-b32a-424d-92c6-3f4ecb8683d1">DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]ok so obviously im NEY... however, let me explain my current predicament. My family and I are very close...especially my brother and I.  I live with my boyfriend and we've been together for 2 years...there has obviously been lots of talk about engagement.  I was desperately hoping he would have proposed at the end of last year (2010) so that i could plan for a fall wedding for 2011.  October preferably.   He didn't, yet I still had hopes he would soon ( since it was only January when the drama went down ).  My brother has been married and divorced and actually just got REmarried to a girl he's been with for a couple of years.  I love(d) her and supported the marriage completely! I was so happy that he was happy again! Until they dropped the word that they booked their "reception" for October of 2011..... They got married at the beginning of December 2010 but planned their wedding for the next fall?? I was upset of course, I didn't understand why he or she  (being a girl, i would imagine she would think of these things!) never thought to even ask if I would still plan my wedding for October given the opportunity..but because I don't have a ring on my finger yet, i didn't make a fuss about it..what claim did i have? Instead I expressed my concern with my mom and sister.  They understood and thought the same thing as I did, that he should have asked.  well a few weeks went by and it came up in my absence.  It all blew up somehow, and now my brother CANCELLED his entire reception ( all vendors encluded ) and is furious with all of us that I am not even engaged and yet we're worried about my wedding date.  I just want peoples views on this!? Am I being out of line for being upset that he didn't consult me?? This is BOTH of their second marriages ( they even got married in vegas !)  and their reception is said to be just a big party anyways... This is my FIRST and ONLY wedding.  as i said earlier..i think im more hurt because we used to be so close, and now he acts like he has no idea what's going on with me. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]

JIC

zipis1

Yes you are being unreasonable. So what if they have it in October? You're not even engaged yet and may not be in time for that. Even if you were engaged, you get one day. Not the month, not the week. One day. There is no rule anywhere that they have to sacrifice their vision for yours (one of which, again, may not come to pass).

That said it does sound like he overreacted, though I don't blame him for being upset/annoyed. I hope they put the shindig back on.

tlgardn2

even tho this is his second marriage and only a party supposedly??

and reminder...i didn't bring up the issue to him in the first place..my mom and sister did..all i did was express my concern on the issue. 

GreenPepperBurger

I think your entire family is nucking futs.

Elle1036

I...

Just....

Wait, what?

None of this makes any sense.

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:7cc85655-7c60-454c-af9f-bfa93ee4c899">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your entire family is nucking futs.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

I <3 you GPB!! Thank you for making me laugh.

It doesn't matter if it was his 8th wedding. You are NOT engaged yet. And you still don't get a whole month. Get over it.

One day. 1 day. One day. 1 day. That is ALL you get!!!!

tlgardn2

wow...i had no idea i'd get so much hostility from people...

Maybe I'm just naive.

I wouldn't want to plan a wedding in the same month as a family member OR a close friend. 

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:39aa39ac-93d7-45e1-856d-cad9168a5eb3">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]even tho this is his second marriage and only a party supposedly ? ? and reminder...i didn't bring up the issue to him in the first place..my mom and sister did..all i did was express my concern on the issue. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]

Oh and your friends/ family can still plan a party, of any kind, in the month you get married, FYI. The world doesn't stop living because you are getting married.

zipis1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:7cc85655-7c60-454c-af9f-bfa93ee4c899">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your entire family is nucking futs.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

This.

Also, yes. Even though this is his second wedding. I'm sure they believe this to be their LAST wedding, and it's just as important to them. ALL weddings (receptions especially) are essentially just parties, btw.

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:f389aeeb-bda2-4ba0-a63b-c26a2fac7351">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]wow...i had no idea i'd get so much hostility from people... Maybe I'm just naive.
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]

Look at it from an outsiders prospective.

AudgiePodge

OMG!! They booked their reception in the same month as your imaginary wedding?! The gall of your brother!

tlgardn2

ok i get it...i was wrong to be a little upset and vent to my sister and mother..


i told him not to cancel.
i told him it wasn't a big deal hours after i found out everything blew up.

AudgiePodge

I wouldn't ask any of my unengaged siblings when the hope to get married so I could work my reception around their fantasy. I don't think you realize how bratty and entitled you come off.

tlgardn2

i would have asked him...

but since he got married a year before he planned the reception i didn't think it would be necessary.

loopy82

Two of my good friends got married 2 weeks apart. They were even in each others weddings. Guess what????? They were not in competition. They both went fine. Neither one had a less special of a day because the weddings were close to one another.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:9c76835b-c2ef-4a52-95c6-63128d65f0d1">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]ok i get it...i was wrong to be a little upset and vent to my sister and mother.. i told him not to cancel. i told him it wasn't a big deal hours after i found out everything blew up.
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]

Good for you.  What did he say when you told him it this?

