This is NOT the hill I want to die on...

lunarsongbird

Yesterday, shoes asked a couple people- "Is this the hill you want to die on?"

I had never heard that phrase before- but I immediately fell in love! It basically means- You have to pick your battles.

Sometimes I feel like I'm an attack dog...I just can't let go of things that bother me about my loved ones. I feel like I need to address every little thing, but I'm learning...that's not always the best thing...

So if you care to share (as it's so therapeutic at times)- what hill will you NOT die on in some of your relationships.

lunarsongbird

Andrew has CRAP...tons and tons of crap. His mother loves chotchkies and often gives them out at Christmas- even though I have told her that I disdain "stuff"- and for the most part- she didn't buy me crap- but she still gave Andrew junk.

When I was about to move into his apartment- I was overwhelmed with the amount of things in his apartment. I felt like I was going to be crushed. My mind was on complete overload. I was able to convince Andrew to put a lot of it in storage, which was a definite win, but I just can't understand why he cant part with some of it.

My mom said the she moved my dad's old high school track uniform four times over two decades before he let her throw it out. Maybe it's a guy thing?

So three weeks from now we'll be getting a larger POD so we can move boxes of various legos- and an incredibly UGLY wooden garfield wall clock, amongst other things.

::sigh::

Because this is NOT the hill I want to die on.

jaycee7389

Well, I can't read so I posted what hill I would die on lol.

let me think of something correct

motoLyn

Getting FI to put his clothes in the hamper and not on the bedroom floor.  That's the hiill I've decided not to die on.  Instead I just kick them into a corner on his side of the room. 

mmhepb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:ddc0d70c-397d-4689-8a74-d7f395dc3897">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I can't read so I posted what hill I would die on lol. let me think of something correct
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]

<div>I think the hill I would die on would be easier to identify, because there are soooo many hills (between FI, parents, kids, etc...) that I wouldn't die on.  I often ask myself, "will it matter in 5 years" and if the answer if no, I try my best to let it go.</div>

alanna91

Hmm.... I really like that phrase. I've never heard it before!
I immediately thought of the Battle of Bunker Hill though. Unfortunately, that would likely be a battle I would have died on being an American. But I'd be sticking it to the opressors! Ha!

I've decided I'm going to stop picking battles against minor things like tardiness and forgetfulness. I feel like if I plan to spend the rest of my life with SO, there's going to be more important "fights" we'll need to get through.
I'm also going to stop picking battles with my father because of his drinking. I recently got insight into his childhood and why he might have the drinking problem he does, and it's been really wrong of me all these years to start fights with him over it. I need to be more understanding.

Am I interperting the phrase right?

SKP82

I don't know what hill I won't die on, but I know on which one BF won't!

I do not put my clothes away after they're cleaned and folded.  It drives BF crazy, but he leaves it alone and waits for me to (eventually) put them away.

I think I let a lot of things go.  There are still things that bother me (BF can't seem to completely shut the kitchen cabinets or drawers - ever), but they're not big enough to make a fuss over.

Overall, I am very lucky and believe I do a lot more that annoys BF than he does to annoy me. 

bethsmiles

BF's family gets under my skin a lot (particularly his dad). They still treat him like a child, his dad makes racist jokes all the time and they have some very different religious views then I do. On thanksgiving his dad, sister, and mom were talking about how people with schizophrenia are just possessed by demons and that really pissed me off. They've made comments about gays and his brother has no problem using the "n" word. Basically they are hard to handle sometimes but as long as BF doesn't share their views on things I'm not going let it ruin my relationship.

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:1d25f7eb-c3d5-4dbf-a052-f64a6f50ae1e">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know what hill I won't die on, but I know on which one BF won't! I do not put my clothes away after they're cleaned and folded.  It drives BF crazy, but he leaves it alone and waits for me to (eventually) put them away. I think I let a lot of things go.  There are still things that bother me (<strong>BF can't seem to completely shut the kitchen cabinets or drawers - ever</strong>), but they're not big enough to make a fuss over. Overall, I am very lucky and believe I do a lot more that annoys BF than he does to annoy me. 
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

I do this ALL the time. Andrew hates it. I guess it's a bad habit I don't know how to break. :(

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cu97tiger

My parents weight. My sister and I have pleaded with them for years to start watching what they eat, change their diet, start exercising more. We thought when my niece was born that would kick-start their desire to take care of themselves, but it didn't stick. My sis and I have decided that there is nothing we can do. We can't do it for them, so we just have to let them make their own decisions, even if we both live in fear of the day one of them has a heart attack.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:8844ccea-4465-4613-b179-5f20f82842b6">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : I do this ALL the time. Andrew hates it. I guess it's a bad habit I don't know how to break. :(
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

Haha.  That's funny that you two have the same problem.  I can't understand why it's so difficult!!

csousa1

moto & SKP, those are two of my biggest pet peeves with BF. I hate clutter, it makes me feel claustrophobic, so when he has clothes on the floor and all the closet and cabinet doors are open in the house, it drives me batty. But I just go about my business, picking up clothes and shutting closet doors as I pass them. Sometimes I mention it softly or tease him, but mostly I just let it go.

