What would you/did you sacrifice?

heyimbren

A friend made a comment that she hopes that some day she and her soon-to-be husband will be able to travel but she isn't sure if they will be able to because of finances (because they're getting married young).

So this got me to thinking... I know a lot of people on here are anxious to get engaged and married, so what would you sacrifice to have that sooner rather than later? And for those who are engaged or married, is there anything you chose to give up?

For me, I was surprised at my friend's comment because I feel like I'd regret getting married sooner over having travel opportunities (especially since I just came back from Peru). But I know there are some things I would give up, such as the wedding of my dreams for example.

What about you? What would you give up (or did you give up)? What wouldn't you?

Wrkn925

Disclaimer: I don't have baby fever.

I pushed my timeline up.  BF is a little older, so children will be brought in to the picture sooner than I had originally thought.

Being accommodating doesn't make me feel like I am missing anything.  Seeing him with kids makes me want to bring a child in to our relationship.  I am confident that I have found the person who will go get me Chunky Monkey ice cream when I'm having a craving or get up for 4am feedings without complaint. 

Before I met him, I had plans to do other things before I became a mother.  Now I crave starting a family with him.  I can't even remember what it is I thought I'd miss...

I haven't and won't give up anything, I've just rearranged my priorities.

marleylikeair

I already did give up NYC. He gave up smoking. He also gave up a pretty big chunk of change to help me cover the cost of my move (read: pay for most of it) so we wouldn't have to have me go back to the city and wait for me to save all that dough alone.

I wanted to move somewhere else, anyway, but it probably would have been Chicago or maaayyyyyybe Minneapolis. He's mentioned moving down to Minneapolis in about 10 years. I'd like to do that a bit sooner, but I'm good here for awhile anyway.

Kids might be an issue. I've never wanted kids. He doesn't know if he does, but I'm pretty sure he will eventually. Maybe when I'm more established and have some crap in my life worked out, I'll feel differently...but I don't know.

Beads921

I wouldn't give anything up to get married earlier really. Which is exactly why I won't be. It's just not a priority for me, or BF. If we were religious, or wouldn't live together before marriage, it would be a different story I'm sure. I'm quite content not to get married for quite some time (a year ago, that was a different story, but I've come to my senses).

We want to travel the world before our careers take over our lives and we start having babies. We want to be home owners within the next couple of years (OMG). He wants to be certified and I want to be done school within the next year and a half as well (again...OMG...the 'real world' is getting frighteningly close). I know it would be much more difficult to complete school if we were married and 100% self-sufficient. My parents pay my tuition, and I would never expect them to do so if I were married. I wouldn't give up my schooling for anything, but I would have a hard time affording it without their help (bless them for that...they started saving for my undergraduate education the day I was born). I feel like having a ton of school debt would definitely make travelling and home ownership much harder, so it's kind of a domino effect. Of course, who knows. 

Murphy724

i gave up being a single parent. he gave up racing.

when we started talking (again) i was already pregnant but that never stopped him from being there for me and helping me with my son thru everything. he considers that his son. he gave up car racing. he never wanted me to worry about him when he went out so he threw in the towel and said he couldnt chance it.

i didnt have to give up much because i didnt have much to begin with except school and work, but i know i would've given up almost anything to keep this relationship going.

motoLyn

I'd give up having my destination wedding in Maui, and have a REALLY small simple ceremony and reception with  just family and a handful of friends if it means that we can make a better and more comfy buffer for when we buy our house.  If 15-20 grand more towards the down payment means making us look more agreeable to the lender and banks as well as a smaller mortgage payment I would sacrifice my wedding in paradise.  I still have a year to plan the wedding (haven't started yet), but we're house hunting right now as well. 

luvdncn90

I would give up and might have to give up living in a town I've always wanted to live in. To me, it is a small sacrifice. He has to go where he can get a job and my career field is easy to find a job in. I can work almost anywhere, I'm lucky in that sense.

After he is done with his apprenticeship we can move anywhere, so we may likely move to the town I've been wanting to move to for forever.


There are a lot of things that I have not been willing to give up so we could get married young, like going to college and then realizing I wanted to go to Cosmetology school instead. I chose to stay in my hometown and extend our LDR for two more years because it was what I needed to do and what I want to do for my future. Luckily, I have the most amazing boyfriend who has encouraged me to follow my dreams.

