**Lyn**

elannis

How have the protein shakes been working? Do you notice a difference drinking them from before when you weren't? Do you think they help keep your energy level up?

I've noticed that since I'm burning like 500 calories when I go do my run and the elliptical after work, I have no energy at night. I start to feel pretty out of it by 8 pm, lol.

Elle1036

Eunghhhh. I haaaate protein shakes. So gross. That's all I have to contribute.

elannis

Hahaha, thanks, Elle! I'm not having the best night, but that made me giggle, lol.

tuarceatha

Aw! Whatsamatta Ely?

elannis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_lyn-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e9f663c2-7f9a-423c-a27f-b4d943e2ddfcPost:2a51005b-5ba1-4b87-b718-180ad8a16645">Re: **Lyn**</a>:
[QUOTE]Aw! Whatsamatta Ely?
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

Well, FI and I got to talking about how I tend to freeze up and look afraid and not talk to people whenever I go into public. It's really hard for me to relax and comfortable enough to do "small talk" with people IRL. So people think that I'm either a snob or I don't like them or something is wrong with me.

I don't freeze up completely, but when people talk directly to me and the attention is on me, I get really fidgety and don't know what to say. I talk really quietly anyways, but probably moreso when I'm nervous like that. It can be just people at cash registers to people like FMIL. I just can't seem to relax.

I was trying to figure out what exactly it is that makes me so afraid that I just don't talk. I realized that it's all coming down to my self esteem. I don't talk in front of people because I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid or something will come up where I have no idea what they're talking about and I'll look like a fool. I let my lack of confidence in myself get in the way in so many ways:

It's hard for me to talk to people
It's hard for me to feel sexy in the bedroom
It's hard for me to like myself in the mirror
It's hard for me to speak Spanish with other Spanish speaking people because I'm afraid that I won't know as much as I should at this point.

I just don't know why I have such self esteem issues or how to deal with them.

Sorry for the long vent, but once I got started I had to keep going, lol.

elannis

I've been extra moody this week, so it just kinda messed with my night.

Is it possible to have PMS if you don't get a period? lol

tuarceatha

Sorry I didn't see your post until now, we went outside to see the snow.

You can't be so hard on yourself. It is not fair to you. You are clearly TRYING to be more outward than you naturally are. And good for you trying to pin-point what happens and why. At the same time. You are still growing up. People don't like to admit it, but I think we are still learning how to be the best us'es we can be. I'm 28 and I am still working on making me a better adult/person/woman.

Elle1036

Aw, Ely, I'm sorry you're having a rough night. I deal with a lot of the same issues. Almost all of them, actually, including the Spanish part. I could have written that post. I think that's why I'm so drawn to these boards. I feel like you girls know my true personality better than a lot of people I know IRL, since I can be so much more myself here.

ravenray

*hugs*  Seems like it’s been a rough week Ely.  *hugs*  Love, have you been to a therapist about this?  Maybe they can help you find the root of your problems.  I realized that a lot of my self-esteem issues are rooted in my childhood from being abused and from feeling like I wasn't good enough.  I love you and I am here for you.  Let me know if you want to talk or text.  Send me a FB message with your number and we can chat.  .

motoLyn

Good mOrning peeps! @Ely I find the protein shake in the morning as part of my breakfast and one an hour before I work out helps keep me from not being hungry, also gives me the energy to make through the work out and so I'm not super hungry when it was time for dinner. Also with the weight training the protein helps with recovery and muscle rebuild quicker. I actually supplement l-glutamine in with the ore work out shake. 110 calories, 1.5 carbs, 25 grams of protein and I end up eating a small dinner. I used to not eat anything before working out but I find out with P90x if I don't have anything I don't work out as hard. @Elle: I have issues with meeting new people I tend to avoid talking to them. It's an awkward situation. But if I'm forced about it then I find that I ask them about things that I would like others to ask about me. Seriously I rather just sit in awkward silence. I hope that both you ladies had a good night. Danish man and I went to the movies last night to see underworld. When Thor aka Chris Hemmsworth showed up in the avengers preview I yelled out "I love you Thor" don't think Danish man was amused. Lol!

elannis

Thanks you all! I know I'm still growing and learning and everything, but sometimes it just gets to me. But like Lyn said, I would really rather sit in awkward silence than try to make conversation.

I think this is especially true:

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_lyn-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e9f663c2-7f9a-423c-a27f-b4d943e2ddfcPost:bd1f94c2-a3a4-44c6-ac04-294c163b7eff">Re: **Lyn**</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like you girls know my true personality better than a lot of people I know IRL, since I can be so much more myself here.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

I don't have to be conservative or worry about what you all will think about something I say or do. If you call me out, it's because I deserve it and I know you all mean it with the best intentions for me. I don't have to worry about any underlying meaning.

Jen: DId you get a lot of snow? We got a few inches, which is more than enough for me, lol.

Elle: I didn't even know you speak Spanish, lol. I took Spanish in highschool for 4 years and then took it in college for 5 years. I ended up majoring in Spanish and now I translate for my work, but I haven't ever practiced speaking, so I'm really awkward with it. I don't have to come up with many original sentences either, so I struggle with that too. I feel like people see that I have the degree and expect me to be like a native speaker. So that gets to me.

Ray: I haven't seen anyone about it. I think I might after we get married. FI has a free counceling through his work, so I'd be included in that after we're married. I don't see it as a huge problem as long as I bury my head in the sand, lol, but I dunno. Maybe Jen is right and I'll just gradually grow to be confortable in my own skin as I get older. I'll still send you my number though! : )

Lyn: Yeah, I definitely need to eat at least a banana before any workout to stay in it. It sounds like you have a good routine going so far! I can't wait to see your results after it's all done! : )