I would have to say, though, that my current hill I choose not to die on is BF's weed habit. He smokes a blunt a day, on average. I don't smoke, never really have too much, and I don't see the appeal. I don't think it is helping his depression issues, and I don't want it to be a habit that he keeps up when we start a family, but for the time being I have chosen to let it go. He has a stressful, physically demanding job that drives him nuts, he has a brain that works too quickly for him to process well sometimes, he doesn't drink much or do anything other drugs, and he still functions perfectly well in his day to day life, so I am letting it go for the time being. He also smokes cigarettees, which quite honestly, to me, is a bigger issue and I intend to tackle even more when the time comes, but again, for the moment I am letting it go.

If it doesn't change on its own though, bet your a$$ I will die fighting on that hill. I don't think I will have to, though, because I know he wants to quit eventually too.

calindi

Trying to decide if this is a hill I want to die on...

I asked my FI for a password to his LivingSocial account today since he had a coupon that was about to expire that my FSIL (who is living with me this summer) and I wanted to use.  He gave me his password - which is based around his ex-FI's name.  Uh....

I knew he used this as part of his password for other things in the past, and I've asked him calmly and reasonably to change it.  I don't flip out or accuse him of still having feelings for her because I know he doesn't, but I'd just prefer he change his passwords.  It doesn't have to be my name - in fact, it shouldn't be for internet security reasons.  But I just don't like that she's even remotely part of his life.  He insists that he doesn't even think of it as her name anymore, that it's just his password and it's what he's always used.  And he gets all defensive and annoyed the few times I've brought it up (usually when he gives me a password for something - otherwise I forget about it and assume, apparently wrongly, that he's changed the passwords as I kindly requested).  I want him to be a big boy, that I'm being totally reasoanble and calm, and realize that this is NOT a hill he wants to die on, and change his darn passwords.

lunarsongbird

Hm. My passwords have been the same since I was 13. (Maybe not so safe, hm?) I can understand why he doesn't want to change them. They're so easy to remember! But if Andrew had "Dori" in his passwords- I would have a flipping cow. I'm a woman. I'm irrational. He should know this.

This is what I say to the ex-

(Me having a cow)

SKP82

Dang.  I get a teensy bit jealous that BF's password is our dog's name and NOT my name.  Haha.  Irrational?  Yes, I know.

Some of his are very generic, but some are the dog's name.  If I found out he had an ex's name as a password, I would NOT be happy.  At all.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:43e760bb-b99f-4b8c-bef3-fa7be9192836">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]Dang.  I get a teensy bit jealous that BF's password is our dog's name and NOT my name.  Haha.  Irrational?  Yes, I know. Some of his are very generic, but some are the dog's name.  If I found out he had an ex's name as a password, I would NOT be happy.  At all.
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

BF's passwords are usually about his dog. And these are the times I'm especially glad BF doesn't have any exs

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:43e760bb-b99f-4b8c-bef3-fa7be9192836">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]Dang.  I get a teensy bit jealous that BF's password is our dog's name and NOT my name.  Haha.  Irrational?  Yes, I know. Some of his are very generic, but some are the dog's name.  If I found out he had an ex's name as a password, I would NOT be happy.  At all.
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]


HAHA!  That's funny.  I'm not jealous, which might sound odd, but I've always known he was totally over her.  I'm just annoyed - she was awful to him, she's been out of his life for more than 3 years now, it's time her name is removed from our vocabulary entirely.  I don't mind as much the passwords that were created when he was dating her - but LivingSocial I know he signed up for only a few months ago and must have used that password then when he registered. When we were already living together more than a year and had plans to buy an engagement ring. Duh... find a new password!

I get his point - that he doesn't look at it as her name anymore but rather just his password.  But I don't care - I still want it gone.  And he called me back and apologized for overreacting and said he gets my point and will change them right away. I told him it didn't have to be immediate, but if he'd start making the process of changing them, that would be appreciated.

jemmini6

The hill I won't die on is that FI can watch me unload the dishwasher, then when he finishes eating something, he just sets his plate in the sink.  Is it really that difficult to rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher?  LOL.  It's mildly annoying, but he does the dishes an equal amount as I do, so I just remember that he'll put it in there eventually....