ETA: Almost everything that I want to do not married, I can do married, except for finishing up my schooling. Which is why we are waiting until after I graduate to get married.

Ember01

I'm going to have to give up my kitties (but shhhhh, I haven't told the cats yet). FI is really allergic and can't live with them.

I'm also giving up my house. I feel like my house is my independence.

I'm also giving up on looking for a job anywhere in the US, and looking for something in KY where he is at, and where I'll be moving.

But, these sacrifices will be small compared to what I'm getting in return

peekaboo2011

I don't know that I'm willing to sacrifice anything.  My education is not up for discussion, and he knows that.  At the same time, I'm not letting him wait tables for the next 10 years if I have to go to universities in small towns so that we can be together.  He knows that seeing as how he took out a ridiculous amount of money in student loans, he's expected to get a job in his field.  You don't get a Masters a Georgetown to wait tables so that we can live together.  But I have told him that when it comes time to apply to PhD programs, we'll make sure that wherever I go, he can work, and if I have to take a few years off to get into a specific place so that we can live together, I'm fine with that.

We're trying not to be about sacrifice.  We're trying to compromise.  And it's definitely not easy, but I know that it's going to be worth it in the end.

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-youdid-sacrifice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e7d5f04b-2b49-4f65-87cc-e3ea3932403bPost:e9c67937-5db4-4511-9d75-1bd60e9e3bf6">Re: What would you/did you sacrifice?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to have to give up my kitties (but shhhhh, I haven't told the cats yet). FI is really allergic and can't live with them. I'm also giving up my house. I feel like my house is my independence. I'm also giving up on looking for a job anywhere in the US, and looking for something in KY where he is at, and where I'll be moving. But, these sacrifices will be small compared to what I'm getting in return :)
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]


My BF is allergic too!!! I've had my car for about 14 years now, and my dad told me that when I move out I have to take my cat with me because my parents are up and moving and my dad (altough he loves the cat) does not want him. He is, after all, my cat.


I broke the news to M that I have to take the cat and although he wasn't thrilled, his allergies are not bad enough for me to have to give him away. Thank god! I would be devastated. Sadly, Bf is going to have to get a lot of allergy shots and medications but my cat is getting old so he may not be around for a lot longer. I guess it's all about sacrifices! haha

Ember01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-youdid-sacrifice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e7d5f04b-2b49-4f65-87cc-e3ea3932403bPost:f3e3aea6-14ae-4f5b-91c6-4d4d1fcede70">Re: What would you/did you sacrifice?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you/did you sacrifice? : My BF is allergic too!!! I've had my car for about 14 years now, and my dad told me that when I move out I have to take my cat with me because my parents are up and moving and my dad (altough he loves the cat) does not want him. He is, after all, my cat. I broke the news to M that I have to take the cat and although he wasn't thrilled, his allergies are not bad enough for me to have to give him away. Thank god! I would be devastated. Sadly, Bf is going to have to get a lot of allergy shots and medications but my cat is getting old so he may not be around for a lot longer. I guess it's all about sacrifices! haha
Posted by luvdncn90[/QUOTE]

We are having discussions right now about the cats. I will only give them away if I know the family they go to and if I get vistation rights. (Hey, they are like my children). I refuse to drop them off at a shelter. If I can't find them a home, he said he'd try the allergy shots and medication. But, his allergies are so bad, we're not sure it'll be enough. I'll also have to take them and get the kitties shampoo'd every couple of weeks and a shedless haircut. That keeps the dander down. You might check into that at a local vet. They will shampoo and cut their hair for $20 around here.

jeanacorina

I don't think I really gave up anything to get married sooner rather than later.

The only thing I can imagine is if we weren't married I'd probably get more grants for next year's tuition and wouldn't need to get loans. But it's not too big a deal- it's my last year and I'll only be part-time anyway.

Sure, we could have waited and I would have had the grants and we could have saved money and maybe had a bigger wedding or something- but I love the wedding we had. I got everything I could have wanted. I don't even know what I'd have spent more money on.

We're not hurting for money (he already had a stable job when we got engaged), and although I did rearrange a couple of goals in order to be with him... I don't feel like I'm missing anything that was important to me. I didn't give up traveling- I already did some of that and we plan to do more throughout our life together. We're talking about taking a cruise next year. I certainly didn't give up having children- that's a huge priority for him, too and we plan to become parents come hell or high water. My dreams of being a SAHM have yet to be put to the test, but he wants me to stay home with our kids so we're going to do our best to make that work. I love animals and wanted pets- he treats our cats like they're our children.