I'm not really sure what advice you want from us now.  It sounds like you've already done the smart thing by trying to take back your irrationality.

If I were your brother, I would expect/appreciate an apology from you, not just a "nevermind".  Did you try that?

sparkles88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:3eee0d58-b32a-424d-92c6-3f4ecb8683d1">DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]ok so obviously im NEY... however, let me explain my current predicament. My family and I are very close...especially my brother and I.  I live with my boyfriend and we've been together for 2 years...there has obviously been lots of talk about engagement.  I was desperately hoping he would have proposed at the end of last year (2010) so that i could plan for a fall wedding for 2011.  October preferably.   He didn't, yet I still had hopes he would soon ( since it was only January when the drama went down ).  My brother has been married and divorced and actually just got REmarried to a girl he's been with for a couple of years.  I love(d) her and supported the marriage completely! I was so happy that he was happy again! Until they dropped the word that they booked their "reception" for October of 2011..... They got married at the beginning of December 2010 but planned their wedding for the next fall?? I was upset of course, I didn't understand why he or she  (being a girl, i would imagine she would think of these things!) never thought to even ask if I would still plan my wedding for October given the opportunity..but because I don't have a ring on my finger yet, i didn't make a fuss about it..what claim did i have? Instead I expressed my concern with my mom and sister.  They understood and thought the same thing as I did, that he should have asked.  well a few weeks went by and it came up in my absence.  It all blew up somehow, and now my brother CANCELLED his entire reception ( all vendors encluded ) and is furious with all of us that I am not even engaged and yet we're worried about my wedding date.  I just want peoples views on this!? Am I being out of line for being upset that he didn't consult me?? This is BOTH of their second marriages <strong>( they even got married in vegas !)</strong>  and their reception is said to be just a big party anyways... This is my FIRST and ONLY wedding.  as i said earlier..i think im more hurt because we used to be so close, and now he acts like he has no idea what's going on with me. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]

What's wrong with Vegas?

leia1979

Your entire family overreacted. You shouldn't have been upset. Your mom and sister shouldn't have said anything. Your brother shouldn't have cancelled anything.

Is your BF on board with October? Do you have a timeline? Or are you just waiting for the proposal to say, "Guess what? We're getting married in October!"

ETA: I do think it's rude that you act like your brother's wedding is unimportant because it's his second.

meamolly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:f389aeeb-bda2-4ba0-a63b-c26a2fac7351">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]wow...i had no idea i'd get so much hostility from people... Maybe I'm just naive. I wouldn't want to plan a wedding in the same month as a family member OR a close friend. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]
You are not engaged yet. Until you are please refrain from staking claim on any days yet.

sapphirebaby926

I'm with your brother. You are not engaged so why would he consult you? Him getting married and then planning a reception afterwards is another issue but he had no obligation to ask you as to when you were thinking about planning your imaginary wedding. It doesn't matter if it's his 2nd or 50th wedding - they are allowed to plan it whenever they want.

loves2shop4shoes

1)  It doesn't matter if it's your brother's 90th wedding.  A wedding is a wedding.  It doesn't matter if he got married in Vegas or on the moon, a wedding is a wedding.

2)  You sound spoiled, bratty, and SUPER entitled.

3)  You're not even engaged.  You have no idea if your BF has bought a ring or when he plans on proposing.  It doesn't even sound like you've had a timeline discussion with him.  Just because you live together doesn't mean you're "obviously" getting married soon.  My cousin has been living with her BF for 7 years and they're not getting married any time soon, if ever.

4)  Because you're not engaged, how dare you dictate that no one can get married in the month you'd like to get married in.  Frankly, even if you were engaged, you have no rights to the entire month.  You get one day.  Your brother gets one day.  So what if it's just a reception...if your brother wanted to throw a f**king Halloween party, it's still fine.  He gets one day...you get one day.

5)  Don't make this about your SIL.  Did you even communicate that you wanted your pretty princess day in October 2011?  I mean, how can you expect anyone to consider your wedding fantasies if you haven't even verbalized this to them?  And frankly, even if you had verbalized it, you STILL ONLY GET 1 DAY...NOT A MONTH!

6)  You owe your brother and your SIL an apology.  And so do your mother and sister.  I understand that you can't control what was said to them, but you played a huge role in this insanity.

7)  I agree with GPB.  You're family sounds like a bunch of prize loons.

8)  What does your BF say about your throwing tantrums because your brother wanted to throw his reception in your imaginary wedding month when you're not even engaged yet? 