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:83b24619-28c0-46ea-b76c-fc5d5f6d1ebc">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : HAHA!  That's funny.  I'm not jealous, which might sound odd, but I've always known he was totally over her.  I'm just annoyed - she was awful to him, she's been out of his life for more than 3 years now, it's time her name is removed from our vocabulary entirely.  I don't mind as much the passwords that were created when he was dating her - but LivingSocial I know he signed up for only a few months ago and must have used that password then when he registered. When we were already living together more than a year and had plans to buy an engagement ring. Duh... find a new password! I get his point - that he doesn't look at it as her name anymore but rather just his password.  But I don't care - I still want it gone.  And he called me back and apologized for overreacting and said he gets my point and will change them right away. I told him it didn't have to be immediate, but if he'd start making the process of changing them, that would be appreciated.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Cate, I completely understand where you're coming from and am impressed that you are so rational about the whole thing.

I think it's good that he also realizes where you're coming from and is willing to make the change.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:83b24619-28c0-46ea-b76c-fc5d5f6d1ebc">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : HAHA!  That's funny.  I'm not jealous, which might sound odd, but I've always known he was totally over her.  I'm just annoyed - she was awful to him, she's been out of his life for more than 3 years now, it's time her name is removed from our vocabulary entirely.  <strong>I don't mind as much the passwords that were created when he was dating her - but LivingSocial I know he signed up for only a few months ago and must have used that password then when he registered. </strong>When we were already living together more than a year and had plans to buy an engagement ring. Duh... find a new password! I get his point - that he doesn't look at it as her name anymore but rather just his password.  But I don't care - I still want it gone.  And he called me back and apologized for overreacting and said he gets my point and will change them right away. I told him it didn't have to be immediate, but if he'd start making the process of changing them, that would be appreciated.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I totally get where you're coming from, Cate. I would hate this, too, and I hope he changes those dang passwords soon! Buuuut I just wanted to say that I kind of get it. I have a password I use for the majority of my logins on various websites that I first created at least 15 years ago. It's just MUCH easier to remember if I use it when I sign up for new accounts. It has nothing to do with a person, though...

</div>

jaycee7389

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:b3a2b4a8-2743-4fe4-84ff-d8aea25c64b6">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]Cate that would totally bug me as well. Like, a lot. I get from his perspective that he doesn't think of it as her name and that it's an easy password to remember, but once you told him it bothered you that should have become the priority, not the ease of password memory retrieval. I hope he changes them soon, and it sounds like he will. The hill I won't die on is our cleanliness vs. clutter argument. I like to have a clean house -- meaning washed/vacuumed floors, dust-free tables and appliances, a grime-free bathroom, etc. -- but I do not mind moderate clutter. For example, if I'm working on a report for work in the living room late at night and know I will be resuming it in the morning, I leave my laptop and my report folder on the coffee table. If I fold laundry I don't always put it away immediately. If I come home and collapse on the couch, I don't mind if I put my shoes neatly by the wall and not in my closet for the night. And when I don't have time to sort through things, I leave them in a neat pile on my dresser. These things totally irk BF, but he, on the other hand, doesn't give a rat's arse about house cleanliness. He'll leave spills on the counters, peanut butter-encrusted knives in the sink, dust on the coffee table even if he's just wiped up a spill and could easily wipe down the whole thing, and I am pretty sure he has managed to never clean a bathroom properly, ever, despite living on his own for over 10 years. But clutter? It drives him bonkers, just like the way he can't seem to "see" dirt drives me bonkers.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

That is exactly how bf and I are about clutter/cleanliness. He picks the most random things like laundry that isn't put away or a cup left on the dining room table to complain about..but he has no problem making real messes any other time!

Elle1036

Nick is the most inopportune cuddler either.  I swear, it's whenever I am running to the kitchen to take something out of oven, or have my arms full with laundry, or have just decided that I need to go to the bathroom and am on my way there, when he decides that it's time for a little affection and comes up and grabs me.  And holds on.  For a long time.