My priorities are his priorities and vice versa. We compromise on timing for each other, but neither of us has lost anything we really wanted in the first place.

sparkles88

I'm sacrificing living close to my family and friends for BF. I'm going with him when he goes to grad school, and we have no clue where that will be yet. It could be 300 miles from home or it could be 2,000 miles from home.

One thing I wasn't willing to sacrifice was my education and the opportunity to see the world. I decided on a whim that I was going to study abroad. I filled out the application and turned it in before I even told BF.  A lot of people from my high school got married and had kids shortly after graduating, and they stayed in the same small town.  Instead, I saw 9 countries and graduated from college in four years with two degrees and Latin honors.  The things I didn't sacrifice earlier make the idea of settling down with BF less daunting, even if marriage is still fairly far away for us.

mookow86

I suppose we're probably sacrificing having a fancier, more expensive wedding by getting married before I finish grad school. But the more I think about it the more I realize it's just a single day out of our lives, and the important thing is that we'll be married at the end of that day. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

alanna91

I don't see what I'd give up if I were to get married tomorrow. We've been inseparable for over four years, so we're eachother's sidekicks in anything we do. If either of us wants to study abroad we're going to whether we're married or dating. If for some reason we get a job across country (unlikely since we're still in school!) we'd take it! If we want to go into outer-space we're going to no matter our relationship status. Because when we get back to Earth, we'll still be there for eachother

We both are planning on careers in the government (Military and a federal agency) so we're going to be travelling a lot. And, in the start of our careers, we might be separated by hundreds of miles.

But, it won't make a difference if we're married or dating during that separation.
Also, we're not planning on having children for a long time. Once I have children it's a different story. I'll be sacrificing a whole bunch, but hopefully I'll be ready for that!

We both see eye-to-eye in "if it will help with a career, it's worth it", because if we want to live a comfortable life we're going to have to have successful careers. So there's no way I'd sacrifice education or opportunities...but it wouldn't be sacrificing anyway because he'd support it.

Hazel_B

At my age there isn't anything I'm giving up, except for maybe a dream wedding because I have other financial priorities. That being said, having done a lot during my 20s makes me ready to settle down without regret.

calindi

For me, getting married is what keeps us together.  So I would give up all the trimmings of a wedding to be married to this man - I don't need no stinkin' dress, just let me sign those papers if it means being by his side for the next 50 years or so!

If we weren't married, we'd have to sacrifice once he goes active duty - we wouldn't be able to live together most places, I wouldn't be allowed on base without him escorting me, and they wouldn't pay for me to move with him whenever he relocates.  But I'd do it all on my own if it meant being with him.

I wouldn't give up my education, personal & professional dreams, and relationships with family & friends.  Those are non-negotiables, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who would necessitate giving up my own life goals and relationships.

PaigeMcC

I didn't give up anything to marry FBD.  We waited until we were both done school and had stable jobs before we were engaged.  We both want to travel and we're going to do it together over the next few years (before we TTC), then we'll settle and have our herd.  We both have volunteer comitments, friends and outside activties that we support each other in.   We thought about an earlier engagement, and thus earlier wedding, but it was really brief - we wanted to be at a certian point in our lives before we were married and we wanted a certain type of wedding...both these things needed more time.

SeaTea02

I will have to give up my collection of hot pink decor and princess crown wall clocks and he will have to get rid of his giant stadium light bulbs mounted on a stand and traffic light collection. 

futuremrstje

About the only thing I'd give up to get married earlier would be shopping and trips to the spa. Other than that, all the other priorities I have are too important (like paying off debt and going back to school). If I had to sacrifice those things then I wouldn't be able to respect myself, and I can't get married to ANYONE if I don't have self respect. Certain things are more important than a wedding.