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:3eee0d58-b32a-424d-92c6-3f4ecb8683d1">DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]ok so obviously im NEY... however, let me explain my current predicament. My family and I are very close...especially my brother and I.  I live with my boyfriend and we've been together for 2 years...there has obviously been lots of talk about engagement.  I was desperately hoping he would have proposed at the end of last year (2010) so that i could plan for a fall wedding for 2011.  October preferably.   He didn't, yet I still had hopes he would soon ( since it was only January when the drama went down ).  My brother has been married and divorced and actually just got REmarried to a girl he's been with for a couple of years.  I love(d) her and supported the marriage completely! I was so happy that he was happy again! Until they dropped the word that they booked their "reception" for October of 2011..... They got married at the beginning of December 2010 but planned their wedding for the next fall?? I was upset of course, I didn't understand why he or she  (being a girl, i would imagine she would think of these things!) never thought to even ask if I would still plan my wedding for October given the opportunity..but because I don't have a ring on my finger yet, i didn't make a fuss about it..what claim did i have? Instead I expressed my concern with my mom and sister.  They understood and thought the same thing as I did, that he should have asked.  well a few weeks went by and it came up in my absence.  It all blew up somehow, and now my brother CANCELLED his entire reception ( all vendors encluded ) and is furious with all of us that I am not even engaged and yet we're worried about my wedding date.  I just want peoples views on this!? Am I being out of line for being upset that he didn't consult me?? This is BOTH of their second marriages ( they even got married in vegas !)  and their reception is said to be just a big party anyways... <strong>This is my FIRST and ONLY wedding.</strong>  as i said earlier..i think im more hurt because we used to be so close, and now he acts like he has no idea what's going on with me. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]

But you're NOT getting married.

I don't see the problem.

[Deleted User]

Wow. Way to go for causing some family drama over nothing. Like you said, you aren't engaged yet, so you have no business laying claim to a date. How can you plan a wedding if you aren't even engaged? I don't understand you.

I think you & your Mom are both wrong. And if I was your brother, I would have laughed and thought you both were crazy and went ahead with my plans.

I don't blame your brother for wanting nothing to do with you. You brought this all on yourself and will have to deal with the consequences.

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:cdabcdde-d7f3-44bb-941d-28bc52cf267b">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to DRAMA :( : But you're NOT getting married. I don't see the problem.
Posted by cupcakesfrosting[/QUOTE]

<div>QFT.</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously. Chill out. You're NEY, and living with your BF means jack sh!t as to whether or not you'll be engaged soon. You have NO right to stake claim on an entire month to hold your (currently imaginary) wedding. Who the fvck cares if it's his 2nd wedding or not, it is no less important than his first. Telling your brother it was NBD after the fact was kinda useless - your Mom and sister (and I suspect you, despite what you say) had made it very clear before that it was a big deal, and that you were pissed. He has every right to be mad. You're acting entitled and b!tchy over nothing.</div><div>
</div><div>There was no drama here until you made it drama. </div>

MilleRsBest

So just because you've been together 2 years, it's OBVIOUS you're planning?

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:7de8aca3-bc44-4255-a885-64039c80f57b">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't ask any of my unengaged siblings when the hope to get married so I could work my reception around their fantasy. I don't think you realize how <strong>bratty and entitled</strong> you come off.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I think "delusional" is a more apt description. I'll second the nucking futs assessment.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:b781bc0c-e9b2-4ff2-b1aa-88f2c7787bcc">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]So just because you've been together 2 years, it's OBVIOUS you're planning?
Posted by MilleRsBest[/QUOTE]

PLUS, they live together.  No girl would live with her S/O if she weren't sure they would be getting married soon.

obvsly.

Queen Jane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:f389aeeb-bda2-4ba0-a63b-c26a2fac7351">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]wow...i had no idea i'd get so much hostility from people... Maybe I'm just naive. I wouldn't want to plan a wedding in the same month as a family member OR a close friend. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]



But your wedding is not in October,, correct?

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e49030bf-2570-4dcb-a822-b28641932fc1Post:f389aeeb-bda2-4ba0-a63b-c26a2fac7351">Re: DRAMA :(</a>:
[QUOTE]wow...i had no idea i'd get so much hostility from people... Maybe I'm just naive. I wouldn't want to plan a wedding in the same month as a family member OR a close friend. 
Posted by tlgardn2[/QUOTE]


YOU'RE NOT EVEN ENGAGED!

How on earth can he be forbidden to plan a wedding or reception or whatever in the month you "want". That's all it is, you want that month. It is not yours, you have no claim over it. Get over yourself please and save yourself the drama. I would be pretty furious to if I were you're brother, although it is a bit dramatic to cancel the whole thing. I'd just tell you to get the <a href="mailto:f@ck">f@ck</a> over it and grow up.