It used to drive me batshit, but I've decided that it's not the hill I want to die on.  Afterall, I would rather this than no affection at all.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:342af3f0-09a4-4461-b6b2-5ecf539e8616">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]moto & SKP, those are two of my biggest pet peeves with BF. I hate clutter, it makes me feel claustrophobic, so when he has clothes on the floor and all the closet and cabinet doors are open in the house, it drives me batty. But I just go about my business, picking up clothes and shutting closet doors as I pass them. Sometimes I mention it softly or tease him, but mostly I just let it go. I would have to say, though, that my current hill I choose not to die on is BF's weed habit. He smokes a blunt a day, on average. I don't smoke, never really have too much, and I don't see the appeal. I don't think it is helping his depression issues, and I don't want it to be a habit that he keeps up when we start a family, but for the time being I have chosen to let it go. He has a stressful, physically demanding job that drives him nuts, he has a brain that works too quickly for him to process well sometimes, he doesn't drink much or do anything other drugs, and he still functions perfectly well in his day to day life, so I am letting it go for the time being. He also smokes cigarettees, which quite honestly, to me, is a bigger issue and I intend to tackle even more when the time comes, but again, for the moment I am letting it go. If it doesn't change on its own though, bet your a$$ I will die fighting on that hill. I don't think I will have to, though, because I know he wants to quit eventually too.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

<div>csousa - Just a cautionary tale, and your BF may end up NOTHING like this, but one of my college GFs married a guy who smoked weed about once a day. After they got married, he had some issues with his business and started smoking more. In less than a year he had turned into a lazy bum, never went to work, stopped paying their bills, crashed their truck, started soliciting (and meeting) women on Match.com, and stealing from his wife's personal bank account. It took her YEARS to get out from under the financial burden that she left him in, and she had to call the cops on him multiple times during their divorce proceedings. </div><div>
</div><div>I know everyone handles their 'weed' differently (not that I'd know, never been a smoker) but it's still a drug and if you have concerns about him someday quitting, my suggestion (though it's really none of my business) would be to start the process now. There are other drugs he can take for anti-depression and anti-anxiety that wouldn't get him arrested for DUI or possession.</div>

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:342af3f0-09a4-4461-b6b2-5ecf539e8616">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]moto & SKP, those are two of my biggest pet peeves with BF. I hate clutter, it makes me feel claustrophobic, so when he has clothes on the floor and all the closet and cabinet doors are open in the house, it drives me batty. But I just go about my business, picking up clothes and shutting closet doors as I pass them. Sometimes I mention it softly or tease him, but mostly I just let it go. I would have to say, though, that my current hill I choose not to die on is BF's weed habit. He smokes a blunt a day, on average. I don't smoke, never really have too much, and I don't see the appeal. I don't think it is helping his depression issues, and I don't want it to be a habit that he keeps up when we start a family, but for the time being I have chosen to let it go. He has a stressful, physically demanding job that drives him nuts, he has a brain that works too quickly for him to process well sometimes, he doesn't drink much or do anything other drugs, and he still functions perfectly well in his day to day life, so I am letting it go for the time being. <span style="font-weight:bold;">He also smokes </span>cigarettees<span style="font-weight:bold;">, which quite honestly, to me, is a bigger issue </span>and I intend to tackle even more when the time comes, but again, for the moment I am letting it go. If it doesn't change on its own though, bet your a$$ I will die fighting on that hill. I don't think I will have to, though, because I know he wants to quit eventually too.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]


Out of curiosity why does him smoking cigarettes bother you more than smoking weed?

ADTonk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:342af3f0-09a4-4461-b6b2-5ecf539e8616">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]moto & SKP, those are two of my biggest pet peeves with BF. I hate clutter, it makes me feel claustrophobic, so when he has clothes on the floor and all the closet and cabinet doors are open in the house, it drives me batty. But I just go about my business, picking up clothes and shutting closet doors as I pass them. Sometimes I mention it softly or tease him, but mostly I just let it go. I would have to say, though, that my current hill I choose not to die on is BF's weed habit. <strong>He smokes a blunt a day, on average</strong>. I don't smoke, never really have too much, and I don't see the appeal. I don't think it is helping his depression issues, and I don't want it to be a habit that he keeps up when we start a family, but for the time being I have chosen to let it go. <strong>He has a stressful, physically demanding job that drives him nuts, he has a brain that works too quickly for him to process well sometimes, he doesn't drink much or do anything other drugs, and he still functions perfectly well in his day to day life, so I am letting it go for the time being.</strong> He also smokes cigarettees, which quite honestly, to me, is a bigger issue and I intend to tackle even more when the time comes, but again, for the moment I am letting it go. If it doesn't change on its own though, bet your a$$ I will die fighting on that hill. I don't think I will have to, though, because I know he wants to quit eventually too.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

This is a huge red flag to me.  His depression issues and demanding job are no excuse to keep a habit like this.  Does he know it bothers you?  Not that he should change everything about himself just to please you, but it worries me that he might know it bothers you but he continues to smoke.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:173dc019-d244-4589-9676-b39bbf25f50f">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : Out of curiosity why does him smoking cigarettes bother you more than smoking weed?
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I'm with her there.  If FI picked up a weed habit, it wouldn't really bother me unless it got to be too much.  If he started smoking cigarettes, I would break it off almost immediately.