PolkaDotBella

I can't think of anything we've had to sacrifice! I mean we've had to learn to compromise, but there's nothing we've had to sacrifice...I will sacrifice buying shoes and purses though in order to travel more though!

ravenray

To me relationship means sacrifice.  At the moment we haven't had to give up too much.  I am sure we will though as our lives progress.  Right now he is thinking about delaying getting his PhD so I can become fluent in a language, which means living in another country for a good amount of time.  He will most likely work long hours which means I have to give up spending a lot of time with him.  But it's okay.  We make concessions for each other because we love each other.  It can't just be one person sitting there saying this is what I want and I refuse to change because that isn't how life works.  It takes work from both parties.   To me getting married earlier means mostly good things, but first we have to be completely ready.  There will always been things that I didn't foresee, but that is fine.  The only thing I really have to give up is my dream wedding.  I really want a destination wedding in Switzerland but we would never be able to afford it and quite frankly neither would his parents.  So I am happy with getting married here but still I think it would be awesome to get married in the valley of the Alps.

CASK85

I think I'm "giving up" living/working in NYC after I finish my Phd to move with FI to Colorado and put down roots rather than live in a bunch of places before settling down. But he's worth it  

bethsmiles

I don't feel like I'm going to give up anything getting married to BF. There is nothing I want to do that I think wouldn't be made better without him beside me and we are waiting until we are done with school so that neither of us has to sacrifice our education.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-youdid-sacrifice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e7d5f04b-2b49-4f65-87cc-e3ea3932403bPost:7bb63a2d-54f0-46e3-bf3d-b49e071d8784">Re: What would you/did you sacrifice?</a>:
[QUOTE]At my age there isn't anything I'm giving up, except for maybe a dream wedding because I have other financial priorities. That being said, having done a lot during my 20s makes me ready to settle down without regret.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]


Yep, me too. 

I'm giving up closet space, all the shelves on the entertainment center that I used to put decorations on so that he can now use all of those shelves for his gaming systems, and I've given up control of the remote control.    FI gave up smoking (not just for me, but for his own health), gave up his apartment (it only made sense - I own my own home and it's double the space of what his studio apartment was and he smoked in that apartment for 6 years).

bourgehm

I gave up/ am going to give up a lot.

I think getting married just makes you give up stuff. Whether it's just closet space, or something big.

I'm giving up my complete freedom I suppose. Right now since I am in college, I can do what I want when I want, and I know when I'm married I wont be able to just do whatever whenever- I'll have other priorites.

I'm giving up grad school RIGHT after undergrad because I'll need to work and such first and I want to spend some time working and being married before going to grad school now.

lilg058

I look at it this way - if it was up to me, I would've been married long ago, haha! But we want to pay for our own wedding, that's why we aren't married yet. Although this doesn't entirely apply here, when I graduated highschool, I was supposed to move away to go to college (I was accepted to schools in 18 different states where I applied). I thought I was madly in love with him then, and I didn't want to leave. Staying here only made me more deeply in love with him. The benefits strongly outweigh the losses. Now we may be giving up our dream ceremony on the beach for a ceremony closer to home, simply because there are so many people we want to be there and we don't want to inconvenience them with the travel etc. But like I mentioned, the benefits of the sacrifices we make for each other strongly outweigh the costs.  

[Deleted User]

I gave up my timeline to WAIT for marriage.

BF and I have been together for over 4 years now. About 2.5 years in, he decided on a career change, which required going back to school. We already knew we wanted to spend our lives together, but he wanted his career before marriage. I was anxious for a ring and wedding and babies! In retrospect...i'm so glad he went back to school and I was patient. I've gotten to buy a home on my own, travel, build my career and have some quality time getting to know him even more. I would not trade those things for an earlier timeline now.  I think I will be a better partner for it...and we will still be able to achieve our goals as a couple...just a few years later than expected.

kayely88

I don't think either of us have had to sacrifice too much yet. I don't know if we will right now. The big thing is some holidays will have to be sacrificed for families. My family lives in MD, his in PA so holidays will be swapped. But that's okay. I'm just nervous hurting people's feelings. Other than that, nothing really has been sacrificed yet. 

AbigailMS

BF and I were actually talking about this last night in bed. I would give up a wedding entirely if it came to that. All I need is him. I'm sure I've given up things in the past and he has too, I just can't think of any more right now.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-youdid-sacrifice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e7d5f04b-2b49-4f65-87cc-e3ea3932403bPost:3175b6a7-760c-4ab0-a164-ce1d3193348b">Re: What would you/did you sacrifice?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will have to give up my collection of hot pink decor and princess crown wall clocks and he will have to get rid of his giant stadium light bulbs mounted on a stand and traffic light collection. 
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

How will you live that way???


Ember, you'll be close to me, so you won't be giving up much moving to KY.