Cigarettes are just more medically dangerous.  I know there's some research out there that suggests that pot isn't as harmless as was previously thought, but it at least doesn't seem to have the addictive qualities of nicotine.

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:173dc019-d244-4589-9676-b39bbf25f50f">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : Out of curiosity why does him smoking cigarettes bother you more than smoking weed?
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I can tell you why it bothers me more when Andrew's mom smokes cigarettes versus weed...

I hate the smell. Cigarettes just permeate everything- the house, clothes, your skin. I feel like once a breeze has blown through the house- the smell of pot is gone.

I'm also hoping since she gets her pot medicinally- it will have less of the cancer causing chemicals in them. Doesn't really matter though- she won't quit either one- and it's not the hill I want to die on. Unfortunately, it may be the hill she dies on though. :(

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:ff9904f6-d447-486e-9582-ccaaf3763741">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : I can tell you why it bothers me more when Andrew's mom smokes cigarettes versus weed... I hate the smell. Cigarettes just permeate everything- the house, clothes, your skin. I feel like once a breeze has blown through the house- the smell of pot is gone. I'm also hoping since she gets her pot medicinally- it will have less of the cancer causing chemicals in them. Doesn't really matter though- she won't quit either one- and it's not the hill I want to die on. Unfortunately, it may be the hill she dies on though. :(
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

Really? The smell of weed makes me physically ill. I've had to leave class before because someone came high and the smell of the weed was making me sick. I don't like the smell of cigarette smoke either but it doesn't make me nauseous.

I hate that BF smokes but it's so infrequent (less than 5 a year) and I know he isn't addicted to it so I don't fight him on it. He knows I hate though.

csousa1

Yikes, tiger, that's awful! Yes, I do need to deal with this issue, I just am putting it off. He has been smoking for years and years, and it has never affected him at all (in terms of leading a good and productive life), and he has started cutting back little by little consistently since we started dating. So, for the time being I wanted to let it go and not badger him about it, so that when I do start to draw the line, it's not an eye roll shrug me off kind of a response. Quite honestly, I just want to make sure it is really dealt with in the best way possible, and since I haven't been sure what that is yet, I haven't wanted to tackle it half-assed. There are things we all do when we are younger that we give up when we grow up - for example, I have a glass of wine or two every night that I have a bad day at work (which is often), so if I am not ready to give that up yet (which I would as soon as we started trying to have kids), then I don't think it is fair to harp on him for his vices yet either.

Or maybe that is all just a cop out, who knows. But it will get dealt with.

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:10031708-0e26-4bed-b8d6-d54109b1d31b">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yikes, tiger, that's awful! Yes, I do need to deal with this issue, I just am putting it off. He has been smoking for years and years, and it has never affected him at all (in terms of leading a good and productive life), and he has started cutting back little by little consistently since we started dating. So, for the time being I wanted to let it go and not badger him about it, so that when I do start to draw the line, it's not an eye roll shrug me off kind of a response. Quite honestly, I just want to make sure it is really dealt with in the best way possible, and since I haven't been sure what that is yet, I haven't wanted to tackle it half-assed. There are things we all do when we are younger that we give up when we grow up - for example, I<strong> have a glass of wine or two every night that I have a bad day at work (which is often)</strong>, so if I am not ready to give that up yet (which I would as soon as we started trying to have kids), then I don't think it is fair to harp on him for his vices yet either. Or maybe that is all just a cop out, who knows. But it will get dealt with.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

Why do you have to give that up? M'boyfriend is a sommelier- so we have wine paired with dinner every night. It's very French- and good for the heart. And better for you then a coca cola.
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ADTonk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-not-hill-want-die?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ed9dc5d7-d778-44e5-816d-6c3fc34752a5Post:db36cef0-028a-41bb-a61c-7aa498beaf0d">Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is NOT the hill I want to die on... : Why do you have to give that up? M'boyfriend is a sommelier- so we have wine paired with dinner every night. It's very French- and good for the heart. And better for you then a coca cola.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

I think when alcohol/weed/cigarettes are used as a way of handling stress, it's unhealthy.  I have a drink or two when I have a stressful day too, so I definitely shouldn't be flaming anyone for it.